Chapter 333 South Park 8
"If only I could fly like Neo…" Feng Bujue, who was falling, looked up at the night sky lazily and sighed with lamentation. As his mastery of Soul"s Eye continued to improve, perhaps one day, he would achieve the ability of flight, but that was not now.
"Sigh… a serious injury is certain." Feng Bujue stopped his wandering mind. He slowly turned around in midair, bent his knees, and braced for impact. The impact from the fall was not as serious as he expected, as was the loss of Life Points. Even Feng Bujue himself could not give an explanation for this.
Actually, this was a sign that his Fighting Mastery was close to levelling up to Level B.
Wu!
The monster not far away had closed in on Feng Bujue. Following a growl, its giant paw went at its target. At that moment, it was obviously a bit too late to pull off Mad Moxxi"s Bad Touch from his inventory. Due to the angle and the distance, it was not suitable to use Death Poker to defend against the attack either. Therefore, with no other choice in mind, Feng Bujue made the decision to burn through another eight hundred Stamina Points and unleashed Southern Style Flying Dragon Fist.
Leaving Stan"s home and escorting Randy, Sharon, and Sh.e.l.ly all the way to the shopping mall had taken precisely half an hour. That was just enough for the cooldown timer for the Flying Dragon Fist to run out. This was a skill that he had used under the buff from Body Enhancement Spell, so the damage was naturally bigger than normal. One could see Brother Jue gather power into a tangible form as it forcibly pushed the giant guinea pig for more than five to six steps back from where he was standing.
One had to understand the scale of these steps. The guinea pig was so big in size that the five to six steps it was forced to take back were almost equal to more than ten meters in distance.
With high risks came high rewards. With this tactical s.p.a.ce of more than ten meters, Feng Bujue was practically safe. He quickly summoned Death Poker and aimed them at the giant guinea pig"s eye, forcing it further back. As the s.h.i.+ny cards shot out from his hands, Feng Bujue deactivated his Body Enhancement Spell, turned around, and scaled up the wall.
This time, he was not carrying a large backpack or any NPCs that he needed to rescue, so scaling the side of the building was as easy as pie. Without the need of any skill or tool, Feng Bujue utilized the power of his own physique plus the ability of Soul"s Eye. Various parkour movements came easier to him like it was second nature. It took him less than ten seconds to leap up onto the roof, and away from the sight of the giant monster.
…
In the Peruvian Jungle, inside the underground ruin, there was a rectangular tunnel that moved deeper into the ruin. Looking from inside, the walls on the side, the ceiling and the ground were all made from yellow stone. There were some broken lumber and larger boulders that could be seen littering the tunnel, but these objects did not seem to affect or reinforce the structure of the tunnel in any way. Suddenly, from one of the corners walked out a figure holding a torch.
That was none other than Stan. When he turned the corner, he even waited for a while for his friends to catch up. "Let"s head over this way, guys."
The other four kids followed him and turned out from the corner. At that moment, Kyle seemed to chance upon yet another discovery. "You hear that? It sounds like water."
"Yea, it"s coming from up there." Cartman concurred and pointed ahead. Not far in front of them was a rectangular exit, and from the exit came a rather bright fire light. As the group conversed among themselves, they walked to the end of the tunnel. They walked out from the exit, and the environment suddenly opened up around them. They found themselves looking at a magnificent underground temple.
The s.p.a.ce was extremely wide, and the general geography had a sloping slate to the center. The surrounding gray walls were embedded with several giant bowls of fire. For some reason, all the fire bowls had embers burning in them. Curtains of water fell from higher up, and the water seemed to come from the cracks in the walls. There was an extremely long and zig-zagging bridge that cut through the temple and joined several stone cliffs together. Underneath the cliffs was a circular waterfall that seemed to flow down into the dark abyss of the earth.
Looking around, they saw two large human-shaped shapes that were placed on the two sides of the temple, and they were facing each other in a kneeling position. The faces of the statues had clear ancient civilization carving and curtains of water flowed out from their giant "mouths", right down into the waterfall below.
"Dude, that"s awesome." Cartman gasped in admiration as he looked at the scenery before him.
The four main characters shared a look, and it was Stan who said, "Alright, let"s go."
As he finished, the four walked together toward the temple.
"No." Craig"s voice came from behind the group of four. "I"m not going."
The other four were flummoxed. They stopped moving. Stan, who walked at the front with the torch, turned back to ask, "What do you mean no?"
