a a a I don"t know how I knew it so instantaneously, but I dida"we"d switched Delves. These were my memories now. It was as if the magnetic surge of energy from the twins" touch had to be experienced firsthand. My head throbbed from the sudden jolt of switching roles. I felt like a time traveler. I was in Samantha"s head, but now that I"d watched her, I didn"t know if I wanted to be.
The twins had dropped their hands but both stood, focused on Samanthaa"on me. Waves of emotion flowed off of them, landing on me as if I was the sh.o.r.e. The brother on the left was sending off a vibe that made me want to hug him. He was the tide when it gently meets the beach, hypnotic, slowly washing away the rough edges of life. There was a rhythmic ebb and flow of energy between us. To my right, it was a different story. This brother was a force that made my heart race. He was the uncontainable ocean that inundates the rocky cliffs where it isn"t safe. And while the water was icy cold, the sheer will of it, forcing itself into every crack and crevice, created its own kind of heat. How could two people who appeared identical be so insanely different?
"I don"t mean to interrupt, but . . ." Emma turned to the twins. "We were sort of having an important conversation when you guys arrived. I need to ask Samantha something."
I shook my head, clearing the fog.
Emma finally had my attention, for the first time since the guys had shown up. I examined her closely, trying to see if the twins had the same weird effect on her as they had on me. It didn"t appear to be the case, and now in retrospect, the whole thing seemed bizarre. Who were these guys and why did I feel this way? What was I doing? Yes, she was right, we needed to finish up this Pa.s.senger conversation. "I"m sorry, Emma, I didn"t mean to lose track of what we were talking about." I looked back at the twins, trying to explain. "I know it"s a big thing to put out there, but I"m asking Emma if she would be my Pa.s.senger for my third time around."
"But . . ." Emma sputtered.
I held up my hand to stop her and looked at the twins. "She"s my best friend. There"s no one else I"d ask. No one else I could trust."
"But I said thata""
Emma seemed as if she was going to crumble. My stomach felt sick because I could see the train wreck coming even though Samantha didn"t have a clue. Or maybe I felt nauseous because I knew I should"ve seen it and I hadn"t.
"So, what do you say, Em?" Samantha asked.
Emma took a deep breath. "No. I"m sorry, but I say no." Two tears plopped down on the smooth marble. I wasn"t sure if they were hers or mine.
"Why?" Samantha asked, her voice shaking.
"You really have to ask?"
"Area"are you mad at me?" Samantha stuttered. "Did I do something?"
Emma bit her lip hard. "I"m not mad at you. I mean, maybe I am. Buta"noa"I just wanteda"Does it matter, Sam? I just can"t."
"I"ll be your Pa.s.senger." Both of the twins said it at the same exact time.
"What?" Emma and I replied in unison, making it slightly creepier.
The twin on the left, the gentle one, reached out and grabbed my hands. "I know you don"t know me, but I have this feeling, this strong feeling that this is right. I"d be more than happy to be your Pa.s.senger." His eyes twinkled with sincerity and I felt mesmerized by him all over again.
"Heya"" The other twin, intense and edgy, took a step forward and grasped me by the shoulders, commanding my attention. "I don"t think you want to do that." He raised his eyebrows and waited, making me feel as if there was an answer I should provide.
"Okay. I meana"why not?" I was suddenly very confused.
"I should be your Pa.s.senger." The intense twin was staring me down.
"Don"t listen to him." The gentle twin b.u.t.ted back in, pulling my gaze. "He"s got a compet.i.tive streak. Can"t you feel the connection between us?"
I felt like a Ping-Pong ball, bouncing back and forth between the two. Now the intense twin was back, cupping my chin in his hand and bringing my attention back to him. He leaned forward and whispered in my ear. "I"m the one who"s supposed to be important in your life. I can feel it."
The warm air from his mouth sent icy hot ripples down my spine, but then I felt a yanking sensation coming from the pit of my stomach. The pull of the ring had started and it was strong. I gave a little involuntary yelp of surprise. I wasn"t prepared for this yet. I didn"t have enough time to think. My eyes rocketed back and forth between the twins. I couldn"t tell if either of them was experiencing the pull. That would have been an easy way to decide if one of them was really supposed to go with me. I glanced around, trying to find a clue to help make the decision. Emma! She was still standing there, a weird expression plastered to her face. I sighed. It was obvious that Emma"s expression meant she was feeling the pull too. My feet were moving toward the ring. It was making me dizzy not to honor the pull.
"Samantha, you have to choose." I wasn"t sure which brother said it. My mind was reeling. I needed a Pa.s.senger. I couldn"t be a failure again.
"Okay, I"ll pick, but I need to move over here." I motioned toward the ring and both guys moved with me. "Come on, Emma," I called over my shoulder. She walked over and all four of us placed our toes up to the line. The floor started to glow.
