Tilea’s Worries

Strictly speaking, I think there’s one combat-ready guard in each town’s guard station. Everybody else does paperwork and stuff.

In period dramas, you often get like this evil governor who forces a beautiful girl’s family into debt so that he can buy her as a de facto s.e.x slave.

Huu~ Why was meat so expensive…

I grumbled to myself as I hurried home. I bought ork meat at the marketplace, but it had risen to twice last month’s price. After adventurers hunt magic beasts it’s traded through middlemen in the marketplace, so the price needs to go up no matter what. But even accounting for that, this price increase is terrible.

d.a.m.ned adventurers. Are you doing your jobs properly?

It’s clear that if the adventurers aren’t hunting enough, the price will go up because of demand and supply.

Aah~ If only I had enough power to hunt stuff myself, I wouldn’t be troubled like this.

As I was thinking such things, I arrived back at the shop.

Mn!? For some reason it’s noisy. What’s happening?

When I went back inside, I found Dad arguing vehemently with some strange men.

Dad’s face was red from anger.

Mum was crying. Her shoulder-length hair was dishevelled, and she looked terrible.

This isn’t some small deal.

Ha-!? Where’s Timu?

I immediately scanned the room. Timu and Pervert(Nielsen) were watching from a little distance away from my parents, standing stock still.

Phew. Seems like she’s safe.

But still, who the h.e.l.l are these guys!

From what I can see, these mean-looking guys are arguing with Dad.

“Listen up. It seems like ya don’t really get it, so I’m gunna tell you once more. Right now you guys are ten million gold in debt.”

Eh-!? Daddy, is this for real!? Our family was in debt? It’s the first I’ve heard.

“D-, DON’T SPEW THIS BULLs.h.i.tT! I have no recollection of borrowing such money!”

Dad grabbed the man’s collar and argued back. Yeah, that’s right. Honestly, I can’t even imagine Dad being in debt.

“Didn’t I say? That Bizef dude in this town borrowed money from us using your shop as collateral.”

“As if something so stupid could happen!”

“Look at the contract. It’s recorded right here, ain’t it? Or what? You going to renege on this contract? That’s the same as rebelling against the royal family, yanno!”

“Wha-!? B-, b.a.s.t.a.r.d. s.h.i.t. I can’t imagine that Bizef-san would… B-, But there’s no way that he’d borrow ten million gold.”

“Our interest is higher than most. 10% every 10 days. Course ya gotta pay the interest when you take out a loan!”

“T-, That can’t be…”

“For now I’ll be taking this store. Heh. You keep it pretty tidy. Ain’t this a nice house to live in? I’ve taken quite a liking to it.”

As the man talked with excitement, he noticed me and turned a vulgar smile my way.

Ueh~ Don’t look at me your filthy eyes! I’m getting gooseb.u.mps, d.a.m.nit!

I unhappily glared back at the man. He was probably in his early fifties with a balding head, and that stink peculiar to middle-aged men. Only, his body was well-built, and he might have been a former adventurer or something.

“Ohh~? Looks like you’ve got yet another beauty for a daughter. That other girl over there is a bit on the small side, but this one’s just ripe. I’m fine with taking this one instead of some money, yanno?”

The man’s mouth curved into a slovenly smile. with that vulgar smile still plastered onto his face, he started to come near me.

T-, This might be bad…

“DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, YOU b.a.s.t.a.r.dDDD!”

“Oh? You want to settle this with violence? That’s fine. I don’t hate that.”

Dad tried to hit him in rage, but instead he got his arm twisted. Dad screamed as his arm was bent.

“GUWAHH!”

“Dad!”

“He he. I’m gunna break this arm of yours.”

“Stop it! I-, I’ve already called the guard.”

I immediately bluffed. It seems like these guys are used to violence, but they shouldn’t be stupid enough to lay their hands on the guards.

All that’s left is to pray that they believe me.