Craig replied calmly, "I am not following you guys anymore."
"Dude, we have to go check this out," Stan pleaded.
"Why?" Craig asked.
The four once again looked at each other, and it was still Stan who replied, "Cause… That… that is just the way it is."
"Every time bad things happen, you guys end up putting yourselves deeper in the middle of it because "that"s just the way it is"," Craig mocked.
Craig replied with annoyance, "Hey! We aren"t the one on an ancient prophecy wall, b.u.t.t wipe!"
"I don"t care," Craig said. "I have decided that I am done. I am choosing not to be a part of this anymore."
Kyle asked, "How do you do that?"
"It"s easy." Craig opened both of his arms. "Watch."
Then, he turned around and started to walk away from the four main characters…
The four looked at him in shock, their expression appeared to be saying, "Does he not read the script? Why is he doing this?"
Craig was like a rare character in a horror movie. He was a person with the intellect of a normal person. Facing the unknown that might bring fatal danger, he decided to turn back. He retraced their steps and walked out from the ruin. The group of four now had to trail after him, and they yelled after him, a bit fl.u.s.tered, "Craig, dude, wait up!"
Just like that, Craig walked ahead, and the four main characters followed behind him from a safe distance. As the time went by, they slowly walked out from the deep jungle, and under the moonlight, they crossed a bare plain, a gra.s.sland, a lake…
Along the way, the four main characters would pipe up occasionally.
"Dude, Craig, we should go back now!"
"Hey, look there is something here!"
But Craig always replied in his calm and firm tone.
"No."
"Nope."
After a few hours, Cartman finally could not hold it in anymore. "Dude, this is boring. This is just a bunch of walking around!"
Craig was still unfazed and replied, "Yup, nice and boring, just the way I like it."
…
Two hours ago, at the rooftop of the shopping mall…
"Ok, now, me, Sharon, Sh.e.l.ly, and Mr. Beep have all gotten up to the roof of the shopping mall." Randy aimed his video camera at his wife and daughter. "We managed to escape through the streets to reach this place. We even ran into the Stotch family here."
He turned the camera and pointed at the three other escapees huddling at the top of the roof. The Stotch family consisted of a family of three. The father Stephen was a closeted h.o.m.os.e.xual[1]. The mother, Linda, was a woman who had a penchant to cry and have mental breakdowns[2]. The son, b.u.t.ters, was a potential bis.e.xual, but at the same time, the boy was extremely naïve, likable, and gullible. Other than the four main characters, b.u.t.ters was one of the few child characters who had importance in South Park. He was featured in quite a lot of episodes, and his personality and character were slowly filled up and explained as the seasons progressed. In fact, he had gained quite a big popularity outside of the show.
"This is Stephen, Linda, and their son, b.u.t.ters," Randy said as he operated the video camera.
b.u.t.ters waved his hands uncertainly and shook his hands rather nervously at the camera, saying, "h.e.l.lo."
At that moment, Feng Bujue was leaning alone against one of the walls and was busy st.i.tching up the wounds that had torn open.
Earlier, when he forced himself to push and toss two adults and a child while leaping up more than ten meters high into the air, the wound had opened and worsened. Now that he thought back to it, the fleeting moment of lamentation that he felt when he was falling through the air could be attributed to the extreme blood loss.
"What should we do next, Mr. Beep?" After finis.h.i.+ng his shot of the family, Randy ran back to Feng Bujue"s side. Feng Bujue really felt like ignoring this man and even thought about murdering him. After all, he had already completed the side quest, and the system did not have a rule that prevented him from killing the NPCs in the scenario. But after he calmed down and gave it some serious thought, Feng Bujue realized it was not a good idea to kill one of the main characters in this world. The chain effect that it might cause would be incalculable. Therefore, Brother Jue ultimately chose a solution that would require him to work together with the other NPCs.
"If my memory serves me right… you know how to play a guitar, don"t you?" Feng Bujue suddenly tossed out this random question.
"Ah? Hmm… Yes, I do know how to play a guitar," Randy answered. "But why would you want to know that?"
