J examined the picture for a moment. "Your daughter is very like you."
I tensed. "She"s more like her father."
"Who is not this man." He touched Jacob"s face.
My eyes narrowed, and new sweat beads popped out on J"s shiny head.
"No. That is a very close friend of the family."
"Forgive me," he mumbled, and the pen began scratching again. "How soon will you need the doc.u.ments?"
"Can I get them in a week?"
"That"s a rush order. It will cost twice as-but forgive me. I forgot with whom I was speaking."
Clearly, he knew Jasper.
"Just give me a number."
He seemed hesitant to say it aloud, though I was sure, having dealt with Jasper, he must have known that price wasn"t really an object. Not even taking into consideration the bloated accounts that existed all over the world with the Cullens" various names on them, there was enough cash stashed all over the house to keep a small country afloat for a decade; it reminded me of the way there were always a hundred fishhooks in the back of any drawer at Charlie"s house. I doubted anyone would even notice the small stack I"d removed in preparation for today.
J wrote the price down on the bottom of the legal pad.
I nodded calmly. I had more than that with me. I unclasped my bag again and counted out the right amount-I had it all paper-clipped into five-thousand-dollar increments, so it took no time at all.
"There."
"Ah, Bella, you don"t really have to give me the entire sum now. It"s customary for you to save half to ensure delivery."
I smiled wanly at the nervous man. "But I trust you, J. Besides, I"ll give you a bonus- the same again when I get the doc.u.ments."
"That"s not necessary, I a.s.sure you."
"Don"t worry about it." It wasn"t like I could take it with me. "So I"ll meet you here next week at the same time?"
He gave me a pained look. "Actually, I prefer to make such transactions in places unrelated to my various businesses."
"Of course. I"m sure I"m not doing this the way you expect."
"I"m used to having no expectations when it comes to the Cullen family." He grimaced and then quickly composed his face again. "Shall we meet at eight o"clock a week from tonight at The Pacifico? It"s on Union Lake, and the food is exquisite."
"Perfect." Not that I would be joining him for dinner. He actually wouldn"t like it much if I did.
I rose and shook his hand again. This time he didn"t flinch. But he did seem to have some new worry on his mind. His mouth was pinched up, his back tense.
"Will you have trouble with that deadline?" I asked.
"What?" He looked up, taken off guard by my question. "The deadline? Oh, no. No worries at all. I will certainly have your doc.u.ments done on time."
It would have been nice to have Edward here, so that I would know what J"s real worries were. I sighed. Keeping secrets from Edward was bad enough; having to be away from him was almost too much.
"Then I"ll see you in one week."
34. DECLARED.
I heard the music before I was out of the car. Edward hadn"t touched his piano since the night Alice left. Now, as I shut the car door, I heard the song morph through a bridge and change into my lullaby. Edward was welcoming me home.
I moved slowly as I pulled Renesmee-fast asleep; we"d been gone all day-from the car. We"d left Jacob at Charlie"s-he"d said he was going to catch a ride home with Sue.
I wondered if he was trying to fill his head with enough trivia to crowd out the image of the way my face had looked when I"d walked through Charlie"s door.
As I walked slowly to the Cullen house now, I recognized that the hope and uplift that seemed almost a visible aura around the big white house had been mine this morning, too. It felt alien to me now.
I wanted to cry again, hearing Edward play for me. But I pulled it together. I didn"t want him to be suspicious. I would leave no clues in his mind for Aro if I could help it.
Edward turned his head and smiled when I came in the door, but kept playing.
"Welcome home," he said, as if this was just any normal day. As if there weren"t twelve other vampires in the room involved in various pursuits, and a dozen more scattered around somewhere. "Did you have a good time with Charlie today?"
"Yes. Sorry I was gone so long. I stepped out to do a little Christmas shopping for Renesmee. I know it won"t be much of an event, but ..." I shrugged.
Edward"s lips turned down. He quit playing and spun around on the bench so that his whole body was facing me. He put one hand on my waist and pulled me closer. "I hadn"t thought much about it. If you want to make an event of it-"
"No," I interrupted him. I flinched internally at the idea of trying to fake more enthusiasm than the bare minimum. "I just didn"t want to let it pa.s.s without giving her something."
