He could not find her.
Anywhere.
Neither in the street near his rented room, nor the park a few blocks away which they had been to.
Though Zhuge was sweating all over, he couldn’t still find her.
"Excuse me, did you see a girl who is really really beautiful and cute with a sweet smile and has a tall figure. Her name is Nanako..."
He asked one and one pa.s.sers-by, someone said no, while some others just waved hands and left. Zhuge abruptly felt dizzy and lost his breath. He held onto a tree by the roadside, feeling that both his legs were too heavy to move as if they were injected with metals.
He never hated himself so bitterly in his life that he didn’t have enough energy due to lack of exercise even though he had plenty of time.
He gasped for breath, intuition told him that Nanako was around him, looking at him quietly somewhere.
She had her own thoughts... She wasn"t only clay.
Zhuge sat on a whirligig like that. His head lowered--- thinking that his averse and fearful look towards Nanako that day was like a knife, which sliced her attachment to him.
Zhuge felt he was not different from those who used to tease and dislike him. They avoided him with a sn.o.bbish att.i.tude... And so did he, who separated him and Nanako in the same way.
They were the same.
He was the same as those people.
Although he didn’t express his anger, he never forgave those guys... Likewise, Nanako couldn’t forgive him.
"I’m the worst."
Zhuge sat quietly, attracting the attention of pa.s.sers-by. The face with stubble looked very pathetic... like tramps on the street.
If Nanako wouldn’t forgive him, then any effort was like beating a dead horse.
He trembled, reaching out to his pocket... To the black card he hid near him since Nanako appeared.
…
The familiar pine door and bell, with the acquainted boss and the weird decoration style.
It was the third time he came.
The boss was sitting over here tacitly, looking like he was waiting for him since long ago. Zhuge pulled out the chair, sitting down without anyone else asking him to do so.
"Customer, is there anything I can do for you?"
"I want to find Nanako." Zhuge deeply breathed, gazing at Luo Qiu seriously. His look showed unprecedented stability which hadn’t been expressed in the last two times, "It’s not my original plan."
Luo Qiu remained the same. "Say it please."
Zhuge took a deep breath. "I planned to... exchange something for the forgiveness of Nanako. As long as she can forgive me... and forget the hurt I did to her."
Luo Qiu said indifferently, "Of course we can do that."
Zhuge shook his head, "But, I gave up this idea... Because I found I’m not eligible. I’ve hurt her, if I obtain her forgiveness through this vile method, then I... What qualification do I have to meet and face her again?"
"I’m afraid and avoided her from the beginning. I’m left timidly in her view. I’ve never hate myself like this." Zhuge smiled bitterly, "In the end, I’m still the Zhuge who achieved nothing. But this time... This time..."
He shouted heavily and loudly, "This time, I hope Nanako can forgive me by my effort! Thus, the only wish for me is to know where she is now."
Luo Qiu thought for a while, questioning him, "Customer, excuse my curiosity, but how would you like to have Nanako forgive you?"
Zhuge gave a start, "I... I don’t know... I just thought of how to find her first."
Luo Qiu nodded, "If you search by yourself, as long as she wants to avoid you, you probably won’t find her forever. Do you believe that?"
Zhuge nodded reluctantly.
"How about spending 3 days of your lifespan?"
Zhuge nodded as soon as he heard this, without consideration.
"As you wish, dear customer."
Luo Qiu now stood up, walking to Zhuge and pressing against his shoulder--- the view before his eyes started to spiral and he was dragged away.
When he regained his consciousness, he found he was back downstairs of the rental apartment.
"Here..." Zhuge looked at this familiar place with shock, "Nanako... is here?"
Luo Qiu carried the black cane and pointed it at the top, "To be accurate, she’s right in your room."
"How come..."
Luo Qiu coolly said, "She’ll come back when you leave and she’ll leave before you come back. She has already calculated your daily schedule."
Zhuge’s shoulders quivered, "She... She’s just..."
Luo Qiu suddenly said, "She’s probably not bored. To be honest, this Ms. Nanako works more than before."
Luo Qiu continued explaining, as watching the confused Luo Qiu, "She cleans your room everyday, but is afraid that you’ll discover it, so restores it as it used to be. Besides, she watches the movies and videos you watched and deletes the records... etc."
Then she must feel... even more lonely than the previous days.
Zhuge couldn’t imagine how she spent the time.
"Actually... She did so much for me." Zhuge looked vaguely up Luo Qiu, "I... I want to do one thing for her... Can I buy something from here?"
"Of course you can! You’re always our dear customer." Zhuge took a deep breathe, "I want to go to a place."
…
…
In the TV station.
In the live site of Diamond 120 Seconds program. As the most popular program among the local and surrounding provinces, it had a terrifying audience rating.
Merely seconds of performance on such a stage would be enough to be used as a bragging conversation topic!
"Mr. Chen Jiaming, please prepare, it’s your turn in 1 minute!"
