However, she snuck another peek at him and felt her stomach flutter.
Maybe she should have just paid taxi fare from Lubbock to Sagebrush instead of accepting his a.s.sistance so readily.
He seemed to read some of her thoughts. "I know you want to be independent, Lily, but I"m only giving you a ride home. You"ll be driving again soon."
She did have to put this in perspective. "I just never expected to be going home without my babies and without-" She abruptly stopped.
"And without Troy," he filled in, not afraid to say it.
Blinking very fast she zipped the overnight case that Raina had dropped off for her. "I"m ready to get out of here and finish decorating the nursery. Everything needs to be perfect when my girls come home."
Mitch came up behind her, gently took her by the shoulders and turned her around. "You don"t have to hide what you"re feeling."
"I have to get over what I"m feeling, Mitch. I have two babies to take care of, to support. I can"t think about Troy not being here and do what I have to do."
"You can"t deny it, either. That will only bring you more heartache in the end."
Gazing into his deep brown eyes, she felt that unsettled sensation in the pit of her stomach again.
"I"m ready to go," she said firmly. She"d cry at night when she was too tired to do anything else. In the meantime, she was going to put a life together for her children.
Mitch dropped his hands from her shoulders and picked up her overnight case. "Then let"s get you home."
Their fifteen-minute drive from Lubbock to the small Texas town of Sagebrush was quiet for the most part. Mitch didn"t seem to feel the need to talk and stared straight ahead as he drove. She had too many thoughts buzzing through her mind to want to be involved in conversation-including her unsettling awareness of the black-haired, broad-shouldered, protective man sitting beside her. Before her labor, hadn"t she looked at Mitch as the person he was? Had she just seen him merely as a colleague? Simply a friend of Troy"s? A person on the outskirts of her life but not really in her life?
He pulled into the driveway in front of the detached garage at the large blue Victorian-style house with yellow shutters, then turned to her with questions in his eyes, voicing one of them. "Who"s going to be staying with you?"
"No one"s staying with me."
Silence fell over the SUV as wind buffeted it.
"Isn"t Angie back yet?" Mitch asked.
"No. When she"s called away on the disaster relief team, there"s no knowing how long she"ll be gone."
"What about Raina?"
"I can"t expect her to come over here and sit with me with all her responsibilities. Besides, I don"t need a babysitter."
"As soon as you walk into that house, you"re going to be surprised by how tired you feel. You can"t stay here alone tonight."
Lily suddenly felt panicked without knowing exactly why. "What are you suggesting?"
"I"m not suggesting anything. I"m going to give you two options. One, I can take you home with me and you can stay there for the night."
She was shaking her head already.
"Or, two, I can sleep on your couch."
She was still shaking her head.
"Is your refrigerator stocked?"
"I don"t know."
"Do you feel like cooking supper?"
Though she didn"t want to admit it, she did feel really tired. "I can make myself an egg."
"I seem to remember Jared ordering you to go home and rest today, for what"s left of it, and turn in early tonight."
"He"s just being cautious."
Mitch unbuckled his seat belt and shifted behind the wheel to face her. "I know as doctors we make the worst patients, but you"ve got to be sensible. When those babies come home in a few weeks, you have to be ready physically as well as emotionally. So, at least for today, accept help without argument."
Was she being unreasonable? Was she trying to be too strong? Why was that? Because she didn"t want anyone helping her...or she suddenly didn"t want Mitch helping her? The thought of him sleeping on her couch tonight made her stomach do something more than flutter. She felt as if she"d gone over the top of a Ferris wheel.
But she certainly wasn"t going to Mitch"s place. The gossips in Sagebrush would have a field day.
"Let"s go inside and you can curl up on the sofa," he suggested. "I"ll get you something to drink and we"ll go from there."
"Don"t you have other things to do today?"
"Repairing winter"s damage to the patio? Sweeping out my garage?" He gave her one of his rare smiles.
Ever since Mitch had started with the practice, she"d noticed the long hours he worked, longer than any of the other physicians. He even scheduled consultations on Sat.u.r.days. He had rarely taken off work in the time she"d known him. Didn"t he have a life outside of the fertility lab? Did he have friends other than the service buddies Troy had once mentioned? Mitch was an enigma, a puzzle she couldn"t solve-one she shouldn"t be interested in at all.
She nibbled on her lower lip for a couple of seconds and then asked, "Do you know how to cook?"
When he chuckled, she liked the sound of it. "I do. My mother taught me the basics," he said with fond remembrance. "I do all right."
The air in his SUV seemed stifling. She was relieved they were separated in the bucket seats because being physically close to Mitch now seemed...dangerous.
She asked in a low voice, "Why are you doing this, Mitch?"
"I made a promise to Troy. I keep my promises."
That"s what she thought. This was duty for Mitch. He was a man who knew duty and honor well.
She let out a long breath. "All right, you can sleep on my couch. But just tonight. That"s it. Tomorrow I"m on my own again."
"Deal," he agreed.
Even though he said it, she saw a considering flicker in his eyes. How long would his promise to Troy hold?
Minutes later they were escaping the bl.u.s.tery weather outside and walking into the old house that Lily now thought of as home. Last September she"d moved out of the apartment she"d shared with Troy because the memories there had been too painful.
She breathed in the scent of cinnamon emanating from the potpourri dish beside the Tiffany lamp in the foyer. Angie had filled it before Christmas. Her housemate had understood how difficult the holidays would be for Lily and had included her in her family"s celebrations. So had Gina and, of course, Raina. They"d kept Lily too busy to think if not feel. At night, alone in her room, she"d faced her loss and spoken to her unborn babies about their dad and about what their first Christmas the following year might bring. She had to look toward the future.
