All this had been said in that voluminous letter of mine to Uncle Max; he might argue and shake his head over it, thereby proving himself a wise man, but he could not but know that I was absolutely under my own control, as far as a woman could be. I need ask no one"s advice in the disposal of my own life; his own and Uncle Brian"s guardianship was merely nominal now. After five-and-twenty I was declared my own mistress in every sense of the word.
Uncle Brian came out to meet us as soon as he heard Uncle Max"s voice in the hall; the two were very great friends, and they shook hands cordially.
"Glad to see you, Cunliffe; why did you not let us know that you were coming up to town? We could have put you up easily--eh, Ursula?"
"Yes, indeed, Uncle Brian"; and then I added coaxingly, "Do please send for your portmanteau, Uncle Max; you know Lesbia is coming this evening, and you are such a favourite with her." I knew this would be a strong inducement, for Uncle Max"s soft heart would insist on treating Lesbia as though she were a widowed princess.
"All right," he returned in his lazy way, and then I took the matter into my own hands by leaving the room at once to consult with Mrs. Martin, Aunt Philippa"s housekeeper. As I closed the door I glanced back for another look at Uncle Max. He had thrown himself into an easy-chair, as though he were tired, and was leaning back with his hands under his head in Charlie"s fashion, looking up at Uncle Brian, who was standing on the rug.
I always thought Uncle Brian a very handsome man. He had clear, well-cut features and a gray moustache, and he was quiet and dignified. He always looked to me, with his brown complexion, more like an Indian officer than a wealthy banker. There was nothing commercial in his appearance; but I should have admired him more if he had been less cold and repressive in manner; but he was an undemonstrative man, even to his own children.
I remember hinting this once to Uncle Max, and he had rebuked me more severely than he had ever done before.
"I do not like young girls like you, Ursula, to be so critical about their elders. Garston is an excellent fellow; he has plenty of brains, and always does the right thing, however difficult it may be. Men are not like women, my dear: they often hide their deepest feelings. Your poor uncle has never been quite the same man since Ralph"s death, and just as he was getting over his boy"s loss a little he had a fresh disappointment with Charlie: he always meant to put him in Ralph"s place."
I was a little ashamed of my criticism when Max said this. I felt I had not made sufficient allowance for Uncle Brian: the death of his only son must have been a dreadful blow. Ralph had died at Oxford; they said he had overworked himself in trying for honours and then had taken a chill.
He was a fine, handsome young fellow, nearly two-and-twenty, and his father"s idol: no wonder Uncle Brian had grown so much older and graver during the last few years.
And he had been fond of Charlie, and had meant to have him in Ralph"s place; my poor boy would have been a rich one if he had lived. Uncle Brian had taken him into the bank, and Lesbia and her fortune were promised to him, but the goodly heritage was s.n.a.t.c.hed away before his eyes, and he was called away in the fresh bloom of his youth.
I always thought Uncle Brian liked Max better than any other man: he was always less stiff and frigid in his presence. I could hear his low laugh--Uncle Brian never laughed loudly--as I closed the door; Max had said something that amused him. They would be quite happy without me, so I ran up to the schoolroom on the chance of getting a chat with Jill.
The schoolroom was on the second floor, where Jill, I, and Fraulein all slept. Sara had a handsome room next to her mother"s, and a little boudoir furnished most daintily for her special use. I do not believe she ever sat in it, unless she had a cold or was otherwise ailing; the drawing-room was always full of company, and Sara was the life of the house. I used to peep in at the pretty room sometimes as I went up to bed; there were few notes written at the inlaid escritoire, and the handsomely-bound books were never taken down from the shelves. Draper, Aunt Philippa"s maid, fed the canaries and dusted the cabinets of china.
Sometimes Sara would trip into the room with one of her cronies for a special chat; the ripple of their girlish laughter would reach us as Jill and I sat together. "Whom has Sara got with her this afternoon?" Jill would say peevishly. "Do listen to them; they do nothing but laugh. If Fraulein had set her all these exercises she would not feel quite so merry," Jill would finish, throwing the obnoxious book from her with a little burst of impatience.
