Someone else quipped back angrily, "That would mean we have no free choice. Should we just sit here pa.s.sively and let the afterlife just happen to us?"
"I said there was no coincidence. I didn"t say that everything is predetermined. Life and death unfold and every moment is a mystery to all of us, but the mystery isn"t that it happens, it"s what we do with it," Mel kept going, not letting anyone interrupt. "Let me give you an example of my thought process."
I wanted to storm in and get Mel"s attention directed on Trevor, talk to her about Julia, but at the same time I was captivated by what she was saying. In fact, I was slightly aggravated that she hadn"t volunteered this information a little earlier.
"I"ll use an example from outside this room, someone who I know won"t mind if I share his story." Mel"s chair squeaked as she settled down to tell her tale.
I held my breath, hoping she would say something about Trevor.
"Everyone knows Freddie, right?" asked Mel.
There was a chorus of acknowledgment. Freddie was the Haven. I didn"t know a single soul who couldn"t remember him always working here.
"Freddie keeps everything on track and moving smoothly." Oliver sounded relaxed and confident and it made my heart flutter. I"d missed him so much.
"Yes, Oliver, Freddie is all that and a bag of chips." I could hear the amus.e.m.e.nt in Mel"s voice. "But he doesn"t work here."
The room buzzed with questions, and static hummed inside my head. I pushed very gently against the door. I needed to see Mel while she was talking.
She continued, "Freddie is a Pa.s.senger, like you, Oliver. He doesn"t actually work here."
The hum of people talking on top of one another started up again, but Mel put up her hand to shush everyone. "Just let me finish and I"ll try to make it clearer." The room quieted. "Freddie is here because he"s a Pa.s.senger for someone who"s a Third Timer. That person has yet to move on, so Freddie hasn"t moved on either."
"Who"s the Third Timer? Freddie"s been here so long that . . ."
A booming voice came from right behind me. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MISS TURNER?"
I jumped, pushing my weight against the door, causing it to swing open. I took a quick couple of steps into the room, putting some distance between David and myself. I couldn"t believe I hadn"t smelled his cheap cologne before he"d snuck up on me.
Mel ignored David and looked at me. "I was hoping you"d show up, Elliot." The smile on her face was genuine and I felt myself relax a little bit. It"d been good to Delve in privacy and close off the rest of the world, but I suddenly found myself craving Mel"s mothering. I thought about Hurricane Elliot and the barbed wire I"d erected. Those were physical walls, but the emotional ones were even harder to break through. What if Mel hadn"t been giving me the cold shoulder? What if she was responding to the barriers that I"d put up? I shifted my weight from foot to foot, but she still was beaming at me, open and warm.
I turned to Oliver cautiously. "Hi, Oliver." I couldn"t believe how much I"d missed him.
"Told "em you"d come." His voice was gravelly with emotion. He strode toward me and wrapped me up in a big bear hug, lifting me off my feet.
"Where have you been?" I asked, even though it was hard to talk with him squeezing me so tight.
He chuckled. "Mel put me on a project helping Freddie."
I turned to Mel and the lightbulb went off. She"d been protecting Oliver, didn"t want him exposed to my dark and hurtful heads.p.a.ce. She"d given me some time to get myself together without causing him further harm. I mouthed a thank-you over Oliver"s shoulder and she winked back.
But I still needed to fix things with Oliver. "It broke my heart to think that you"d stopped loving me," I whispered. He"d put my feet back down on the floor, but I was still wrapped in his arms.
Oliver met my gaze and said, "I was out of line."
"No, you had a valid point, and I"m sorry."
"No, I"m the one who"s sorry. Do you think we could talk about it"a"he cleared his throata""someplace a little more private?"
When he said that, I realized that I"d been leaning closer and closer to him. Embarra.s.sing heat flooded my face. The whole room was watching like we were forty-seven minutes into a juicy soap opera. I shook my head to clear it, but Oliver wasn"t letting go. "I still love you, Elliot," he said.
Clap, clap, clap. David"s sausagelike fingers slapped against each other. I whipped around to face him.
"I heard a rumor that you were quite the little actress in your last life. Seems your skill has carried over to the afterlife," David jeered. His features were more hostile than I"d ever seen. "What are you doing here, Miss Turner?" I didn"t know if he was questioning why I"d been crouched outside Mel"s cla.s.s or my qualifications for being in the afterlife. My head was spinning and suddenly it didn"t matter.
