If I fell in love with any one in Wimblehurst it was with my aunt. She treated me with a kindliness that was only half maternal--she petted my books, she knew about my certificates, she made fun of me in a way that stirred my heart to her. Quite unconsciously I grew fond of her....
My adolescent years at Wimblehurst were on the whole laborious, uneventful years that began in short jackets and left me in many ways nearly a man, years so uneventful that the Calculus of Variations is a.s.sociated with one winter, and an examination in Physics for Science and Art department Honours marks an epoch. Many divergent impulses stirred within me, but the master impulse was a grave young disposition to work and learn and thereby in some not very clearly defined way get out of the Wimblehurst world into which I had fallen. I wrote with some frequency to Ewart, self-conscious, but, as I remember them, not intelligent letters, dated in Latin and with lapses into Latin quotation that roused Ewart to parody. There was something about me in those days more than a little priggish. But it was, to do myself justice, something more than the petty pride of learning. I had a very grave sense of discipline and preparation that I am not ashamed at all to remember. I was serious. More serious than I am at the present time. More serious, indeed, than any adult seems to be. I was capable then of efforts--of n.o.bilities.... They are beyond me now. I don"t see why, at forty, I shouldn"t confess I respect my own youth. I had dropped being a boy quite abruptly. I thought I was presently to go out into a larger and quite important world and do significant things there. I thought I was destined to do something definite to a world that had a definite purpose. I did not understand then, as I do now, that life was to consist largely in the world"s doing things to me. Young people never do seem to understand that aspect of things. And, as I say, among my educational influences my uncle, all unsuspected, played a leading part, and perhaps among other things gave my discontent with Wimblehurst, my desire to get away from that clean and picturesque emptiness, a form and expression that helped to emphasise it. In a way that definition made me patient. "Presently I shall get to London," I said, echoing him.
I remember him now as talking, always talking, in those days. He talked to me of theology, he talked of politics, of the wonders of science and the marvels of art, of the pa.s.sions and the affections, of the immortality of the soul and the peculiar actions of drugs; but predominantly and constantly he talked of getting on, of enterprises, of inventions and great fortunes, of Rothschilds, silver kings, Vanderbilts, Goulds, flotations, realisations and the marvelous ways of Chance with men--in all localities, that is to say, that are not absolutely sunken to the level of Cold Mutton Fat.
When I think of those early talks, I figure him always in one of three positions. Either we were in the dispensing lair behind a high barrier, he pounding up things in a mortar perhaps, and I rolling pill-stuff into long rolls and cutting it up with a sort of broad, fluted knife, or he stood looking out of the shop door against the case of sponges and spray-diffusers, while I surveyed him from behind the counter, or he leant against the little drawers behind the counter, and I hovered dusting in front. The thought of those early days brings back to my nostrils the faint smell of scent that was always in the air, marbled now with streaks of this drug and now of that, and to my eyes the rows of jejune gla.s.s bottles with gold labels, mirror-reflected, that stood behind him. My aunt, I remember, used sometimes to come into the shop in a state of aggressive sprightliness, a sort of connubial ragging expedition, and get much fun over the abbreviated Latinity of those gilt inscriptions. "Ol Amjig, George," she would read derisively, "and he pretends it"s almond oil! Snap!--and that"s mustard. Did you ever, George?
"Look at him, George, looking dignified. I"d like to put an old label on to him round the middle like his bottles are, with Ol Pondo on it.
That"s Latin for Impostor, George MUST be. He"d look lovely with a stopper."
"YOU want a stopper," said my uncle, projecting his face....
My aunt, dear soul, was in those days quite thin and slender, with a delicate rosebud completion and a disposition to connubial badinage, to a sort of gentle skylarking. There was a silvery ghost of lisping in her speech. She was a great humourist, and as the constraint of my presence at meals wore off, I became more and more aware of a filmy but extensive net of nonsense she had woven about her domestic relations until it had become the reality of her life. She affected a derisive att.i.tude to the world at large and applied the epithet "old" to more things than I have ever heard linked to it before or since. "Here"s the old news-paper,"
she used to say--to my uncle. "Now don"t go and get it in the b.u.t.ter, you silly old Sardine!"
