She shrugged, trying to make light of the conflicts churning in her soul, and recited her pat answer, "It"s simple. I don"t want a relationship. I don"t need the complications that go along with one. I don"t want to be committed to anyone. I"m just not wired that way. Call me a weirdo."
Tryphon squeezed her hand. "You"re not weird." He cupped her cheek, forcing her to meet his intense gaze. "But if you truly believe you don"t want-or need-something more than s.e.x, then you"re fooling yourself."
She jerked her face away. "You don"t know me. You can"t say that."
"Everyone needs to feel connected to someone," Tryphon insisted. "You just don"t want it."
She needed s.p.a.ce. Tryphon was pushing again, too hard. That little habit of his drove her crazy. "You"re wrong." Desperate to get away, she scrambled to her feet, making a beeline for the kitchen. "I need a drink."
"Who hurt you?" Bale asked, following her.
Pivoting, she lifted her hands, holding them up in front of her chest, a silent plea for them to stop following her, stop drilling her, just stop. "n.o.body hurt me. So, please, just let it go. I"ve never been in love. I"ve never had a steady boyfriend. Ever. No one hurt me."
Standing behind Bale, Tryphon leaned a shoulder against the wall. "Then it goes back further than that. Your parents?"
Grrrr! "Nope. Now will you two stop with the Freud act?"
Silence. Glorious silence.
She poured a gla.s.s of cola, consumed half of it in a series of long gulps then refilled her gla.s.s. Meanwhile, a zillion thoughts echoed through her head. One of them repeated over and over, louder than all the others- This is not going to work out. "I think we should just talk about this tomorrow."
This time the silence wasn"t comforting. It was tense, making her twitchy and anxious.
Tryphon"s expression changed, softened. "I want to tell you a story. Will you listen?"
"Story time." Whew, relief. She donned her best smile. "Hey, if it means you"ll stop trying to dissect my past, then okay, sure."
Chapter Twelve.
Tryphon motioned for them to head back to the family room. As she sat, Bale next to her, Tryphon continued to the back of the room. Her gla.s.s of cola cupped in her right hand, she stared at the fire again, her insides churning as violently as the flames. A couple of minutes later he returned with three goblets of red wine, handed one to her and another to Bale.
She set her cola on the table next to her then lifted the goblet and sipped. The wine was both spicy and sweet. Delicious. She drank more.
Tryphon cleared his throat. "You"re struggling with understanding domination and submission, Raine. I can see it, and I can relate. Which is why I want to share with you what happened to me a long time ago." He took several swallows of wine then continued, "For many years I fought to understand myself, the...urges...that drove me to do things I couldn"t accept. I had always believed myself to be a strong man, able to curb my will when necessary. But when it came to those dark drives, I found myself completely overpowered. I hated that feeling-of such utter loss of control."
Raine nodded, glad they"d switched to a safer topic, and hoping he might finally appreciate what she was trying to tell him. This was it, she realized-her ticket to freedom. If he was looking for a weekly domination and submission partner, he had the wrong girl. "I"ve been trying to tell you. I don"t feel any urges like you describe."
There was a stretch of tense silence. Tryphon glanced at Bale. She twisted to look at Bale, too, wondering what he thought about this conversation. His expression revealed absolutely nothing.
Tryphon cleared his throat. "One night I met a man who changed everything. I owe him a great deal..."
"I owe him too," Bale added softly, his statement surprising Raine, confusing her too. "Because by then, my relationship with Tryphon was suffering so badly, I was sure it was over," he explained, motioning between Tryphon and himself. "That night saved us."
"What happened?" Raine asked, sensing Tryphon was struggling to find the right words to say.
Tryphon drained his gla.s.s, leaned forward and set it on the coffee table. "I learned to love myself. And I learned what it meant to submit to something stronger than my will."
She heard the raw emotion in every word, which made her wonder how painful his journey had been. Had he hated himself for what he was? For those urges he couldn"t control? "I"m glad then. For both of you." She studied his profile as he stared straight ahead. He looked distant, almost like he was lost in a daydream.
