At least that"s what he thought until Lily said, "I need to turn on their monitor in my bedroom."
Lily"s bedroom. Visions raced through his mind.
Lily went ahead to her nightstand and switched on the monitor. He stepped over the threshold and shut the door.
She didn"t move and neither did he for a moment. Then he saw that flicker in her eyes, the memory of what it was like when they were together. He covered the two steps to her, lifted her chin and looked deep into her eyes. "I told Hillary we were dating."
"I know."
"Do you have an opinion about that?"
"I didn"t protest."
"No, mainly so you wouldn"t embarra.s.s us both."
"That wasn"t the reason."
"What was?" he demanded, tired of waiting, yet knowing that with Lily all he could do was wait until she was truly free of yesterday.
"Because I want to spend time with you, Mitch- with the twins...without the twins. I can"t tell you everything"s going to go smoothly. I still miss Troy." She looked down at her hand, and he did, too. Her wedding ring glistened there, as real now as the day Troy had slipped it on her finger. "And I"m used to being alone," he admitted.
"Do you like that?" she asked with the spirit that was all Lily.
He almost laughed. Almost. But the question had been a serious one. "I used to think being alone was the only way I could deal with my life on my terms."
"And now?"
"I"m open to finding out differently. That"s all I can give you right now."
The expression on her pretty face said she didn"t know if that was enough. He didn"t, either. But as he bent his head, kissing her seemed a lot more important than the future.
He brushed his lips against hers, maybe to test her, to see how much she wanted. But the test became his to pa.s.s or fail. She responded by twining her arms around his neck and slipping her fingers into his hair. He"d wanted to take everything slowly with Lily. This time they"d take it easy. This time he"d make sure she knew what she was doing. This time, she wouldn"t want to deny what was going on between them.
But the moment her fingers tugged at his hair as if she wanted more, undeniable desire rushed through his body.
Making himself slow down, he kissed her neck, and asked, "How much time do you think we have?" He leaned back to check her expression, to see if she felt guilty about being in her room with him, to see if what her housemates thought mattered.
"A few minutes," she responded. "Ellie and Angie will wonder if everything"s all right."
A few minutes wasn"t enough time. So he didn"t waste a moment more of it. His mouth came down on hers possessively, coaxing, teasing, plundering. Still the moan that came from Lily"s throat gave the kiss more power as they both gave in to the primal quality of it. He thrust his tongue into her mouth, felt her soft, full b.r.e.a.s.t.s against him, and knew he was more aroused than he"d ever been. His hands slid down her back and he pressed her into him. She shivered and the trembling of her body made him wonder what he was doing. Their kisses awakened him to the raw need inside him. What if that need could never be satisfied? What if Lily, too, turned away from his scars? After all, the last time, they"d made love in the dark. What if he had a nightmare while he was lying beside her? How would she react?
The questions flooding his brain doused the far-reaching, fiery tendrils of his desire. A good thing, too, because he might have pulled her onto that bed, undressed her and joined their bodies no matter who was downstairs.
Tearing himself from her and the kiss, he stood away so he wouldn"t reach for her again.
Looking a bit dazed, she said, "Wow! Those few minutes sure went fast."
He rubbed his hand over his face. "You get to me."
Smiling, she replied, "You get to me."
What bothered Mitch was that, despite the rush of pa.s.sion that had enfolded them, the smile on Lily"s face and in her voice didn"t touch her eyes. Neither of them seemed happy about it.
"I"m looking forward to this weekend, Lily, but if you don"t want to take the time away from Sophie and Grace, I"ll understand. I"ll be busy playing host, so I don"t know how much time I"ll have for...us."
Her hands fluttered as if she didn"t know what to do with them, so she stuffed them into her front jeans pockets. "Why don"t we just play it by ear? I"ll see what kind of day the girls are having and then decide."
"Fair enough," he responded. Yet what he"d suggested didn"t seem fair at all. He"d just given her an out, and she might take it...just as she might still move to Oklahoma City and leave her life in Sagebrush behind.
Midweek, Lily softly descended the steps into the living room, not wanting to awaken anyone. Sophie and Grace were snuggled in for the night. Angie, on day shift now, had turned in around the same time as Ellie after the evening news.
But Lily couldn"t sleep. The decision whether or not to go to Mitch"s on Sat.u.r.day was gnawing at her. Every time she ran into him during the course of the day, she knew he was wondering if she"d be there or not. She felt that if she decided to go, she would be making a commitment.
A commitment to Mitch when she still wore her wedding ring?
She"d had lunch with Raina today, who had given her a DVD copy of the video Eva had recorded on Thanksgiving. Lying in bed, feeling more alone than she"d ever remembered feeling, Lily decided she needed to watch that DVD.
