"Yes," he quickly answered. "I know I am; I know I am. This is what _I_ get for introducing you into society."
We then returned to the dancing room, and the Doctor found no difficulty in getting the attention of the cross-eyed belle.
By this time the boys were jealous, anyway, and would have nothing to do with her.
About two o"clock in the morning the Doctor came to me and said:
"Johnston, I am going to take this young lady home."
"How far does she reside from here?"
"About six miles."
"Have you ordered a livery team?"
"Not by a dang sight. Why should I? Can"t I use our horse and buggy?"
I replied that I thought not.
"I think I can, I know I can, and I know I will. The half of that rig belongs to me. I have agreed to take her, and I must do it."
"Well, I should think you had better be starting, if you are going with our horse, and expect to return before morning."
"We will not start till the dance breaks up, Mr. Johnston," was his defiant answer.
"Where am I to stay?" I asked, "What am I going to do while you are traveling six miles and back, with that old plug of a horse, after everybody has gone home?"
"That, sir, is a matter of no concern to me; but that young lady must be taken home by _me to-night_, and no disappointment."
Then he and the cross-eyed girl took their places for another quadrille.
By this time I was not in the best of humor myself, and began to feel that the Doctor was getting the best of me.
My first thought was to hitch up and drive home, leaving him in the lurch. But while considering the matter, my opportunity came; and I was not slow to take advantage of it.
During the progress of the dance, when "Gents to the right and balance"
was called, the Doctor left his cross-eyed partner to make the round of the set. I rushed up to her immediately and said as quickly as possible:
"My dear Miss, you must not dance the Doctor so hard. He has fits, and is liable to fall over in one at any moment. Why, in driving along in a carriage he is liable to drop right out in the middle of the road, leaving the horse to go to destruction."
"Thank you, thank you," she said.
I then stepped back to await results.
While talking with her, I noticed the Doctor eying me with suspicion, but my interview was so very short that he appeared relieved on my leaving her.
By this time he came balancing around, with his plug hat on the back of his head, his spectacles hanging over his nose, and grasping his gold-headed cane about the center with his left hand, and still retaining in his right hand a soiled napkin which he had brought from the table and mistaken for his handkerchief, he came balancing up to his partner with a regular Highland-fling step, a most fascinating and bewitching smile on his countenance, and looked her straight in the face.
She looked completely dumbfounded, seemed to have instantly lost interest in all worldly affairs, and stood stock still, staring cross-eyed at the Doctor, as if expecting to see him frothing and foaming at the mouth.
He then seized her about the waist, fairly lifting her from the floor; after swinging her two or three times around, again stood her up where he found her, when he seemed to suddenly comprehend that something was wrong, and instantly changed countenance.
The young lady then turned to him and said very reluctantly:
"Doctor, I wish to ask you to excuse me from our engagement this evening."
Suddenly remembering my interview with her, he said:
"What did that ---- red-headed hyena say to you? What did he say? What did he say? Tell me; tell me, quick! What did he say? I must know--I must know."
"Oh, nothing much, Doctor."
"I demand to know immediately. Tell me--tell me now."
"Well, Doctor, he says you have fits."
"Fits? fits? What! _I have fits?_ Gracious Heavens!
What--when--how--where is he? Where is the infernal red-headed liar?
Bring him to me and let me paralyze him."
While saying this he was plunging and spinning around in his usual jumping-jack manner, swinging his cane in one hand and slamming his plug hat on the floor with the other.
The floor-manager stepped up and asked what the matter was. The Doctor shrieked out:
"Good ----! do I look like a man who has fits? Would you think, to look at me, that I ever had fits?"
The floor-manager placed his hands on his shoulders, and said, sympathetically:
"Never mind, Doctor, you are not going to have a fit. Keep cool, Doctor.
Keep perfectly quiet. You will soon get over it. Step outside into the cool air, and you will soon get over it."
"Get over what?" said the exasperated man. "You infernal fool, what are you talking about? Do you think I don"t know enough to take care of myself?"
About a second later I stepped into an adjoining room, and there met the cross-eyed girl with her things on ready to leave. She said she didn"t know how she would get home, as her friends had gone and left her, expecting the Doctor to act as her escort.
I confessed that I was only joking, and we had better fix it up and let the Doctor take her home.
She nearly went into spasms when I suggested it, and said she wouldn"t dare ride a rod with such a man.
The Doctor"s farmer friend, our host, came to me and said I had better take the young lady home, and let the Doctor remain with them all night, and he would take him to town the next afternoon. This was satisfactory to the young miss, so we immediately slipped away, without consulting the Doctor, or even bidding him good night.
On our way, I asked her if she would be willing to consent to a meeting with the Doctor, or open a correspondence with him. She refused emphatically to do either, despite the fact that I declared the whole thing a joke.
She said his actions at the last were enough to convince her that it was no joking affair. I was anxious to do something in the Doctor"s behalf to atone for the injury to his feelings that I was the cause of, but the matter had gone too far.
I certainly had every reason to regret that things had turned out as they had, for the seventeen miles of travel in taking the girl home and returning to town proved too much for the old nag, and I did not reach my hotel until after nine o"clock that morning. I was at a loss to know how to fix things with the Doctor so as to make matters smooth, and have him cherish no hard feelings.
I had decided that my moustache was a failure, and had concluded to have it cut off. A plan came into my mind by which I felt certain I could manage to please the Doctor so well as to be able to bring about a feeling of harmony.