"Excuse me?" he asked, lifting his hand to his cap so he could tip it back and look up at her. Wearing her mechsuit as she was, Ia stood taller than the commodore by almost half a meter.
"Commodore, I would have to refuse to perform any task that could be considered a dereliction of my duty, sir," she stated crisply, ignoring the sweat beading on her skin under the heat of the late spring sun. "My duty as a Field Commissioned officer is to return to an active combat post once I have graduated from this Academy, sir. I am not the best marksmeioa in the Service, I am not qualified to ski in a biathlon, I cannot learn either skill well enough to improve them in time to compete at the regional level, never mind qualify nationally in time to register for the 2494 Olympics...and it is illegal for anyone to be coerced into cooperating in the Games, sir," Ia told him.
Commodore Hadrabas frowned up at her, clearly not happy at being thwarted.
She lifted her chin half a centimeter and smiled ever so slightly. "It is also my duty to point out these facts to you, sir, in order to ensure that you take no action which would be detrimental to the s.p.a.ce Force. Now, is there anything that is within the proper course of my duties as a cadet and future officer that I can do for you at this time, sir?"
He frowned, scowled, quirked a brow, and sighed roughly. Folding his arms across his chest, Hadrabas lifted his own chin. "Are you always this stubborn and intent on having your own way, meioa?"
The corner of her mouth curled up further. "Commodore, at this time, I would like to "plead the Fifth," sir, as, one way or another, my answer would probably incriminate me."
He chuckled for a moment, then raised his brows. "Are you sure you wouldn"t like to learn how to ski, Cadet? It would be a cushy rea.s.signment."
Ia dropped her smile, giving him a cold, sober stare. "I was very serious in my reply, sir. I would consider it an order to commit Fatality Number Four, Dereliction of Duty...and under the Terran United Planet"s duly registered Alliance Charter of Rights, I would have to register a formal protest as a conscientious objector to any such "cushy" rea.s.signment. Sir."
Bennie spluttered at that, apparently choking on her own spit. She coughed hoa.r.s.ely a few times, cleared her throat, and visibly bit her lower lip in the effort to contain her amus.e.m.e.nt. Ia didn"t show any such signs of mirth, herself.
Staring at her, Hadrabas shook his head slowly. "I"d been told about you...but I"ll confess I didn"t believe it until now. Mind you, Cadet, I"m disappointed you won"t even try. It"s been a sting in the Terran pride that the d.a.m.ned Solaricans have won nearly every single biathlon event, particularly in the heavyworld categories, since the inception of the Alliance Summer and Winter Olympics not quite two hundred years ago. You"re from the heaviest inhabited planet we have, yet no one on Sanctuary wants to learn how to ski. h.e.l.l, no one on Parker"s World wants to learn, either."
"The concept of willingly hurtling oneself down a hill at speeds in excess of one hundred kilometers per hour, on a planet where just tripping can kill you, is not one easily grasped by my colonymates, Commodore," Ia muttered, softening her expression with a touch of humor. "Let alone one that they"d willingly embrace. We don"t even have skating rinks...and I"d imagine the people of Parker"s World would be just as reluctant."
"I"ll pa.s.s that information along, Cadet. What about the Summer Olympics?" he asked her, tilting his head slightly in speculation.
"That would still be a dereliction of duty, sir," she countered bluntly. "I"m not the fastest, I"m not the strongest, and I"m not the best. If I may be excused, Commodore, I need to get my mechsuit powered down and cleaned up for the day. That takes a minimum of half an hour after rolling all over the obstacle course, and I have...forty-seven minutes before the supper hour," she explained, glancing at the subtle numbers of the chrono built into her left forearm plate. "It"s also Wednesday, sir. All Cadets are required to attend supper in Dress Blues on Wednesdays at the Academia. I"d really rather not be late."
He flipped a hand at her. "Dismissed. I guess I"ll just go watch the other cadets as they perform on the course, then."
"Sir, if you"re looking for a good marksmeioa among the cadets," Ia offered, "I suggest watching Cadet Djalu. I don"t know if she skis or not, but she"s leading all the scores from the targeting range, right now."
Hadrabas nodded to her. "I"ll keep that in mind, Cadet."