“Guard, huh~ Well, I’m sure it’s a lie, but I’ll believe the little miss and pull back for today.”

With that, the man let go of Dad’s arm, and violently thrust him away. Dad went flying, and crashed into a table.

“Guhah-! Y-, You b.a.s.t.a.r.ddd!”

“You have one week! If you don’t pay me by then, I’ll be helping myself to your shop and your daughter.”

Leaving a sharp parting remark, the men left the shop, smirking all the while.

“Dad, Mum.”

I rushed over to my drooping parents. Dad had been roughed up by those men and was bruised here and there. Mum’s eyes were swollen from crying, and though she didn’t seem to be hurt, I’m sure her emotional shock was immeasurable.

“Tilea, I’m sorry. That’s how it is, so your father and I might be selling the shop.”

“EHHH!? But why? That’s just a false accusation! It’s not right!”

“Those men seem to be moneylenders from the capital… their methods are terribly cunning. I saw the contract, but all of the debt was on us.”

“That can’t be… What did Bizef-san say about this?”

“He seemed to be haggard, and locked himself in his house, so…”

Ha-? What the f.u.c.k is that Loser(Bizef) doing? So you really did take all this money. Honestly, if you’re going to hole yourself up in your house, then don’t borrow the money! To begin with, why did he even want this much money? ――Wai-, huh? Could this be my fault?

Speaking of which, when he brought the goth loli outfit the other day, I think he did say something about being troubled for money…

Eh-!? B-, But, but, I never forced him, you know? Loser(Bizef) destroyed himself on his own. He’s in the wrong for borrowing money from somewhere dangerous.

Anyway, what do we do about the shop’s debt?

Honestly, if something happened to me like in the period dramas…

Unless we find a plan to push past this, those guys are definitely going to come again. I’m sure the next time when it’s past the deadline, they’ll even use force.

And if that happens, as the payment for this debt, I’ll be…

Hiii――! Just thinking about it is making me shake.

“H-, Hey. At this rate, am I going to be sold as payment?”

“Of course that won’t happen! Leave it to Dad!”

I’m happy that you feel that way, Dad. But it’s impossible. Dad is a chef to the core, so he’s no match for those wiley moneylenders.

Alright. It’s my turn to shine. Daddy, leave it to me. Don’t make light of me just because I’m a town girl!

Although I look like this, I played 『Jace Attorney』 to death, and completely drowned myself in the manga 『Emperor of Minami』 so I have no blind spots. I’ll see through any blind spots in the contract, and even damage their business back!

Idiots. I object! AHHAHAHAHA!

“Dad, leave this to me. I’ll do something about it.”

“What the h.e.l.l are you saying, idiot!”

“Tilea, you absolutely can’t do anything dangerous! These men aren’t simple moneylenders! The rumours have it that they’re linked to a bandit group!”

“R-, Really?”

Seeing how meek my parents were being, I gulped.

Apparently these guys were a bandit group that did anything from thievery to downright murder. According to the rumours, that boss-looking man was called Jacoh, and was both a B-ranked adventurer and apparently quite a villain behind the scenes. Recalling his face, he really does seem like the boss of some mountain bandit group.

Hearing this unexpected information from my parents caused me to pale, and they told me they were going to discuss the issue with the other villagers before leaving.

It was just me, Timu and Pervert(Nielsen) left over. Anyway, Timu’s safe, and that’s what matters most. I ran over to Timu and spoke to her.

“Timu, were you okay?”

“Please be at ease, Oneesama. The strategy is still in effect. However, today was the first time I have been this angry. In particular, when they slighted you Oneesama, I wished to blow them away, shop and all.”

“I-, I see. You did well to endure it. Well done.”

Because of the chuunibyou she’s acting confident, but I’ll best she’s scared inside. I stroked her head to console her, and I didn’t forget to speak to Pervert(Nielsen) either.

“You also did well enduring it, Niel.”

Honestly, this guy is a mad dog that bites at anybody, so I was pretty worried.

