"Okay, I did. You win the argument. But it"s silly to talk about checking every day for year after year indefinitely. I"ve never seen the prison I couldn"t escape from in less than a year -and I"ve been in quite a number. Maybe I should cancel the whole caper-no, no, I won"t argue it! Now about time markers, if something forces you to recalibrate: Simple enough to ground and find out the exact Gregorian date . . but that"s exactly what I don"t don"t want you to do . . because neither of you has any experience in coping with strange cultures-and you would get in trouble and I wouldn"t be around to get you out." want you to do . . because neither of you has any experience in coping with strange cultures-and you would get in trouble and I wouldn"t be around to get you out."
"Brother, do you think we are that stupid?"
"No, Laz, I do not not think you are stupid. You each have exactly the brain potential I started with-and I"m not stupid or I would not have lived so long. Furthermore, you each have enormously better educations than I had at your age. But, darlings, these are the think you are stupid. You each have exactly the brain potential I started with-and I"m not stupid or I would not have lived so long. Furthermore, you each have enormously better educations than I had at your age. But, darlings, these are the Dark Ages Dark Ages we"re talking about. You two have been brought up to expect rational treatment . . which you wouldn"t receive. I don"t dare let you put foot to ground in that era, even with me at your side, until after I have coached you endlessly in how to be consistently irrational in what you do and say. Truly." we"re talking about. You two have been brought up to expect rational treatment . . which you wouldn"t receive. I don"t dare let you put foot to ground in that era, even with me at your side, until after I have coached you endlessly in how to be consistently irrational in what you do and say. Truly."
Lazarus continued, "Never mind, you have two ways to read the clock from s.p.a.ce. One is the Libby method, tedious but workable, by reading positions of the Solar System"s planets. The trouble with that one is that, unless you spend one devilish long time on difficult observations, you can mistake a configuration for one almost like it-but several thousand years earlier or later.
"So we use what time marks we can find on the surface of Terra herself. The radioactive dating of that impact crater is probably close-but in any case, if the crater is missing, you"re too early by some centuries. The dates for the building of the Great Wall of China are quite good, same for the Egyptian pyramids. The dates for the Suez Ca.n.a.l and the Panama Ca.n.a.l are exact-so, unfortunately, is the date of the destruction of Europe-but don"t try to watch it! Keep your screens up and get out fast; that is a year when a strange s.p.a.ceship would be shot out of the sky if you were careless enough to be vulnerable. In fact, if any time marker on this list shows that you are later than 1940 Gregorian, get out at once!-and shoot for an earlier date.
"That"s enough for now; it"s getting toward bedtime by my sort of time, irrelevant though it may be to anything outside this ship. I want you to study all this stuff until you can recite it in your sleep, dates and what you look for and how to find it-even if you don"t have a Terra globe to look at. Anybody think she can beat me at crib? Don"t all speak at once."
"I can," said Dora, "if you promise not to cheat on the shuffle."
"Later, Dora," said Captain Lorelei. "Now we tell him."
"Oh! All right, I"ll be very quiet."
"Tell me what?" what?" demanded Lazarus. demanded Lazarus.
"That it"s time for you to impregnate us . . Lazarus."
"Both of us," agreed Lapis Lazuli.
Lazarus counted ten chimpanzees in his mind-then ten more. "Absolutely out of the question!" "Absolutely out of the question!"
They glanced at each other. Lorelei said: "We knew you would say that-"
"-but the only question is whether you do it sweet and friendlylike-"
"-or we tell Ish you said No and she does it for us-your sperm-from the sperm bank-"
"-but we"d be much happier if our beloved brother, who has always been good to us-"
"-but is now going to go get his a.s.s shot off in the Dark Ages-"
"-were to drop his silly prejudices just once- just once-"
"-and treat us as biologically mature females-"
"-instead of the children we used to be-"
"-Ira and Galahad and Justin don"t treat us as children-"
"-but you you do and it"s not just humiliating; it"s downright heartbreaking when we may never see you again-" do and it"s not just humiliating; it"s downright heartbreaking when we may never see you again-"
"-when you didn"t make any real fuss about knocking up Minerva-"
"-not to mention Tammy and Hamadarling and Ish-"
"Stop it!"
They stopped.
"I concede a remote possibility with respect to three of them, although mathematically most unlikely."
Lorelei said quietly, "Mathematically extremely likely, Lazarus, because we were all in on it. Justin and Ira and Galahad hung back at the right times just the way they insured that Minerva"s first baby was Ira"s and Tammy"s first was Justin"s. But if it did not work out-for any one of four four, not "three"-then Ishtar will correct it from the sperm bank."
"I"m not in in the sperm bank!" the sperm bank!"
The girls exchanged glances. Lapis Lazuli said, "Want to bet?"
The computer said, "It"s a sucker bet, Buddy."
Lazarus looked thoughtful. "Unless Ishtar tricked me almost twenty years back. When I was her rejuve client."
