Chapter 83 Remembrance: Selfishness
Feng Luodi never expected Situ to do that for her. Yes, she did know that he had feelings for her, but she knew that such feelings were nothing in the face of the greater good. She was not one to put herself down, but neither was she overconfident of her own charm. She thought she"d understood Situ: a clever man whose every move is calculated and carefully examined. That was the General of the North she knew.
But this time, his actions were not calculated nor examined in advance. Suddenly, she felt the weight of his unspoken feelings on her shoulders.
The army slowly started to redraw from the maze, under orders from Cheng s.h.i.+fei. The entrance of the maze was slowly getting submerged by the quicksand flowing into it, but Situ was yet to be seen. Everyone watched the entrance carefully, worry apparent on their faces.
Finally, the long awaited figure appeared in view.
Feng Luodi looked at him. Other than the dust in his hair and his ruffled clothes, Situ seemed fine. In one hand , he held Remembrance.
“General, are you alright?” Cheng s.h.i.+fei and the Covert Guards rushed over quickly.
Situ shook his head, and walked over to Feng Luodi, pa.s.sing the Guqin to her. Without stopping, he continued onwards. “Let"s head back. It"s been a tiring day for all of us.” The soldiers followed behind him. Feng Luodi looked at the Guqin in her hands, a mixture of feelings welling up in her.
“General! You are injured!” A soldier cried out.
Feng Luodi"s head shot up and looked for Situ. Indeed, his entire back was covered in wounds. Some were deep gashes, and some were puncture holes where black fluid oozed out slowly, the injuries from the poisoned arrows and darts.
Suddenly, she could not hold in her tears any longer. How could I be so selfish? All I"d been thinking about was if I could get back to the 21st Century – I never thought of him at all! Why did this have to happen to me? Why do I have to come to this world at all? Why am I the one who always had to make such difficult decisions? Why must I be in such pain?
Remembrance suddenly felt heavy in her hands, so heavy that she felt herself falling to the ground along with the Guqin.
“Miss Feng!” Quattor, who stayed by her side all the while, cried out. Situ spun around, just in time to see Feng Luodi fall to the ground like the heart-breaking sway of a willow tree in the wind.
The neighbouring countries that had stationed their troops to watch over the movements of the Northern Army were irritated by the three days of inactivity of the troops, then surprised by the sudden withdrawal of the Northern Army. Their surprise quickly turned to shock as they felt the ground rumbling beneath their feet, tremors caused actually by the sinking of the maze. Believing it to be the result of Situ"s discovery of the “invincible weapon” that he was rumoured to be looking for, the generals of the other armies panicked and were at a lost of what to do.
Before they could report the situation to their kings, Zhang Xin appeared before their armies with a mere troop of ten thousand strong. The generals quickly questioned him.
“General Zhang, what is the weapon that General Situ had discovered? Are you not willing to share it with all of us?”
“Hmph! There is no such weapon, and even if there is, why must we share it around? This is in the lands of the Xuan Kingdom, and the territory of the Northern Army.” Zhang Xin"s face darkened. “If you think you can best us, go ahead and try by all means. But I can tell you that your attempts are futile, even if you combine forces with each other. Our General Situ is back, and you can tell that to your kings. Tell them that the General of the Northern Army is back, and it"s time for them to snuff out their shady plot themselves.”
Now the generals understood. Whoever it was that had spread the rumour of Situ looking for the “invincible weapon” had been used by Situ in a demonstration of power and confidence. Indeed, they wouldn"t dare to go against the Northern Army now that Situ is back, even if the surrounding kingdoms joined forces. That was the show of power that Situ had promised the Emperor, and he had delivered.
Feng Luodi knew that she had fainted, and she did into enter the spiritual plane as she"d wanted to previously. But this time, Phantom did not appear even after a long time. How she wished for someone she could turn to for advice, not knowing how to face Situ when she woke.
When she woke, the first thing she saw was the white canvas that formed the top of her tent.
“Cough cough!” Feng Luodi struggled to sit up. She had a splitting headache, and her throat felt as raw as sandpaper. Her limbs were deadened and weak, just as how she"d felt when she first entered the body of Feng Luodi. She dressed herself painfully and shuffled to the tea table, wanting to pour herself a drink. However, her unsteady hands failed her and she knocked over both the entire set of tea, staining the table.
The loud sound attracted a person outside her tent. Situ entered to see the mess she was in.
“What"s wrong?” He stopped her from trying to clean the mess up. “We"ll do it later.”
“I have no strength in my hands anymore!” Feng Luodi stared at her hands, aghast. Her throat felt even tighter than it already was.
“It"s just a minor cold. You"ll be fine in a day.” Situ comforted her. “There"s some ginger soup prepared for you; I"ll go and get it.” He stood up and turned to leave the tent.
