"She"s been waiting for you for almost three days," he told me.
We were only a few feet away from her now. Bursts of heat seemed to tremble out from her to touch me.
Or maybe it was Jacob who was trembling. I saw his hands shaking as I got closer. And yet, despite his obvious anxiety, his face was more serene than I had seen it in a long time.
"Jake-I"m fine," I told him. It made me panicky to see Renesmee in his shaking hands, but I worked to keep myself in control.
He frowned at me, eyes tight, like he was just as panicky at the thought of Renesmee in my arms. Renesmee whimpered eagerly and stretched, her little hands grasping into fists again and again.
Something in me clicked into place at that moment. The sound of her cry, the familiarity of her eyes, the way she seemed even more impatient than I did for this reunion-all of it wove together into the most natural of patterns as she clutched the air between us.
Suddenly, she was absolutely real, and of course I knew her. It was perfectly ordinary that I should take that last easy step and reach for her, putting my hands exactly where they would fit best as I pulled her gently toward me.
Jacob let his long arms stretch so that I could cradle her, but he didn"t let go. He shuddered a little when our skin touched. His skin, always so warm to me before, felt like an open flame to me now. It was almost the same temperature as Renesmee"s.
Perhaps one or two degrees difference.
Renesmee seemed oblivious to the coolness of my skin, or at least very used to it.
She looked up and smiled at me again, showing her square little teeth and two dimples.
Then, very deliberately, she reached for my face.
The moment she did this, all the hands on me tightened, antic.i.p.ating my reaction. I barely noticed.
I was gasping, stunned and frightened by the strange, alarming image that filled my mind. It felt like a very strong memory-I could still see through my eyes while I watched it in my head-but it was completely unfamiliar. I stared through it to Renesmee"s expectant expression, trying to understand what was happening, struggling desperately to hold on to my calm.
Besides being shocking and unfamiliar, the image was also wrong somehow-I almost recognized my own face in it, my old face, but it was off, backward. I grasped quickly that I was seeing my face as others saw it, rather than flipped in a reflection.
My memory face was twisted, ravaged, covered in sweat and blood. Despite this, my expression in the vision became an adoring smile; my brown eyes glowed over their deep circles. The image enlarged, my face came closer to the unseen vantage point, and then abruptly vanished.
Renesmee"s hand dropped from my cheek. She smiled wider, dimpling again.
It was totally silent in the room but for the heartbeats. No one but Jacob and Renesmee was so much as breathing. The silence stretched on; it seemed like they were waiting for me to say something.
"What... was... that?" I managed to choke out.
"What did you see?" Rosalie asked curiously, leaning around Jacob, who seemed very much in the way and out of place at the moment. "What did she show you?"
"She showed me that?" I whispered."I told you it was hard to explain," Edward murmured in my ear. "But effective as means of communications go."
"What was it?" Jacob asked.
I blinked quickly several times. "Um. Me. I think. But I looked terrible."
"It was the only memory she had of you," Edward explained. It was obvious he"d seen what she was showing me as she thought of it. He was still cringing, his voice rough from reliving the memory. "She"s letting you know that she"s made the connection, that she knows who you are."
"But how did she do that?"
Renesmee seemed unconcerned with my boggling eyes. She was smiling slightly and pulling on a lock of my hair.
"How do I hear thoughts? How does Alice see the future?" Edward asked rhetorically, and then shrugged. "She"s gifted."
"It"s an interesting twist," Carlisle said to Edward. "Like she"s doing the exact opposite of what you can."
"Interesting," Edward agreed. "I wonder..."
I knew they were speculating away, but I didn"t care. I was staring at the most beautiful face in the world. She was hot in my arms, reminding me of the moment when the blackness had almost won, when there was nothing in the world left to hold on to.
Nothing strong enough to pull me through the crushing darkness. The moment when I"d thought of Renesmee and found something I would never let go of.
"I remember you, too," I told her quietly.
It seemed very natural to lean in and press my lips to her forehead. She smelled wonderful. The scent of her skin set my throat burning, but it was easy to ignore. It didn"t strip the joy from the moment. Renesmee was real and I knew her. She was the same one I"d fought for from the beginning. My little nudger, the one who loved me from the inside, too. Half Edward, perfect and lovely. And half me-which, surprisingly, made her better rather than detracting.
I"d been right all along. She was worth the fight.
"She"s fine," Alice murmured, probably to Jasper. I could feel them hovering, not trusting me.
"Haven"t we experimented enough for one day?" Jacob asked, his voice a slightly higher pitch with stress. "Okay, Bella"s doing great, but let"s not push it."
I glared at him with real irritation. Jasper shuffled uneasily next to me. We were all crowded so close that every tiny movement seemed very big."What is your problem, Jacob?" I demanded. I tugged lightly against his hold on Renesmee, and he just stepped closer to me. He was pressed right up to me, Renesmee touching both of our chests.
Edward hissed at him. "Just because I understand, it doesn"t mean I won"t throw you out, Jacob. Bella"s doing extraordinarily well. Don"t ruin the moment for her."