"What"s the day of the week, Susan?" my uncle would ask.
"Old Monday, Sossidge," she would say, and add, "I got all my Old Washing to do. Don"t I KNOW it!"...
She had evidently been the wit and joy of a large circle of schoolfellows, and this style had become a second nature with her. It made her very delightful to me in that quiet place. Her customary walk even had a sort of h.e.l.lo! in it. Her chief preoccupation in life was, I believe, to make my uncle laugh, and when by some new nickname, some new quaintness or absurdity, she achieved that end, she was, behind a mask of sober amazement, the happiest woman on earth. My uncle"s laugh when it did come, I must admit was, as Baedeker says, "rewarding." It began with gusty blowings and snortings, and opened into a clear "Ha ha!"
but in fullest development it included, in those youthful days, falling about anyhow and doubling up tightly, and whackings of the stomach, and tears and cries of anguish. I never in my life heard my uncle laugh to his maximum except at her; he was commonly too much in earnest for that, and he didn"t laugh much at all, to my knowledge, after those early years. Also she threw things at him to an enormous extent in her resolve to keep things lively in spite of Wimblehurst; sponges out of stock she threw, cushions, b.a.l.l.s of paper, clean washing, bread; and once up the yard when they thought that I and the errand boy and the diminutive maid of all work were safely out of the way, she smashed a boxful of eight-ounce bottles I had left to drain, a.s.saulting my uncle with a new soft broom. Sometimes she would shy things at me--but not often. There seemed always laughter round and about her--all three of us would share hysterics at times--and on one occasion the two of them came home from church shockingly ashamed of themselves, because of a storm of mirth during the sermon. The vicar, it seems, had tried to blow his nose with a black glove as well as the customary pocket-handkerchief. And afterwards she had picked up her own glove by the finger, and looking innocently but intently sideways, had suddenly by this simple expedient exploded my uncle altogether. We had it all over again at dinner.
"But it shows you," cried my uncle, suddenly becoming grave, "what Wimblehurst is, to have us all laughing at a little thing like that! We weren"t the only ones that giggled. Not by any means! And, Lord! it was funny!"
Socially, my uncle and aunt were almost completely isolated. In places like Wimblehurst the tradesmen"s lives always are isolated socially, all of them, unless they have a sister or a bosom friend among the other wives, but the husbands met in various bar-parlours or in the billiard-room of the Eastry Arms. But my uncle, for the most part, spent his evenings at home. When first he arrived in Wimblehurst I think he had spread his effect of abounding ideas and enterprise rather too aggressively; and Wimblehurst, after a temporary subjugation, had rebelled and done its best to make a b.u.t.t of him. His appearance in a public-house led to a pause in any conversation that was going on.
"Come to tell us about everything, Mr. Pond"revo?" some one would say politely.
"You wait," my uncle used to answer, disconcerted, and sulk for the rest of his visit.
Or some one with an immense air of innocence would remark to the world generally, "They"re talkin" of rebuildin" Wimblehurst all over again, I"m told. Anybody heard anything of it? Going to make it a reg"lar smartgoin", enterprisin" place--kind of Crystal Pallas."
"Earthquake and a pestilence before you get that," my uncle would mutter, to the infinite delight of every one, and add something inaudible about "Cold Mutton Fat."...
III
We were torn apart by a financial accident to my uncle of which I did not at first grasp the full bearings. He had developed what I regarded as an innocent intellectual recreation which he called stock-market meteorology. I think he got the idea from one use of curves in the graphic presentation of a.s.sociated variations that he saw me plotting.
He secured some of my squared paper and, having cast about for a time, decided to trace the rise and fall of certain lines and railways.
"There"s something in this, George," he said, and I little dreamt that among other things that were in it, was the whole of his spare money and most of what my mother had left to him in trust for me.
"It"s as plain as can be," he said. "See, here"s one system of waves and here"s another! These are prices for Union Pacifics--extending over a month. Now next week, mark my words, they"ll be down one whole point.
We"re getting near the steep part of the curve again. See? It"s absolutely scientific. It"s verifiable. Well, and apply it! You buy in the hollow and sell on the crest, and there you are!"
I was so convinced of the triviality of this amus.e.m.e.nt that to find at last that he had taken it in the most disastrous earnest overwhelmed me.
