"You need your sleep, too."
"I"m used to not sleeping. I was a trauma surgeon, remember?"
She remembered and unintentionally her gaze went to his arm and his hand.
Self-consciously, he moved it and balled it into a fist. Though he expected her to move away, she didn"t.
"Do you think about what you used to do very often?"
"Often enough. But that was then and this is now. Why don"t I walk you upstairs? We"ll make sure both babies are settled."
Lily took one last look at the image on the monitor and then crossed to the stairway. Mitch waited a beat or so and then followed her.
Upstairs, by the glow of the night-light, Lily took Grace from her carrier and wrapped her in a blanket as Mitch had done with Sophie. After Lily laid Grace in her crib, she stooped over the baby and kissed her forehead. "I love you, sweet girl. I"m glad you"re home."
Then she moved to Sophie"s crib and did the same.
Aware Mitch hadn"t come far into the room, Lily glanced at him as he stood by the chair, his arms crossed over his chest-watchful and distant.
When he"d arrived at the house earlier and come into the downstairs nursery, she"d felt so many emotions that they"d tumbled over each other. Yes, she"d been embarra.s.sed. But she"d also felt a little proud. Only a few moments had pa.s.sed until she"d realized she should feel embarra.s.sed. And then she had.
As they"d put the babies to bed, though, the situation had seemed right. Mitch handled them so well...so comfortably...so like a father. Sometimes she could see the affection he felt for them. But other times, he removed himself.
Like now.
He fell into step beside her as she left the nursery and walked down the hall to her bedroom. At her door, she was ready to say good-night, ready to fall into bed, exhausted from the stress, the worry and the joy of bringing the babies home today. Yet a simple good-night didn"t seem adequate and when she gazed into Mitch"s eyes, she couldn"t look away.
He seemed to have the same problem.
There was something about him standing there, perfectly still, his shoulders wide enough to block the doorway, his height filling the s.p.a.ce. Maybe it was the sight of him without his tie and with the first few b.u.t.tons of his white shirt open. Maybe it was her reaction to the black chest hair peeking out. Maybe she thought about all he"d done for her. Maybe, for just a short time, she gave in to the thought that she might need someone to watch out for her. She only knew that thoughts weren"t running through her brain as fast as heat was flashing through her body. She wasn"t thinking at all when she leaned forward. Rather, she was feeling and wishing and hoping and remembering what it had felt like to be held by a man.
Her babies were so little. Her life had been torn apart. In the midst of caring for her girls and forging ahead, her attraction to Mitch seemed to be a living, breathing ent.i.ty that at that moment she couldn"t deny.
When his strong arms enfolded her, she felt safe. As he murmured her name, she felt cared for. He lowered his head and she lifted her chin. Their lips met.
Lily"s senses whirled and she couldn"t deny a longing that came from deep within. As Mitch"s mouth opened over hers, she lost all sense of time and place. All she cared about was now, the rush of wanting, the scent of Mitch that was new and exciting, the thrill of feeling like a woman again.
Suddenly her womb tightened as it did when she nursed the babies. Troy"s daughters.
What in G.o.d"s name was she doing?
As suddenly as the kiss began, she tore away. The expression on Mitch"s face told her he knew why. She clamped her hand over her lips and tears rushed to her eyes. She saw that determined look come over Mitch and she couldn"t face it, not tonight.
"Talk to me, Lily," he coaxed gently.
She shook her head. "I can"t. Not now. Maybe in the morning."
"Do you want to let us both stew all night when what you need is sleep?"
"It was a mistake."
He sighed. "Maybe that"s one of the things we need to talk about."
When she remained silent, he stroked a tear from her cheek, finally agreeing. "All right. Go to bed. I"ll be here if you need help with the babies during the night."
"Mitch, I"m sorry."
He put his finger gently over her lips.
Backing into her room, she closed the door. She heard his boots on the wooden floorboards, his tread as he walked down the stairs. Then she collapsed on her bed, not even taking her clothes off, shutting her eyes and praying sleep would come quickly.
The following morning, Mitch made scrambled eggs while Angie and Lily fed the twins in the upstairs nursery.
He"d crossed the line last night. He"d known physical contact with Lily was taboo. But it hadn"t been until his lips had touched hers that he"d realized how truly vulnerable she was.
He"d damaged their relationship and he didn"t know if he could fix it. But he had to get the old one back-he"d made a promise to Troy.
