During the few days they spent in Frankfort the three scions of n.o.bility were frequent guests in the Goethe house, and their talk must have been enlivening if we may judge from the specimen of it recorded by Goethe himself. The conversation had turned on the ill-deeds of tyrants, a favourite theme with the youth of the time, and, heated with wine, the three youths expressed a vehement desire for the blood of all such. The Herr Rath smiled and shook his head, but his helpmate hastily ran to the wine-cellar and produced a bottle of her best, exclaiming, "Here is the true tyrant"s blood. Feast on it, but let no murderous thoughts go forth from my house."
[Footnote 218: The third was Count Haugnitz, of more subdued temper than his companions.]
[Footnote 219: Biedermann, _op. cit._ i. 55.]
In the company of these choice spirits Goethe decided to leave Frankfort for a time, and with the set resolve, if possible, to efface all thoughts of Lili. Characteristically he did not take a formal leave of her, a proceeding which was naturally resented both by herself and her relatives. The quartette started on May 14th, and from the first they made it appear that they meant to travel as four geniuses who set at naught all accepted conventions.[220] Before departing they all procured Werther costume--blue coat, yellow waistcoat and hose and round grey hat; and in this array they disported themselves throughout their travels. Darmstadt was their first halting-place, and at the Court there they conducted themselves with some regard to decorum. Outside its precincts, however, they gave full rein to their eccentricities, and so scandalised the Darmstadters by publicly bathing in a pond in the neighbourhood that they found it advisable to beat a hasty retreat from the town. In Darmstadt Goethe had met his old mentor, Merck, who with his usual caustic frankness told him that he was making a fool of himself in keeping company with such madcaps.[221] At Mannheim, their next stage, the whole party signalised themselves by smashing the wine-gla.s.ses from which they had drunk to the ladylove of the younger s...o...b..rg. The presence of distinguished personages at Carlsruhe, their next stage, kept their vivacity within bounds so long as they remained there. Just at this moment the young Duke of Weimar had come to Carlsruhe to betroth himself to the Princess Luise of Hesse-Darmstadt, and from both Goethe received a cordial invitation to visit them at Weimar. Another distinguished person then in the town was Klopstock, who received Goethe with such undisguised kindness that he was induced to read aloud to him the latest scenes of a work of which we shall hear presently.[222] At Carlsruhe Goethe parted company from his fellow-travellers with the intention of visiting his sister at Emmendingen. On May 22nd he was at Stra.s.sburg, where he spent several days, renewing old acquaintances, especially with his former monitor, Salzmann, but, for reasons we can appreciate, did not present himself at Sesenheim.
[Footnote 220: According to Goethe, Count Haugnitz was the only one of the four who showed any sense of propriety.]
[Footnote 221: It was at this time that Merck gave his famous definition of Goethe"s genius. See above, p. 135.]
[Footnote 222: The _Urfaust_.]
From Stra.s.sburg he proceeded to Emmendingen, where he spent the first week of June with his sister, whom he had not seen since her marriage with Schlosser. For various reasons he had looked forward to their meeting with painful feelings. He knew that she had been unhappy in her marriage, and must expect to find her naturally depressed temper soured by her conjugal experience. Their main theme of conversation was his betrothal to Lili, and it was with a vehemence born of her own bitter experience that Cornelia urged him to break off a connection which the relations of all immediately concerned too surely foreboded must end in disaster. The warning of Cornelia, we might have expected, should have been welcome as confirming his own struggling attempts to break loose from his bonds, but, if his later memories did not betray him, it only laid a heavier load on his heart. His real state of mind at the time we have in a letter to Johanna Fahlmer, written while he was still with his sister. "I feel," he wrote, "that the chief aim of my journey has failed, and when I return it will be worse for the Bear[223] than before. I know well that I am a fool, but for that very reason I am I."[224] The parting of the brother and sister--and the parting was to be for ever[225]--must have been with heavy misgivings for both. To her brother alone had Cornelia been bound by any tender tie; he alone of her family had understood and sympathised with her singular temperament, and her greatest happiness had been derived from following his career of brilliant promise and achievement. It must, therefore, have been with dark forebodings that she saw before him the possibility of a union which in her eyes must be fatal alike to his peace of mind and the development of his genius. On his side, also, Goethe must have parted from his sister with the sad conviction that the gloom that lay upon her life could never be lifted. She had been the one never-failing confidant equally of the troubles of his heart and of his intellectual ambitions, and it was from her that in his present distraction he had naturally sought sympathy and counsel. It is with the tenderest touch that in his reminiscent record of this their last meeting he depicts her "problematical" nature, and pays his tribute to all that she had been to him.[226]
[Footnote 223: Goethe was known as the "Bear" or the "Huron" among his friends.]
[Footnote 224: _Werke, Briefe_, ii. 266.]
[Footnote 225: Cornelia died in June, 1777, when Goethe was settled in Weimar.]