"You have to make a decision." Both twins spoke at the same time again. The sweet twin was still on my left and the intense one on my right.
"I know," I said, my heart racing. But I was sure I"d never know the right answer. My hand shot out and the brother on the left grasped it tightly in his. His sweetness rolled over me and he practically glowed with delight. I felt sure I"d made the right decisiona"until I turned to peek at the other brother. He looked like a puppy who"d been kickeda"hard. How could I explain? There wasn"t time. I had no idea if he felt the pull; if he was going to step forward too, even though he couldn"t be my Pa.s.senger. The wind would be coming soon and I couldn"t take that chance. I grabbed the other brother and pulled both of them onto the ring with me. I needed them both.
I never even noticed that Emma had taken a step backward . . .
9.
suspending disbelief.
It was eerily quiet when we all returned from the Delve. But Trevor didn"t stay speechless very long. "This is bulls.h.i.t!"
"You should be glad she even wanted you along," Oliver said.
But Trevor wasn"t watching his brother. He was locked on to me. I could feel red heat flooding my cheeks, despite the penetrating chill emanating from him. He looked volatile. I wasn"t feeling the magical magnetic pull anymorea"it was more like repulsion. I turned my head away from him and caught Julia staring. She seemed shocked; wounded. I groaneda"things had just gone from bad to worse in the friendship department. Now that she remembered what had happened at the Basin, she had new ammunition. This new incident was just icing on the Elliott-screwed-up-again cake. I opened my mouth, wanting to say the right thing, but before two neurons could get together and at least attempt a plan, Julia burst into tears and dashed from the room.
"She"ll be okay." Oliver put an arm around my shoulder. The sweetness of it was baffling.
"Doesn"t seem that way." Trevor"s voice had a sarcastic bite. And he was correct. There was no reason for Julia to be all right. It hurt me to admit it, but she had bad taste in friends.
Oliver interrupted my thoughts. "Seriously, don"t worry. We"ll get it all sorted out. Julia is going to be fine." He glared at Trevor. "My brother is the king of misguided emotion. He"s just sore because you picked me to be your Pa.s.senger. He seems to think that you"re his soul mate."
Mt. Saint Trevor looked as if it were about to erupt. Up until now he"d been so cold, but it appeared that Oliver knew how to cause friction. Acrid smoke rose all around him as if something had ignited inside and was eating all the oxygen in the room. I noticed that he"d reengaged his billboard T-Shirt. It now said GO TO h.e.l.l! I wrapped my arms around myself, the slogan giving me the shivers. It felt too much like a premonition. Trevor stood there long enough to make his commentary known and then turned and strode out the door.
"Are we done, Mel?" Oliver asked.
Mel glanced over at Lily, the other Third Timer in our group. "You interested in Delving today?"
Lily ran a hand over her silky scarf and sighed. "I Delved yesterday and, honestly, I"m feeling tired from reliving the chemo. Maybe I could skip it today?" She gave Mel a subtle nod and I knew she must have been a mother in her last life. She had that I"m-going-to-do-whatever-is-best-for-the-kids expression on her face. I felt torn between being appreciative and feeling manipulated. Unable to decide, I figured I"d just ignore the whole situation.
"Wanna walk back to the Haven, Elliot?" Oliver said.
"You sure you want to go with me?" I asked, my heart skipping little beats of surprise and hope.
"Yup." His curls bobbed up and down.
I nudged him with my hip. "If you"re sure you want to go slumming." I said it with a light, airy tone in my voice, but I knew I meant it.
"Don"t say that." Oliver"s brow furrowed.
"But it"s the truth. You were there. You saw what I did to you. The way I treated Julia when she was Emma." I tipped my head and hid behind a curtain of hair, trying to buffer myself against the truth.
"Looka"maybe it makes you feel better to say that kind of stuff, but it makes me feel bad." He rubbed his temples like he could smooth away the headache I was giving him. "If you can"t do it for yourself, do it for me."
"Do what?" Now I was confused.
"Give yourself a break."
I stared at him, trying to gauge his level of sincerity even though I somehow knew that he was honest to a fault.
"If you can"t believe it, fake it. Okay?"
I couldn"t help it, a sigh escaped. I had a feeling that fooling myself was something I might be really, really good at. I shrugged my shoulders, sensing that Oliver had me wrapped around his little finger. "Sure," I replied, shaking my head but smiling.
a a a As we walked out of the cla.s.sroom, Oliver launched into a description of a project he was working on with Freddie. They were building a greenhouse with a retractable roof for Freddie"s vegetable garden. Although it would be easy enough to create the food, just like most things here, we all tended to want to do things the familiar way. Even if it was ridiculously time-consuming, everyone had certain stuff they were nostalgic for. And of course, some people just liked the challenge. Or maybe they wanted to avoid thinking about other things. Oliver stopped short and tapped his fist into his palm. "d.a.m.n."