"Mind if I accompany you, Cadet?" Bennie asked, trotting to catch up with Ia as she turned and strode away.
Ia slowed her steps, since her mechsuit legs were longer and covered more ground than the other woman could comfortably walk. "Not at all, Commander." She shared a brief smile with Bennie at the long-standing joke between them from their time on the Liu Ji, addressing each other by t.i.tles instead of names, despite their long friendship. Sighing, Ia wriggled her nose. "The worst part about being in a mechsuit is either I have to disengage my gauntlet just to scratch my nose, or risk putting out my eye. Or endure the itch endlessly."
"Here," Bennie ordered, lifting her fingers.
Ia obligingly stopped, and with a few muttered directions, got the spot just below the bridge of her nose satisfactorily scratched. "Thank you, Bennie."
"Not a problem. Now, if you could scratch an itch of mine," she replied, "I"d appreciate it. But it can wait until you"re out of that tin can of yours. We can talk while you clean up."
Sighing, Ia led the way to the building housing the mechsuit pool. "Aye, sir."
Most of the mechsuits used by the Academy were more like stevedore suits, designed for hauling and manipulating heavy loads, or for construction purposes. There were only a dozen or so combat-grade suits like hers, most of which were reserved for training purposes. The TUPSF-Navy had less use for such things, particularly its officers, than either the Army or the Marine Corps. Their "mechsuits" were usually their ships, after all, and those few times when they needed such things, it was usually supplied by the Army and Marine Companies most ships carried.
Being fully mechsuit-trained was one of the things that would make her all the more suited for Blockade work, literally. Some Naval Academies specialized in mechsuit work, but not the Academia in Sines, which leaned more toward ship-to-ship combat in its training style. Reaching the combat mechsuit bays, Ia sealed her helmet and stepped into the cleaning alcove. It didn"t take long to spray-wash the suit, nor for the scrubbers to go to work. In fact, it was sort of like being in an automatic car wash; kind of fun, if a little hard to balance at times.
As soon as the buffers retracted and the protective force field vanished from the entrance, Ia moved to her suit"s designated storage alcove. Backing up into the alcove, she rocked it back onto its chargers and powered down the suit, cracking it open so she could step out.
Bennie eyed the tight-fitted, silvery grey p-suit Ia wore, and the pressure-squashed muscles and curves it displayed. "Have you lost weight? I think this is the first time I"ve seen you without loose-fitting clothes."
She shrugged and reached for the diagnostic kits, needing to check the suit"s levels of hydraulic fluids. The arms had felt a little weak during today"s run. "I"ve lost four kilos of muscle ma.s.s since I got here. I do what I can in the gym, but it"s only for an hour a day, not three or four. And without the pull of my home gravity to fight, I can"t stay in top shape. I also gained half a kilo of body fat. The food here is better than back on the Liu Ji."
Bennie chuckled. "On that point, I"ll agree. Okay, time to get down to bra.s.s tacks. Cadet Harper tells me you"re barely talking to him anymore. What"s up?"
Ia ducked her head to hide her blush, crouching to give the leg pistons a quick pressure check. "Nothing"s up. And I talk to him all the time."
"Bull shakk. The two of you get along fine in the cla.s.sroom, but he says once you"re alone in your dorm room, you clamp up tighter than an airlock," Bennie countered. "He also says you barely look at him. Treating your roommate like he doesn"t exist is rude, unhealthy, and a sign that something is seriously wrong."
Slag, she"s not going to give up on this, is she? Sinking to the floor with a sigh, Ia rested her diagnostic kit on her knees. She stared at her mechsuit, cheeks warm, and did not look at the chaplain. "It"s under control, sir."
"Bull shakk," Bennie repeated. Crouching, she settled onto the edge of the alcove dais, squeezing in next to Ia. Off in the distance, someone was stomping around in a stevedore suit, but the two of them were alone in this corner of the building. "What"s wrong, Ia?"
Her blush deepened. "I"m...abiding by regulations as best I can."
Bennie leaned over, interposing her freckled face between Ia and her suit. "And what does that mean, hmm?"
