“After the fact?”
“You two were out awfully late. Were you shacking up somewhere?”
“Shut up, Birdie. Sorry, but I’m not in the mood for stupid jokes right now. Actually, my head is pretty full thinking about how wonderful love is.”
We met an old demon and had a heart-warming experience, then we returned to the inn. The drunken human waste that was being waited on by the maid suddenly threw a dirty joke at us. The radiant mood was ruined.
“You’re such an a.s.shole, Birdie. You should live with a more n.o.ble spirit like me. Yeah, love is wonderful.”
“Hey, Root. Did this girl eat something weird? Fio"s always been a bit crazy, but today she’s even weirder than usual.”
“No, I think Fio is the same as always. How should I put it, we had a pretty amazing experience today. Birdie, what were you doing?”
“Huh? I was just trying to get information out of Kuriha about the maid with the big t.i.ts.”
Birdie seems to be the same as always too. What is this idiot doing, even though he’s alone with such a beautiful woman? Kuriha looks like she’s feeling down. This guy…
“What"s wrong with small b.r.e.a.s.t.s? It’s all good, right? Whether a woman"s b.r.e.a.s.t.s have a high or a low percentage of body fat?”
“Yeah, but this is a matter of taste. Small b.r.e.a.s.t.s are just no good, I mean physiologically. I had a bad experience with them before.”
Birdie is always like this, adamant about not showing interest women who have no b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Of course, it’d be a problem if he did show interest, so it’s fine by me. Ahh, I feel so sorry for Kuriha.
“A bad experience with small b.r.e.a.s.t.s … Let me guess, you got dumped or something?”
“... I wish I’d got off so easy. It"s like… I don’t wanna talk about it. Let’s leave it alone.”
“C’mon, that just makes us wanna know more. I know. Someone pulled your pants down in front of a girl you liked with small b.r.e.a.s.t.s, and now you’re traumatized?”
Or maybe a girl with small b.r.e.a.s.t.s pulled his pants down in front of the girl he liked? In any case, this definitely has something to do with his complex regarding his own sausage and beans.
“No, I had a stalker. A gloomy girl from my village with small b.r.e.a.s.t.s.”
“A stalker? What’s that? A girl who only you can see?"
“No! That would’ve been way better if it was just a hallucination! You don’t know how scary it is when you’re living alone, and suddenly there’s food for two on the table and a voice calling your name from behind!”
“... Whoa, that’s pretty serious.”
“Yeah, it"s serious! When I was a kid, I found some herbs and took them to a village girl who was dying of a fever... Ever since then, I’ve always felt her watching me. Like she’s in love with me… No, more like she’s obsessed with me. Ahh, just remembering it makes me feel scared again…”
“You had such a terrible experience, Mr. Birdie? I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”
“Yeah, in the end I felt like I was being watched everywhere in the village. I almost went crazy with fear and stress. I’ve been on raids with the army of the devil king and somehow made it through the chaos of battle, but that girl was so terrifying that even now I can’t show my face in that village. The head of the village did a lot for me, and I want to see him again, but…”
“Oh, well then you should ask someone to give him a message, or send a letter or something. You can’t just go silent on someone who helped you out.”
“... If that girl finds out I’m still around, I’ll be living with her shadow hanging over me again. That’s one thing that I will never, ever… no, let’s stop talking about it. It’s gonna spoil the taste of the booze.”
“Yes, let"s do that, Mr. Birdie. It’s better for us all to forget about bad things.”
Saying that, Kuriha smiled at Birdie and poured him another drink. She listens to all his complaining and treats him so nicely, and even still he’s not interested in her? He must have seriously damaged an important part of his brain.
“Sorry about that, maid girl. Mm, the booze is delicious.”
“Your house is currently under the complete management of the royal palace maid unit. Please rest a.s.sured that if there are any signs of intrusion by others, we will notify you immediately.”
“We’re counting on you, Kuriha. Well, I don’t think even that girl would be able to sneak into a heavily guarded hideout.”
After finishing the booze that Kuriha poured for him, with a red face and a slack jaw, Birdie fell asleep and started lightly snoring. As he slumped back in his chair, Kuriha gently picked him up and carried him off to bed. It seems like the royal palace maids even know how to use body-strengthening magic.
... What the h.e.l.l? I watch this guy drink as much as he could ask for, sound off all his complaints on a woman half his size, get looked after, lose consciousness and get carried away, and I feel miserable. Why am I friends with this guy? To have to bow and sc.r.a.pe to this piece of human waste immediately after witnessing the reality of supreme love, it’s like some kind of torture.
I heard the tapping of footsteps and Kuriha came back into the room.
“I put Mr. Birdie to bed. Would you like something to drink? We have not only alcohol, but also fruit juice or milk, if you like.”
“… I’m sorry, Kuriha. Making you deal with a guy like that.”
“Oh no, I had a very pleasant evening. If you two are going to rest now, I will go ahead and clear the table.”
“... Hey Kuriha, will you have a drink with me for a moment? I just want to talk to someone about the experience I just had.”
“No, Fio, that’s not something you should be talking too much about. Just let it be.”