"What"s the matter?" I was immediately on guard.
"I just remembereda"I was supposed to check with Mel about what materials we should use. We were thinking about having the roof open and close automatically depending on the temperature. You never know what the weather is going to be like around here, with so many people and their different moods. A lot of tomatoes could be ruined by one of Trevor"s frosty outbursts." Oliver"s face crinkled up in laughter.
"Well, why don"t you go talk with her now?"
"I promised I"d walk back with you."
"Because you want to or because you"re worried that I"ll go fetal again if left alone?"
He blushed. "Would it be so bad to say a little bit of both?"
"Nah," I replied. "It would just make you truthful. How about I wait for you outside? I"ll sit under one of the trees out front and work on giving myself a break." I mimed giving myself a big hug.
"That would be awesome." He gave me a quick squeeze and turned back toward the cla.s.sroom, calling over his shoulder, "I won"t be long at all."
I waved him off and headed toward the main lobby. Immediately my mind buzzed, busily replaying everything that"d just happened. I couldn"t help it, my thoughts drifted from one random idea about Trevor to another. Something was surfacing in response to my memories, but I couldn"t put a finger on it. The harder I tried to focus on it, the more obscure the thought became.
Deep in my own mental gymnastics, I rounded the corner and caught a glimpse of Trevor at the end of the hall. His back was to me and his arm was propped up against the main door. I immediately braced myself for another bout of Trevor hostility before I realized he didn"t even know I was there. Then it hit me: Trevor wasn"t alone. All his attention was focused on someone else. His other arm was cradling a dizzying array of wild blond curls.
OMG! He was kissing Julia.
10.
tilt.
I shouldn"t have cared one bit about who that idiot was kissing, yet Oliver"s words jumped into my head and repeated like a ticker tape in Times Square: He seems to think that you"re his soul mate.
Thinking about it was causing a disorienting, warm flutter in my lower gut. Really? I visualized a fisted hand thumping me on the noggin. The ridiculous words rattled around momentarily like a shiny orb in a pinball machine and then dropped out of sight. Tilt.
My temples throbbed. Julia and Trevor were still attached at the lips. "Oh, for G.o.d"s sake, get a room." I instantly pictured walking in on a tangled pile of Trevor and Julia, and quickly added, "And I don"t mean mine."
Julia stiffened and peeked out from under Trevor"s arm. She looked like Dorothy after being blown into Oz. No clue as to how her little house had migrated from Kansas.
Trevor turned around with calculated ease. He kept his grip on Julia, who seemed like she wanted to bolt.
"Elliot, um, I . . ." Julia sputtered.
I couldn"t stop staring at her mouth, puffy from being kissed. Without making eye contact I barked at her. "Spit it outa"you"re in charge now. Remember?"
Trevor released Julia and sauntered up to me. "I"m sorry"a"his sarcasm had extra bitea""but is there some reason why this is your business?"
I could feel the color drop from my face like an elevator with its cable severed. Why was it so hard for me to think things through before barbs started flying out of my mouth?
"I asked you a question." Trevor"s voice tightened.
I stared at him, realization crawling over me like mold. The kind that you see in fast-forward on a National Geographic special. I was being invaded by the nasty green knowledge that possibly, maybe, I could be slightly, just a bita"jealous. What the h.e.l.l?
"Leave her alone," Oliver said. He must"ve snuck up behind me.
Leaving me alone seemed like the last thing that Trevor wanted to do. His face was anything but inviting, yet he was looking at me like I had something that belonged to him and he wasn"t leaving without it.
I dropped my gaze. "I"m sorry."
"It isn"t true." His voice was low, the words slicing the air with the precision of a blade.
"What isn"t true?"
"What he said." He shoved his hands deep in his pockets and nudged his chin in Oliver"s direction. "You knowa"about the stupid soul mate thing." He said the words "soul mate" like a toddler might say "lima beans."
"Oh, I never thought it was true," I said. I could feel Oliver tense, ready to protest, but I squeezed his hand and whispered, "Just let it go."
So there it was. Well, I didn"t want him as my soul mate either. Julia could have him. Too bad he wasn"t interested in being in David"s Workshop too. What a relief that Oliver, sweet and funny Oliver, was my Pa.s.senger.
Why was I wasting my time here? As if Oliver knew what I was thinking, he grabbed me by the hand and we skirted around Julia and Trevor. I"d almost made it to safety when I felt Trevor"s fingers grip my arm. My pulse sped up and I could hear my heart thundering in my ears. I had to remind myself that I was already dead. What could he actually do to me?
11.
revelations.
I braced myself, expecting to be swept away in his anger and hatred, waiting for the vise to tighten.