[Footnote 226: On Cornelia"s death he wrote to his mother: "Mit meiner Schwester ist mir so eine starcke Wurzel die mich an der Erde hielt abgehauen worden, da.s.s die Aeste von oben, die davon Nahrung haben, auch absterben mussen."]
It had been Goethe"s original intention to end his travels with the visit to his sister, but, as their main object was as far off as ever, he decided to rejoin his late companions and to accompany them to Switzerland. By way of Schaffhausen they proceeded to Zurich, where Goethe"s first act was to seek Lavater. Their talk during his stay in Zurich mainly turned on Lavater"s great work on Physiognomy, to which Goethe had continuously contributed by help and counsel, though from the first he was sceptical of its scientific value. Their intercourse was as cordial as it had been in the previous year, and Lavater was subjugated more than ever by the personality of Goethe. "Who can think more differently than Goethe and I," he wrote to Wieland, who was still suspicious of his youthful adversary, "and yet we are devoted to each other.... You will be astonished at the man who unites the fury of the lion with the gentleness of the lamb. I have seen no one at once firmer in purpose and more easily led.... Goethe is the most lovable, most affable, most charming of fellows."[227]
[Footnote 227: Biedermann, _op. cit._ i. 59. Goethe made Lavater the victim of one of the practical jokes which he was in the habit of playing on his friends. Seeing an unfinished sermon of Lavater on his desk, he completed it during the absence of Lavater, who, in ignorance of the addition, preached the whole sermon as his own.--_Ib._ p. 58.]
In Zurich happened what Merck had foreseen. Goethe had grown tired of his over-exuberant fellow-travellers, whose ways, moreover, did not commend them to the sensitive Lavater. Goethe himself indeed was capable of wild enough pranks, but behind his wild humours lay ever the "serious striving" which was the regulative force of his nature, and which Lavater had recognised from the beginning of their intercourse. A lucky accident gave Goethe the opportunity of escaping from his late comrades without an open breach. In Zurich he found a friend whom he had looked forward to meeting there. This was a native of Frankfort, Pa.s.savant by name, who was settled in Switzerland as a Reformed pastor. Pa.s.savant was a man of intelligence and attractive character, and when he proposed that they should make a tour together through the smaller Swiss Cantons, Goethe jumped at the suggestion.
From Goethe"s own narrative of his tour with Pa.s.savant we are to infer that the distracting image of Lili was never absent from his mind, and that all the glories of the scenery through which they pa.s.sed were only its background seen through the haze of his wandering imaginations. And the testimony of the prose narrative in his Autobiography is confirmed by the successive lyrics, prompted by the intrusive image of Lili, which fell from him by the way. In the following lines, composed on the Lake of Zurich on the first morning of their journey, he clothes in poetical form the confession he had made to Johanna Fahlmer from Emmendingen:--
Und frische Nahrung, neues Blut Saug" ich aus freier Welt; Wie ist Natur so hold und gut, Die mich am Busen halt!
Die Welle wieget unsern Kahn Im Rudertakt hinauf, Und Berge, wolkig himmelan, Begegnen unserm Lauf.
Aug", mein Aug", was sinkst du nieder?
Goldne Traume, kommt ihr wieder?
Weg, du Traum! so Gold du bist; Hier auch Lieb" und Leben ist.
Auf der Welle blinken Tausend schwebende Sterne; Weiche Nebel trinken Rings die turmende Ferne;
Morgenwind umflugelt Die beschattete Bucht, Und im See bespiegelt Sich die reifende Frucht.
Fresh cheer and quickened blood I suck From this wide world and free; How dear is Nature and how good!
A mother unto me!
Rocked by the wavelets speeds our skiff To the oar"s measured beat; Cloudclapt, the heaven-aspiring hills Appear our course to meet.
Why sink my eyelids as I gaze?
Ye golden dreams of other days, Come ye again? Though ne"er so dear, Begone! Are life and love not here?
The o"erhanging stars are twinkling In myriads on the mere; In floating mists enfolded The far heights disappear.
The morning breeze is coursing Round the deep-shadowed cove; And in its depths are imaged The ripening fruits above.
Looking down on the same lake from its southern ridge, he writes these lines, the concentrated expression of distracted emotions:--
Wenn ich, liebe Lili, dich nicht liebte, Welche Wonne gab" mir dieser Blick!
Und doch, wenn ich, Lili, dich nicht liebte, Fand" ich hier und fand" ich dort mein Gluck?
If I, loved Lili, loved thee not, In this prospect, ah! what bliss; Yet, Lili, if I loved thee not, Where should I find my happiness?
