Mel pulled me back. "No one works at the Obmil."
"I heard," I said. The sarcasm leaked out, but I tried to rein it in. "But you were placed with me."
Mel shook her head.
"Buta"but I remember it. You were the guide who was a.s.signed to me."
"Everyone is here for a reason. I"m not a guide, Elliot, just a Third Timer like you, except I"ve been here a lot longer."
"I was so sure," I responded, feeling like a big idiot.
"Your a.s.sumption wasn"t crazy. You arrived needing someone, and I needed to be wanted."
I nodded, capitulating a little.
"There are plenty of *guides" around here. The more the a.s.sumption happens, the more real it feels. Lots of souls find themselves lingering here."
"Souls like Freddie?" I knew I was baiting her, but I couldn"t help myself.
"I"m a.s.suming you know he"s my Pa.s.senger?"
There I was, standing on the edge again, wanting to sympathize with Mel and at the same time feeling angry that she was holding Freddie captive in the afterlife.
"Yes. He said he knows you love him."
"I really do, but I feel so guilty. He"s always telling me to relax because he"s got nowhere else to be, but that just makes it worse. He signed on to help my soul grow and he can"t move on until I leave here." Mel broke into choking sobs.
I slid closer and gathered her up in my arms. "Oh, sweetie . . ." I crooned in her ear. "It"s okay. We"ll do this together. I won"t leave you here. You should"ve let me help you. I had no idea." I felt her begin to relax and calm down with every word I spoke. I squeezed her shoulder, keeping her close to me.
"Elliot, can you tell me how you were able to do it? How were you able to Delve outside the cla.s.sroom? I"ve never met anyone who"s done that before. I didn"t even know that it could happen. Leave it to a bunch of teenagers to push the boundaries."
I thought about it a minute. "It actually was easy. We just kind of let go. Had a giant emotional surge." I created a couple of tissues to hand to her.
She clutched the wad between her fingers.
"I saw David, Delving in his room. So did Freddie. That means even David knows how to do it."
"Oh, I think you misunderstood. David wasn"t Delving, he was having a nightmare."
"How do you know?" I asked. It had seemed like he was Delving to me.
"David can"t Delve because you have to be a Third Timer to bring up the memories."
"But you told me he was a Third Timer." I couldn"t keep the exasperation out of my tone.
"Yes, but there"s a catch. David doesn"t think that he"s a Third Timer. In order to Delve, you have to be a Third Timer, aware of your soul. He isn"t cognizant."
"So he thinks he really works here?"
"Believes it with a pa.s.sion, as I"m sure you"ve witnessed." Mel gave a little humph.
"How long has he been here?"
"Now, that"s a good question because I"ve been here longer than dust, and David greeted me when I arrived."
We both nudged each other at the exact same time.
"Well, that explains it. That first meeting must have stunted your spiritual growth," I said.
Mel smoothed her billowy skirt and stared off into the horizon.
"Gosh, I wish it were that easy. It would be nice to blame someone else for being stuck here at the Obmil, but this has been my choice."
"Even though Freddie"s been stuck here with you?"
I regretted the question the moment it flew out of my mouth. Mel"s face lost its color.
"Wow. I"ve always let myself believe that everything was all right as long as Freddie wasn"t complaining. He"s always seemed content to wait until I was ready to move on. My, that does sound horribly selfish, doesn"t it?"
I wanted to say something to make her feel better, but I was afraid of putting my foot in my mouth again. I felt terrible saying something that hurt her.
"It"s okay, Elliot. This isn"t your fault. These are my issues and I have to find a way to deal with them. But let"s change the subject for a minute."
I moved my hand toward her to protest, but she wrapped her fingers around mine and said, "Trust me, helping you is helping me. So, you and Trevor . . ."
"This is so confusing. And weird. But somehow, in the middle of all the d.a.m.n Delves"a"I cracked my knuckles one finger at a timea""I fell in love with him. After that, even when he was rude or mean, it still hurt me, made me unsure of myself, but I never felt the isolation that I felt in the beginning. Once I was connected to him, it was easier to remember my past."
"Does he love you too?" she asked in a whisper.
"I don"t know. We have a strong connection but . . ." There were moments when I was so sure that he did love me. But maybe I was confusing him with the Trevor who adored me in our past life. Or maybe it was just the intensity of the things we"d shared. I pictured our leap off the cliff. I felt the tug behind my navel that you get when you ride a roller coaster. I wasn"t sure if the pull was a reminder of our flight downward or the simple fact that thinking of Trevor did the strangest things to my insides. It wasn"t just those brief, confusing kisses either. It was the way he examined me sometimes, like he could see my soul. Like he believed in me.
"In the moment we leapt off the cliff together I was so sure he loved me, but when we surfaced from the Delve, everything was all wrong." My stomach tightened.
"The instant we leapt, I wasn"t afraid of anything. It wasn"t like the past, when I fell off the cliff in real lifea"when I died. The first time, it was intense, especially the moment when I saw Trevor jump. The physical impact of the fall and the emotional impact of my life collided with indescribable force. Then I surrendered and everything became soft and blue and your hand reached for mine."