"Do I get to see?"
"If you want. It"s only a little thing."
Renesmee was completely unconscious, snoring delicately against my neck. I envied her. It would have been nice to escape reality, even for just a few hours.
Carefully, I fished the little velvet jewelry bag from my clutch without opening the purse enough for Edward to see the cash I was still carrying.
"It caught my eye from the window of an antique store while I was driving by."
I shook the little golden locket into his palm. It was round with a slender vine border carved around the outside edge of the circle. Edward popped the tiny catch and looked inside. There was s.p.a.ce for a small picture and, on the opposite side, an inscription in French.
"Do you know what this says?" he asked in a different tone, more subdued than before.
"The shopkeeper told me it said something along the lines of "more than my own life." Is that right?"
"Yes, he had it right."
He looked up at me, his topaz eyes probing. I met his gaze for a moment, then pretended to be distracted by the television.
"I hope she likes it," I muttered.
"Of course she will," he said lightly, casually, and I was sure in that second that he knew I was keeping something from him. I was also sure that he had no idea of the specifics.
"Let"s take her home," he suggested, standing and putting his arm around my shoulders.
I hesitated.
"What?" he demanded.
"I wanted to practice with Emmett a little..." I"d lost the whole day to my vital errand; it made me feel behind.
Emmett-on the sofa with Rose and holding the remote, of course-looked up and grinned in antic.i.p.ation. "Excellent. The forest needs thinning."
Edward frowned at Emmett and then at me.
"There"s plenty of time for that tomorrow," he said.
"Don"t be ridiculous," I complained. "There"s no such thing as plenty of time anymore.
That concept does not exist. I have a lot to learn and-"
He cut me off. "Tomorrow."
And his expression was such that not even Emmett argued.
I was surprised at how hard it was to go back to a routine that was, after all, brand new.
But stripping away even that little bit of hope I"d been fostering made everything seem impossible.
I tried to focus on the positives. There was a good chance that my daughter was going to survive what was coming, and Jacob, too. If they had a future, then that was a kind of victory, wasn"t it? Our little band must be going to hold their own if Jacob and Renesmee were going to have the opportunity to run in the first place. Yes, Alice"s strategy only made sense if we were going to put up a really good fight. So, a kind of victory there, too, considering that the Volturi had never been seriously challenged in millennia.
It was not going to be the end of the world. Just the end of the Cullens. The end of Edward, the end of me.
I preferred it that way-the last part anyway. I would not live without Edward again; if he was leaving this world, then I would be right behind him.
I wondered idly now and then if there would be anything for us on the other side. I knew Edward didn"t really believe so, but Carlisle did. I couldn"t imagine it myself. On the other hand, I couldn"t imagine Edward not existing somehow, somewhere. If we could be together in any place, then that was a happy ending.
And so the pattern of my days continued, just that much harder than before.
We went to see Charlie on Christmas Day, Edward, Renesmee, Jacob, and I. All of Jacob"s pack were there, plus Sam, Emily, and Sue. It was a big help to have them there in Charlie"s little rooms, their huge, warm bodies wedged into corners around his spa.r.s.ely decorated tree-you could see exactly where he"d gotten bored and quit-and overflowing his furniture. You could always count on werewolves to be buzzed about a coming fight, no matter how suicidal. The electricity of their excitement provided a nice current that disguised my utter lack of spirit. Edward was, as always, a better actor than I was.
Renesmee wore the locket I"d given her at dawn, and in her jacket pocket was the MP3 player Edward had given her-a tiny thing that held five thousand songs, already filled with Edward"s favorites. On her wrist was an intricately braided Quileute version of a promise ring. Edward had gritted his teeth over that one, but it didn"t bother me.
Soon, so soon, I would be giving her to Jacob for safekeeping. How could I be bothered by any symbol of the commitment I was so relying on?
Edward had saved the day by ordering a gift for Charlie, too. It had shown up yesterday -priority overnight shipping-and Charlie spent all morning reading the thick instruction manual to his new fishing sonar system.