When Angie had arrived home after midnight, the twins had been starting to stir. She said she"d help him feed them so Lily could sleep. But Lily had heard them, come in, taken Grace from Angie and told her to go to bed. She"d hardly glanced at him.
They"d fed Grace and Sophie in silence. When the twins woke again at four, they"d both fed them again. Mitch had never actually appreciated how complicated this was for women. They hadn"t recovered completely from giving birth and they had to use reserves they didn"t know they had to combat sleep deprivation, fatigue and ch.o.r.es that seemed to multiply with each hour.
And what had he done? Stirred up something that was better left alone. He didn"t know if Lily was ever going to look him in the eyes again.
He"d just switched off the burner when she and Angie rolled in a double stroller. Grace and Sophie looked as if they were content and almost asleep.
Crossing to the refrigerator, Angie pulled out milk and orange juice, snagging the coffeepot and bringing it to the table. "You should go back to bed," Angie told Lily as they pulled out their chairs.
"I have laundry to do, and I want to make up a couple of ca.s.seroles and freeze them so we can just pull them out this week if we need them."
Although Mitch sat at the table with them, Lily glanced down at her plate. She picked up a slice of toast, took a bite and set it down again.
For the next ten minutes, the lump in Mitch"s chest grew as he and Angie made conversation.
Finally, his breakfast eaten, he asked Lily, "Can I talk to you for a minute before I go?"
Her attention automatically went to her daughters, but Angie rea.s.sured her quickly. "I"ll watch them. Go ahead."
There were so many things he wanted to tell Lily as they stood in the foyer. But he couldn"t think of one. She was wearing jeans and a pink sweater and looked as if she were going to face the new day with determination and courage, the way she always did.
He knew what she wanted to hear from him, so he said it. "You were right. Last night was a mistake. I was out of line."
"You weren"t the one who started it," she admitted honestly. "I don"t know what got into me."
"You were grateful for a little help," he said with a smile that didn"t come from inside. "A lot of help," she returned, gazing into his eyes like she used to.
"Are you going to be okay when Angie leaves for work?"
"I"ll be fine. It"s Raina"s day off. She"s coming over."
He nodded, sure her friends would give her any help she needed, at least for a while. But he also knew Lily wouldn"t want to burden them and she"d soon be taking all of it on herself.
They couldn"t get involved for so many reasons. What if Lily ever saw his scars, learned his fears? The last relationship he"d tried a few years ago hadn"t worked because of all of it. Nothing had changed since then, and on Lily"s part, her grief and her connection to Troy was sustaining her in some ways. Missing and longing for him meant loving him. She wasn"t ready to let go of that. Still, Mitch didn"t know how to walk away from her. He couldn"t because he"d promised he wouldn"t.
"I"ll call you in a couple of days, just to see if Grace and Sophie are settling in. If you need anything, you have my number."
She reached out and touched his arm, probably feeling the same wall he did, a wall they were both standing behind so they wouldn"t get hurt.
"Thank you," she said softly.
He left the Victorian again, realizing he didn"t want her thanks. What he did want was still a mystery to him.
A few weeks later, Mitch was driving home from work when he decided to call Lily. They"d had a brief phone conversation last week because neither was comfortable with what had happened and they couldn"t seem to get back on that "friend" footing. Now her cell phone rang and rang and rang until finally-a man picked up.
"Who is this?" Mitch asked, surprised by the male voice. A repairman, maybe? But why would he have Lily"s cell phone?
"This is Craig Gillette. I"m the manager of Sagebrush Foods."
"Sagebrush Foods? I don"t understand. Where"s Lily Wescott?"
"Mrs. Wescott had an incident in our store. She"s okay now but..."
An incident? What the h.e.l.l was that? "Put her on," Mitch ordered.
Apparently speaking to the authority in Mitch"s voice, the man said, "Sir, I can"t right now. We"ve got two crying infants and she"s feeling a little dizzy."
Dizzy? "You tell her not to move. I"ll be there in five." Mitch didn"t give the manager time to protest or approve. He stepped on the gas.
Minutes later Mitch rushed into the store, scanning the produce area. Rounding a corner, he spotted Lily in the canned goods aisle, holding a paper cup. There were cans of green beans all over the floor around the folding chair where she sat. The twins were ensconced in their stroller. Sophie"s little face was screwed up in displeasure, but Grace seemed content for the moment to stare at the bright lights and rows of colorful cans.