"Very good," Feng Bujue replied, but that was not an answer to the man"s question. Actually, Brother Jue merely wanted some confirmation. He had quite a deep impression of Randy as a character. He remembered that when he was young, he was part of a choir and was scouted by a record company to be a member of a boy band. The group was called The Ghetto Avenue Boys. It is a fictional boy band Randy Marsh joined in the 1980s. Randy joined the group when he was 18, and one year later, when the record company said that they were too old to be a boy band, the record studio had them replaced with the Avenue Ghetto Street Boys. Their big hit song was called "You Got It, Girl". In the guitar hero episode, he used the electric guitar to play the song "Carry on, My Wayward Son". He had also spent some time singing at the bar. In any case, at least Randy knew how to play an instrument, could hold a tune, and knew how to dance. He might be a middle-aged uncle with crazy schemes, but compared to those who had spent just months learning the guitar, were only good at Karaoke, and did not even know how to read the musical scripts, he was much saner.
"Who here knows how to play a pan flute?" Feng Bujue asked.
"Erm… I know how to play the harmonica," Stephen answered. "But why would you want to know that, Mr. Beep?"
"That"s good enough. I believe you"re the man for the job," Feng Bujue answered and then turned to b.u.t.ters. "b.u.t.ters, you know how to play the drums right?"
b.u.t.ters was an honest child, so he nodded. "Yes, sir, but I am not that good at it."
"It"s okay. It"ll be fine." Feng Bujue groaned through his pain. "Hmm… Personally, I think I can work some magic with maracas. Then… That is perfect, the four of us are just enough to form a Peruvian Flute Band."
"Peruvian Flute Bands?" Randy asked. "You mean those pan flute bands who have been rounded up and quarantined by the government?"
"Yes, tsk… ah." Due to his distraction to answer the question, Feng Bujue"s hand that held the needle accidentally pierced the wound. As he pulled out the needle, he explained, "The weakness of these guinea pigs is the pan flute music. As long as we can find the instrument, we can use the music to chase them away."
"What? How is that possible?" Stephen said with doubt.
"Hah… I really didn"t expect to hear "how is that possible" from you guys." Feng Bujue scoffed. "When you were invaded by the horde of homeless[3]. The episode is also a satire and commentary on how homeless people are often seen as "degenerates to society".) and were trapped here, why didn"t you consider the rationality behind the whole situation?"
"That was different." Stephen shrugged.
"Homeless, hippies, lobster humans, migrants from the future… And I thought you people would be used to large scale invasions by strange creatures already," Feng Bujue said.
"Erm… Mr. Beep, you seem to know a lot about what has happened to our small town. Are you one of the locals?" Sharon asked.
"I"m a superhero, so naturally, I know these things." Feng Bujue gave a random answer. "Jesus and Santa Claus are my buddies, and they are great at gathering news, so I am clued in to what happens around this place."
The group all nodded as if finally understanding. While they spoke, Feng Bujue had finished bandaging the wound and once again neutralized the bleeding status. He glanced at the game menu. Currently, his Life Points were at a dangerous level of twenty-four percent, and his Stamina Points were only at 563/2900. Considering the Life Points Recovery Potion that he had just consumed not that long ago and the lessening effect from close consumption of potion, he decided to drag this out for as long as he could. He would not touch the second potion until the moment it was necessary.
"Er… I must be careful with everything that I will do next. Even though Flying Dragon Fist has gone back on cooldown, I would not have the Stamina Points to activate it for a third time anyway," Feng Bujue murmured in his mind. He sighed heavily and put away the medical item. He then stood up. "Then… who knows where the instruments are stored inside the shopping mall?"
"They"re on the northern west side of the fourth floor, close to the library," Linda answered.
"Okay, let me explain the current situation to all of you," Feng Bujue said. "Ladies, gentlemen, and… kids, as you can see, the giant monsters that are invading the city are extremely powerful and conventional weapons will not work on them.
"Based on my understanding, they are only afraid of one thing, and that is the pan flute music. Since all the Peruvian Flute Bands" CDs that were sold on the market have been confiscated by the government… to chase these monsters away, we will have to play the music ourselves."
"But I have to operate this video camera. I don"t have a free hand to play the guitar." Randy once again gave a ridiculous excuse in a matter of fact tone.
"Randy!" Sharon shouted at her husband. "Can"t you see what"s more important?"
"It"s fine, Mrs. Marsh," Feng Bujue said lightly before turning to look at Randy. "You can go and get a bandana and tie the video camera to your forehead. That way, it won"t ruin your shot, and at the same time, you can play the instrument."
That was the darker side of Feng Bujue. He had no thought of reminding Randy… that there was no tape inside the rolling video camera.
"Oh, that is such a bright idea!" Randy replied happily.
"Then, guys, follow me," Feng Bujue said as he walked toward the door that led downstairs. "Once we get the instruments, we will be safe. We"d better get a move on before those monsters rush in here."