Mel squeezed my fingers.
"This time . . ." I swallowed past the lump in my throat. "This time when I jumped with Trevor, I did it without expectations. I was ready to just be whatever I was. I longed to move forward, no matter where that took me. This time I wasn"t alonea"I jumped with Trevor."
"Maybe you should work here, Elliot." Mel"s voice caught.
"Oh, Mel." I didn"t know what to say to make her feel better. "The only thing I know how to do is to share with you what I figured out about myself. Do you want to know what my life lesson was?"
"You know that now?"
"Yesa"I"m pretty sure I"m starting to understand it. The patterns of my life, or I guess I should say lives, is all about forgiveness. I had trouble forgiving others, trouble allowing myself to be forgiven, and the biggest one of all was deciding that I was worthy of my own absolution. I was living in a kind of isolation with no real faith in anyone, not even myself. In my last life, I almost figured out the growth plan after meeting Trevor. Over the summer, when we became close, I started to believe that I could have a life and love. I had hope, despite what had occurred. I started to believe that an accident didn"t erase a soul . . ."
"So, what happened?"
"We left the shelter of our world of two. We went back to school. He convinced me that together we could open the eyes of everyone else. He believed that if we were together, everything would turn out all right. We made a gamble that, deep down inside, people are good."
"Are you saying they really aren"t?"
"No." I took a deep breath. "They really are good at heart, but I couldn"t hang on until they remembered it. I was so fragile, which gave them free rein to steal my hope, but at the last minute I found my stride. I"d like to think it would have been enough if I hadn"t fallen, but I"ll never know for sure. I"d like to think that I would"ve made ita"that I found something true in myself."
The words floated in the air, swirling around like the eagles. I felt lighter having said things out loud too. I pulled my knees up, hugging them.
"Trevor killed himself. He jumped after me." Maybe if I said this out loud, it would somehow make it easier to bear.
"Maybe he was trying toa""
"No." I shook my head. "He admitted it. He knew I never would have survived a fall from that height. Our eyes connected when I was falling backward, right before I hit the water. He decided to follow."
Mel"s face clouded over.
"He hearda"well, we"ve both heard the rumors. People who commit suicide go to h.e.l.l. Everyone says so." I stopped talking, not knowing what else to say. I felt my old fears pressing back in on me. I couldn"t sit here and wait for him any longer. Even if it was hopeless, I needed to be out and moving, trying to find him. "And when I came back this time, you insinuated the same thing. You said that there were consequences to staying herea"but wait, you"ve stayed herea""
Before I could finish, Julia came dashing up the path, her cheeks flushed with exertion. She was panting, and as she got close she hugged her waist and doubled over. Mel and I jumped up simultaneously. I sucked in my breath, flashes of Julia"s withered body moving through my mind. She"d been a walking corpse when I"d last seen her in the Delve and it was hard to erase that visual, even though she now stood in front of me, pet.i.te but not sickly. I shuddered.
"Are you all right?" Mel asked, fussing like the mother Julia never got to have.
I stood very still, although my insides teetered back and forth like a seesaw. I"d just talked about forgiveness and believing that all souls were ultimately good. And yet, the hurt I felt when I was near Julia was like a bruise. In some ways it had gotten deeper, more layered over time. Then there was the jealousy. I loved Trevor and I had no idea what he felt for Juliaa"or, for that matter, what he felt for me.
Her breathing slowed and she lifted her head. Her delicate hand slid into the messenger bag strung sideways across her chest. Resting on the palm of her hand was an origami crane. The paper was a wild pattern of blue and black. It made me think of Trevor.
She walked toward me, hand extended with her peace offering floating on her palm. "I don"t love Trevor." She blinked rapidly. "What I mean to say is that I do love him, but I"m not in love with him."
"Oh."
I extended my palm until my fingertips touched hers.
"I needed him. I was drawn to him." She grasped the fragile crane between her thumb and pointer finger. "There"s a weird connection between us. It"s not the same as the one you have with him, but there"s something that drew us together. It was irresistible, considering that I was so lonely without you." She slid the crane onto my palm and dropped her hand. I was the one left holding everything.
"You didn"t have to be lonely or without me." I cradled the delicate folds of paper, feeling tired of flying in the same old circles with her over and over again.
"I know. I meana"I know that now."
My heart skipped several beats. I couldn"t speak for fear that I might"ve heard her wrong.
"I love you, Elliot. You"re my very best friend EVER."
A strangled cry escaped from deep inside me and I crossed the s.p.a.ce between us, hugging her tightly to me. "I love you, too. I"ve missed you so much." That was all I could get out before I crumpled into sobs. We both stayed that way for a while, drenched in tears and sunny raindrops. Above us, the light broke through the clouds, giving the moisture a golden glow. It was a sun shower.