He took me for a long walk to break it to me, over the hills towards Yare and across the great gorse commons by Hazelbrow.
"There are ups and downs in life, George," he said--halfway across that great open s.p.a.ce, and paused against the sky.... "I left out one factor in the Union Pacific a.n.a.lysis."
"DID you?" I said, struck by the sudden chance in his voice. "But you don"t mean?"
I stopped and turned on him in the narrow sandy rut of pathway and he stopped likewise.
"I do, George. I DO mean. It"s bust me! I"m a bankrupt here and now."
"Then--?"
"The shop"s bust too. I shall have to get out of that."
"And me?"
"Oh, you!--YOU"RE all right. You can transfer your apprenticeship, and--er--well, I"m not the sort of man to be careless with trust funds, you can be sure. I kept that aspect in mind. There"s some of it left George--trust me!--quite a decent little sum."
"But you and aunt?"
"It isn"t QUITE the way we meant to leave Wimblehurst, George; but we shall have to go. Sale; all the things shoved about and ticketed--lot a hundred and one. Ugh!... It"s been a larky little house in some ways.
The first we had. Furnishing--a spree in its way.... Very happy..." His face winced at some memory. "Let"s go on, George," he said shortly, near choking, I could see.
I turned my back on him, and did not look round again for a little while.
"That"s how it is, you see, George." I heard him after a time.
When we were back in the high road again he came alongside, and for a time we walked in silence.
"Don"t say anything home yet," he said presently. "Fortunes of War. I got to pick the proper time with Susan--else she"ll get depressed. Not that she isn"t a first-rate brick whatever comes along."
"All right," I said, "I"ll be careful"; and it seemed to me for the time altogether too selfish to bother him with any further inquiries about his responsibility as my trustee. He gave a little sigh of relief at my note of a.s.sent, and was presently talking quite cheerfully of his plans.... But he had, I remember, one lapse into moodiness that came and went suddenly. "Those others!" he said, as though the thought had stung him for the first time.
"What others?" I asked.
"d.a.m.n them!" said he.
"But what others?"
"All those d.a.m.ned stick-in-the-mud-and-die-slowly tradespeople: Ruck, the butcher, Marbel, the grocer. Snape! Gord! George, HOW they"ll grin!"
I thought him over in the next few weeks, and I remember now in great detail the last talk we had together before he handed over the shop and me to his successor. For he had the good luck to sell his business, "lock, stock, and barrel"--in which expression I found myself and my indentures included. The horrors of a sale by auction of the furniture even were avoided.
I remember that either coming or going on that occasion, Ruck, the butcher, stood in his doorway and regarded us with a grin that showed his long teeth.
"You half-witted hog!" said my uncle. "You grinning hyaena"; and then, "Pleasant day, Mr. Ruck."
"Goin" to make your fortun" in London, then?" said Mr. Ruck, with slow enjoyment.
That last excursion took us along the causeway to Beeching, and so up the downs and round almost as far as Steadhurst, home. My moods, as we went, made a mingled web. By this time I had really grasped the fact that my uncle had, in plain English, robbed me; the little acc.u.mulations of my mother, six hundred pounds and more, that would have educated me and started me in business, had been eaten into and was mostly gone into the unexpected hollow that ought to have been a crest of the Union Pacific curve, and of the remainder he still gave no account. I was too young and inexperienced to insist on this or know how to get it, but the thought of it all made streaks of decidedly black anger in that scheme of interwoven feelings. And you know, I was also acutely sorry for him--almost as sorry as I was for my aunt Susan. Even then I had quite found him out. I knew him to be weaker than myself; his incurable, irresponsible childishness was as clear to me then as it was on his deathbed, his redeeming and excusing imaginative silliness. Through some odd mental twist perhaps I was disposed to exonerate him even at the cost of blaming my poor old mother who had left things in his untrustworthy hands.
I should have forgiven him altogether, I believe, if he had been in any manner apologetic to me; but he wasn"t that. He kept rea.s.suring me in a way I found irritating. Mostly, however, his solicitude was for Aunt Susan and himself.
"It"s these Crises, George," he said, "try Character. Your aunt"s come out well, my boy."