“Situ.” Feng Luodi called out. Her gaze swept over Remembrance, sitting in a corner of her tent. “You didn"t have to do it. It wasn"t worth it.”
Situ did not turn to look at her. “I"ll bring in the ginger soup.”
Feng Luodi stared at the familiar figure in front of her, and tears welled up in her eyes again. She raised her head, trying to stop them from falling. When Situ returned, Feng Luodi had already tidied up the area.
“Drink it while it"s still hot. You"ll recover quickly enough.” Situ sat down beside her and watched as she slowly drank the soup.
Drops of tears splashed into the bowl, causing ripples over the surface of the hot soup.
Situ sighed, and handed her his handkerchief. “Is the ginger soup that distasteful?”
Feng Luodi put down the spoon in her hands and looked away from him. “It is…it tastes horrible.”
Situ kept his handkerchief and stood up. “Sleep for a while more. I"ll wake you up when your medicine is ready.” He turned to leave again.
“Situ. Why?” Feng Luodi could not hold it back anymore.
“You should know the reason.” Situ did not look at her, his voice as low as it"d always been. “Feng Luodi, let me tell you one thing: I do not care about the reason behind your quest, nor will I doubt you anymore. I will find all the remaining Guqin for you, but I will never let you put yourself in harm"s way again.”
“Situ, that"s not-” Feng Luodi raised her head, but all she saw was his retreating figure.
A final sentence came from outside the tent. “This is my decision; it has nothing to do with you.”
It was the truth, but it was false as well.
Feng Luodi looked up again, but the tears resisted her attempts to stop them from falling freely. I should have never came to the North! Even if I"d found Remembrance the last of them all, things would be better than they are now.
Situ sat in the meeting tent, looking at the reports on his table. He had accomplished what he"d promised the Emperor, and soon it"ll be time for him to return to Chang"an.
“General.” Cheng s.h.i.+fei came into the tent, all decked in his armour. “I"ve already gathered the troops, to change the s.h.i.+ft with those at Yanmen Pa.s.s, and we will be leaving in 15 minutes. The troops returning to Yunzhong pa.s.s will be led by a.s.sistant-General Chen.”
“Good.” Situ stood up. “a.s.sistant-General Chen is a capable man. It"s time we send him to Wuyuan.”
“He"ll be sad to hear that, having to command an army of two hundred thousand all of a sudden.” Cheng s.h.i.+fei chuckled.
“You"ll be there to guide him anyway.” Situ commented idly. “Wuyuan and Yanmen aren"t that far away from each other.”
Cheng s.h.i.+fei"s fell. “You"re doing this on purpose, aren"t you?”
Situ turned to him. “Not only that, you"ll have to keep an eye on Zhang Xin back here in Yunzhong Pa.s.s.”
“I understand.” Cheng s.h.i.+fei sighed. “The day he is capable of leading his own army is the day I can return to spend the rest of my days in Chang"an.”
“That"ll be a long way to go.”
They chatted for a while more, and Cheng s.h.i.+fei finally asked the question that was on his mind. “Uhm, Situ. How are things between you and Miss Feng?” He took a few steps back, keeping a distance from Situ.
Situ stared at him for a long while. “It"s just as you see.”
“That sounds scary, Situ.” Cheng s.h.i.+fei raised an eyebrow. “Do you need any help?”
Situ put down the report in his hands and looked at him squarely. “So that things can get worse?”
“Hey now, don"t say it that way.” Cheng s.h.i.+fei waved a hand in the air. “I just couldn"t stand seeing you moping around everyday – that"s why I"d offered to help.”
“No thankyou.” Situ shook his head. “I"ll like to find out just how cold she can be.”
“Situ, have you thought of it from another angle? Perhaps…she has her own reasons for doing things her way. Something she cannot tell anyone.”
Situ angled his head upwards and sighed again. “I"ve checked her background. She has never left the Feng household in the past 17 years of her life, and neither did she have any close friends. The Feng household isn"t a place where someone like her could have been raised – someone who can take Chang"an by storm with just a song.”
“Are you doubting her ident.i.ty?” Cheng s.h.i.+fei was perplexed. “But that is impossible!”
“I"m not doubting her ident.i.ty, but…” Situ"s voice trailed off. He stared into s.p.a.ce for a while, before turning and kicking the table in frustration.
“My, my. Are you…depressed?” Cheng s.h.i.+fei"s mouth twitched into a smile, but was quickly silenced when he saw the death stare from Situ. “Alright alright, I"ll stop. If you ever need advice, I"ve left a solution for with Zhang Xin – just get it from him when you need it. Hopefully the next time I"m seeing you, is when I"m back to Chang"an.”