I always pitied Jill for having to spend her days in such a dull room; the furniture was ugly, and the windows looked out on a dismal back-yard, with the high walls of the opposite building. Aunt Philippa, who was a rigid disciplinarian with her young daughter, always said that she had chosen the room "because Jill would have nothing to distract her from her studies." The poor child would put up her shoulders at this remark and draw down the corners of her lips in a way that would make Aunt Philippa scold her for her awkwardness. "You need not make yourself plainer than you are, Jocelyn," she would say severely; for Jill"s awkward manners troubled her motherly vanity. "What is the good of all the dancing and drilling and riding with Captain Cooper if you will persist in hunching your shoulders as though you were deformed? Fraulein has been complaining of you this morning; she seems excessively displeased at your carelessness and want of application." "I know I shall get stupid, shut up in that dull hole with Fraulein," Jill would say pa.s.sionately, after one of these maternal lectures. Aunt Philippa was really very fond of Jill; but she misunderstood the girl"s nature. The system had answered so well with Sara that she could not be brought to comprehend why it should fail with her other child. Sara had grown up blooming and radiant in spite of the depressing influences of Fraulein and the dull, narrow schoolroom. Her music and singing masters had come to her there. Little Madame Blanchard had chirped to her in Parisian accent for the hour together over _les modes_ and _le beau Paris_. Sara had danced and drilled with the other young ladies at Miss Dugald"s select establishment, and had joined them at the riding-school or in the cavalcade under Captain Cooper.
Sara had worn her bondage lightly, and had fascinated even grim old Herr Schliefer. Her tact and easy adaptability had kept Fraulein Sonnenschein in a state of tepid good-humour. Every one, even cross old Draper, idolised Sara for her beauty and sprightly ways. When Aunt Philippa declared her education finished, she tripped out of the schoolroom as happily as possible to take possession of her grand new bedroom and the little boudoir, where all her girlish treasures were arranged. She had not been the least impatient for her day of freedom: it would all come in good time. When the sceptre was put into her hands and her sovereignty acknowledged by the whole household, the young princess was not a bit excited. She put on her court dress and made her courtesy to her majesty with the same charming unconsciousness and ease of manner. No wonder people were charmed with such good-humour and freshness. If the glossy hair did not cover a large amount of brains, no one found fault with her for that.
Jill raged and stormed fiercely under Sara"s light-hearted philosophy; when her sister told her to be patient under Fraulein"s yoke, that a good time was coming for her also, when lesson-books would be shut up, and Herr Schliefer would cease to scatter snuff on the carpet as he sat drumming with his fingers on the keyboard and grunting out brief interjections of impatience.
"What does it matter about Herr Schliefer?" Jill would say, in a sort of fury. "I like him a hundred times better than I do that mincing little poll-parrot of a Madame Blanchard: she is odious, and I hate her, and I hate Fraulein too. It is not the lessons I mind; one has to learn lessons all one"s life; it is being shut up like a bird in a cage when one"s wings are ready for flight. I should like to fly away from this room, from Fraulein, from the whole of the horrid set; it makes me cross, wicked, to live like this, and all your sugar-plums will do me no good.
Go away, Sara; you do not understand as Ursula does, it makes me feel bad to see you standing there, looking so pretty and happy, and just laughing at me."
"Of course I laugh at you, Jocelyn, when you behave like a baby,"
returned Sara, trying to be severe, only her dimples betrayed her. "Well, as you are so cross, I shall go away. There is the chocolate I promised you. Ta-ta." And Sara put down the _bonbonniere_ on the table and walked out of the room.
I was not surprised to see Jill push it away. No one understood the poor child but myself; she was precocious, womanly, for her age; she had twenty times the amount of brains that Sara possessed, and she was starving on the education provided for her.
To dance and drill and write dreary German exercises, when one is thirsting to drink deeply at the well of knowledge; to go round and round the narrow monotonous course that had sufficed for Sara"s moderate abilities, like the blind horse at the mill, and never to advance an inch out of the beaten track, this was simply maddening to Jill"s st.u.r.dy intellect. She often told me how she longed to attend cla.s.ses, to hear lectures, to rub against full-grown minds.
"Now. Me-ess Jocelyn, we will do a little of ze Wallenstein, by the immortal Schiller. Hold up the head, and leave off striking the table with your elbows." Jill would give a droll imitation of Fraulein, and end with a groan.
"What does she know-about Schiller? She cannot even comprehend him. She is dense,--utterly dense and stupid; but because she knows her own language and has a correct deportment she is fit to teach me." And Jill ground her little white teeth in impotent wrath. Jill always appeared to me like an infant Pegasus in harness; she wanted to soar,--to make use of her wings,--and they kept her down. She was not naturally gay, like Sara, though her health was good, and she was as powerful as a young Amazon.