Rolling her eyes, Ia tipped her head back with another sigh. "It means I"m attracted to him, alright? But I don"t dare ask for a room transfer, because if I cannot "handle" being in the same quarters as him in a professional manner, it"ll shova v"shakk my career chances." She eyed Bennie, whose green eyes had widened. "Fatality Forty-Nine, Bennie. No Fraternization."
The chaplain sat back with a smirk. "Now that, I can believe. I"ve seen that man almost naked, after all."
Ia gave her a disgusted look. The edge of her mouth couldn"t stop quirking up, though. "Be that as it may, I"m stuck with it, Bennie. If I ask for a transfer, the DoI will black-mark me for a high command. If I did get to know him any better...I know he"ll distract me from everything I need to do...and I"ll run up against Fatality Forty-Nine. And that"s not a black mark; that"s an outright career bombing."
She didn"t have to be precognitive to know that. Not that she could, precognitively-Meyun Harper was still as much of a blank as ever, save for the concrete moments of the past she herself had spent with him-but instincts older than Time were screaming that warning at her. Feminine instincts, the kind someone in her particular position could not permit to take control.
Shaking it off, she leaned forward and restarted her post-workout diagnostics. Bennie stayed silent for several minutes while Ia worked, occasionally leaning out of the younger woman"s way. Finally, the chaplain sighed and stood.
"Right, then. Report to my office tonight at nineteen thirty sharp, Cadet," Bennie ordered.
Ia blinked and looked over her shoulder. "Sir?"
"Nineteen thirty hours, Cadet," Bennie repeated, holding Ia"s gaze.
"Sir, I don"t understand." This wasn"t in any future she had foreseen. "Are you writing me up for this?"
Bennie smirked. "Well, now that depends on you. If you don"t show up, it"s guaranteed that I"d have to, now wouldn"t I?"
"V"tekh na n"kah!" The insult escaped her before she could stop it. At least it wasn"t in Terranglo, but from the arch of one auburn brow, Bennie understood the V"Dan version. Flushing, Ia ducked her head. "Sorry, sir."
"Under the circ.u.mstances, it"s understandable. And in the name of our friendship, I"ll let it pa.s.s. But do try to avoid calling me that a second time, Cadet," Bennie warned her quietly.
"Yes, sir. No, I won"t, sir...Thank you," she added quietly.
"Nineteen thirty. Don"t be late." Brushing off her trousers, Bennie left the mechsuit pool.
Resisting the urge to throw the diagnostic kit across the room, Ia instead closed her eyes and leaned her forehead on the elbow joint of her suit. The mirror-polished plates of the special alloy of ceramics and metal rapidly dissipated the heat of her skin, just as it would the heat of laser fire or the radiation of outer s.p.a.ce.
It could not, however, dissipate the sick fear gathering in her stomach. She had no clue what Bennie wanted from her...which meant it clearly had something to do with Meyun b.l.o.o.d.y Harper. Bane of her precognitive skills.
The one man who could undo everything she was striving to save, simply by existing.
CHAPTER 11.
h.e.l.l Week in the Marines was physically difficult. Surviving all seven days of it remains the single toughest thing I have ever done with my body outside of actual combat. And in the end, h.e.l.l Week didn"t break me. I broke myself. But h.e.l.l Week in the Navy...that was different.
h.e.l.l Week for cadets, officers-to-be, is quite different from h.e.l.l Week for raw recruits. The common soldier has to be physically tough, because much of their work is physical. Their duty is to carry out the orders they are given. Officers, on the other hand, need to be mentally tough. Their duty is to plan those orders, and oversee their execution. So the Academy instructors and the Department of Innovations, or rather, their psychology sub-division, work together in the months before the five day trial-by-fire of h.e.l.l Week to find and pick apart each cadet"s weakest points. To hammer home that weakness and force the cadet to confront it, over and over, until that particular cadet acknowledges that flaw at the very least, and hopefully figures out how to work around it.
Alas, they never did figure out what my greatest mental weakness at that point was. Or rather, who. The one person who did figure it out in time...well, let"s just say they put me through a version of h.e.l.l Week that was compressed down into a handful of minutes.