"I"ll help him toss you, dog," Rosalie promised, her voice seething. "I owe you a good kick in the gut." Obviously, there was no change in that relationship, unless it had gotten worse.
I glared at Jacob"s anxious half-angry expression. His eyes were locked on Renesmee"s face. With everyone pressed together, he had to be touching at least six different vampires at the moment, and it didn"t even seem to bug him.
Would he really go through all this just to protect me from myself? What could have happened during my transformation-my alteration into something he hated-that would soften him so much toward the reason for its necessity?
I puzzled over it, watching him stare at my daughter. Staring at her like... like he was a blind man seeing the sun for the very first time.
"No!" I gasped.
Jasper"s teeth came together and Edward"s arms wrapped around my chest like constricting boas. Jacob had Renesmee out of my arms in the same second, and I did not try to hold on to her. Because I felt it coming-the snap that they"d all been waiting for.
"Rose," I said through my teeth, very slowly and precisely. "Take Renesmee."
Rosalie held her hands out, and Jacob handed my daughter to her at once. Both of them backed away from me.
"Edward, I don"t want to hurt you, so please let go of me."
He hesitated.
"Go stand in front of Renesmee," I suggested.
He deliberated, and then let me go.
I leaned into my hunting crouch and took two slow steps forward toward Jacob.
"You didn"t," I snarled at him.
He backed away, palms up, trying to reason with me. "You know it"s not something I can control."
"You stupid mutt! How could you? My baby!"He backed out the front door now as I stalked him, half-running backward down the stairs. "It wasn"t my idea, Bella!"
"I"ve held her all of one time, and already you think you have some moronic wolfy claim to her? She"s mine."
"I can share," he said pleadingly as he retreated across the lawn.
"Pay up," I heard Emmett say behind me. A small part of my brain wondered who had bet against this outcome. I didn"t waste much attention on it. I was too furious.
"How dare you imprint on my baby? Have you lost your mind?"
"It was involuntary!" he insisted, backing into the trees.
Then he wasn"t alone. The two huge wolves reappeared, flanking him on either side.
Leah snapped at me.
A fearsome snarl ripped through my teeth back at her. The sound disturbed me, but not enough to stop my advance.
"Bella, would you try to listen for just a second? Please?" Jacob begged. "Leah, back off," he added.
Leah curled her lip at me and didn"t move.
"Why should I listen?" I hissed. Fury reigned in my head. It clouded everything else out.
"Because you"re the one who told me this. Do you remember? You said we belonged in each other"s lives, right? That we were family. You said that was how you and I were supposed to be. So... now we are. It"s what you wanted."
I glared ferociously. I did dimly remember those words. But my new quick brain was two steps ahead of his nonsense.
"You think you"ll be part of my family as my son-in-law!" I screeched. My bell voice ripped through two octaves and still came out sounding like music.
Emmett laughed.
"Stop her, Edward," Esme murmured. "She"ll be unhappy if she hurts him."
But I felt no pursuit behind me.
"No!" Jacob was insisting at the same time. "How can you even look at it that way?
She"s just a baby, for crying out loud!"
"That"s my point!" I yelled. "You know I don"t think of her that way! Do you think Edward would have let me live this long if I did? All I want is for her to be safe and happy-is that so bad? So different from what you want?" He was shouting right back at me.
Beyond words, I shrieked a growl at him.
"Amazing, isn"t she?" I heard Edward murmur.
"She hasn"t gone for his throat even once," Carlisle agreed, sounding stunned.
"Fine, you win this one," Emmett said grudgingly.
"You"re going to stay away from her," I hissed up at Jacob.
"I can"t do that!"
Through my teeth: "Try. Starting now."
"It"s not possible. Do you remember how much you wanted me around three days ago?
How hard it was to be apart from each other? That"s gone for you now, isn"t it?"
I glared, not sure what he was implying.
"That was her," he told me. "From the very beginning. We had to be together, even then."
I remembered, and then I understood; a tiny part of me was relieved to have the madness explained. But that relief somehow only made me angrier. Was he expecting that to be enough for me? That one little clarification would make me okay with this?
"Run away while you still can," I threatened.
"C"mon, Bells! Nessie likes me, too," he insisted.
I froze. My breathing stopped. Behind me, I heard the lack of sound that was their anxious reaction.
"What... did you call her?"
Jacob took a step farther back, managing to look sheepish. "Well," he mumbled, "that name you came up with is kind of a mouthful and-"
"You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?" I screeched.
And then I lunged for his throat.
23. MEMORIES.
"I"m so sorry, Seth. I should have been closer."Edward was still apologizing, and I didn"t think that was either fair or appropriate. After all, Edward hadn"t completely and inexcusably lost control of his temper. Edward hadn"t tried to rip Jacob"s head off-Jacob, who wouldn"t even phase to protect himself -and then accidentally broken Seth"s shoulder and collarbone when he jumped in between. Edward hadn"t almost killed his best friend.
Not that the best friend didn"t have a few things to answer for, but, obviously, nothing Jacob had done could have mitigated my behavior.
So shouldn"t I have been the one apologizing? I tried again.
"Seth, I-"