After she inserted the disk in the machine, she sat on the sofa, perched on the edge of the cushion, pressing the b.u.t.tons on the remote. The video sprang to life and she watched Thanksgiving Day come alive for her all over again. The living room at Shep and Raina"s had been full of lively chatter. Mitch sat on the floor with Joey and Roy, his long legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. The boys said something and Mitch laughed. He had such a deep, rich laugh and she rarely heard it. But he"d laughed often on Thanksgiving Day. Because he"d been relaxed? Because kids surrounded him? Because the two of them were together with friends in a way they hadn"t been before?
The moment Grace raised her arms to Mitch and he"d lifted her onto his lap brought tears to Lily"s eyes. He was so caring and gentle with the girls. Yet Lily sensed he still withheld part of himself. He didn"t want to get too attached. Because in being attached to them, he"d be attached to her?
"You should be asleep," a soft voice scolded.
Startled, Lily dropped the remote.
"Sorry," Ellie said, coming to sit beside her. "I didn"t mean to scare you."
Bending to the floor, Lily found the remote and hit the stop b.u.t.ton.
"This is Thanksgiving," Ellie noticed, staring at the freeze frame on the TV, the still image of Mitch holding Grace.
"Raina gave me a copy today. She thought I"d like to have it for posterity," Lily said with a small, short laugh that she had to force out.
"You don"t have to stop it on my account. I was there, remember?"
"I know, but I thought-"
"Stop tiptoeing around me, Lily. You don"t have to. I know how I reacted at the beginning of the summer when Mitch was around. I"m sorry for that."
"You had every right to feel whatever you were feeling."
"I had no right to dictate who you should or shouldn"t see."
"You didn"t."
"Then why didn"t I see Mitch around for almost six months?"
"That was my fault, not yours. I wasn"t ready to open my heart to another man."
Ellie pointed to the screen. "It looks as if you"re trying to figure out if you"re ready now."
"If I have to figure it out, that means I"m not?" Lily asked, in turmoil about it. Yet that"s what she was feeling.
"I don"t know, Lily. Troy is still real to me. He"s still my brother. I talk to him, and I listen for his advice. Is that crazy or what?"
"I don"t think that"s crazy at all. I still do that, too."
"Then maybe you should ask him about this," Ellie advised her.
The two women sat there for a few moments in the dark, with the silence, staring at the frozen picture on the TV in all its color and high definition.
Now that she and Ellie were having an open talk about this, Lily went to her purse on the foyer table and removed her camera. It had been in there since Sunday night.
"I want to show you something," she said to Ellie, sitting beside her sister-in-law again.
She switched on the camera, pressed the review b.u.t.ton and brought up a picture. She was standing in front of the town"s Christmas tree with the twins in their stroller. Then there were a few shots of Sophie and Grace by themselves, their faces filled with awe, the excitement of their first Christmas shining from their eyes. The miracle of Christmas was starting to unfold for them. She wanted the holiday to be filled with kindness and love and sharing so they"d never forget the importance of giving all year.
The final picture was Mitch holding Sophie and Grace, gazing into the camera with the intensity that was all his. Even though he was smiling, she knew he had questions about what the future held for all of them. Their attraction to each other couldn"t be denied. But it muddied the already stirred-up waters. As Lily studied his face, her heart tripped. Her gaze fell to his smile and her stomach somersaulted. Staring at him holding her twins, she felt as if she could melt.
Lily flipped again to the photo of herself with Sophie and Grace, then the other one with Mitch. She said in almost a whisper, "I"m falling in love with him, and it terrifies me."
"Why?"
"Because I"ve lost everyone who loves me. Because Mitch has an area of his life he won"t open to me. Because I"m still attached to Troy and afraid to let go."
"So what are you trying to decide?"
"Mitch"s reunion with his buddies from Iraq is this weekend. Sat.u.r.day they"ll be at his place most of the day and he asked me to come over. I"ll be setting foot in an area of his life he kept closed off to me. He said we won"t have much time alone, but after everyone leaves, we might."
"Are you asking my permission?" Ellie asked with a hint of a smile.
"No. I guess what I"m asking for is your blessing."
Ellie"s gaze dropped to the end table by the sofa where a picture of Lily and Troy stood. Then she lifted it to the TV screen. "Go, Lily. You have to. It"s the only way you"ll know for sure if you"re ready to move on. That"s the best I can do."
Lily switched off the DVD player and set the camera on the coffee table. "Let"s have a cup of hot cider. I want your opinion on what I"m thinking of giving to Angie and Raina for Christmas."