“Milady. Both Camilla-sama and I endured with the same feelings. Also, it would not do to dirty your precious store with their blood after all.”

“Y-, Yeah…”

Honestly… I can’t even tsukkomi anymore.

It’s at times like these that chuunibyou is terrifying. No matter what kind of villain they might be facing off with, they’re filled to the bone with confidence.

“Oneesama, they have left the store. This is our chance. If we end them with a nocturnal raid, our information will not be leaked.”

“Please leave this to me, Tilea-sama. Their disrespect cannot be forgiven. I will have them taste all the suffering that a human body can suffer, and torment them to the point that they beg for death themselves!”

Pervert(Nielsen) left some extreme words before trying to leave the store.

Oh c.r.a.p. This isn’t a bluff. I can sense that rampaging unique to chuunibyous.

“S-, Stop! You don’t have to go. Just your feelings are plenty.”

“Yes Milady.”

Pervert(Nielsen) gave some vague reply. Even if it’s Pervert(Nielsen) doesn’t mean I can let him waste his life. If I don’t stop him, he really will head to those yakuza dudes. Chuunibyou really is terrifying.

Now that I’ve finished dealing with Nielsen, let’s head back into the main topic.

What do I do?

Even if I went to find a problem with the contract, I’d want somebody to come with me.

Loser(Bizef) is in the middle of holing up, so he’s a no. Well, even if I forcefully brought him along, he’s still the type that would faint with just a delinquent or dokyun. If I brought him to the real thing, he’d just faint in the end.

Then do I bring Pervert(Nielsen)?

No, that’s rejected too. Pervert(Nielsen) is too weak as well. Far from being 1hko’d, just their bloodl.u.s.t alone would probably kill him from shock.

Well then, Timu…

Whoa, whoa, whoa, just thinking about it is terrifying. There’s no way I could bring Timu to that den of Usojima-kuns. Absolutely not!

Hahh~ I considered various things, but in the end I was at a loss as to who to bring with me. Can’t be helped. Shall I go by myself…?

“For now, just leave it to me. I’ll go deal with them alone. Timu, Niel, you two wait at the shop.”

“Are you going yourself, Tilea-sama? I do not believe that garbage of their level is worthy of dirtying your own hands, but…”

“Nielsen, I am certain Oneesama has some reason behind it.”

“That’s right. It’s what I’ve concluded after some thinking. You two make sure to watch the shop properly, okay?”

“Milady. Your concern is unnecessary.”

“Oneesama, please leave the shop to us during your absence.”

Leaving the shop to the two of them, I decided to march alone into the stronghold of those Loanshark Usojima-kuns.

Uu~ It’s scary.

Putting power into my trembling legs, I hurried to their base.

But while I was on my way there, I suddenly had a thought.

Hang on.

Thinking about it carefully, this world basically has no laws. As the ones with overwhelming power, those guys basically are the law. If I pointed out some flaw in the contract, those guys would just get angry at me, and that would be the end.

In that case, do I show them my power?

That won’t do either. Even if I defeated dokyun, in the end they were just amateurs; nothing but your average delinquents. That’s why I was able to use a strategy to punish them. But this time, I’m heading into the headquarters of the real thing. No matter what kind of little tricks I use, I’ll just be easily defeated.

Haha, no matter how I think about it, it’s checkmate.

Mum and Dad said they would speak to the other villagers, but that won’t get us anywhere. I stopped my running legs, and crouched on the spot.

It can’t be helped. All we can do now is close up shop, and make a run for it during the night. Aah~ It’ll be goodbye to this familiar town as well. I collapsed to my knees listlessly and began to cry.

“What are you doing in a place like this?”

“Heh?”

“Ooh~ You were Tilea, weren’t you. Thanks for the information earlier. You were right. There were suspicious characters in the Capital.”

When I turned my head to see who was speaking, I found a beautiful elf. With a black blade, she stood there gallantly.

