"I"m...not really with any guy. Who"s Clarissa?"
She dragged me closer to the water"s edge and for a moment I wondered if she planned to throw me in. Here I"d thought we were becoming friends, but it looked like I was mistaken on that. Dawn sure didn"t act like she was overjoyed to see me tonight. She seemed intent on intimidating me. Because of Keegan?
I was trying to come up with the proper reaction to her high-handedness. Should I be cowed or snotty? These seemed to be the two main forms of behavior for the girls. There wasn"t a whole lot of female bonding going on. Pretty much it was a dogfight over the menfolk, and what a stellar group they were.
Dawn and I were out of earshot of the rest of the group. She still had hold of my wrist like I was her prisoner, and I was waiting for her to make some kind of move when she started shaking all over as if from ague. "You okay?" I whispered, alarmed.
The sobs started from her core and came out in ragged gasps. She was trying desperately to hold them in, tamping back a spiral to a full-blown wail. Awkwardly I put an arm around her and she turned into my shoulder, her slender body racked and quaking. Were she to let out her feelings instead of clamping them back, I could believe it would be a scream-a-thon. No wonder Dwayne had named her house Rebel Yell. The emotional violence held in check was awesome.
I patted her on the back. Whatever was troubling her was deep and soul-consuming. "Are you pregnant?" I asked.
She clutched my clothes with fingers like talons, hanging on as if she would fall. I tightened my grip. "How did you know?" came her m.u.f.fled response.
"An educated guess." My gaze drifted back to the half-finished house. Groups of kids had split off, some drifting back upstairs. Little pods of secluded lovemaking? Something...
"I"m not pregnant anymore," she sobbed. "I wanted this baby! I wanted her so much! I told my parents and they demanded that I give her up. But I wouldn"t. I wouldn"t." Her voice dropped to a barely audible whisper. "But I lost her. How could that happen? Why couldn"t I have her?"
"You miscarried," I realized.
"My parents were happy! They tried to hide it but they were happy!"
"Well, relieved, maybe."
She pounded her fist on me. "Happy," she insisted fiercely. "Glad. They wanted her dead." She flung herself away from me.
I didn"t believe she"d been far enough gone to actually know the s.e.x of the child before the miscarriage. She was projecting, planning for a baby to give her unconditional love. A baby, to take the place of her missing, one-eyed cat, Caesar.
"Who"s the father?"
"I don"t know." She scrubbed at her cheeks like a child.
"Come on, Dawn," I chided softly.
"I don"t know! Keegan...maybe? What does it matter now?"
"Did you tell him you were pregnant?"
"Dionne wouldn"t let me. She said he wouldn"t care, and I was better off without him. He"d moved on to Clarissa, by then. So I listened to Dionne, but I shouldn"t have. He had a right to know." It sounded like this was something she"d rehea.r.s.ed often, but hadn"t actually been able to perform.
"Is there a chance someone else is the father?" I asked.
"No."
Oh, now she was positive? "Why did you say that you don"t know for sure it"s Keegan?"
"I just don"t remember. I had too much to drink."
"But you"re sure you were pregnant?" I asked, treading carefully.
Dawn sighed as if I were truly dense. "Yes. I didn"t know at first. But then I started feeling terrible. Really, really gross. I puked up breakfast one morning and Dionne heard me. She, like, had a fit. Started screaming and yelling. I told her to shut up! Mom and Dad wanted to know what was wrong and Dionne told them she was p.i.s.sed off because I"d ruined her favorite shoes. It was a total lie. Then later she brought back this birth control test, the one with the pink lines, you know?"
"Pregnancy test," I corrected.
"She made me pee on this stick and there it was. Two pink lines. I was just...I don"t know...scared. And then, when I figured it was Keegan"s..." She pressed her knuckles to her mouth while tears rained down her cheeks. "I thought he might, want me back, you know?"
I gazed at her in consternation. This was a whole lot more involved than I"d expected. "So, he still doesn"t know?"
She shook her head violently.
"Have you told anyone else?"
"No. You think I should tell him?" she asked, suddenly hopeful.
"No!"
She recoiled from me. Okay, I didn"t mean to sound so absolute. That wasn"t what she wanted to hear. But subtlety didn"t seem what was called for here.
"Okay," I said. "Okay." Like I was coming up with a plan. I didn"t like it that she couldn"t remember having s.e.x with Keegan. I didn"t like it one bit. "Come with me," I said.
"Where are we going?"
I didn"t answer her, just turned back toward the house. She followed after me like a puppy. We headed back inside and up the stairs, but at the front door ramp the King himself suddenly separated from the shadows. "Where are you going in such a hurry?" Keegan asked.
Both Dawn and I froze as if caught in a searchlight. She gazed at him as if he were a screen idol while I couldn"t get past my sick smile. "I"ve got to move a canoe," I told him.
"A canoe?"
I grabbed Dawn"s arm and hauled her down the plank. "We"ll be right back."
"Don"t make me wait long...Veronica," he said.
I didn"t answer or turn around. I practically dragged Dawn behind me, though she started resisting and twisting her arm.
"Let go of me! Where are you taking me?"
"I need help," I said, increasing my grip. She didn"t like it much that the tables were turned, but we b.u.mped along that way until I thought we were out of earshot. I loosened my grip and she shook me off.
We were near my car but I didn"t let on that it was mine. Dawn wasn"t sure what to make of me. She"d wanted a friend but with Keegan"s sudden interest in me, that wasn"t quite working out.
"Where"s this canoe?" she demanded.
"I"ll show you."