…
At the ruins of Machu Picchu, Peru…
This place was known as the Lost City of the Incan Empire. It was situated between the oldest mountain and youngest mountain of the Andes, built on the narrow ridge.
It was night, and lighting clouds covered the sky. A helicopter descended on this ancient mountain ridge. Two American soldiers in full military gear walked out from the helicopter, and following behind them were three men dressed in black suits. The five soon reached the edge of the ruins, when the Head of Homeland Security, who had been leading way, suddenly stopped. He turned back to say, "Wait here a minute."
Then, without waiting for the reply from his underling, he walked forward alone. In front of him, between the walls of the ancient ruin, there was a rather wide field. In the middle of the field, there was an area that looked like a shrine, and at the shrine stood a very large and imposing golden statue.
The statue was about the height of three adults stacked on top of each other. From head to toe, including the base that it stood on, it was all made from pure gold[4]. The statue looked like an aging Incan man. He held a wooden baton in his right hand, and his left hand… held a pan flute.
The Head of Homeland Security took one step after another toward the statue. When he was about two meters from it, he stopped. Suddenly, he opened both of his arms and yelled at the statue, "Behold! I am standing on your precious land!"
Then he took another step closer to the statue. "I have waited a long time for this."
Then, the man pulled down the zipper of his trousers and started to pee on the statue…
As he peed, he laughed madly like a quintessential villain. "Ha… hahaha… hahaha hahaha!"
The other colleagues who stood behind the Head of Homeland Security were stumped when they saw this. They probably were all thinking, Has our superior lost his mind?
"Hahaha… What of your prophecy now! Huh?" After the Head of Homeland Security finished peeing, he shouted gloatingly at the statue, "Nothing can stop me now! Nothing!"
But just as he finished, from one of the holes in the wall of the ruins, out came five school students.
"Craig!" the Head of Homeland Security shouted angrily at this supposed "savior". "No! How did you get here?"
The four main characters who had been following behind Craig also caught up to the situation here. Cartman pointed at the Head of Homeland Security and said, "Hey! It"s that *sshole who sent us to the jungle with no one to pick us up!"
By then, the other soldiers and government officials heard the commotion and came to check what was going on. "Sir, is everything alright?"
The Head of Homeland Security took several quick steps back and pointed at the five kids and then shouted his order, "Shoot them!"
"Shoot them?" The two soldiers who held the rifles were befuddled. "But why?"
"They are a Peruvian Flute Band that has escaped," the Head of Homeland Security said. "We must keep them contained!"
Stan raised both of his hands in surrender and quickly said, "No, no, listen to me. The Peruvian Flute Bands were keeping the guinea creatures away. Whatever is happening to the world is happening because you guys got rid of all the flute bands."
The head of Homeland Security shouted over him. "I said shoot them!"
Kyle also raised his arms to shout, "Go look. It"s all an ancient Incan prophecy."
At that moment, the bunch of government soldiers and officers from the Department of Homeland Security miraculously used their brains.
One of the officers said, "Maybe we should look at it, sir."
Another soldier added, "Yes, sir, they are just kids."
The Head of Homeland Security gritted his teeth as he took two steps forward, gripping his fists in anger.
"d.a.m.n you, Craig!" he shouted. "You just don"t ever stop, do you?"
"I didn"t say anything…" Craig replied with a bland expression. He seemed as reluctant to be there as it possibly could.
[1] In "b.u.t.ters" Very Own Episode", Stephen is revealed to be bi-curious, in that he likes women, but he is seen going to a gay men"s bathhouse to perform h.o.m.os.e.xual activities.
[2] She seems to be very mentally unstable, going insane when she found out her husband is bis.e.xual and cheated on her with several gay men to the point of her attempting to kill both b.u.t.ters and herself.
[3] "Night of the Living Homeless" is episode 1107 (#160) of Comedy Central"s South Park. It was first broadcast on April 18, 2007. This episode marks the end of the first half of Season 11, which continued on October 3, 2007. The episode is rated TV-MA LV. It parodies various zombie movies, in particular George A. Romero"s Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead (including its remake), Day of the Dead and Land of the Dead, plus Return of the Living Dead (the homeless repeatedly utter "change" instead of "brains".
[4] The Incan civilization was rumored to have a very forward metallurgical technology, so theoretically speaking, they had the ability to build such a golden statue. But this statue should be fictionalized by the South Park creator, and had a parody nature to it.