The little girl stood timidly at the door, raising her head, wanting to look, but did not dare to. She addressed him softly, "T-Terniisan.""Un." Kitagawa Tera nodded and raised the oden in his hand. "I was a little hungry just now. Eri, would you like some?"
"N-no need. I only came downstairs because I heard some sounds at the d-door. Goodnight, Terniisan."
The little girl bowed deeply to Kitagawa Tera and fled upstairs like a frightened mouse.
Kitagawa Tera watched indifferently at her figure scurrying upstairs. He closed the door softly and went to the living room.
In the living room, a middle-aged man with gentle and pale cheeks looked at Kitagawa Tera walking over.
The middle-aged man knocked on the table in front of him and said in a lamenting note, "Tera, how many times have I told you not to go out so late. Did you see how scared Eri was? You are an elder brother, and you have to protect Eri."
The middle-aged man sitting at the table was Kitagawa Tera"s father, Kitagawa Kenichi.
"I understand. I won"t do it again." Kitagawa Tera wiped the table with a cloth and took out the steaming oden. "Would you like some?"
"Ah… Oden, huh. My favorite." Kitagawa Kenichi smiled.
"Un." Kitagawa Tera responded softly and put the oden down.
"Although it"s winter vacation, you can"t relax, Tera. You have to finish your homework. Remember to bring Eri for the New Year"s shrine visit when you"re free."
"Okay." Kitagawa Tera had to agree to them since they were minor matters.
However, Kitagawa Kenichi was like a little girl, nagging at every single thing with Kitagawa Tera. Kitagawa Tera responded to the first few matters before turning around and listening to him quietly.
He was nagging about the normal day-to-day things that parents often did—remember to cover yourself with your blanket, eat and sleep regularly, wear more clothes when the weather turns cold…
Kitagawa Tera listened carefully.
Kitagawa Kenichi"s voice suddenly came to a halt.
"Tera."
"Hmm?" Kitagawa Tera stopped himself from opening the door of the Butsudan altar[1] when he heard his name.
"I"ll leave the family in your hands… from now on."
"…"
"I"m sorry… Your father is so… useless." Kitagawa Kenichi"s voice gradually became distant.
"…"
"I"m really sorry. These few years have been hard on you."
"… I"ve never felt that way," Kitagawa Tera finally said after a long silence, his expression remaining calm.
This was the truth. There were times when the original Tera was confused and sad, but he had never felt that it was hard on him.
"Actually, there"s a lot more I want to tell you… but there"s not enough time." As he spoke, Kitagawa Kenichi could not stop crying.
He hoped that time would slow down, slow down a bit more, just a bit more, so that he could say a few more words…
"I… I… love you… both…"
Kitagawa Kenichi"s voice gradually elongated, spun, broke, and then disappeared.
Kitagawa Tera took a deep breath and raised his hands to open the small Butsudan altar.
A black and white photo was on top of the Butsudan altar. It contained Kitagawa Kenichi"s gentleness and smile, like how he was seconds ago.
The oden beside the Butsudan altar was still emitting steam, looking very inviting.
This was Kitagawa Kenichi"s favorite food.
After gazing at Kitagawa Kenichi"s photo for a while, Kitagawa Tera took out the singing bowl he often wiped. He then took the thin striker and hit it lightly.
Ring
After a series of Sanskrit chants, Kitagawa Tera inserted the incense he held in hand into the incense burner and closed his eyes in concentration.
Kitagawa Kenichi died in a traffic accident a few years ago. The Kitagawa family received a large amount of compensation but also lost the pillar of the family. Perhaps it was from that day onward that Kitagawa Kenichi had been guarding the family quietly by the side of the Butsudan altar.
That the inverted hanging girl in the ceiling, the ghost by the sink, and the squirming meat on the dining table had never hurt Kitagawa Eri and Kitagawa Tera should have been because of his efforts.
Some people blamed their parents and felt robbed of their freedom by their parents" forceful control of their lives.
However, time really pa.s.sed by too fast. The voices beside your ears often disappeared without you realizing it when you paid the least attention.
Parents pa.s.sed away before their children had the chance to repay them.
Kitagawa Tera sat on the cus.h.i.+on quietly, not making a single sound.
Terniisan… Kitagawa Eri had returned to the living room for quite some time. She was secretly watching Kitagawa Tera by the living room door with a complex expression.
She sighed deeply.
Kitagawa Kenichi"s death had made the originally reserved Kitagawa Tera even more silent. In addition, their mother"s work as a designer abroad was so busy that she had not noticed the change in Kitagawa Tera.
This change became worse in high school. He was sullen all day long, and no one knew what he was thinking. Hardly any common topics existed between them even though she was his sister.
Under such circ.u.mstances, Kitagawa Eri did not dare to offend Kitagawa Tera. She would retreat and be obedient whenever she saw him.
Nonetheless, they were siblings connected by blood, and she would be worried whenever Kitagawa Tera was sad.
She did not know what came over Kitagawa Tera recently, but he would greet her whenever he saw her and would even take the initiative to help out with the housework.
It felt as though he was a different person altogether. He was less gloomy and had a unique youthful hardness.
While Kitagawa Eri was thinking about this, Kitagawa Tera, who was sitting still, suddenly opened his eyes and looked over at her.
"Eri, are you free tomorrow morning? If you are, let"s go for the New Year"s shrine visit."
"Huh?" Kitagawa Eri widened her eyes, not expecting such words to come from Kitagawa Tera.
"Father died a few years ago because of the traffic accident. Even the deepest sorrow should have pa.s.sed." Kitagawa Tera"s voice was steady.
"There"s still you, me, and Mom in the Kitagawa family. The Kitagawa family has not collapsed."
Regardless of how Kitagawa Eri was staring stupidly at him, Bai Fan turned around and lit a bunch of long incense again.
Where did people go when they died?
Kitagawa Tera was not sure.
However, those blindly bound by the past would not be able to move forward, such as the original Kitagawa Tera.
Kitagawa Tera promised Kitagawa Kenichi to shoulder the responsibility of the Kitagawa family, so he had to follow through.
In life, there were always one or two promises that you could not break.
Since this was the case, it would begin with the New Year"s shrine visit.
"I-I"m free tomorrow!" Kitagawa Eri felt something touch her heart as she gazed at Kitagawa Tera"s upright figure in front of the Butsudan altar. She clenched her hand tightly and took the initiative to invite her brother for the first time. "Terniisan, let"s… go for the New Year"s shrine visit tomorrow!"
"Un." Kitagawa Tera nodded after hearing Kitagawa Eri"s answer. He looked up at the smoke spiraling upward from the incense…
Have a safe journey.
[1] Butsudan altar: Small household Buddhist shrine that resembles a simple cabinet with two outward opening doors. Usually contains memorial tablets for deceased family members.