"You want to be distracted from what"s really going on in your mind."
Ellie knew her too well because she was right.
Chapter Eleven.
Mitch opened his door to Lily, trying to adjust his thinking about today to include her in it. His gut always twisted a little when he saw her...when her blue eyes looked at him with so many questions he wasn"t sure he"d ever be able to answer. "I wasn"t sure you"d come."
She had a cake holder in one hand, a paint case in the other. "I told you yesterday that I"d come to help."
Yes, she had. They"d been pa.s.sing in the hall and she"d stopped him with a touch of her hand on his elbow. He"d felt the heat from it the rest of the day, though he"d told himself that was impossible. Had his caresses branded her the same way?
Stepping aside so she could enter, not sure what her presence meant, he pointed to the far end of the kitchen. "I put the desserts on the table. The deli trays are in the fridge and the barbecued beef is in the slow cooker."
"It sounds as if you have all of the bases covered."
Except the base with her on it. He nodded to her carrying case. "Paints?" The mundane conversation had to get them through, although the question he wanted to ask was-would she stay the night? Too much to expect?
"Yep. And I have some board games and puzzles in the car. Along with Santa Claus, you should have the kids covered."
"I have a table set up for you in the sunroom."
After she unzipped her parka, he moved behind her, taking it from her shoulders. He hadn"t been this close to Lily all week, though each time he"d pa.s.sed her in the hall he"d wanted to haul her over his shoulder, carry her to a closet for privacy and kiss her. She"d left her hair loose today and he caught the scent of it as his hands closed over her jacket and red scarf. She was wearing a Christmas-red sweater with black jeans, dangling gold earrings and black shoe-boots with tall heels. She looked incredible.
When she glanced over her shoulder, their gazes collided and he bent his head to kiss her.
But that kiss wasn"t to be. His doorbell rang and he swore under his breath. Not that he didn"t want to see his visitors. But every private moment with Lily was precious.
"I"m nervous," she admitted with a shaky smile, as he hung her jacket and scarf over his arm.
"Why?"
"Because these are your friends and I"m not sure I belong here."
"I felt that way at Thanksgiving until Raina and Shep made me feel comfortable. Relax, Lily. These are just families who share a common bond. You share it, too."
His words didn"t seem to rea.s.sure her. He wanted to wipe the anxious look off her face with a touch...with a few kisses. But he couldn"t. His guests were arriving and he had to play host.
The next half hour pa.s.sed in a whirlwind of guests entering and introductions being made. Lily had no trouble making conversation, as Mitch had known she wouldn"t. She was easily drawn to the moms with kids, and to one of Mitch"s best friends, Matt Gates, who was an ER doctor in Houston. After everyone else had arrived, Jimmy Newcomb"s wife, Robin, drove their van into a s.p.a.ce the guests had left for them in Mitch"s driveway. All of the guys went outside in case Robin needed help. But the Newcomb"s van was equipped with a wheelchair lift and, fortunately, Mitch"s house had only one step to navigate to push the wheelchair inside.
"I don"t want to make tracks in your carpet," Jimmy said to Mitch as he wheeled into the kitchen.
"You can go anywhere you want to in my house," Mitch a.s.sured him.
Robin and Maya, Tony Russo"s wife, set up the kids in the sunroom with games and puzzles, drawing paper, pencils and crayons, while Lily arranged her face paints on a small table. The children began asking questions right away and she explained what she could do. Soon they were lined up, pleading with her to paint a Christmas tree or an angel, a reindeer or a b.u.t.terfly on their faces. Once when Mitch looked in on her she was telling them about Christmas traditions around the world. Another time, the children were explaining how they celebrated Christmas. He realized how much he wanted Lily to stay tonight. It had to be her decision. As she took a few breaks, he suspected she was calling Ellie to check on Sophie and Grace.
In the course of the afternoon, he attempted to spend time with everyone. He lit a fire in the fireplace, pulled bottles of beer from a cooler, made pots of coffee. When darkness fell, he set out the food. He"d ordered more than enough, and he was glad to see all his guests looked pleased to be there, sitting near the predecorated Christmas tree he"d bought at the last minute. Reunions could bomb. But this group had too much in common. Feelings ran deep and so did loyalties.
Matt had brought his Santa paraphernalia and stowed it in a spare bedroom where Mitch had stacked presents for the kids.
As most of the guests enjoyed dessert and Lily sat on the couch deep in conversation with Robin, Matt beckoned Mitch to follow him into the hall.
"Ready to sweat in that Santa suit?" Mitch asked with a grin.
Matt grimaced. "You"re going to owe me for this one."