He tossed the paper towards me and pointed to a chair.
"Sit down!" he said sharply. "Have you had any report from poor Barber?"
In response I handed him the beginning of an official report. I say the beginning, because it consisted of four lines only. It was in Barber"s handwriting, and it broke off suddenly in the middle of a word before it began to tell me anything. In its way it was a tragedy. Death had called for Barber while he was wondering how to spell "nauseous." I also gave him Colonel Simpson"s letter, which he read carefully.
"What is it?" he asked suddenly, as he laid the papers aside.
"Officially--I don"t know."
"And unofficially?"
"I am afraid it is cholera."
The brigadier raised his gla.s.s of claret a few inches from the table, but his hand was too unsteady, and he set the gla.s.s down again untouched. I was helplessly sorry for him. There was something abject and humiliating in his averted gaze. Beneath his white moustache his lips were twitching nervously.
For a few moments there was silence, and I dreaded his next words. I was trembling for his manhood.
"I suppose something must be done for them," he said at length, hoa.r.s.ely, and it was hard to believe that the voice was the voice of our leader--a man dreaded in warfare, respected in peace.
"Yes," I answered uncompromisingly.
"Some one must go to them--"
"Yes."
Again there was that horrid silence, broken only by the tramp of the sentinel outside the gla.s.sless windows.
"Who?" asked the brigadier, in little more than a whisper.
I suppose he expected it of me--I suppose he knew that even for him, even in mercy to an old man whose only joy in life trembled at that moment in the balance, I could not perpetrate a cruel injustice.
"It devolves on Charlie," I answered.
He gave one quick glance beneath his lashes, and again lowered his eyes.
I heard a long gasping sound, as if he found difficulty in breathing. He sat upright, and threw back his shoulders with a pitiable effort to be strong.
"Is he up to the work?" he asked quietly.
"I cannot conscientiously say that he is not."
"D--n it, man," he burst out suddenly, "is there no way out of it?"
"Yes--one way!"
"What is it?"
"I will go."
"That is impossible," he answered with a sublime unconsciousness of his own huge selfishness which almost made me laugh. This man would have asked nothing for himself. For his son he had no shame in asking all. He would have accepted my offer, I could see that, had it been possible.
At this moment the door opened, and Charlie Thurkow came in. His eyes were bright with excitement, and he glanced at us both quickly. He was quite well aware of his father"s weakness in regard to himself, and I am afraid he sometimes took advantage of it. He often ignored discipline entirely, as he did in coming into the room at that moment.
I suppose there is in every one a sense of justice which accounts for the subtle annoyance caused by the devotion of parents and others--a devotion which has not the good sense to hide itself. There are few things more annoying than an exhibition of unjust love. I rose at once.
The coming interview would be either painful or humiliating, and I preferred not to a.s.sist at it.
As I went down the dark pa.s.sages a man in a staff uniform, wearing spurs, clanked past me. I did not know until later that it was Fitz, for I could not see his face.
I went back to my quarters, and was busy for some time with certain technicalities of my trade which are not worth detailing here. While I and my two dispensers were still measuring out and mixing drugs, Fitz came to us.
"I am going to Capoo," he said quietly.
In his silent, quick way he was taking in all that we were doing. We were packing medical stores for Capoo. I did not answer him, but waited for further details. We could not speak openly before the two a.s.sistants at that moment, and somehow we never spoke about it at all. I glanced up at him. His face was pale beneath the sunburn. There was a drawn look just above his moustache, as if his lips were held tightly.
"I volunteered," he said, "and the brigadier accepted my offer."
Whenever the word "duty" is mentioned, I think of Fitz to this day.
I said nothing, but went on with my work. The whole business was too disgusting, too selfish, too unjust, to bear speaking of.
I had long known that Fitz loved Elsie Matheson. In my feeble way, according to my scanty opportunity, I had endeavoured to a.s.sist him.
But her name had never been mentioned between us except carelessly in pa.s.sing conversation. I knew no details. I did not even know whether Elsie knew of his love; but it was exceedingly likely that if she did, he had not told her. As to her feelings, I was ignorant. She loved somebody, that much I knew. One can generally tell that. One sees it in a woman"s eyes. But it is one thing to know that a woman loves, and quite another to find out whom she loves. I have tried in vain more than once. I once thought that I was the favoured person--not with Elsie, with quite another woman--but I was mistaken. I only know that those women who have that in their eyes which I have learnt to recognize are better women than those who lack it.
Fitz was the first to speak.
"Don"t put all of that into one case," he said to one of the dispensers, indicating a row of bottles that stood on the floor. "Divide the different drugs over the cases, so that one or two of them can be lost without doing much harm."
His voice was quite calm and practical.
"When do you go?" I asked curtly. I was rather afraid of trusting my voice too long, for Fitz was one of the few men who have really entered into my life sufficiently to leave a blank s.p.a.ce behind them. I have been a rolling stone, and what little moss I ever gathered soon got knocked off, but it left scars. Fitz left a scar.
"My orders are to start to-night--with one trooper," he answered.
"What time?"
"In half an hour."
"I will ride with you a few miles," I said.
He turned and went to his quarters, which were next to mine. I was still at work when Charlie Thurkow came in. He had changed his dress clothes for an old working suit. I was working in my evening dress--a subtle difference.
"Do you want any help?" he asked. I could hear a grievance in his voice.
"Of course; get on packing that case; plenty of straw between the bottles."
He obeyed me, working slowly, badly, without concentration, as he always did.
"It"s a beastly shame, isn"t it?" he muttered presently.