Their tall spare frames have given rise to the term Bony (or Bonny) Scotland, supposed by some to be derived from "Bonnet," the national headgear.
The princ.i.p.al products of Scotland are Porridge, Parsons and Pilbrochs.
The inhabitants of Scotland are the most Moral and Patriotic people in the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World War.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
CHAPTER XXV
IRELAND
[Ill.u.s.tration: "The apparel oft proclaims the man."--HAMLET.]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
Ireland is the land of the Irish Bull, a paradoxical Bovine whose cross-eyed horns can toss a British commonplace in two directions at once.
The population of Ireland consists chiefly of Absentee landlords and Emigrants to the United States.
They are ruled by two Absentee governments, a Parliament at Westminster and an Itinerant President.
[Ill.u.s.tration: SCENE IN IRISH HOUSE OF PARLIAMENT]
The country is infested with Absentee Snakes. It is believed that the Serpent who tempted Eve (from the "way he had with the women") was one of these Absentee snakes.
Strabo, the Greek Geographer who visited Ireland long before St.
Patrick, describes the inhabitants as, "_more savage than the Britons, feeding on human flesh and enormous eaters, deeming it commendable to devour their deceased fathers_."
Strabo evidently attended a wake and miscalculated the strength of the national beverage.
The princ.i.p.al products of Ireland are Potatoes, Pugilists, Patriots,[A]
Poteen and Bernard Shaw.
[A] The term _Patriot_ is derived from two Greek words, Pat, a patronymic, and Riot, a national pastime.
The inhabitants of Ireland are the most Moral and Patriotic people in the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World War.
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE GIDDY GLOBE CONSOLING IRELAND]
CHAPTER XXVI
WALES
[Ill.u.s.tration]
_See the Welsh Rabbit--he is bred on cheese;_ _(Or cheese on bread, whichever way you please)._ _Although he"s tough, he looks so mild, who"d think_ _That a strong man from this small beast would shrink?_ _Carolyn Wells._
Wales is the home of the Welsh bards so called because the language in which they are written, which resembles a mixture of Chech, Chinese, Celtic and Chocktaw, is _barred_ from the concert and operatic stage.
The most famous products of Wales are the Welsh Rabbit, the Prince of Wales and Lloyd George.
The Welsh Rabbit, born in a chafing dish and prolific as his namesake of Australia, has spread all over the Giddy Globe and been a potent factor in keeping the world awake.
Lloyd George too (strange parallel!) was born in a political chafing dish and has been an even more powerful factor in keeping the world awake.
Let us hope that the Prince of Wales (Bless him) will follow in the footsteps of this ill.u.s.trious pair and live to keep the world awake long after this Geography has gone into its hundred thousandth edition!
The Prince has been immortalized in the following lines:
_"Hurray!" cried the Kitten,_ _"Hurray!"_ _As he merrily set the sails,_ _"I sail o"er the ocean_ _today, today,_ _To look at the Prince of Wales!"_
_"Oh, Kitten, pause at the brink!_ _And think of the angry gales!"_ _"Ah, yes," cried the Kitten, "but think!_ _Oh, think of the Prince of Wales!"_
_"But, Kitten," I cried, dismayed,_ _"If you live through the angry gales_ _You know you will be afraid_ _To look at the Prince of Wales!"_
_Said the Kitten, "No such thing!_ _Why should he make me wince?_ _If a Cat may look at a King,_ _A Kitten may look at a Prince!"_
PART III
FOREIGN COUNTRIES
CHAPTER XXVII
SOUTH AMERICA
From the beginning of time up to the present century, the continents of North and South America were joined together in terrestrial bonds of matrimony.