"It was a night I"ll never forget. Painful but also wonderful. Liberating." Tryphon turned his head, meeting her gaze. "I can"t describe how it felt. It was what I needed, more than anything. And I knew it in my heart, even if I wasn"t entirely ready to accept it at first."
"How did this man help you?"
"He told a story, my story."
Confused, she asked, "You mean his story? Like you"re doing?"
"No." Tryphon stood, talking as he walked back to the bar to refill his gla.s.s. "The man I"m referring to wasn"t my lover or friend. He was my father. A man I"d never known and yet despised. I"d hated him for years because of what he was and what he"d done to me. That hatred had festered, growing like a cancer, eating away everything that was good and leaving only the tainted." He raised his gla.s.s in a silent toast then drank. "But that wasn"t his fault. It was mine. And I finally faced that fact that night." He lifted the bottle of wine with his other hand, pouring as he explained, "I also accepted the real reason for my urges. They were part of my nature, rather than some kind of deviance."
He set the bottle down and returned to the couch. But rather than sitting again, he straddled her legs, leaning over her, his gaze warming as it swept over her face. "I"m not sick, Raine. I"m not deranged. I"m not broken. And even though those urges make me feel exposed and powerless sometimes, it"s okay."
Once again, he lifted his gla.s.s to his mouth and tipped it back, draining half the wine in a series of gulps. He set his gla.s.s down, extended his arms to brace himself against the back of the couch, trapping her head between his arms. "I love Bale more than I can say, and our love will last forever. But our relationship is lacking one very vital element. I"m a man whose very essence is defined by my dominance, just like my father"s, and yet that aspect of my personality only shows itself when I am vulnerable, when I need something. I was that way from birth. I will be that way until the day I die."
"I think I understand."
"Because of the depth of my need, I would never abuse a submissive"s trust."
Raine didn"t know what to say after that. Suddenly, everything about Tryphon made sense. His need to control, to dominate. And strangely, she felt like any woman who stepped into the role of his submissive would be the luckiest woman on earth.
She still didn"t understand, though, what made him think she could be that woman. She didn"t have a submissive bone in her body, not a one. She"d never had any fantasies involving submission. Nor did she feel it was particularly s.e.xy to get on her knees and submit to a man. Not to mention, that whole submission thing required her to be open and honest. Exposed and defenseless in the most impossible way.
It just wasn"t meant to be.
"Will you tell us now?" Tryphon asked, smoothing a hand up her arm. "I"ve bared my soul to you. I"ve shared a part of me that only Bale has seen. The darkest corners of my soul. It"s your turn, now."
She slowly shook her head. "Tryphon, I appreciate how hard that must have been for you. I don"t want you to think for one minute that I don"t realize that." Standing, she wrapped her arms around herself. "I"m grateful you told me that story, though, because more than ever I see that I can"t be what you want, what you need."
"Why?"
"Because I can"t make myself change for you. I won"t do that. Not for any man."
Tryphon took a step toward her but halted when she flinched. "You wouldn"t be changing yourself. You"d be accepting yourself, just like I did."
"I don"t see it that way."
He reached a hand in her direction then let it fall. "Not yet. That"s because you don"t want to accept the truth."
She took another step backward. "How could you possibly be so sure, Tryphon? It"s been such a short time. Some people can be married for years-decades, even-and not know each other."
"Is that what you"re scared about?" Bale asked, still watching the intense exchange from the couch.
"Huh?" she asked.
Bale explained, "About making a mistake? Falling in love with someone and learning later he isn"t who you thought?"
"No."
"Then what is it?" Tryphon took another step toward her. "Something is holding you back. A fear."
Adamant, she shook her head. "Absolutely not. I"m not afraid of anything."
"Afraid of love?" Another step closer.
"No." She moved back.
"Afraid of commitment?" Tryphon asked.
"No."
Tryphon took several steps this time, stopping directly in front of her. "Afraid of losing yourself?"