We moved in silence for a while, the only sounds the faint, tinny noise from the television sets of different homes we pa.s.sed as we worked our way to the end of Beachlake. In the distance, I could hear the faraway rush of traffic from a road far to our south. At the footbridge Dawn said, "Keegan"s into you."
I didn"t feel like an argument, so I said nothing.
"He was like that with me at the beginning of the season."
"That when you two got together?"
"We were together the first couple of games, I guess."
"You mean, having s.e.x."
"No...just drinking. Smoking, a little. All the girls were envious," she said wistfully. "But then he kind of went for Clarissa."
"You must have had s.e.x sometime," I pointed out.
"I guess it was after the Oregon City game..." she said. "I really don"t remember. Dionne was there and she wanted me to go home. That"s before she got so upset. She and Keegan dated a while back. Sort of, anyway. What are you doing?"
We were at the house where I"d left the canoe and she balked at crossing the lawn. I had to practically muscle her along the side wall. "No one lives here," I said in her ear. "I left a canoe here the night the paramedics showed up. That"s how I escaped. I"ve got to take it back."
"What if we get caught?"
"We"re screwed," I said.
"I don"t want to go."
I ignored her. "How"d you get home the night you think you slept with Keegan? Do you remember?"
She didn"t answer right at first, seeming to think there might be a trap in there somewhere. "Dionne said she helped me."
"You don"t remember that, either?"
"Not really. Why? Is it a crime or something?"
Maybe, I thought, as we reached the water. To Dawn, I said, "Stand guard for a minute, okay?" as I slipped inside the boathouse.
"What? No. Where are you going?"
"Just wait..."
It took a lot of persuasion on my part, a lot of resistance on hers, but we finally got the canoe back in the water and began paddling quietly, keeping to the sh.o.r.eline. I could tell she wanted to ask a million questions, but my threat that we could get in trouble kept her quiet. At Social Security I clambered out, then helped her to the seawall. I placed a finger to my lips and glared at her harshly, reminding her anew of the need for quiet. She glanced toward the house and kept her lips firmly shut. With an effort we hauled the canoe inside the boathouse, placing it upside down like I"d found it. I even hung the oars back on the wall.
Climbing over the fence to Do Not Enter was where things got tricky. She whispered, "I can"t do it!" way too loudly.
"Yes, you can," I said through my teeth. She shook her head, but I added, "Do this," and wound my fingers in the chain-link, prepared to climb. I just wanted off Social Security"s property.
Dawn whispered, "I don"t think I can."
"You can. Trust me." With her grip, I figured she could hang glide without a harness and do fine.
She grabbed the fence, following my example, but my gaze was glued to the amber light shining from Social Security"s living room. I just wanted to get the h.e.l.l out. Now.
With an effort, she tried to haul herself over. I confess I gave her a hefty push. She made a strangled sound and plopped down into the muck on Do Not Enter"s side. "G.o.d-dammit!" she yelled.
A light flashed on.
I leapt over that fence as if demons were licking my heels. Dawn was still struggling to her feet as I raced for the bas.e.m.e.nt. I hoped she wouldn"t get caught but now that I knew she was (a) not pregnant and (b) kind of a pain in the a.s.s, I wasn"t as concerned as I might have been.
Several couples had straggled outside in our absence and they stopped and stared as I shot past, Dawn following after me, swearing in frustration.
Someone had finally dared to turn on the red string lights, which I thought might be a bad idea. I hesitated on the bottom stair and Dawn caught up to me. "I don"t know why I told you everything. I must be crazy. And he wants you now. I guess I should have known this would happen."
"Yeah. Well. I"m not interested."
"That"s what they all say," she said, snorting in disgust.
"I don"t want to be with anybody I can"t remember having s.e.x with," I told her. "You shouldn"t, either."
"Who are you? My mother?"
She was spoiling for a fight. I figured it was just a matter of time before the yelling started. "You should remember," I told her fiercely.
She pushed herself past me and headed upstairs. I was right behind her, anxious to get the h.e.l.l away. As soon as we were on the main floor, it felt like kids materialized from the gloom, coming our way. Dawn moved out of the way and I edged toward the front door.
Keegan stood to one side, his shoulder propped up against one of the posts. "Hey, there," he said smoothly. He moved toward me with a conqueror"s confidence, handing me a beer. "Got your canoe back, huh?" He inclined his head toward Social Security.
"Yep."
"You were here last week. Sorry I missed all the excitement." He smiled. "Glad you got away."
"Yeah, me, too."
"Come on over here...."
Dawn had melted away. I tried to think of a way out, but Keegan was surrounded by his disciples, all of them looking as if they might wrestle me to the ground should I disobey. Man, oh, man. I was not okay with this. Was I being overly dramatic? Imagining danger from this high school kid that just wasn"t there?
I looked down at my beer. Its top had been popped. I didn"t see how I was going to fake being thrilled to be with him. I sure as h.e.l.l wasn"t going to become part of the harem.
As if noticing I wasn"t imbibing, Keegan tipped up the brim of my baseball cap to look meaningfully into my eyes. "Drink up," he said, tossing back his beer, taking several long, healthy swallows. Then he held my gaze, waiting.
I tipped my beer and swallowed.
He gave me a knowing smile.
I stared at him, chilled. My cell phone suddenly vibrated in my pocket. Keegan heard the faint buzzing. I unzipped the pocket, pulled out the phone and looked at it.
Keegan s.n.a.t.c.hed it away from me.
I held my breath.
"Your dad," he said, sounding p.i.s.sed.
My dad?
Keegan quickly took back my beer. "f.u.c.king parents."