~Ia Back on the TUPSF Liu Ji, Chaplain Benjamin had possessed a cramped little office, a somewhat larger counseling room that doubled as her living room, a cramped bedroom cabin, and a head, the starship nickname for a bathroom. Here at the Academia, her office was completely separate from her apartment. That office was in the administration hall, at the far end of the wing opposite the admissions desk. In fact, the easiest way to get to Bennie"s office was to use a side door near the wastebins holding those rare few things which couldn"t be recycled on the Academy"s grounds in some form or another.
Which is appropriate, Ia thought, her rare morbid sense of humor surfacing briefly, because I certainly feel like I"m about to be tossed into the rubbish bin like useless slag.
She did not like this amorphous, shapeless, senseless feeling of dread. Not since she turned fifteen and had her precognitive epiphany had Ia suffered from such sourceless fears. No, since that pivotal morning, her fears had taken on all too solid ident.i.ties. Not now, however. Stepping into the shadow-darkened hallway didn"t help. It reminded her too much of old monster-in-the-closet fears, the kind where she didn"t know what lurked behind that closet door.
Ia hated-feared-the unknown.
Wiping her face with the back of her hand, and her palm on the back of her thigh, Ia squared her shoulders and touched the door buzzer. She was a full minute early, she had made sure of that much. When the door opened, she braced herself for the unknown. Show no fear. Know no fear. Confidence, calmness, these things will sustain, whereas fear will only drain...
"Come in, Cadet," Bennie told her. "I"m glad to see you"re on time."
"I strive to be, sir," she muttered, following the chaplain inside. The front room of the suite served as the general office for all the Academy"s chaplains and psychologists. The rest of the rooms in this sub-wing were either designated office s.p.a.ce or counseling s.p.a.ce. They bypa.s.sed the door with "Cmdr. Christine Benjamin, Chaplain" on its nameplate and entered the room two doors down.
Meyun Harper rose from one of the padded chairs at the far end of the modest-sized room. He glanced between Bennie"s face and Ia"s, his expression as confused-looking as Ia felt. "Sir?"
The chaplain edged in behind Ia and poked at the door controls. The panel slid shut and clicked. "There. We are now locked in, only I have the access key, and this room is sound-proofed. It"s also after hours, I have turned off the recording equipment, and the two of you will discuss your problems under the privacy code of the confessional."
She prodded Ia on the back, and when that didn"t move the stunned woman, pushed her forward a few stumbling steps. Comprehension dawning, Ia turned and narrowed her eyes. Bennie leaned back against the door, arms crossed over her chest.
"Meyun, the real reason why Ia, here, won"t talk to you when you"re alone together, or even look at you..."
"Oh, no you don"t," Ia whispered, rage heating her cheeks.
"Is because she"s falling in love with you," Bennie finished.
Embarra.s.sed, furious, Ia clenched her hands into fists. Not from the urge to hit Bennie, but from the need to keep her gifts locked down. Glaring at the chaplain, she growled, "You know what? I take it back. You are a two-fisting b.i.t.c.h!"
"Ia!" Meyun snapped, striding forward. "You do not say things like that to a superior officer!"
He caught her shoulder. Overwrought by Bennie"s betrayal, Ia didn"t dare risk prolonged physical contact. Shrugging him off roughly, she backed up a couple of meters. "Don"t touch me! And she is one." She pointed at the redheaded woman. "What I told her was said in the confidence of a soldier to her chaplain-in the confidence of the confessional! And that...skut just violated that!"
"Loving someone is not an unforgivable sin, you know," Bennie snapped back.
"No, but violating military code is," Ia retorted. "He didn"t need to know! Everything was under control before you stepped in."
"You had nothing under control," Bennie scoffed, giving Ia a disgusted look. "You were running away from the problem, not controlling it!"
Ia bristled at that. She wanted to protest it wasn"t true. If she did run from her problems, what the h.e.l.l was she doing in the military? But...d.a.m.n her, she"s right. But that doesn"t make this right. "So?" she asked, arms folded tightly across her chest. "Lots of people do that. It"s a valid reaction."
Bennie pushed away from the door, swaying forward with a glare of her own. "If you expect to become a successful officer, that means you cannot hide from your own emotions!" She pointed at Harper, who swayed back from her jabbing finger. "If you want to get out of here without this session being recorded and going on your permanent record, you will look at Cadet Harper and tell him exactly how you feel about him!"