Lorelei said quietly, "I suppose she could have, Lazarus. But she did not, that I know of-and this is fresh sperm. Frozen not more than a year ago, any of it. After the day you announced a date for this trip."
"Impossible."
"Better not say "Impossible." What is the perfect container for keeping sperm fresh and alive until a technician can bank it?"
Lazarus looked very thoughtful. "Well . . I"ll . . be . . d.a.m.ned! d.a.m.ned!"
"Correct, Brother. Place a woman around it. You were being oh so careful to pick your bedmates by their cycles so that you wouldn"t leave any babies behind . . and they were being oh so careful to see Ish or Galahad as soon as you fell asleep . . as well as fudging calendars, too. The point is, beloved brother of ours, you don"t own your genes-n.o.body does. We"ve heard you say so, in discussing how Minerva was constructed. Genes belong to the race race; they"re simply lent to the individual for his-her lifetime. And all all of us-knowing you were going to try this reckless thing-decided that, while you were free to throw away your life, you weren"t free to waste a unique gene pattern." of us-knowing you were going to try this reckless thing-decided that, while you were free to throw away your life, you weren"t free to waste a unique gene pattern."
Lazarus changed the subject. "Why do you say "four"?"
Lorelei answered, "Brother, are you ashamed of Minerva? I do not believe it. Nor does Laz."
"Uh-No, I"m not ashamed of her, I"m proud of her! d.a.m.n it, you two have always been able to get me mixed up. I simply did not know that she had told anyone. I have not."
The other twin said, "Who would she turn to but us?"
"You mean "To whom would she turn." "
"d.a.m.n it, Brother, this is a h.e.l.l of a time to be correcting our grammar! Minerva turned to us for advice-and comfort! -because we"re in the same difficult position with respect to you that she is. That she was was, I mean, for she came out of the bushes looking as smug as a cat. You made her happy-"
"-when she had been crying her eyes out-"
"-and she"ll stay happy now, even if she missed catching-"
"-because once is enough for a symbol and if she missed-"
"Ish will fix it-"
"-and of course we knew about it when you finally quit dithering and did what you should have done for her years ago-"
"-because we helped rig it so that she could get you alone and twist your arm-"
"-and told her that if tears weren"t enough, to chuck in some chin quivering-"
"-and it worked and she"s happy-"
"-but we"re we"re not so d.a.m.ned happy, not at all, but we won"t cry at you-" not so d.a.m.ned happy, not at all, but we won"t cry at you-"
"-or quiver our chins; that"s childish. If you won"t do it simply because you love us-"
"-then the h.e.l.l with it and we probably won"t even fall back on the sperm bank. Instead-"
"-it might be better to have Ish sterilize us-"
"-permanently-not just offset fertility temporarily-"
"-and quit being females, since we"re failures at it-"
"STOP IT! If you"re not going to cry at me, what are all those tears for?" If you"re not going to cry at me, what are all those tears for?"
Lapis Lazuli said with quiet dignity, "Those aren"t weeping tears, Brother; they come from sheer exasperation. Come on, Lor; we"ve swung and we"ve missed-let"s go to bed."
"Coming, Sister."
"If the Commodore will excuse us?"
"He d.a.m.n well won"t! Sit back down. Girls, can we talk about this quietly without you two whipsawing me?"
The two young women sat back down. Captain Lorelei glanced at her sister and said, "Laz agrees that I will speak for us both. No whipsawing."
Lazarus said thoughtfully, "Do you two run your brains in tandem or in parallel?"
"We . . do not think that is relevant to the discussion."
"Just scientific interest. If you could teach me how to do it, we three might make quite a team."
"That can be only conjectural, Lazarus . . since you reject us."
"d.a.m.n it, girls-I have not rejected you, I will never never reject you." reject you."
They said nothing; he went on, uncomfortably: "There are two aspects to this; one is genetic, the other is emotional. Genetic-We three are a weird case; male and female, yet quasi-identicals. More than quasi-forty-five forty-sixths to be exact. Which makes the probability of bad reinforcement far greater than it is for ordinary siblings. But besides that, we are Howards only by courtesy, as our genes have not undergone some twenty-four centuries of systematic culling. I"m so close to the head of the column that there was no culling at all; my four grandparents were among the first selectees, so when I was born in Gregorian 1912, I had behind me no inbreeding, no culling out, no cleaning of the gene pool. And you dears are in the same predicament as even that forty-sixth chromosome comes from me, since it replicates my forty-fifth. Yet you two seem willing to accept this high risk of reinforcement."
He paused. There was no comment. He shrugged and went on: "The emotional objection comes only from me; you two don"t seem to have it . . reasonable, I suppose, since the concept it is based on-from the Old Testament-has been replaced by the concept of following the advice of Families" geneticists. I"m not arguing with the wisdom of that; I agree with it-since they say No to a couple of unrelated strangers just as readily as to siblings if the gene charts give "No" as the answer. But I was talking about feelings, not science. I don"t suppose any but scholars read the Old Testament anymore, but the culture I was brought up in was soaked soaked in its att.i.tudes-"Bible Belt," you"ve heard me call it that. Girls, it is hard to shake off any taboos a child is indoctrinated with in his earliest years. Even if he learns later that they are nonsense. in its att.i.tudes-"Bible Belt," you"ve heard me call it that. Girls, it is hard to shake off any taboos a child is indoctrinated with in his earliest years. Even if he learns later that they are nonsense.