"I have a question for you, too," I said. "Why would someone who works here need to be in his room, Delving by himself, and calling for his mommy?" The words were ugly, but I couldn"t stop them from pouring out. All my fear and worry over Trevor had found a place to land. All the horror of Julia"s last Delve rushed out of me, and the confusion I"d unexpectedly just felt about Oliver was the last bit of zing I needed to launch the attack. Besides, he"d started it. David was a sizable target and I owed him.
David"s fleshy face went pale and he took a step back. I should have been grateful and backed off too, but a tidal wave of pent-up frustration and anger had been unleashed and I no longer had control of it.
"I"VE HAD ENOUGH!" I bellowed, moving deliberately toward him. I flew in for the kill. "I cannot fathom why anyone would have you, YOU, here at the Obmil as a guide, as a mentor."
David backed into the hallway, mouth agape and speechless, for once.
"Leave me alone and mind your own d.a.m.n business for a change!" I slammed the door with all the force I could muster.
I stood and stared at the heavy wooden divider between David and myself. I slowly turned around.
"That was not a very kind way to treat another soul at the Obmil," Mel said.
I hung my head, knowing she was right. That"s when I heard small snickers. They sounded uncertain at first, but the laughter was growing in strength and confidence. I jerked my head up and saw Mel had a huge smile on her face.
"But my, how that soul deserved a good dressing down." Mel succ.u.mbed to rolling laughter and no one else bothered to hold it in. Chuckles filled the room and my ears. I was as proud as a little kid who"d managed to snag the last cookie. The best part was listening to Oliver. The more everyone else carried on, the more he doubled over chortling and holding his belly.
Everyone began to settle back down, and Mel walked over to the door, peeked her head out, then announced, "Nope, he"s really gone."
The room broke out into another roar. While everyone was talking and reliving the moment, I sidled up to Mel.
"I see Trevor"s not with you." Mel sounded concerned enough to wash away all the previous hilarity.
"No, he"s not with me anymore." Maybe he"d never been with me. My heart tightened at the truth of the statement. He didn"t love me. He loved a version of me that no longer existed.
"Do you know where he is?" Mel asked. My heart contracted tighter in my chest.
"No. I was hoping he"d come here to see you, like he did last time we fought."
"What happened since I last saw you?"
"Everything. But still, nothing makes any sense." I blew a dangling piece of hair off of my face. "Julia hasn"t stopped in, has she?" The hair floated back down over my eye and Mel reached over to tuck it behind my ear. I felt a searing longing for Trevor in that moment. I needed to find him. I"d wasted too much time here already.
"No, I haven"t seen Julia either." I thought she was going to ask more about it, but she held her tongue. Suddenly I didn"t want to talk about it.
"We have to do something. We need to find Trevor." Thinking of him made me feel helpless. Intellectually I knew that he couldn"t be physically hurt, but it seemed as if there was so much more at risk now. "I don"t have time to fill you in on all of it. It"s a knotted pile of tangled threads. And David . . ." My voice dropped an octave. My anger was dissipating and now I wondered if David would lurch out of a corner and try to keep me from finding Trevor.
Mel pinched the bridge of her nose. "David"s gone, but there is something you should know."
I stepped back, taken off guard by the possibility of information just being handed to me.
Mel took a deep breath. "David doesn"t work here, Elliot. He"s a Third Timer like you."
29.
the third
time
lacks charm
My head was spinning. David was a Third Timer? I paused at the realization . . . that"s what Mel had been talking about. Freddie was David"s Pa.s.senger. That explained why he was watching over David the other day. Mel had intended to say something else about Freddie earlier, but David had interrupted. Now it was all coming together. He clearly didn"t want anyone to know that he was a Third Timer. He had a lot of nerve, making me feel bad when I arrived at the Obmil again. I could feel my temper beginning to flare.
"Elliot!" From Mel"s tone, it must not have been the first time she"d called out my name.
"What?" I said, startled to be taken away from my internal detective work. Things were finally starting to make a little sense.
Mel waggled her pen back and forth. "What happened to make Trevor run away?"
I shivered, trying to consolidate what felt like a lifetime into a few brief sentences.
"I was beginning to believe that I ended up here at the Obmil because I killed myself." I dropped my gaze, avoiding her. "We Delved and I figured it out. I fell accidentally, off a cliff and . . ." Oliver walked back over to where we were standing.
"And?" Mel wanted to know.
I wanted to say that Trevor had followed me into the afterlife on purpose, that he was the one who"d committed suicide. I should tell her that he was terrified of going to h.e.l.l, but I remembered how frightening the possibility had been, and I couldn"t say it out loud. I was afraid of making it true.
