Chapter 47: Review Ends
Chapter 47 – Review Ends
[First!]
[Viewer 23.]
[Selling peanuts, sunflower seeds, and douhua in the front row.]
[Grandpa! The UP you’re paying attention to has a new update!]
[Leaving my mark here before this video becomes popular.]
[Like first, watch later.]
[I’m eager to see what kind of insane product the UP is going to reveal this time.]
…
After around a dozen comments flowed by, light appeared in the black screen, and Chen Yu’s masked face appeared on the screen.
“Greetings, fellow friends and viewers!”
In the video, Chen Yu was holding a small, rectangular box. Waving at the camera, he continued, “Welcome to Transdimensional Review’s third episode! I am very grateful for all the support everyone has given me! The product I have brought to you all this time is…
“The Golden Finger!”
Tapping his index finger on the box, Chen Yu said, “This is a very special product with diverse functions. It is produced by the Handicraft Company in the year 2035—in other words, 15 years from now. Everyone watching this video will have the fortune of purchasing this product within your lifetime. Alright, I’ll dispense with the nonsense. Let’s begin today’s review!”
“Good! If I fail to buy it 15 years later, I’ll sue you for false advertising.]
[The Golden Finger? Is it used inside toilets? ( ͡°͜ʖ͡°)]
[Unboxing! Unboxing complete! Proceed to the review introduction!]
“First, let’s start with the unboxing.” Pulling off the box’s lid, Chen Yu retrieved the golden finger cot inside the box and said, “Unboxing complete! Now, let’s proceed to the next topic—review introduction.”
Holding the finger cot, Chen Yu did a 360-degree display of it to the camera. He then continued, “Everyone should be able to clearly see the external appearance of this product. I can only use one word to describe this thing—exquisite! It is truly exquisite. From the outside, you can’t see any joints. It looks as if it is one organic whole! Moreover, it is also unknown as to what material this Golden Finger is made of. It is soft yet hard, hard yet elastic. It feels extremely good to the touch.”
[WTF?]
[What a terrible description…]
[Just call a spade a spade. Regardless, this finger cot indeed looks very beautiful.]
[So, just what is this Golden Finger used for?]
After displaying the “Golden Middle Finger” to the camera, Chen Yu wore it on his right middle finger. Adjusting his mask slightly, he said, “I believe everyone should have already noticed that each side of the finger cot has three b.u.t.tons wrapped in special material. The b.u.t.tons on the left represent power, while the right b.u.t.tons represent speed! Each mode has three gears, the performance of the Golden Finger increasing with each subsequent gear.
“Next up, I will be reviewing the Golden Middle Finger’s first function! The flick of friendship!”
After saying so, Chen Yu bent down and retrieved a wooden block from beneath the table. He then waved the wooden block at the camera and said, “It is a normal interaction for close friends to flick each other in the forehead. Forehead flicking can increase the sense of closeness between friends, and it also helps alleviate the dullness of gatherings. Hence, the Golden Middle Finger’s first main function is to flick foreheads. Fifteen years in the future, this Golden Finger is an indispensable tool for card games, truth or dare, and many other activities.”
While speaking, Chen Yu pressed down on the first left b.u.t.ton. After feeling a numbing sensation in his middle finger, he aimed at the wooden block and sent a powerful flick at it.
Bang!
Crack!
The wooden block instantly fractured, and half of it flew out of camera range…
[???]
[?????]
[??]
“Good. Let’s test the Golden Finger on this next.”
After tossing away the remaining half of the wooden block he held, Chen Yu took out a thick and st.u.r.dy fire brick from under the table. He then pressed the “Power 2” b.u.t.ton and sent a flick at the brick.
Boom!
The Golden Finger moved at a speed imperceptible to the naked eye. There was only a loud sound before the brick broke into two.
[?????]
[c.r.a.p…]
[???]
“Lastly, let’s try the finger on this.”
After tossing away the remaining half of the brick, Chen Yu reached under the table once more and grabbed a steel rod as thick as a child’s wrist. He then pressed the “Power 3” b.u.t.ton.
Bzz…
The instant Chen Yu pressed the b.u.t.ton, the audible sound of electric current flowing came from the Golden Finger.
