I stood silent. The idea repelled me. This thing that had been petted and cared for by me for ten years, had slept at my side, and often been held in my arms, now to be flung upon a dust heap, with the rotting matter of a Paris street. The mind will not change its a.s.sociations so quickly. I looked at the man and said,--
"Can I not bury the dog somewhere myself?"
"I am afraid--I hardly know--" he said. "These are the rules,--that all dead animals are taken by the munic.i.p.ality."
He spoke reluctantly now. His personal animosity against me was evidently dead. Fortunate that I had not offended him earlier in the interview; if I had, he would certainly now have dragged the dog from me with every species of indignity and insult, and I could have done nothing against him, armoured up as he was with the law. As things stood, he was clearly on my side.
"Perhaps this gentleman," I said, indicating the master of the hotel, "would let me purchase a piece of ground for a grave in his courtyard.
If so, would you allow me to bury the dog there?"
The master of the hotel, who saw now that after all there would be no serious row with the police, nor discredit on his hotel, and began to think his fury had been somewhat misdirected, hastened to a.s.sure me that I need not consider the matter; that not only was a portion, but the whole courtyard at my disposition, and not as a purchase, but as a free gift, if M"sieur le Commissionaire sanctioned the proceeding.
The official hesitated, and the onlookers, their sympathies engaged, murmured,--
"Ah, pauvre chien!"
"C"est l"affection vois-tu?"
"Il aime le chien, c"est naturel!"
"L"affection, c"est toujours touchante!"
The Commissionaire, his own inclination thus backed up by the prevailing sentiment, turned to me, and said--
"Well, M"sieur, I ought to take your dog from you, but still, as you say you will bury the dog yourself, and, as I am sure this gentleman will see that the grave is deep enough to protect the health of the public, I believe I may safely grant you the permission you ask. It is accorded, M"sieur!" and he bowed, full of satisfied amiable authority and friendly feeling.
I held out my hand to him on the impulse.
"I am extremely obliged to you!"
He grasped it warmly in his, and laid his left effusively on his heart.
"You have my sincere sympathy, M"sieur."
Then lifting his hat and bowing, and putting out of sight the formidable doc.u.ment he had shaken in my face, he retreated down the corridor, followed by the other official, and leaving the hotel manager with me.
"I will have a grave dug at once, M"sieur," he said; "and you shall be informed when it is ready."
I thanked him and entered my own room.
A good three hours later I was following the gardener downstairs, the dead body of Nous, wrapped completely in one of my overcoats, in my arms. We went into the courtyard. It was raining now, the night quite dark, and a gusty wind blowing. We crossed the yard to where a broad flower-bed was planted. Here a grave, wide and deep enough for a human being, had been dug. A lantern, in which the flame blew fitfully, was set on the huge heap of mould and sent an uncertain light over the grave. I got down into it, and laid Nous gently, still wrapped in the coat, on the damp earth, with a heavy heart.
I vaulted out of the grave and stood, while the man filled it in, listening to the steady fall of the earth and its dull thud, thud. The rain came down steadily, and the man looked at me and said--
"Monsieur will be drenched through, he had better go within."
"No, no," I said; "continue."
And I waited while he dug away the mound, and the chilly wind rattled the branches of a tree near, and the rain soaked with a monotonous splashing into the earth, and the light flickered, barely strong enough to show me the man"s working figure. When he had finished, when the grave was filled and the upper soil smoothed over, I turned and, mentally and physically chilled, went slowly back into the hotel. As I entered the gas-lit corridor I saw a figure there at the door. It was Howard. He was still in the hotel, and though I detested his proximity even, I had no influence on his departure. He was evidently hanging about there waiting for somebody or something, and to my intense indignation, as he caught sight of me, he came towards me.
"Oh, Victor," he said hurriedly, in an uncertain tone, "I must speak to you!"
What intolerable insolence to dare to come to me, the man he had so mortally injured. My impulse was to stretch out my right arm and fell him to the ground with a blow that should have the force of my whole system in it. The colour came hot in all my face.
"Pray don"t let us have a scene here," I said, coldly.
"Very good, then come outside. It is only for a few seconds. You always used to say you would never refuse to hear a person once, whatever they had done."
It was my principle, as he said, and I controlled the loathing I had of him, of his voice, his look, his presence, and said--
"Come out, then," and we went down to the door.
There was an alley just outside the hotel, a cul de sac, black and empty. Down this we turned, and when we had pa.s.sed the side door of the hotel he spoke.
"Victor, I am awfully sorry about the MS.; I am really. I would give worlds to replace it now if I could. I have been utterly wretched since. Is there anything I can do now to help you?"
"No," I said bitterly, "you cannot re-write my ma.n.u.script nor resuscitate my dog."
"Oh, why did I do it? I can"t think! I can"t understand it! If you knew what I have felt since!"
"Have you nothing more to say than this?" I asked; "because this sort of thing is useless and leads to nothing."
"But what do you think of me? You hate me! But it was not premeditated, I swear. I had no motive, no gain in doing it, and we have been great friends always; but I suppose that can never be again now! But still it was an impulse, a sudden impulse, only because I was so jealous of you!
It was irresistible at the moment! The thing was in flames before I realised it! You know yourself what impulse is! You always knew I was like that!"
"Impulse!" I repeated. "Yes, I knew you were impulsive, but that such an impulse could ever come to you as that--to burn, irreparably destroy the year"s work, and all the hopes of a man who was an intimate friend, and against whom you had never had the shadow of a complaint, that I never could have believed! Impulse! It is not one that I can conceive existing except in h.e.l.l!"
We were talking with voices moderated, rather low than otherwise; but the hatred I felt of him I let come into each word and edge it like a knife.
He drew in his breath.
"Then our friendship is at an end?" he said, in a weak nervous tone.
"Utterly. As if it had never been. You have cut out its very roots. I had a great friendship for you--more, a great affection. It would have stood a great deal. I would have pa.s.sed over many injuries that you might have done. Anything almost but this, that you knew was so completely blasting to all my own desires. This shows me what your feelings must have been at the time, at any rate, and remember a thick ma.n.u.script is not burnt in a minute. How long must it have taken you to destroy those sheets upon sheets of paper in which you knew another man"s very heart, and blood, and nerve had been infused? All that time you must have been animated with the sheer l.u.s.t of cruelly and brutally ill-using and injuring me, and in return I"--
I shut and locked my lips upon the words that rose.
To abuse or curse another is almost as degrading to oneself as to strike him.
We had come up to the end of the alley now, and we paused by the blank brick wall. There was a lamp projecting from it which threw some light upon us both, and, as his figure came distinctly before my eyes, I felt one intolerable desire to leap upon him--this miserable creature who had destroyed my work--fling him to the ground, and grind his face and head to a shapeless ma.s.s in this slimy gutter that flowed at our feet.
Could he have faintly realised what my feelings were, coward as he was, he would never have come up this empty alley with me.
"Well, Victor, I am leaving Paris to-night; but I felt I could not go without telling you how infinitely I regret it all. If you can never be my friend again, you can forgive me. Let me hear you say that you do before I go."
Forgive him! Great G.o.d! Forgive an injury so wanton, so excuseless!
Every savage instinct in me leapt up at the word.