“Ah-, ah-, ah-…”

“It’s been a while. Have you forgotten me? I’m Remilia.”

“R-, Remieamon, use your toool――!”

Paying no heed to my appearance, I hugged Remilia-san. Aah, to think I would meet with Remilia-san during my despair… She truly is my saviour.

“O-, Oi. Didn’t I tell you not to hug me! Won’t you let go! Mu-!? Strong as ever, aren’t you.”

“Wahhhhhhh, please save me. I don’t know what to do!”

“EEI! I get it, I get it. I’ll listen to you, so let go!”

After letting go of her, I began to explain what happened so far.

Because of villains, a tragedy befell my happy family. They were just like those evil governors that appealed in period dramas.

“In other words, you’re being targeted by some evil moneylenders, and you want me to save you.”

“Yes.”

“Sorry, but I don’t have the time. I’m here in order to scout for the Demon King Army. This area is suspicious after all.”

It’s exactly wild tales about the Demon King Army that you shouldn’t have time for. Even right this moment my family is at risk of breaking up.

“Please. I don’t have anybody to rely on but you.”

“What about the guard in this town? Rely on him!”

“About that, you see, he’s a completely useless guy. He’s weak enough that he was beaten by the delinquents in town.”

“Ha-? A guy like that is a guard?”

Remilia-san was astounded. Mn, I know how she feels. Why is a loser like that our Guard Captain…?

“You might not believe it, but it’s the truth.”

“…As I recall, the Guard Captain here was supposed to be a C-rank ex-adventurer, but…”

“About that, it’s just a t.i.tle. I’m sure he just got lucky.”

“No, rankings aren’t so easy that you can get them with luck. Even more so if it’s C-rank.”

“Then that C-rank must be fake then. I’m sure he forged it.”

“Impossible. Forging a rank is the most stupid thing you could do. It wouldn’t end with just the guild after you. It’s serious enough an offence that even an arrest warrant from the Capital would be put out!”

“Is that how it is? Either way, right now the Guard Captain is hiding inside his house and isn’t being of any use at all. Whatever is fine, so please help.”

I desperately lowered my head in a bow. There’s no one left but Remilia-san. The only saviour who can help my family is you, Remilia-san.

“I’m sorry, but this is a threat that endangers the world. I don’t have the time to deal with a small issue like this.”

Remilia-san rejected me. Her disgusted expression was probably because she sympathised with my plight a little. I guess there’s no choice but to push a little more.

“Aah, so I’m being abandoned. Even though I heard that Remilia-san was a descendant of a hero…”

“Mumumu!”

“What mumumu! Even though you’re abandoning a civilian, can you still call yourself a hero?”

“H-, However.”

“Aah, my poor Timu. I’m sure after fleeing in the night, we’ll die on the roadside in some unknown town~…”

I moistened my eyes, and made an appeal to her. Remilia-san, a citizen is in peril. Don’t you have any pride as a hero!

“Huu, no choice. Guide me to them. In exchange, if you hear any information on the Demon King Army, I’ll have you report to me in detail.”

“I understand. Thank you very much!”

We’re saved. I somehow managed to gain Remilia-san’s cooperation. With this I can relax. I guided Remilia-san the stronghold of the Usojima-kuns.

And then… we arrived.

There was a deep moat around it, and barbed wire. The barbed wire even had traces of blood. Uu, just the look of this place seems to be the lair of some dangerous bandits. Honestly, it’s completely a fantasy world version of a yakuza office. I’m a bit late in thinking this, but thank goodness Remilia-san is with me. It would be impossible for me to come to a place like this alone.

Even looking at this abnormal stronghold, Remilia-san wasn’t perturbed in the slightest. How reliable. Huhu, with Remilia-san as my backer, there’s nothing left to be afraid of. All that’s left is to make use of this tongue of mine and eloquently cancel off the debt.