Her nature was more sombre and took colour from her surroundings.
She was like a child in the sunshine; plenty of life and movement distracted her from interior broodings and made her joyous; when she was riding with the young ladies from Miss Dugald"s, she would be as merry as the others.
But her dreary schoolroom and Fraulein"s society chafed her nervous sensibilities dangerously; there were only a few brown sparrows, or a stray cat intent on game, to be seen from her window. From the drawing-room, from Sara"s boudoir, from her mother"s bedroom, there was a charming view of the Park. In the spring the fresh foliage of the trees, and the velvety softness of the gra.s.s, would be delicious; down in the broad white road, carriages were pa.s.sing, horses cantering, happy-looking people in smart bonnets, in gorgeous mantles, driving about everywhere; children would be running up and down the paths in the Park, flower-sellers would stand offering their innocent wares to the pa.s.sengers. Jill would sit entranced by her mother"s window watching them; the sunshine, the glitter, the hubbub, intoxicated her; she made up stories by the dozen, as her dark eyes followed the gay equipages. When Fraulein summoned her she went away reluctantly; the stories got into her head, and stopped there all the time she laboured through that long sonata.
"Why are your fingers all thumbs to-day, Fraulein?" Herr Schliefer would demand gloomily. Jill, who was really fond of the stern old professor, hung her head and blushed guiltily. She had no excuse to offer: her girlish dreams were sacred to her; they came gliding to her through the most intricate pa.s.sages of the sonata, now with a _staccato_ movement,--brisk, lively,--with fitful energy, now _andante_, then _crescendo, con pa.s.sione_. Jill"s unformed girlish hands strike the chords wildly, angrily. "_Dolce, dolce_," screams the professor in her ears. The music softens, wanes, and the dreams seem to die away too.
"That will do, Fraulein: you have not acquitted yourself so badly after all." And Jill gets off her music-stool reluctant, absent, half awake, and her day-dream broken up into chaos.
CHAPTER III
CINDERELLA
As I opened the schoolroom door a half-forgotten picture of Cinderella came vividly before me.
The fire had burnt low; a heap of black ashes lay under the grate; and by the dull red glow I could see Jill"s forlorn figure, very indistinctly, as she sat in her favourite att.i.tude on the rug, her arms clasping her knees and her short black locks hanging loosely over her shoulders. She gave a little shrill exclamation of pleasure when she saw me.
"Ah, you dear darling bear, do come and hug me," she cried, trying to get up in a hurry, but her dress entangled her.
"Where is Fraulein?" I asked, pushing her back into her place, while I knelt down to manipulate the miserable fire. "Jill, you look just like Cinderella when the proud sisters drove away to the ball. My dear, were you asleep? Why are you sitting in the dark, with the fire going out, and the lamp unlighted? There, it only wanted to be stirred; we shall have light by which to see other"s faces directly,"
"Fraulein has a headache and has gone to lie down," returned Jill, and, though I could not see her clearly, I knew at once by her voice that she had been crying; only she would have been furious if I had noticed the fact. "I hope I am not very wicked, but Fraulein"s headaches are the redeeming points in her character; she has them so often, and then she is obliged to lie down."
"Of course you have offered to bathe her head?" I asked, a little mischievously, but Jill, who was unusually subdued, took the question in good part.
"Oh yes, and I spoke to her quite civilly; but I suppose she saw the savage gleam of delight in my eyes, for she was as cross as possible, and went away muttering that "Meess Jocelyn had the heart like the flint; if it had been Meess Sara, now--" and then she banged the door, so the pain could not have been so bad after all. It is my belief," went on Jill, "that Fraulein always has a headache when she has a novel to finish.
Mamma does not like her to set me an example of novel-reading, so she is obliged to lock herself in her own room."