I wanted to have a drink and talk about the experience we just had, but Root doesn"t look very happy about it. I get that, but I just really want to talk about it.
“Maybe I should quit then. It’s a shame, it was a really good story.”
“Yeah, it’s better to quit. Let’s keep that bittersweet story to ourselves.”
“Well, it sounds like you really experienced something spectacular when you put it like that. I must admit I’m curious.”
Kuriha seems to be interested, but Root is right, we should keep it to ourselves.
That"s right, I can"t talk about hidden demons to a maid of the royal palace when they’re fighting against the demons.
“No, I’m sorry Kuriha, it’s nothing. It’s really too bad that I can"t share this radiant feeling, but please just forget about it.”
“Yeah, we’re sorry, but I don’t think that this tremendous feeling is something that people should talk about. It’s a shame, but it’s better that we keep it between us.”
“Is this a new form of bullying or something? Well, considering my position, I won"t press the matter any further.”
Kuriha obviously isn’t satisfied, but her disappointed face is pretty cute.
“You’ll have to forgive us. Also, can you bring us a decent bottle of wine? C’mon Root, I feel like I want to have a drink.”
“Sure, why not. How about you join us, Kuriha? You can switch off working mode for now. I wanted to have a drink with you as a friend.”
"... Well, if you put it like that, please allow me to join you. I shall bring a good-tasting wine from the royal palace reserves, so please wait a moment.”
With a quick bow, Kuriha produced a wine bottle from nowhere and quickly arranged some gla.s.ses on the table. As expected, a professional maid has a certain precision about her movements.
Thinking about the rescued demons, the three of us drank together and had fun. Root seemed to be thinking back on our previous experience and started to weep a little. It seems like he’s actually quite easily moved.
However, maybe it’s because we were tired, but after Root and I started drinking, I soon became sleepy, and after less than an hour, I was picked up by Kuriha and carried to bed like that human garbage, Birdie.
We have to be on the lookout again tomorrow, so I guess there’s nothing wrong with an early night.
It’s weird though. Since when was I so weak to alcohol?
The next day.
“… Oh G.o.d.”
I wake up, and there’s Root lying next to me breathing gently. Ahh, all worldly things are transitory. I’ve got my back against the wall, and it never rains but it pours.
… Remember! Follow the threads of memory, don"t panic. What did I do last night?!
Yeah, it’s okay. Yesterday I know I drank too much and that’s why I got sleepy…? Okay, I don"t remember doing anything with Root. It’s alright, I’m okay.
But wait. I drank so much that I pa.s.sed out, maybe I just don’t remember. Just to be sure, I better check my body.
My head was still fuzzy from waking up, but I was already preparing for the worst. I made up my mind, reaching down for my pants and exposing my lower body. It"s a bit embarra.s.sing, but it’s important to check the facts.
“Uhmmmm…”
At that timing, what could be said to be the worst possible timing, at the moment I hesitantly pulled down my pants, that’s when Root woke up.
… He’s just woken up and he’s fuzzy too, but we’re facing each other. His eyes gradually come into focus, and his face flushes red.
This is bad. I have to think of an excuse quick. If I don’t, I just look like a s.l.u.t. No, wait, I don’t need to think of an excuse just to keep face.
I mean, I didn’t do anything wrong. I should just be honest about the situation, and Root will surely understand.
I must have been at my wit’s end. While I was busy thinking about all kinds of things, Root had fully woken up and he spoke to me first.
“... Good morning, Fio. Why did you pull down my pants?”
“Oh, you’re awake. I"m sorry, but please show me your hymen. I just want to be sure that I didn’t ravish you in an explosion of desire yesterday.”
“Like h.e.l.l I’ve got a hymen!”
From the moment I woke up, I’d pulled down a guy’s pants and jumped headfirst into a really awkward situation.
“... Anyway. Why are you sleeping in the men"s room, Fio?”
“I don"t know, I’m pretty sure that yesterday Kuriha carried us to bed. Maybe she thought you were a girl?”
“I don’t think so. I bet you sleepwalked into the men"s room.”
Holding my aching head, I leave the room together with Root to find Birdie and Kuriha. In particular, Kuriha should understand our situation last night and explain why I was sleeping in the same room as Root.
“Seriously, when a man and a woman spend the night under the same roof, it’s bad for the party’s morals ... No, wait. I made a mistake. I’m a girl, right? Okay, no problem.”
“No, you’re right. Me and you are a man and a woman. Why are you stubbornly trying to cla.s.sify me as a girl?”
Root’s obviously in a bad mood from having his pants pulled down first thing in the morning, but we go to the other room we rented.
“I"ll open the door, Root. This is the men"s room that Birdie was talking about yesterday, so you’re the one who’s in trouble, the self-proclaimed man who was sleeping in the women"s room."
“Yeah, you’re right. That’s weird, I don’t remember getting up last night…”
Root chooses his words carefully, trying not to fall into a trap. We opened the door to discover just what happened last night.
And there we see them, beauty and the beast lying in bed, completely naked.
Gently, we closed the door to the room.