"Excuse me," Meyun interjected, "but can I join this conversation, or should I just pretend that I"m not actually a part of this?"
"Stand down and wait your turn, Harper," Bennie ordered, pointing her finger at him. "Ia has the bigger problem at the moment."
Ia closed her eyes, struggling for self-control...and the strength do it. She knew Bennie wasn"t bluffing. With Harper standing next to her, there was nothing she could to but comply, in order to navigate the invisible rocks that threatened to overturn all her work. But it wasn"t that simple. It could have been so easy, to just tell him-and Bennie-the truth of her work. Tell them both about her gifts, and the future she was driven to save.
But Meyun Harper was the Great Grey Mist in her mind, his actions obscured, his motives unsure. She had no way to foretell what he would do with that information. That meant she could not risk telling him any of it...and by extension, that meant keeping her friend and chaplain in the dark as well. Letting it all go, Ia breathed deep and opened her eyes again. She glanced at him. He was busy giving the chaplain a dark look; somehow, that made it easier to confess what she had to say.
"Meyun Harper...you scare the shova out of me." That shifted his gaze from Bennie"s face to hers. She looked into his dark brown eyes and continued. "I find you brilliant, funny, handsome, s.e.xy, companionable...I stand in awe of your technical genius, and since you"re a heavyworlder, I don"t quite feel like I"m going to break you in half if I so much as sneeze on you. I can"t predict what you"ll do or say, and that scares me, yet it fascinates me at the same time, since I never know what you"ll do next. But."
"But?" he repeated, folding his own arms defensively over his chest. "But, what?"
"But, I am going into pilot training after the Academy. Every sign indicates I will be posted to a Blockade Patrol, where I know I can do some real good in the Service...and I cannot be a.s.signed to the same ship as you. Not on Blockade. Everything about you is a distraction to me." She glanced at the chaplain waiting patiently by the door, then back to Meyun. "Don"t mistake my meaning. I do want to get to know you better...on several levels...but I cannot afford it. You cannot afford it. Between the rules against fraternization between cadets, and the fact our career tracks are taking us off in two different directions, we have no viable future together.
"So I was ignoring it," she groused, shooting Bennie another dark look. "Not running away, just ignoring it. I apologize if that spilled over into ignoring you. I"ll try to be less of an asteroid in our quarters from now on. That is, presuming all of these "confessions" don"t disgust you."
"Oh, they don"t disgust him," Bennie interjected, earning another glare from Harper. "He"s already confessed to me that he"s fallen in love with you."
The blood left Ia"s face. In fact, it looked like it went straight to Meyun"s. Tan cheeks reddening, he sputtered a moment, glanced between the two women, then growled at Benjamin, "Ia"s right. You are a two-fisting-!"
Ia"s rare sense of humor surfaced, at that. Smirking, she met Bennie"s scowl. "As you said when you arrived here, Bennie, I have a quick, keen grasp of most situations. Pain in the asteroid, isn"t it?"
Bennie scoffed. "Except when it comes to your own heart, you don"t. Meyun, look Ia in the eye and tell her how you feel."
Like Ia, it took him a few seconds to gather himself before he could look her way. She held herself still, waiting to hear what he had to say. Wanting to hear it, and dreading it.
"Exactly how you feel," he murmured. "I feel it, too. I like you, I"m surprised by you, and you make me laugh. I enjoy just sitting in the same room with you, both of us working on whatever... but I don"t like being ignored. That hurt."
Ia nodded slightly to acknowledge his pain. She looked down, only to glance up sharply again as he continued.
"I want your eyes on me. I want your mind on me, your hands on me. I"ve probably spent three out of every seven showers playing with myself, thinking about you-"
Oh, dear G.o.d...She blushed so hard at his confession, it felt like her feet were going to faint.
"-and the other four banging my head against the wall of the stall. I know you"re headed for a Blockade Patrol, whereas I"ll get whatever duty post the system throws at me," Meyun admitted, his own face red. "I admire your devotion to duty at the same time that I hate it, because I want to keep you to myself, yet I couldn"t keep you here and keep you the woman that...the woman that I"m falling in love with."