I took no notice of this statement, as I rather leaned to this view of the subject myself. Fraulein"s round placid face and excellent appet.i.te showed no signs of suffering, and her constant plea of a bad headache was only received with any credulity by Aunt Philippa herself; neither Sara nor I had much respect for Fraulein Sonnenschein, with her thick little figure, and big head covered with flimsy flaxen plaits. We were both aware of the smooth selfishness of her character, though Sara chose to ignore it for Jill"s benefit. She was industrious, painstaking, and capable of a great deal of dull routine in the way of duties, but she was far too fond of her own comfort, and all the affection of which she was capable was lavished upon her own relatives; she had cared for Sara moderately, but her other pupil, Jill, was a thorn in her side. So I pa.s.sed over Fraulein"s headache without comment, and took Jill to task somewhat sharply for the comfortless state of the room. A good scolding would rouse her from her dejection; the blinds were up and the curtains undrawn; the remains of a meal, the usual five-o"clock schoolroom tea, were still on the table. Jill"s German books were heaped up beside her empty cup and the gla.s.s dish that contained marmalade; the kettle spluttered and hissed in the blaze; Jill"s little black kitten, Sooty, was dragging a half-knitted stocking across the rug.
"I forgot to ring for Martha," faltered Jill; "she will come presently.
Don"t be cross, Ursula. I like the room as it is; it is deliciously untidy, just like Cinderella"s kitchen; but there is no hope of the fairy G.o.dmother; and you are going away, and I shall be ten times more miserable."
It was this that was troubling her, then; for I had told her my plans and all about my letter to Uncle Max. Perhaps she had heard his voice in the hall, for Jill"s pretty little ears heard everything that went on in the house: she admitted her knowledge at once when I taxed her with it.
"Oh yes, I know Mr. Cunliffe is here. I heard papa go out and speak to him; his voice sounded quite cheerful; and now he has come and it will all be settled; and you will go away and be happy with your poor people, and forget that I am fretting myself to death in this horrid room."
She had drawn me down on the rug forcibly,--for she had the strength of a young t.i.taness,--and was wrapping her arms around me with a sort of fierce impatience. Her big eyes looked troubled and affectionate. Few people admired Jill; she was undeveloped and awkward, full of angles, and a little brusque in manner; she had a way of thrusting out her big feet and squaring her shoulders that horrified Aunt Philippa. She was very big, certainly, and would never possess Sara"s slim grace. Her hair had been cropped in some illness, and had not grown so fast as they expected, but hung in short thick lengths about her neck; it was always getting into her eyes, and was being pushed back impatiently, but she would much oftener throw her head back with a fling like an unbroken pony, for she was jerky as young things often are.
But, though, people found fault with Jill, and often said that she would never be as handsome as Sara, I liked her face. Perhaps it was a little irregular and her complexion slightly sallow, but when she was flushed or excited and she opened her big bright eyes, and one could see her little white teeth gleaming as she laughed, I have thought Jill could look almost beautiful; but her good looks depended on her expression.
"I suppose it will be settled," I replied, with a quick catch at my breath, for the mere mention of the subject excited me; "but you will be a good child and not fret if I do go away. No, I shall never forget you,"
as a close hug answered me; "I love you too dearly for that; but I want you to be brave about it, dear, for I cannot be happy wasting my time and doing nothing. You know how ill I was before I went to St. Thomas"s, so that Uncle Max was obliged to tell Aunt Philippa that I must have change and hard work, or I should follow Charlie."
"Oh yes, and we were all so frightened about you, you poor thing; you looked so pinched and miserable. Well, I suppose I must let you go, as you are so wicked as to disobey the proverb that "Charity begins at home.""
"Listen to me, dear," I returned, quite pleased to find her so reasonable. "I am very glad to know that I have been a comfort to you, but I shall hope to be so still. I will write long letters to you, Jill, and tell you all about my work, and you shall answer them, and talk to me on paper about the books you have read, and the queer thoughts you have, and how patient and strong you have grown, and how you have learned to put up with Fraulein"s little ways and not aggravate her with your untidiness." And here Jill"s hand--and it was by no means a small hand--closed my lips rather abruptly. But I was used to this sort of sledge-hammer form of argument.
"Oh, it is all very fine for you to sit there and moralise, Ursula, like a sort of sucking Diogenes," grumbled Jill, "when you know you are going to have your own way and live a deliciously sort of three-volume-novel life, not like any one else"s, unless it were Don Quixote, or one of the Knights of the Round Table, poking about among a lot of strange people, doing wonderful things for them, until they are all ready to worship you.
It is all very well for you, I say; but what would you do if you were me?" cried Jill, in her shrill treble, and quite oblivious of grammatical niceties; "how would you like to be poor me, shut up here with that old dragon?"