“Anyway, we’re in huge debt because of that contract. But it was something they forcefully invented, so there should be a contradiction somewhere.”

“I see.”

Alright. I need to somehow find that contradiction and criticise them. I have Remilia-san behind me. They won’t flip out and attack me.

“Ah-, Remilia-san, it’s this place. For now, I’ll go inside and――”

“YOU VILLAINSS――!”

SO YOU THINK LIKE A YAKUZA TOOOO!?

Remilia opened the door, went inside, and then started beating the c.r.a.p out of the Usojima-kuns inside.

Aah, aah, these guys are getting beaten to a pulp without any idea of what’s going on. They’re getting beaten down without even a chance to argue back. What if she just swallowed some of my lies, and I was a villainess? What if these guys were just your normal law-abiding citizens…?

Even like this, Remilia-san is a descendent of a hero――no, I suppose this is right in a way. Walking into somebody’s house like it’s their own, breaking a vase, and then walking off with the contents. And then in the name of justice, bringing down the sword of judgement no matter how weak a monster it might be.

Remilia-san, you’re the spitting image of a hero.

The Usojima-kuns noticed the attack and began to defend, but they were no match for Remilia-san. As expected of a person who’s both an S-ranked adventurer, as well as the descendant of a hero. It’s a completely one-sided game.

Remilia-san seemed to be searching for our contract, and while beating up the Usojima-kuns, she started “Is it this? Is this paper it?”.

Honestly, I was like an idiot for thinking about finding a flaw in the contract. What we’re doing is the spitting image of a Yakuza.

No good, no good. What am I thinking about. No matter what method this might be, Remilia-san is saving our family. I need to be grateful.

After this and that happened, Remilia-san showed me a certain contract.

“This?”

“Ah~ Remilia-san, that’s the one.”

Remilia-san finally found out debt contract. She then tore it to pieces.

“Ah-! b.i.t.c.h, what the f.u.c.k are you doing!”

“Quiet down!”

Remilia-san twisted Jacoh’s arm. With an expression of suffering from his arm being twisted to the limit, he occasionally let out moans of pain.

Serves you d.a.m.n right! This is your punishment for being violent with dad. I want him to learn even a little bit of others’ pain.

Remilia-san further twisted it with enough force to break his arm.

“IT HURTS! Owowowow. b.i.t.c.h! OI! f.u.c.kEN LET GO!”

“Silence. Die, villain!”

While Remilia-san continued to twist Jacoh’s arm, she drew her sword. And then with that sharp-looking black blade, she thrust at Jacoh’s throat――

“UWAHH! Stop! Stop! Remilia-san, killing him would be bad.”

“Why did you stop me? Isn’t he a villain?”

“No, I mean he is, but still, killing is…”

“Tilea, if I don’t kill him now, he’ll continue to prey on the weak, you know.”

It’s exactly as she says. But as somebody raised in the peaceful j.a.pan, it’s too much stimulation for me. As long as there isn’t a debt anymore, I’m fine.

“It’s fine. We’ll leave them up to the guards.”

“I see.”

Remilia-san sheathed her sword.

Phew~ Have I gotten her to hold back somehow?

Jacoh and the others were being taken away. Our debt was gone, and the shop was back to normal.
I really owe Remilia-san a lot. I definitely want to give her some information on the Demon King Army to pay her back.

But information…? How do I tell her something that I don’t have?

As you’d expect, information on the Evil G.o.d Army would be no good, huh.

『Emperor of Minami』
『Jace Attorney』
In j.a.panese, Ace Attorney is known as Turnabout Trial, or 『Gyakuten Saiban』. Here, it’s 『Gyaku ‘tin’ Saiban』, so basically one of the kanji is replaced with nonsense that sounds a bit similar.

“R-, Remieamon, use your toool――!”
Catchphrase from Doraemon.
Should be “Doraemon, use your tool!”

“Loan Shark Usojima-kun”
Parody of Loan Shark Ushijima-kun