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Chapter 44: Internal Battle (2)
Dinner time came. But instead of going to the Dining Hall, I went out of my room and walked to the other end of the castle. There"s almost no student that can be seen in the hallway. They were all in the middle of their meals in the Hall. I quietly walked by. A few minutes pa.s.sed before I had reached the chamber I was looking for. I went in and was greeted by the common room of the men’s dormitory for senior students.
It"s similar with the common room for the girl’s dormitory. The interior here, however, was simpler and has almost no decoration; no such paintings and vases filled with flowers. The common room was circular with two stairs behind it. They only have a few steps, though, just enough for the rooms to be elevated. There were also two hallways above―one on the right and one on the left; both dimly lit and silent. I knew he’s here and not at the Headmaster’s manor where his Father was staying.
I started walking to the stairs on the left side. It was my first time stepping in this place. I knew my actions were forbidden but I just needed to know if he’s okay and if my suspicion was right.
I pa.s.sed the doors in the hallway upstairs. All of them were shut and their lights off. No noise could be heard from inside. I knew I have to hurry but I got no idea of my exact destination. I even reached the end of the hallway, pa.s.sing almost ten doors.
Looks like it’s not here.
I was about to go back to the common room when I felt some movements. I stopped and inspected it. From the narrow aperture of the door at the very end of the hallway, suddenly somebody switched on the light which seeped a bit through the hallway.
I wasn"t able to immediately move. Gin’s room? But it might also not be his.
I observed the surrounding. It"s still silent. I walked to the end of the hallway and when I reached it, I knocked lightly on the door. No one answered. I continued knocking while the surrounding remained unresponsive. I sighed and then shifted the doork.n.o.b. I was a bit surprised when I heard it clicked―it opened. I slowly pushed the door to enter. The light inside the room welcomed me.
The room was simple. If anyone can call a large bed by the middle as simple; with furniture made of valued wood, bookshelves filled with thick books and some expensive items. But it was simpler compared to what I had expected.
There’s no one inside. My forehead suddenly creased. I looked around and found a tray with medicine and fresh bandages placed on the table near the bed. This should be his bedroom.
But where is he?
“What are you doing here?”
I almost shrieked, surprised because of his sudden voice. I missed b.u.mping the expensive jar on a table beside me, though. s.h.i.t.
I turned to Gin. He came out from the door by the corner of the room. He was holding his arm and looked like his wrapping it with new bandages. He paused at what he"s doing when he saw me.
I almost couldn"t move from where I was standing and simply stared at Gin. He should have just come out from the bathroom. His hair was still wet; there were bandages on his hands. Also half of his body was wrapped with a towel. Oh s.h.i.t.
(ED: ʘ‿ʘ)
He did not seem to care about how awkward it was for me. I saw his forehead knitted. It"s not really my first time seeing his body like that―I’ve seen it before in the training room. And it was still clear in my memory the image of the seal on his back.
(ED: Oh…t-room, shame. XD)
“Looks like you’re fine now; I don"t have to worry then.”
I immediately turned away and hurried to the still slightly opened door. I felt the dreadful air around us. The timing was bad. s.h.i.t. I almost reached the k.n.o.b when I felt a tight grip on my arm. It was tight and also rough due to bandages wrapped around it. Slowly, he pulled me.
“Are you worried?”
He faced me to him when he asked that. I saw the intensity of his gaze. It almost seemed angry. Unbelieving. He looked like he"s trying to hold himself back and peevish at the same time.
“Gin, what the―my arm,” I complained about his tight grip.
I shouldn"t have come here. d.a.m.n it. He looks fine already. He even looks like— I froze when I noticed that even he cringed as if he"s also hurting as he gripped my arm.
“Are you really worried about me or are you just sorry?”
I noticed the trace of sadness in his eyes when he said those last words. I had to step back when he moved closer to me. I watched how the water slowly dripped from his hair down to his jaw-line, to the curve of his neck and to his shoulder blades.
“Shia, why are you doing this?” He asked in a deep whisper.
He slowly pushed me through my hand that he"s still holding and I soon felt my back b.u.mped to the wall.
“Why are you avoiding me?” He hissed at me with repressed anger. “Why are you making me so d.a.m.n crazy?!”
I almost gaped at him but managed to call his name, “Gin—”
He stepped closer towards me. “I’ve never wanted anything— f.u.c.king nothing— before you. Only you.”
He slammed both his hands to the wall behind me. I closed my eyes. I can"t take it―I hurt when you"re like that. That’s enough, Gin. Can"t you see? This is all for your f.u.c.king sake!
I took a deep breath so I could meet his eyes. “Gin, stop proving your dad that he’s right. Stop disappointing him and everyone. Stop being a failure because of me.”
He froze at what I said. I knew the words that I uttered were painful but I didn"t know another way to stop him. But instead of being angry, I lost my strength when I saw the concern on his face.
“Are you scared?” He asked, much calmer now. “Are you scared that I would fail because of you?”
I was maddened on our ensuing setting. I should not be the one to give up on this situation. He should just leave me alone. But I can do nothing but admit it.
“Yes!” I shouted. “Because I will only drag you down. Can"t you see? You were better before I came. I am the cause of your ruin, Gin! “
He shook his head; still not believing on what he was hearing.
“I don’t want to see falling to your ruin because of me. The moment they find out about us in the Linus Cup, they will use me against you. Don"t make me your weakness, Gin. Don"t care for me! You can"t bring your precious things to a place where we might all die!”
An unexpected tear slid down on my cheek. I blinked and quickly wiped it, but my tears soon fell like rain then. I couldn"t understand what I was feeling anymore.
He leaned over and knocked our foreheads. “Shia—”
I should have not cared. I should have not concerned myself even if others found his weakness through me. I should have just thought about myself.
But why do I have to feel hurt instead? Am I falling for him? It can"t be. That cannot happen.
“Just tell me, tell me you’re feeling the same way.”
“No.” I snapped at him. I lightly pushed him but he didn"t move. I was still trapped in his arms.
“Just tell me and I promise—” he slightly closed his eyes. “We will win the Cup. I will do everything to win the Cup. I’ll even surpa.s.s what Priam did in his time if needed be. I will never let you or any one of the group die. Just please tell me. “
I swallowed. “Gin…”
“You’re crying. It means you also care for me. It means you’re also having a hard time in our situation just like me. You won"t be suffering like this if you really don"t care about me. Please, Shia—”
I did nothing but shut my eyes. I wanted to quit. I wanted to go away and never go back to this place. Everything has become complicated. Gin deserved no one like me; he deserved someone better. And if we win the Cup as he said, who knew what will happen after that.
He can"t fall for me. I’ll just toil him down.
I only cried like this now. I had promised myself that if I ever cry in this place— no one would see me. But I couldn"t stop what’s happening now and what I"m feeling this moment.
I’m here for Lucas. Shouldn"t it be for Lucas alone? But why am I like this?
I felt Gin breathed deeply. Silence prevailed over us. Then I felt his warm lips over mine. I couldn"t move.
His kiss was slow; his lips were moving in a gentle rhythm as if trying to calm me. I wasn"t able to open my eyes. I also didn"t care about the people who will be coming back from the Dining Hall anytime now nor if they saw us.
I raised my head to meet his kisses.
And this time I kissed him back.
—
(ED: I guess MC"s third favorite word is "s.h.i.t", right? 1f*ck, 2a**hole)