“Wow! I can feel my middle finger br.i.m.m.i.n.g with strength!”
As soon as Chen Yu said so, he flicked at the steel rod ruthlessly!
Ding!
The instant the loud metallic clang sounded, the ma.s.sive force from the impact made Chen Yu lose his grip on the steel rod. The steel rod flew straight out of his hand and smashed into the review table, creating a deep scar.
“Hiss…”
Chen Yu hurriedly retracted his left hand in pain and relaxed only after seeing that his palm was fine. He then bent down to pick up the steel rod that had bounced off to the floor and showed the rod to the camera.
Unlike before, the thick steel rod was now bent.
“As I had released my grip partway, the Golden Finger was not able to display its full strength. Otherwise, this steel rod would’ve snapped directly in half.”
Clang.
Tossing away the steel rod, Chen Yu pointed the Golden Finger at the camera and asked, “Well? Is everyone satisfied with the function of this product? It is truly a G.o.dlike tool for head-flicking!”
[G.o.dlike head-flicking tool (No)! Close friend exterminator (Yes)!
[I’m shocked! Are these special effects?]
[G.o.dly head-popper!]
[Wonderful! I’m going to buy one and join the war…]
[The finger part of an exoskeleton.]
[Thanos takes off the Infinity Gauntlet in embarra.s.sment…]
[I just wish to know how the UP managed to get his hands on such a thing. Did he make it himself?]
[Itachi: “Forgive me, Sasuke, this is the last time…”]
[I recommend using it to flick naughty children…]
After a wave of bullet comments pa.s.sed by, Chen Yu’s figure on the screen turned his body slightly and revealed the Golden Finger’s right side to the camera. He then explained, “Flicking foreheads is only one of the Golden Finger’s functions. It still has another function that is equally great, and that is its speed function.
“Like the power function, the speed function has three gears. In the first gear, the finger cot will vibrate ten times per second!”
After Chen Yu pressed the first right b.u.t.ton, the Golden Finger immediately started vibrating at an extremely high speed.
“Next up, the second gear. One hundred vibrations per second!”
Brr…
The instant Chen Yu pressed the second b.u.t.ton, the Golden Finger accelerated, vibrating like a phantom. The sound of wind was clearly audible.
“With this function, whether you are playing instruments or partic.i.p.ating in e-sports, you can achieve more with less! You can even use this function to turn the Golden Finger into a drill!”
[Amazing! I am truly convinced! Only a true lunatic would create such an item!]
[Wow! I seem to have discovered its true purpose!]
[Why do I feel that things are developing in a wrong direction…]
[Is my screen becoming yellow?][1]
[I get you!]
[What an outstanding recommendation!]
[You guys continue watching. I’m heading out for a bit. My dominant arm is feeling a little itchy.]
[I finished…]
“Lastly, the third gear! One thousand vibrations per second!”
Brr!!
A strong wind started roaring as soon as Chen Yu pressed the third b.u.t.ton. Under the dynamic vision of humans, the rapidly vibrating Golden Finger actually transformed into a solid, golden plate!
[c.r.a.p! c.r.a.p! c.r.a.p!]
[????]
[Will the UP’s middle finger get crippled?]
[A dog is robbing your video! UP, kill him now!]
[This abomination is meant for G.o.ds…]
[Quickly save this loon.]
[Am I the only one that thinks that this thing can be used to tease cats?]
[I suspect you’re an old driver…]
After displaying the Golden Finger’s speed function for a bit longer, Chen Yu powered it off and put it back into its box. Clasping his hands together, he then looked at the camera and said, “Alright, the Golden Middle Finger’s review ends here.
“Thank you, Handicraft Company, for supplying this technological product to me. Of course, I would also like to thank you for the support you’ve shown me, fellow viewers. Also, also, forgive me for being presumptuous, but I hope everyone can share my videos and bring my videos to the attention of many others. This is very important to me. This concerns whether I can have more and better technological products to share with everyone.
“Next week, I will be reviewing my fourth product on this channel. This will also be the last product for my ‘newcomer’ period. Let’s meet again next Monday. Goodbye!”
After Chen Yu finished speaking, the screen darkened, and numerous bullet comments flew across it.
The video was over.