Chen Jiaming breathed deeply, thinking that he’d appear on this big stage after 1 minute… and bound into fame! After that… f*ck the useless top sales of the food company!
‘This father’s goal is to be a famous person and make a fortune!!’
Jumping to warm up casually and ease his nervous spirit, Chen Jiaming started to adjust his breath. However, just then, his vision blurred.
He wiped his eyes, watching a big strong man walk out from the changing room. Chen Jiaming gave a start, "Zhuge? Why are you here? It’s backstage… Well, you must have come to cheer for me! Hahaha! Thanks!"
Unexpectedly, Zhuge rushed up to Chen Jiaming, hitting him on the belly without hesitation!
"This fist is repayment for the deletion of my game!"
"You!"
Later, Zhuge raised his knee severely and struck the opponent’s stomach too… he was a fatty with strong leg strength. Chen Jiaming held his belly and squatted, vomiting and almost fainted!
"And this fist… for no reason, I just wanna hit you!!"
"You…"
"F*ck you! I’ve tolerated you for too long!" Zhuge took a sudden jump and then squashed Chen Jiaming.
Even Boss Luo at the side felt painful witnessing such a bash… He shook his head, touching Chen Jiaming with the cane, making him faint to avoid seeing any of the torturous expressions.
"Chen Jiaming! Chen Jiaming! Are you ready?"
"Yea… Yeah I am!" Zhuge took a glance at Luo Qiu but found no response from him, so he answered that call.
He didn’t change, opening the door and walking through under the eyes of the program a.s.sistant to the backstage. Entering stage as soon as the emcee finished his introduction.
The emcee was stunned and could not say a word. She even retreated step by step… back to the edge.
"…Is that Zhuge?"
"Yeah, it’s Zhuge. Where’s Chen Jiaming?"
"c.r.a.p… What happened?"
Under the spotlights, Zhuge went to the stage center step by step and then took over the microphone from the a.s.sistant. Gazing at the audience in the sound stage… there were 500 people along with the jury and 8 video cameras.
He never showed himself in front of so many people before--- Yet he was aware that countless people were following him in front of their televisions.
He dared not to recall how he went on the stage… due to fear and nervousness, his palm grasping the microphone had been drenched. Therefore, he had to hold it with both hands to avoid dropping it.
Zhuge found it difficult to speak... he hung his head unwittingly, without daring to look at those audiences and the jury.
‘Nanako… is gazing at me.’
While thinking of her, who stayed in the small room, cleaning it up quietly and putting everything back to original appearance, the sudden heartache made Zhuge raise his head.
"I… I’m Zhuge, full name is Zhuge Cong."
"I… I used to be a very cowardly person, not clever and also very fat. I failed exams, couldn’t finish even a 200-meter race. And no girl would want to be my girlfriend before graduating from university."
"But now, there’s a person that cares about me all the way."
"After graduation, I was just a handyman in a common food company, I thought my whole life would be spent this way…"
"I wanted to work hard, but I was afraid of failure. Though I look careless, I’m actually very sensitive to everyone’s opinions."
"I have no other activities. After work, I go back home and do nothing but play computer games and watch anime… In others’ views, I’m just a loser that avoids reality."
"I’m really good at denying myself… I keep thinking that why others dislike me all the way. But now, I realized the truth is not like that… rather, it’s that I hate myself."
"I met a … a beautiful and lovely girl. She knows me, supports, and thinks highly of me. She accompanies me to watch those naïve and ridiculous anime and watch me play games by my side."
"But I even avoided her… even hurt her…"
"I’m really the worst man…" Saying this, Zhuge let out a slight hint of laughter containing self-mockery, "Even just now, I knocked out my colleague and replaced him to come to this stage."
Upon hearing these, the director group turned flurried and confused.
Yet the director banged the table furiously, "Stay calm! F*ck! Continue the live stream! This is what you call increasing viewers.h.i.+p!!! Go ahead!!"
"… When I think back, I found she has done so much for me without mentioning anything. But I, seem not to do anything for her."
"Hence, please give me some time to sing a song." Zhuge lowered his head, "Let me tell all I want to express, my apology, my thoughts and everything… ‘I only care about you’."
"If I didn’t meet you."
"Where will I be?"
"How will my life be?"
"If life should be cherished."
Sorry, Nanako, now…
"Maybe someone you know."
"Is living a common life."
‘Now, please watch me… watch me, I’m right over here.’
"As time pa.s.ses."
"I only care about you."
"I’m most willing to be affected by your breath."
‘I won’t be scared of anything.’
"So I… beg you… Don’t have me leave you!"
…
…
"Zhuge…"
(In a sobbing tone)
She sat in front of the TV, shocked by the sudden change in the program. Nevertheless, she never moved away her attention since she saw that clumsy figure.
Covering her mouth with one hand… then the other hand was raised to help cover it as well.
"Zhuge… I want to see you."