"I tried to do better with you two. I"ve had time enough to sort out my taboos and my prejudices from what I really know, and I tried-I tried very hard!-not to inflict on you two any of the irrational nonsense that was fed to me under the pretext of "educating" me. "Apparently I succeeded, or we would never have reached this impa.s.se. But there it is-You two are modern young women . . but, though we share the same genes, I am an old savage from a very murky time." He sighed. "I"m sorry."
Lorelei looked at her sister; they both stood up. "Sir, may we be excused?"
"Huh? No reb.u.t.tal?"
"Sir, an emotional argument permits no refutation. As for the rest, why should we weary you with arguments when your mind is made up?"
"Well . . perhaps you"re right. But you listened courteously to me. I want to pay you the same respect."
"It is not necessary, sir." Her eyes and those of her sister were welling with tears; they ignored them. "We are sure of your respect, and-in your way-of your love. May we go?"
Before Lazarus could answer, the computer spoke up: "Hey! I want a piece of this!"
"Dora!" Lorelei rebuked.
"Don"t give me that, Lor. I"m not going to stay politely quiet while my family make fools of themselves. Buddy Boy, Lor didn"t tell you about the whammy they considered pulling on you-and that I I still can. And still can. And will will!"
"Dora, we don"t want want that sort of help. Laz and I agreed on that." that sort of help. Laz and I agreed on that."
"So you did. But you didn"t ask me me to vote on it. And I"m no lady and never was. Buddy Ol" Boy, you know it makes no difference to me who does what to whom; I couldn"t care less-except that it"s so funny to hear"em squeal and grunt. But you"re being to vote on it. And I"m no lady and never was. Buddy Ol" Boy, you know it makes no difference to me who does what to whom; I couldn"t care less-except that it"s so funny to hear"em squeal and grunt. But you"re being mean mean to my sisters. Lor and Laz talked over the fact that you can"t make this trip without their help . . and they rejected that gambit as being beneath their dignity or some such twaddle. But to my sisters. Lor and Laz talked over the fact that you can"t make this trip without their help . . and they rejected that gambit as being beneath their dignity or some such twaddle. But I I don"t have any dignity. Without don"t have any dignity. Without my my help help n.o.body n.o.body makes a time trip. Shucks, if I go on strike, makes a time trip. Shucks, if I go on strike, you can"t even get back to Tertius. you can"t even get back to Tertius. Now can you?" Now can you?"
Lazarus looked wryly surprised, then grinned. "Mutiny again. Dorable, I concede your point; you can keep us out here-wherever "here" is-until we starve. I suspected centuries back that a flesh-and-blood might someday find himself in just such a helpless position. But, dear, I won"t let your threats affect my decision. You can keep me from time-tripping -but I doubt if you will let Lor and Laz starve. You"ll take them home."
"Oh, h.e.l.l, Pappy-you"re being mean again. You"re a real whirling son of b.i.t.c.h! Do you know it?"
"Guilty on both counts, Dora," Lazarus admitted.
"And Lor and Laz are being stupidly bullheaded. Lor, he politely offered you a chance to speak your piece . . and you turned him down. Stubborn b.i.t.c.h."
"Dora, behave yourself."
"Whuffor? When you three don"t. Blow your noses and sit down and give Buddy the straight tell. He"s ent.i.tled to it."
"Perhaps you had better," Lazarus said gently. "Sit down, girls, and talk with me. Dora? Keep her steady between the hawsepipes, baby girl-and we"ll get her into port yet."
"Aye, aye, Commodore! But you get those two silly b.i.t.c.hes straightened out. Huh?
"I"ll try. Who"s the spokesman this time? Laz?"
"It doesn"t matter," answered Lapis Lazuli. "I"ll talk for us. Don"t worry about Dora. When she realizes that we are content to accept your decision, she"ll stop being difficult."
"Oh, you think so, do you? Shape up, Laz-or we"ll be back in Boondock faster than you can say "Libby pseudoinfinities.""
"Please, Dora, let me tell Brother."
"Just be sure you tell him everything . . everything . . or I"ll tell him about things that went on in here a full year before he said you were old enough." or I"ll tell him about things that went on in here a full year before he said you were old enough."
Lazarus blinked and looked interested. "Well, well! Did you kids steal a march on me?"
"Well, Mama Ishtar told us we were old enough. You were the one being stuffy about it."
"Mmm . . stipulated. Someday I must tell you about something that happened to me at an early age in a church belfry."
"I"m sure we"d like to hear it, Brother-but do you want to hear us now?"
"Yes. Dora and I will keep quiet."