From the way the werewolves ate, Sue"s lunch spread must have been good. I wondered how the gathering would have looked to an outsider. Did we play our parts well enough? Would a stranger have thought us a happy circle of friends, enjoying the holiday with casual cheer?
I think Edward and Jacob both were as relieved as I was when it was time to go. It felt odd to spend energy on the human facade when there were so many more important things to be doing. I had a hard time concentrating. At the same time, this was perhaps the last time I would see Charlie. Maybe it was a good thing that I was too numb to really register that.I hadn"t seen my mother since the wedding, but I found I could only be glad for the gradual distancing that had begun two years ago. She was too fragile for my world. I didn"t want her to have any part of this. Charlie was stronger.
Maybe even strong enough for a goodbye now, but I wasn"t.
It was very quiet in the car; outside, the rain was just a mist, hovering on the edge between liquid and ice. Renesmee sat on my lap, playing with her locket, opening and closing it. I watched her and imagined the things I would say to Jacob right now if I didn"t have to keep my words out of Edward"s head.
If it" s ever safe again, take her to Charlie. Tell him the whole story someday. Tell him how much I loved him, how I couldn" t bear to leave him even when my human life was over . Tell him he was the best father . Tell him to pa.s.s my love on to Renee, all my hopes that she will be happy and well...
I would have to give Jacob the doc.u.ments before it was too late. I would give him a note for Charlie, too. And a letter for Renesmee. Something for her to read when I couldn"t tell her I loved her anymore.
There was nothing unusual about the outside of the Cullen house as we pulled into the meadow, but I could hear some kind of subtle uproar inside. Many low voices murmured and growled. It sounded intense, and it sounded like an argument. I could pick out Carlisle"s voice and Amun"s more often than the others.
Edward parked in front of the house rather than going around to the garage. We exchanged one wary glance before we got out of the car.
Jacob"s stance changed; his face turned serious and careful. I guessed that he was in Alpha mode now. Obviously, something had happened, and he was going to get the information he and Sam would need.
"Alistair is gone," Edward murmured as we darted up the steps.
Inside the front room, the main confrontation was physically apparent. Lining the walls was a ring of spectators, every vampire who had joined us, except for Alistair and the three involved in the quarrel. Esme, Kebi, and Tia were the closest to the three vampires in the center; in the middle of the room, Amun was hissing at Carlisle and Benjamin.
Edward"s jaw tightened and he moved quickly to Esme"s side, towing me by the hand. I clutched Renesmee tightly to my chest.
"Amun, if you want to go, no one is forcing you to stay," Carlisle said calmly.
"You"re stealing half my coven, Carlisle!" Amun shrieked, stabbing one finger at Benjamin. "Is that why you called me here? To steal from me?"
Carlisle sighed, and Benjamin rolled his eyes. "Yes, Carlisle picked a fight with the Volturi, endangered his whole family, just to lure me here to my death," Benjamin said sarcastically. "Be reasonable, Amun. I"m committed to do the right thing here-I"m not joining any other coven. You can do whatever you want, of course, as Carlisle has pointed out."
"This won"t end well," Amun growled. "Alistair was the only sane one here. We should all be running."
"Think of who you"re calling sane," Tia murmured in a quiet aside.
"We"re all going to be slaughtered!"
"It"s not going to come to a fight," Carlisle said in a firm voice.
"You say!"
"If it does, you can always switch sides, Amun. I"m sure the Volturi will appreciate your help."
Amun sneered at him. "Perhaps that is the answer."
Carlisle"s answer was soft and sincere. "I wouldn"t hold that against you, Amun. We have been friends for a long time, but I would never ask you to die for me."
Amun"s voice was more controlled, too. "But you"re taking my Benjamin down with you."
Carlisle put his hand on Amun"s shoulder; Amun shook it off.
"I"ll stay, Carlisle, but it might be to your detriment. I will join them if that"s the road to survival. You"re all fools to think that you can defy the Volturi." He scowled, then sighed, glanced at Renesmee and me, and added in an exasperated tone, "I will witness that the child has grown. That"s nothing but the truth. Anyone would see that."