Mitch let his training prevail rather than the fear that threatened his composure. In as calm a voice as he could muster, he asked, "What happened?" followed by, "Are you all right?"
Lily looked so pale, and all he wanted to do was lift her into his arms and carry her somewhere safe. But the twins were a concern, too, and he had to get to the bottom of what had happened.
"I just felt a little dizzy, that"s all," she said in a soft voice, taking another sip of water. "I haven"t gotten much sleep lately and I ran out of diapers..." Grace reached out a little hand to her and Lily reached back.
He got the picture much too well and he didn"t like what he saw. His guess? She"d felt faint and she"d run the stroller into the corner of the green beans display.
"Did she pa.s.s out?" he asked Gillette.
"No, sir. We wanted to call an ambulance, but she said she just needed to put her head down between her knees for a while-" He stopped when Lily gave him a scolding look as if he were divulging too much information.
Mitch went to Lily and crouched down beside her, looking her over with a practiced doctor"s eye. "Be honest with me. Do I need to call an ambulance?"
There were deep blue smudges under both of her eyes. Her hair was a disheveled ponytail and she wore a sweatsuit. This wasn"t the Lily he was used to, with her composed att.i.tude, neat hairdos and tailored clothing.
Looking up at him, she forced a smile. She was clearly exhausted.
With his fingertips to her neck, he felt her pulse beating fast.
"Mitch," she protested, turning her head.
His fingers stayed put. "Quiet for a few seconds," he suggested.
Her pulse was definitely racing.
"No ambulance," she said.
"Then tell me what"s going on. But drink that water before you do." He guessed she was dehydrated.
"You"re acting like a doctor."
"I"m also acting like a friend."
Their gazes met and Mitch could see she was remembering their kiss as vividly as he was, even in these circ.u.mstances. Just friends? Not likely.
She didn"t argue with him, but rather drank the cup of water.
"Are you still dizzy? Should I call Hillary?" Their colleague was her OB/GYN.
"No. I"m seeing her in a few days for a follow-up. I know what"s wrong, Mitch. Not enough sleep, not enough liquids, probably not enough food. I forget to eat when I"m busy. Please don"t scold."
He would have, but he could see she realized what he"d known could happen all along-she was overwhelmed.
"Let"s see if you can stand on your own."
He held her around the waist and helped her to her feet. She felt slight to him. She"d definitely lost weight. He should have been checking in with her daily, no matter how uncomfortable things were between them. So much for looking after her.
His body was responding in ways it shouldn"t as he kept his arm around her waist and they walked a few steps down the aisle.
"Do you think you can walk to your car on your own steam? I"ll drive yours then walk back here for mine."
"I drove over here for the diapers because I didn"t want to bother anyone," she muttered, then added fiercely, "I"m capable of walking to the car."
At least she wasn"t protesting him driving her home. He wanted her to understand the seriousness of what was happening to her. But that discussion would have to wait until she was on the sofa with her feet up and Sophie and Grace were fed and diapered.
In the house a while later, they sat on the sofa, hips practically touching, watching the babies in their cribs on the monitor. Mitch had found laundry in the washer and dryer, bottles in the sink, and had coaxed a little information from Lily. The babies now had a fussy spell that lasted from after Angie left in the evening until well after midnight. And they were nursing at least every three hours. She was exhausted and dehydrated and had to do more to take care of herself. But she couldn"t do that unless the twins needs were met first.
Mitch began, "You need help, Lily, and you"ve got to get it before you can"t take care of Sophie and Grace. Hire an au pair who will stay at the house for free rent."
He shifted so they weren"t quite so close as he expected Lily to protest. She didn"t. Rather, she just looked pensive. "I really hadn"t thought about doing that. I don"t know if Angie would like having a stranger move in."
"She can probably see you need help, too, but doesn"t know what to do about it. Talk to her. Talk to Raina and Gina. Maybe they"ll know of someone who needs a job and is good with children. But you can"t go on like this."
"I know. Believe me, Mitch, I do. What just happened scared me. I just wish-" She swallowed hard. "If Troy were here-"
Mitch watched as she blinked fast and faced the cold splash of reality once more. He didn"t know whether to cover her hand with his or move even farther away. Everything had become so complicated between them.
After a few moments of silence, Lily seemed to pull herself together. "Thinking about Troy..." She stopped. "His sister Ellie might be the perfect person to help me."