The eminent jurist soon recognized in his witness, who was produced as a medical expert, a laboring man who some years before, and in another part of the country, had been engaged by him as a builder of post and rail fences. With this cue he opened his examination. "You say, doctor,"
he began, with great diffidence and suavity, "that you operated upon Mr.
------"s head after it was cut by Mr. ------?"
"Oh, yaw," replied the ex-fence builder; "me do dat; yaw, yaw."
"Was the wound a very severe one, doctor?"
"Enough to kill him if I not save his life."
"Well, doctor, what did you do for him?"
"Everything."
"Did you perform the Caesarean operation?"
"Oh, yaw, yaw; if me not do dat he die."
"Did you decapitate him?"
"Yaw, yaw, me do dat, too."
"Did you hold a _post mortem_ examination?"
"Oh, to be schure, Schudge! Me always do dat."
"Well, now, doctor," and here the judge bent over in a friendly, familiar way, "tell us whether you submitted your patient to the process known among medical men as the _post and rail fenciorum?"_
The mock doctor drew himself up indignantly. "Scherry Plack," says he, "I always know"d you vas a jayhawk lawyer, an" now I know you for a mean man!"
Oil and Vinegar. -- "Remember," said a trading Quaker to his son, "in making thy way in the world, a spoonful of oil will go farther than a quart of vinegar."
[Ill.u.s.tration (children-corner) CHILDREN"S COLUMN]
For the Companion.
THE WOMAN IN THE MOON.
I"ve often heard of the man in the moon; And his profile often have seen In the almanac, drawn on the side of a lune, Just so--with a smile serene.
[Ill.u.s.tration: (moon-1)]
But I guessed the secret the other night, As the clouds were clearing away; And what do you think was the wondrous sight Which the mystery did betray?
[Ill.u.s.tration: (moon-2)]
I fancied I saw in the crescent, half hid, Fair Luna herself reclining; Not a man in the moon, but a woman instead, From the sky was brightly shining.
For the Companion.
"CHUBBY WUBBY."
She had such an honest, hearty, round little face, with two brown eyes, a dot of a nose, and such chubby, hard, red cheeks that Aunt Gussie named her "Chubby Wubby" as soon as she saw her.
Her real name was f.a.n.n.y, although mamma called her "Blossom," sometimes, and papa declared she was his little "Boy," while grandma had a whole host of pet names beside.
Aunt Gussie thought "Chubby Wubby" seemed to suit her the best of all, she was so round and plump and rosy.
Miss Chubby was cross one day, and among other things, she took it into her head that she wouldn"t be called by any of her pet names. When mamma said to her, "Blossom, come and get your hat on," she shrugged her shoulders; and she answered, "Agh!" when Aunt Gussie made a rush at her for half-a-dozen kisses when she came in off the lawn, with such tempting cheeks that it was impossible not to want to bite them.
When Aunt Gussie said, "Come here, quick, you sweet little Chubby Wubby!" f.a.n.n.y just kicked out one of her bare, plump little knees, and cried, _"Pig!"_
Now that was a very dreadful thing for her to call her auntie, for f.a.n.n.y thought pigs were very horrid sort of beasts, and it was the worst name she knew, and beside, she said it in a naughty, wicked tone.
"O Chubby," cried Aunt Gussie, laughing, "we haven"t got any pigs in here, and we don"t want any colts either, and if you are going to kick that way, we shall have to put you out in the stable."
Chubby didn"t feel a bit like laughing at this, but said again, very loudly, "_Pig_, Pig, PIG!"
Mamma heard her from the other room then, and she called out, "Come in here to me, f.a.n.n.y; I want to look at your tongue." f.a.n.n.y kicked up her heels and ran in to her mamma, and stuck out her little coral-tinted tongue. "Wha" fo", mamma?" she asked, thinking perhaps some little sweet pellets might follow.
"I wanted to see the naughty spot on it," answered mamma, "I heard it call auntie a _name_ just now, and I wanted to tell you if I ever heard it call any one that again, I should put something on the spot to cure the naughtiness."
Little f.a.n.n.y shut her lips very tight then, only opening them to say very earnestly, "Never no more, mamma."
"Well," replied mamma, "I hope you won"t forget, for I shall not; now kiss auntie, and run out on the lawn and play until luncheon."
Then little Chubby Wubby went in and threw her arms around Aunt Gussie"s neck, and all was forgiven.
Somehow "never no more" happened to be a very short time, for not very long afterward, when Annie, her nurse, called, "Come, f.a.n.n.y, bread and milk is all ready," she ran away off down by the brook and answered, "No, I don"t wan" to tum."
"But mamma says you must come in right away," and Annie ran after her.
"_Pig_, Pig, PIG," again cried f.a.n.n.y, in an angry tone.
Mamma heard her, and came to the door. "Pick her right up, Annie, and bring her to me. I am going to cure her of that habit directly," and so poor little naughty Chubby Wubby was borne into the house, kicking and screaming l.u.s.tily.
"Stop your crying and put out your tongue," said mamma. "I"m going to put some pepper right on to the naughty spot, and burn out the name you have called auntie and Annie to-day."
"No, mamma, no, no, never no more," sobbed little Chubby Wubby, her eyes and round red cheeks all wet with tears.