Volume 1, Chapter 30: Being tricked out of my house
TL: flarewk
In the morning, I was being awakened by the vibration sounds of my phone.
What"s going on? I remembered that I didn"t set any alarm notifications at all?
Dazedly opening my eyes, Xin Ran had already left since an unknownst period of time ago. I stretched my hands towards the desk, and grabbed my phone to glance at it. So I"ve received a message.
It"s probably those kinds of phone bills and so on, as my phone contained only my parents, meimeis, homeroom teacher Xiao Zhen-laoshi plus the fast food restaurant"s phone numbers, so it"s basically impossible that it would be someone else who had sent me that message.
I originally wanted to just simply ignore it and continue on sleeping, but I haphazardly gleamed onto the message alerts notification that appeared on my phone"s screen. The displayed number wasn"t a familiar 10086, but an unfamiliar number instead.
If it was those rubbish messages, why didn"t it get automatically filtered off? Carrying this sort of uncertainty, I laid on the pillow and tapped onto that message.
2017-3-25 07:22
[Good morning~, Cheng Jun, it"s another wondrous morning again, have you ma.s.sively erected yet? Even if it"s a weekend, you mustn"t be too lazy~ Huhuhuhu~]
"............Huhuhuhu, G.o.d d.a.m.ning hu!"
It"s like even through the phone I could still hear that person"s chuckling.
Just this tone, just this way of greeting, within those circle of people that I knew, only she would fit the bill.
How did this person manage to obtain my phone number exactly?
I got it, it"s probably that omniscient head maid who had investigated onto it. Tch, I also really wanted to have such a perfect maid as well...........
Because this suddenly appearing message had caused my brain into regaining back its normal thinking, my sleepiness gradually receded, as I scratched my head and carried an unhappy mood to get up from bed.
During the weekends, our house won"t have breakfast at all, if your hungry in the morning there"s only green bean cake and so on of snacks to temporarily abate the hunger. I originally didn"t mind doing it at all, as it didn"t had any huge bother onto me even when I wake up early in the morning of the weekends to make breakfast. But Laomā said that she had usually troubled me enough already, hence at the very least I must be able to rest well during the weekends, which was why the weekend"s breakfasts were being cancelled.
After I finished washing up I didn"t go downstairs, but directly went back to my room instead. Anyway, since there wasn"t anything to do today, I"ll just go finish up my previously incomplete reading of my light novels.
However, when I carried that sort of thinking and returned back to my room, "weng weng" rumbling sounds once more resonated around the entire room. My phone received another message yet again.
2017-03-25 07:36
[Should be already refreshed by now, Cheng Jun. Well then, hurry up and put on your clothes, remember to wear a little more handsomely~~]
It"s completely an on-the-dot precise message sending to me, so this person had actually even calculated the time of me washing up, huh.
By the way, wear a little more handsomely?
I pondered for a moment, but still replied this message ultimately.
Sent [Whatever I wear has of no relation with you, right..........]
Just at the very next second when the message that I"ve sent indicated a "Sent" notification, I heard a blast of phone vibration resounding, and a series of texts popped right out. She actually responded to my message within a spilt second.
[Of course it have relations~, isn"t it because today"s our very first date worth commemorating about~]
Haah?
Whut?
Date?
How come I don"t remember making that kind of promise?
Sent [Date? What date? How come I don"t remember there"s this kind of thing at all?]
"Weng weng", another spilt-second reply.
[Really~ Dear, you"re so forgetful~, have you forgotten that we had agreed onto visiting our child today?]
"Haaah?"
Because it was too bizarre already, it made me deeply frown my eyebrows, as I repeatedly read and re-read that message 4 - 5 times, and afterwards kept staring fixedly onto "our child" those two words, all the way till I almost couldn"t recognize them, before completely understanding the information contained within this message.