"Where would you like your overnight case?" Mitch asked, stepping in behind her.
"Upstairs on my bed would be great."
"The steps won"t be a problem?"
"Not at all. But I"ll only do them once today."
"Which room is yours?"
A jolt of reality hit when she realized Mitch would be standing in her bedroom in a few minutes. He"d see the baby catalogs and magazines splayed across the chest at the foot of the bed, as well as the photo of Troy on her dresser. What else would he notice?
And why was the idea of Mitch standing in her bedroom so unnerving?
"What"s wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing. My bedroom"s the second one on the right. It"s the one with the yellow rose wallpaper."
"Got it," he said with the flash of a smile that made her breath hitch a little.
Confused, she decided she was just tired from the trip home and worried about her babies. She wasn"t reacting to Mitch as a man. She absolutely wasn"t.
When Mitch returned downstairs, she was pulling greens and carrots from the refrigerator.
He came up beside her and took them out of her hands. "Stop. Today you"re not doing a thing. Wouldn"t you be more comfortable in the living room in an easy chair?"
He was a doctor, too. He knew what her body had been through, though she was trying to deny it.
"Don"t you have a good book you want to read?" he teased.
She supposed humor was better than anything else. Maybe it would make this jumpy feeling she had when she was around him go away. "I"m sure I can find something to read."
When she took a last glance around, he said, "Relax and trust me."
Trust him. That was the tall and short of it. She did. And trusting him formed a bond that she just didn"t want right now. She"d trusted Troy because he was her husband. But now he was gone, and she shouldn"t be able to simply turn around and trust another man so easily.
Should she?
"What"s going on in your head?" Mitch asked with gentle persuasion.
Nothing he"d want to know about. Her doubts and questions and issues were all hers. None of it had anything to do with him. "I"m just...wired and tired at the same time."
He set the greens and carrots on the counter. Then he nudged her around and walked her toward the living room. He was a good six inches taller than she was and she felt pet.i.te beside him.
The heat of his palm on her shoulder seeped through her knit top. She should have worn a sweater. This old house could be drafty. If she"d worn a sweater, she wouldn"t feel the warmth of his hand at all...or remember him holding hers as Sophie was born.
He released her as they reached the sofa. Then he stood there and waited and she realized he wanted her to sit. He definitely was a commanding male. Why would that change simply because he was trying to be her friend? Men in the military had a particular bearing, a straightness of their backs, a tautness of their shoulders, that made them seem more than ordinary men. Not that anything about Mitch today seemed military. His jeans, sweater and even his leather boots looked comfortable. She couldn"t remember ever seeing him dressed so casually before.
She sank down onto the sofa.
"Put your legs up," he ordered.
She didn"t usually take orders well. "I"ll be bored," she muttered.
While he pulled the afghan from the back of the sofa and spread it over her, he asked, "Don"t you knit or something?"
"Crochet," she corrected automatically, then pointed to the tapestry bag beside the easy chair. She knew if she made a move to get it, he wouldn"t let her.
When he stooped to pick up the bag, she noticed the play of his shoulder muscles, the length of his upper torso, his slim hips. A tingle that she relegated to post-birth pangs rippled through her belly. Looking away, she pulled the afghan up higher.
He brought the bag to her and settled it in her lap. "What are you making?"
After opening the Velcro closure, she extracted a pink sweater that sported one sleeve. "I didn"t know whether to make these both pink or not. You know, stereotypes and all. But then I thought, two baby girls. What could be cuter than matching pink sweaters?"
He laughed. "I"m sure Sophie and Grace will agree."
She turned the sweater over in her hands and then admitted, "I was an only child. I wanted a sister desperately. Sophie and Grace will always have each other." She looked up at him again. "Do you have brothers or sisters?" She really didn"t know anything about Mitch"s background or his childhood.
"Nope. No brothers or sisters."
"Troy and his sister Ellie were close," Lily said in a low voice.
"He talked about her often," Mitch responded, in the way he had ever since Troy had been killed. She was grateful he made it all right for her to speak about her husband and anything connected to him.
"She"s in a tough situation right now," Lily said to Mitch. "She had a small store where she sold her own line of baby clothes. But her area of Oklahoma was hard hit by the economic downturn and she had to close the store."
"What"s she doing now?"
"She"s trying to take her business to the internet."
"Is she coming for a visit?"
"Ellie and Troy"s mom, Darlene, both want to visit after the babies come home." She"d always gotten along well with Ellie and Darlene...with all of Troy"s family. She knew he"d moved to Texas because the construction market had been thriving around Lubbock, unlike Oklahoma. She"d often wished his family wasn"t so far away.
An odd expression crossed Mitch"s face, one she couldn"t decipher. He said, "You"ll have a lot of people to help with the babies. That"s just what you need."
"Is that what I need, Mitch? I"m their mom. I want to take care of them myself."
"Sure you do. But twins are a lot of work. There was a kid in my neighborhood when I was growing up. His mother had twins. She was always run ragged. And when you go back to work, you"re definitely going to need child care."
"I have to go back," she said. "Insurance money and savings will only go so far."
"You"ll have Troy"s benefits," Mitch reminded her.
"That money is going into a trust fund for the twins."
He didn"t contradict her, or try to convince her otherwise. She wanted to give her girls the advantages she"d had growing up. Yet, most of all, she wanted them to appreciate the people around them who loved them. When she"d lost her parents, she"d realized how little material possessions actually meant, and she"d grown up quickly.
"Did you grow up here in Sagebrush?" she asked Mitch, curious about his childhood.