In the cloister of the church at Einsiedeln he saw a beautiful gold crown, and his first thought was how it would become the brows of Lili. On the night of June 21st the two travellers reached the hospice in the pa.s.s of St. Gothard--the term of their journey. Next morning they saw the path that led down to Italy, and, according to Goethe"s account, Pa.s.savant vehemently urged that they should make the descent together. For a few moments he was undecided, but the memories of Lili conquered. Drawing forth a golden heart, her gift, which he wore round his neck, he kissed it, and his resolution was taken. Hastily turning from the tempting path, he began his homeward descent, his companion reluctantly following him.[228]
[Footnote 228: According to a tradition in the Pa.s.savant family, it was Goethe, not Pa.s.savant, who was so eager to descend into Italy.--Biedermann, _op. cit._ i. 58.]
On July 22nd, after a leisurely journey homewards, he was again in Frankfort, and in a state of mind as undecided as ever regarding his future course. Fortunately or unfortunately for himself and the world, circ.u.mstances independent of his own will were to decide between the alternatives that lay before him.
CHAPTER XIV
LAST MONTHS IN FRANKFORT--THE _URFAUST_
1775
As he represents it in his Autobiography, this was the situation in which Goethe found himself on his return to Frankfort. All his personal friends warmly welcomed him back, though his father did not conceal his disappointment that he had not continued his travels into Italy. As for Lili, she had taken it for granted that the departure of her betrothed without a word of leave-taking could only imply his intention to break with her. Yet it was reported to him that in the face of all obstacles to their union she had declared herself ready to leave her past behind her and share his fortunes in America. Their intercourse was resumed, but they avoided seeing each other alone, as if conscious of some ground of mutual estrangement. "It was an accursed state, in some ways resembling Hades, the meeting-place of the sadly-happy dead." In view of these relations between Lili and himself, he further adds, all their common friends were decidedly opposed to their union.
Such is the account which, in his retrospect, Goethe gives of his situation after his return to Frankfort, but his correspondence at the time shows that it cannot be accepted as strictly accurate. During the three remaining months he spent in Frankfort he on four different occasions visited Offenbach, where he must often have seen her alone.
What his letters indeed prove is that he was characteristically content to let each day bring its own happiness or misery, and to leave events to decide the final issue. On August 1st, a few days after his return, he writes to Knebel: "I am here again ... and find myself a good deal better, quite content with the past and full of hope for the future."[229] Two days later he was in Offenbach, and from Lili"s own room he writes as follows to the Countess: "Oh! that I could tell you all. Here in the room of the girl who is the cause of my misery--without her fault, with the soul of an angel, over whose cheerful days I cast a gloom, I.... In vain that for three months I have wandered under the open sky and drunk in a thousand new objects at every pore."[230] To Lavater on the following day he writes that he has been riding with Lili, and adds these words with an N.B.: "For some time I have been pious again; my desire is for the Lord, and I sing psalms to him, a vibration of which shall soon reach you. Adieu.
I am in a sore state of strain; I might say over-strain. Yet I wish you were with me, for then it goes well in my surroundings."[231] A letter addressed to Merck later in the same month would seem to show that he had at least no intention of seeking an immediate union with Lili. By the end of the year at the latest, he says, he must be off to Italy, and he prays Merck to prevail with his father to grant his consent.
[Footnote 229: _Werke, Briefe_, ii. 272.]
[Footnote 230: _Ib._ p. 273.]
[Footnote 231: _Ib._ pp. 277-8.]
A crisis in the relations between the lovers came on the occasion of the Frankfort fair in the second week of September. The fair brought a crowd of males, young, middle-aged, and old, all on more or less intimate terms with the Schonemann family, and their familiarities with Lili were gall and wormwood to Goethe, though he testifies that, as occasion offered, she did not fail to show who lay nearest her heart. Even in his old age the experience of these days recalled unpleasant memories. "But let us turn," he exclaims, "from this torture, almost intolerable even in the recollection, to the poems which brought some relief to my mind and heart."[232] A remarkable contemporary doc.u.ment from his hand proves that his memory did not exaggerate his state of mind at the time.[233] In the form of a Diary, expressly meant for his Countess, he notes day by day the alternating feelings which were distracting him. The Countess had urged him once for all to break his bonds, and in these words we have his reply: "I saw Lili after dinner, saw her at the play. I had not a word to say to her, and said nothing! Would I were free! O Gustchen!
and yet I tremble for the moment when she could become indifferent to me, and I become hopeless. But I abide true to myself, and let things go as they will."[234]
[Footnote 232: The two poems, _Lilis Park_ and the song beginning "Ihr verbluhet, susse Rosen," which Goethe refers to this period, were really written at an earlier date. The latter, we have seen, appears in _Erwin und Elmire_.]
[Footnote 233: It was at this time that he translated the Song of Solomon, which he calls "the most glorious collection of love-songs G.o.d ever made."]
[Footnote 234: _Werke, Briefe_, ii. 294. In a letter to the Countess"s brothers about the same date, Goethe writes: "Gustchen [the Countess]
is an angel. The devil that she is an Imperial Countess."--_Ib._ p.