At this time if I was to reply [What child?] this sort of message, I"ll be falling into the other party"s tempo already. But then I also cannot humor her as well, if I was to humor her, it"ll be falling right into her trap afterwards.
So at this kind of situation I must pretend as if I didn"t understand it at all, and must reply an incomprehensible message in return.
2017-3-25 07:39
Sent [Ahh, I remember already, it"s to go take care of the little children at the orphanage, right.]
Visiting our child, it also could be understood as visiting (omitted) children too.
[Really, don"t try to act dumb alreadyyy~ Of course it"s your daughterrr~]
Tch, she actually straightforwardly threw out a direct ball, huh? Even the gender were already fixed, Ji Lian Bing, so you"re only up till this standard.
I flipped a white eye and replied.
Sent [I don"t have any daughter, thanks.]
Weng weng.
[Your daughter is in my tummy!! Have you forgotten what happened yesterday already? What an outrageous man, sob sob sob, weeh weehh weeehhh............(ノへ￣、) ]
Nothing even happened between the both of us yesterday night, okay! No wait, if it was to be said, you nearly sent me to see G.o.d already!
Just mentioning about things from last night alone gave me a stomachache, don"t even start about the frighteningly terrifying game of hide and seek within the isolated school grounds, in the end I was even directly bludgeoned to death............I had already experienced a feeling of being neither alive nor dead!
With raging injustice burning inside me, I originally wanted to send a [Go f**k yourself, there"s only you nearly strangling off a person"s life yesterday night, and there isn"t any such situation of the both of us creating a new life! -1 and +1 are completely two different notions, okay!] this kind of resenting message initially.
Just when I wanted to press the send b.u.t.ton, I suddenly calmed down. If my this side was to be angry first, wouldn"t I be led around by her nose again?
Uuu...........then I"ll just continue to act dumb throughout then.
2017-3-25 07:42
Sent [Hahaha, what are you talking about, there"s nothing happening at all yesterday night.]
Weng weng.
[Yesterday we intertwined our both hands" fingers together already, have you forgotten? You exerted your entirety to respond to my needs, and between the both of us there"s fluids leaking out...........]
That was just me retaliating, okay!
And that was merely sweat from my palms, stop saying it to be so ambiguous, okay!
Plus it"s only intertwining our both hands" fingers, it completely wouldn"t have any kids resulting from that at all! No, even if yesterday was to really have anything happening at all, it"s also impossible to be that fast to obtain results!!
I originally wanted to send this entire length of exasperated reb.u.t.tals mindlessly towards Ji Lian Bing, but I hadn"t even typed it out halfway when an influx of messages appeared.
[It"s not only both hands" fingers being intertwined, mn? Cheng Jun, have you forgotten? You even did to me..........]
[That scorching hot palm stretched deep within me, wilfully squeezing about..........]
[That fiery hot breaths of yours made me unable to extricate myself, I really wanted to hug you within my arms.........]
"What the h.e.l.l........"
From which ero novel that this was being copied from?
[Right now are you thinking of some perverted stuff? Kyaaa~ Cheng Jun"s so H~]
".........."
I"m really sorry, I didn"t feel any single thing at all.
[Also worth mentioning, all of those just now were ghost-written by maid Lin Bai.]
That Lin Bai again!!
I remember that the PS"ed photograph was also made by that maid too, those maids that were serving you actually had such a person that loved to do troublesome things, huh!
[Well then, the casual talk will end at here, it"s almost time to speak on-topic. About the problem between the both of us, don"t you think that it"s necessary for us to talk in person?]
She suddenly became rather serious already.
Hold on, I didn"t even reply back a single message from just now, but this person could still spur on my thoughts...........
...........It can"t be that she placed me on surveillance from somewhere?
How did she so accurately understand my inner thinking? No wait, even if she placed me on surveillance, it"s impossible to know about my thoughts too?
Uuu, let"s not talk about that first...........talk in person, huh...........after pondering for a while, I replied.