"No, no, no. Now, would you quit? I"m not scared. I"m not running away from anything," she said, totally aware of the fact that she had been subconsciously backing away from him, so contrary to her words. She forced herself to stop, hold her ground and look him in the eye. "I"m just being an intelligent, independent woman and making a choice that is in my best interest."
"Afraid of losing control?" Tryphon"s question was a challenge.
"No," she lied.
He caught her upper arms in his fists and jerked her roughly against him, slamming his mouth down to hers. His kiss was full of dark fire and l.u.s.t, pa.s.sionate and raw.
Angry, shocked, she struggled against him, shoving at his chest, writhing against his bulk. But he didn"t stop, didn"t ease up a bit. Still kissing her, he muscled her across the room, down the hallway. At the top of the bas.e.m.e.nt stairs, he hefted her over his shoulder like the brute he was.
Now she was seriously p.i.s.sed. Hadn"t he heard a word she"d said? "Put me down, dammit!" she screamed as he hauled her down the steps.
Eventually, he put her down. But not gently. Feeling herself fall, she thrust her arms out behind her, catching herself as she flopped onto a cushion. Antic.i.p.ating his next move, she threw herself onto her stomach, hoping to logroll or crawl out of his reach. But he slammed down on top of her, pinning her down. The air left her lungs in an oooph.
In the seconds it took to reinflate them, she lay pretty much motionless and seething beneath him. What the h.e.l.l did he think he was going to accomplish by going all Dom on her, especially when she"d made it perfectly clear this power play stuff was not her thing? And where the h.e.l.l was Bale? Why hadn"t he followed them?
"Tryphon!" she growled, squirming. She could feel a very prominent bulge resting against her bottom. Grrrr! Leave it to a Dom to get hard from wrestling with an unwilling submissive. "Let me up!"
"Not yet."
"Isn"t there some rule about forcing people to submit?" she grumbled when he still refused to let her up.
"There is," he responded, sounding cool and calm.
"So...?"
"I"m not forcing you to submit to me."
What the h.e.l.l? "What do you call this then?"
"Ummmm. Foreplay?"
"Foreplay? It might be for you. It"s doing nothing for me. Nothing whatsoever," she lied as a rush of sensual heat charged through her system.
"Sure it is."
Argh!
Grrr.
He couldn"t know the truth.
"No, it"s not," she insisted.
"I know you"re getting hot. I can smell it."
Smell? "If I stink it"s just because I"m roasting under here. You men crank out some serious heat."
"The scent I smell is not from sweat."
She didn"t know how to respond to that one. If he could truly smell something coming off her, then she couldn"t deny that their wrestling match had surprisingly sparked a mild simmer in her blood. But that didn"t mean she was ready to spread her legs and beg him to climb on board. Or beg him to chain her up and paddle her. Or even forgive him for getting all dominating and manhandling her down here.
She said no. That meant no, dammit.
He caught her wrists in his hands and dragged them up over her head. He was breathing hard, his breaths sharp bursts in her ear as he bent down. "Someday you"ll admit the truth, Raine. You"ll say the words aloud, "Take me, Master. I am yours." By nature, I am not a patient man, but I"m willing to wait."
Growing breathless, she turned her head to the side. "You"ll be waiting a long time to hear those words come out of this mouth, Tryphon."
"Not as long as you think." He bent his leg and forced it between hers, dragging it up to push her thighs apart. It rubbed against her covered p.u.s.s.y.
She sucked in a gasp as a wave of longing rippled through her body.
No, this wasn"t happening. She wasn"t getting aroused.
"How does it feel, lying here like this, unable to move, to resist? Powerless and at my mercy?"
"Awful."
"Not so." He moved his knee in a circular motion, creating a delicious friction between her legs.
She bit back a groan then started jerking and writhing beneath him again. If only he weren"t so f.u.c.king big. And strong. And...hard.
He chuckled in her ear. "Resist it, yes. Oh yes. It"ll make your blood burn hotter."
That was it! How dare he laugh at her. "f.u.c.k you."
"Okay, you may, but only on my terms."
"That"s not what I meant."