"He left me!" Everything frozen inside me blazed with a fire that had finally sparked. I hadn"t realized how furious I was with him. I loved him and he"d left me. He hadn"t trusted me enough to help him. I blew on the flames of my anger. It was easier to deal with this emotion than with the sickening fear that something had gone terribly wrong and I couldn"t fix it.
He was the one who"d talked me into taking that final Delve. I knew what his fear felt likea"it had been my own. A tear slipped past my defenses. I didn"t know how long I had left to be with him, to love him. If our deepest fears were true, he was wasting the time we did have together.
Mel let out a soft breath. It felt like sympathy.
"We need to talk, Elliot. I need to explain some things to you, but right now I must try to find Trevor. Will you stay here with Oliver?"
"No way. I"m going with you." What on earth was she thinking?
Oliver swallowed and his Adam"s apple bobbed up and down. "I know you want to go after him, but I need to talk to you first." Oliver watched me with a Trevor-like intensity. I was torn. Oliver and I were finally back on the right foot. If I left I"d have blown him off for Trevor once again. I tugged on a cuticle that I"d been too busy to gnaw at before. Time rushed past me.
I eyed Mel in defeat. "He was leaving the lake, heading up into the tree line, on the opposite side of where the eagles nest."
"I can"t believe he left you like that." Oliver"s caustic tone sent my internal compa.s.s spinning.
"Any place else he might be?" Mel asked.
"We created a rock outcrop that hangs over the lake, but I don"t think he"ll want to go back there." I couldn"t help remembering that moment in his arms when we pushed off the edge. It was a single moment of optimism, hanging between life and death. It seemed that perfection only existed on the edge of a knife, a place too fragile and sharp to find balance for more than an instant. Oliver grabbed my hand.
"Mel?" I had no idea what to ask, but I couldn"t stop myself from wanting more.
"Later, Elliot. Go with Oliver." Mel turned quickly and headed out the door.
a a a "I want to go home." Oliver"s words wandered out in front of us on the trail and interrupted my thoughts.
"We"re headed back to the Haven right now," I said, b.u.mping my shoulder against his arm as we bounced over the packed earth.
"I miss my mom. I miss Abby, too, and my dad. But I really, really miss my mom."
I stopped abruptly, hearing the emotion before I could see it running down his face.
The woods were empty. Never before had the Obmil felt like such a void. I wrapped my arms around him, m.u.f.fling his sobs against my shoulder. He was always so put together, so purposeful in everything he did. I hadn"t known. Shame on me, for once again forgetting to consider beyond myself. I squeezed him tighter and we cried. It felt as if all the words and all the air had been sucked out of existence.
Eventually, we could both breathe again. I smoothed his blond curls, wondering if I would be able to say the right thing.
"Oliver?"
His lip trembled as he stared at me. This was a chance to make him feel better. Thinking that maybe I could give him something for a change gave me the courage to continue.
"I suspect that there is always missing that happens. You don"t really love someone unless you miss them."
"I knowa"in my head at least." Oliver tapped his finger to his temple. "But a part of me"a"he slid his finger down to rest on his hearta""kind of wonders why, if everyone is so sad, we just don"t stay together? Over and over, we die so we can start again. What"s the point of the paina"of the missing?"
"d.a.m.n, I wish I knew the answer to that." It was killing me to see him so vulnerablea"so una"golden boy. I wasn"t used to this. "I don"t know, but I can take a guess. I think that no one would know how great being together feels, until they knew what being apart feels like too."
Oliver"s eyes darkened like a storm rolling in. "Do you miss your mom?"
I nodded. "I miss a lot of people." Julia popped into my head, MIA from my last life, but now I wasn"t so sure that things between us were an easy black and white. Stuff with Julia seemed just as gray as the pallor of her skin in that last Delve. Then I pictured the frozen face of Trevor, a mask about to crumble. G.o.d, I missed him. Something must have shown in the expression on my face because Oliver grabbed my face between his hands and pressed his lips against mine. The kiss was slow and warm and I melted into his arms, once again using him as my soft place to fall. I could have stayed, wrapped up in Oliver for all of eternitya"but . . .
Oliver broke away and kissed the tip of my nose, then moved on to the s.p.a.ce between my eyes and then my forehead. I glanced up at him, not sure what I was going to see on his face.
"It was nice, wasn"t it?"
Oh boy.