2017-3-25 07:47
Sent [Actually, just using a phone to talk is also fine by itself, right.]
And Ji Lian Bing didn"t give me any sort of reason, and only replied this sort of message that was completely unrelated at all.
[Ai ya, I didn"t know that Peace road"s cafe is actually a maid cafe~.]
Alright!
Let"s go!
I"ll go take a look then!
Flinging all those mountainous pile of excuses all the way to the back of my head, under the warmest invitation by Ji Lian Bing (maid"s temptations), I resolutely decided to gamble onto my life to see that dangerous girlfriend of mine.
I originally wanted to just casually wear any two attires over, but suddenly I remembered the request posed by Ji Lian Bing, hence I wore a hoodie with a pair of grey trousers, and took out a piece of dark green jacket as well.
It"s the clothes that Ke Ling helped to choose for me last time when we went out for shopping together. To be honest, I felt that it doesn"t matter on what I"m wearing, and I think that a huge majority of men would feel that way too.
But women seemingly would be rather mindful about this kind of things, especially Ke Ling, she"s very concerned about my attire issue, and my clothes were basically all selected by her.
After putting on my clothes, I walked downstairs directly towards the door entrance area. Ke Ling who was sitting on the sofa licking her ice-cream curiously looked at me, saying.
"Gege, you"re going out?"
"Mm, I"m going out for a while, and probably won"t be home by afternoon. If I didn"t come back, you guys just go ahead and make some curry to eat first then."
"Can Ke Ling come along as well? It"s perfectly nice that I have something I wanted to buy too~"
"Err.........."
If it"s the usual, I would of course be glad to go along with her, but this time I"m going out to look for that person...........
"Sorryy, Ke Ling, this time I"m going to look for a friend, it"s not suitable to bring you along."
I made an apologetic expression towards her, and didn"t delay myself any longer, putting on my shoes and just leaving the house thereafter.
Half an hour later, I arrived at that legendary maid cafe being spoke of at Peace road!
I didn"t think that in this city would actually have this kind of holy grounds, I didn"t even know about it last time!
With the result that after I entered, I noticed that it"s just a very normal cafe..........and Ji Lian Bing was sitting on the seat near the windows as she happily waved towards me.
Where"s the maids! Where"s the maids! Why was it all just normal clothed waitresses!!
I infuriatingly paced towards Ji Lian Bing"s side and hooted.
"Oi! Where"s the maids! Where"s the maids that you mentioned about already!"
"Huhuhuhu~ this cafe rightfully belonged to Xue Li, and since Xue Li"s my maid, this place is thus a maid cafe. So there"s nothing wrong, hum~?"
"What kind of a joke is thissssssssssssssss!!"
I"ve been deceived!
The so called maid cafe was actually just a cafe that"s been established by a maid, huh!
d.a.m.n ittttttttttttt!!!
-ch 30 end-
(2758 words to tl)
Footnotes:
10086 = china mobile services
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Visiting (omitted) children = The original pun was a pun on h.o.m.ophones, hence I re-made this segment to seem sensible on english (with entirely different context from CN)
Difference btwn CN and EN:
EN: Visiting (omitted) children = may indicate to visit children at orphanage
CN: 看孩子 (in this context it"s deliberately intended onto "seeing our child"), and the first word, 看, instead of original"s kàn h.o.m.ophone, it"s replaced to kān instead (idk which kān he"s referring to), changing the entire sentence into visiting "those" child instead.
TLDR: Since" h.o.m.ophone puns are evidently impossible to transliterate to english, I subst.i.tuted a suitable omitting joke therein to make the whole thing legible.
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you"re only up till this standard = it means a feeling of looking down at others in a mediocre manner.
(e.g. expected more from that person, and so on)
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bludgeoned to death = via triangular suffocation
Glossary:
meimei = younger sister
-laoshi = suffix for "teacher"
Laomā = informal way to address "mother"
gege = elder brotherShare
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