Julia grasped my face between her hands. "I have a million things to tell you, a zillion things to explain and to make right, buta""
Suddenly there was a hideous crunching noise. It sounded like metal in head-to-head combat with something unforgiving. Then, as if the horrific noise was sucked up into a vacuum, everything was silent.
"What was that?" Something jittery scampered down my spine.
"Yes, what was that?" I"d forgotten that Mel was standing next to us.
"I"m afraid that was Trevor." Julia shivered in my arms.
"Can you take me to him?"
"Yes."
She scampered over to the ledge and pointed to the other side of the lake. Directly across from us was a waterfall that hadn"t been there before. The spill off the top of the ridge was furious and slapping violently against islands of boulders jutting out of the water below. I searched every which way, seeking Trevor, but there was nothing to indicate his presence except the eerie feeling that the waterfall was his creation.
"Where is he?" I asked, never breaking my line of sight with the precipitous drop and the water below. What was that gash of red on the rocks? Ice flooded my veins.
"Is that blood?" I pointed my finger in the direction of the goliath boulders that were the farthest from the sh.o.r.e. "Someone answer me! Is that blood on the rocks?"
"It couldn"t be," Mel said, sounding shaky.
"It isn"t," Julia said. "It"s paint. He was driving a red truck when I saw him. He was acting crazy. I"d finished my last Delve and found my path and I wanted to find you guys before I left but he wasa""
"You finished your Delves? You"re leaving? Without me? No, this can"t be. You figured things out, but you"re not leaving without me. Right? Of course you"re going to wait for us. He"s driving Sally? Although, it makes sense, he loved that truck. But why is there red paint on the rocks?" My stomach was churning and my mind was flipping back and forth between a zillion thoughts at once.
"Argh! I quit. I can"t do this anymore." I plopped down right where I"d been standing. I hugged my knees to my chest. I wanted to be smaller, so that maybe I could have smaller problems: I wanted to disappear. "I hate this." I dropped my forehead onto my knees.
"You"re not a turtle." Mel rubbed my sh.e.l.l.
"I may put in for ita"you know, in my next life," I grumped at her.
"I highly doubt you could go that long without speaking." Mel sounded like she found me entertaining. I hated to be amusing. A little snort snuck out like a traitor.
"Elliot?" Julia"s face was awash with emotions. Before I could pinpoint what the primary one might be, there was a sucking sound coming from below the falls. The water on the surface of the lake churned and bubbled. Trevor"s truck flew backward out of the water, the front end uncrumpling right in front of us as it landed on the top of the cliff right on the edge of the fallsa"just like an action movie that someone had run in reverse. From this distance, I couldn"t tell if Trevor was inside, but I was going to find out.
Mel took one look at my face and said, "We"ll follow you."
I thought about creating a bridge and making a beeline for Trevor, but I wasn"t convinced that he wouldn"t run at the sight of me. I couldn"t risk losing him again. I decided that the quickest way to get over there would be to skirt the rim of the lake at our current height. This way I"d be able to keep an eye on him, without him spotting us. We hadn"t gone far when I heard Sally rumble to life.
"He"s leaving." I was all set to pick up the pace, even if Mel and Julia couldn"t keep up. Just then Trevor revved the engine, and Sally shot forward off the cliff. I knew it wouldn"t kill him, but the idea of it made me crazy. I covered my face with my hands, not wanting to see the visual.
"What"s his problem?" I threw up my hands.
"He"s an idiot." Julia was so sweet and matter-of-fact that I giggled. She smiled conspiratorially at me.
"Yes, he"s an idiot." I had to agree. "Come on, let"s go save him from himself."
Getting around the lake took a lot longer than expected. By the time we were approximately halfway to our destination, Trevor had driven over the falls a grand total of ten times with no end in sight. Each time Sally"s engine roared to life, I stopped and checked out what he was doing, but the minute he hit air, I couldn"t watch. I just put my head down and continued our insane rescue mission.
It was attempt number eleven that ignited my fury, pushing me over the edge. As Sally"s engine started up, I noticed Oliver standing next to the truck. He was talking to Trevor through the window. Now they decided to have a conversation. They hadn"t said two pleasant words to each other the whole time we"d been here. My palms were sweating like crazy. I squinted, trying to tell if Oliver was trying to stop Trevor too.
Trevor argued with Oliver and then the truck took off. The next time, Trevor walked away from the truck, deep in conversation with Oliver, then turned and made a mad dash for the cab. On the thirteenth attempt, Trevor threw his keys over the edge, Oliver gave him some s.p.a.ce, and then Trevor leaned against the truck"s rear b.u.mper, giving a push that started Sally rolling. He hopped into the truck bed. Sally and Trevor were gone before Oliver could reach the edge. Oliver did not seem pleased.
When his brother popped back out of the water in reverse, Oliver took the offensive and latched on to Sally"s back b.u.mper. My breath caught, afraid that Trevor wouldn"t realize that Oliver was there, but the truck door creaked open and I gave a sigh of relief.