Ever since the『Red Arm』became my right hand, my time had become really short.
The breaking down of my ego.
The mind pollution even changed my body, I’ve changed into something weird.
The me right now, is not an ice angel anymore.
『Undead Nosferatu』. An undead race combined with the angel race"s element, furthermore, added with vampire"s information, the result is some existence that has lost its own form to be identify as a "race".
As it could be said to be like some kind of failed synthesis monster, a "monster" that cannot be cla.s.sified.
A body that was tainted with the colour of blood, my attribute that that changed into " uncertain ".
Even the rank cannot be determined, I can"t also measure the magical power inside my body that kept on increasing and decreasing.
Most of all, every day of mine who had already become "unstable", I spent more than half of it fighting with Nee"san"s magical power that was trying to devour mine, we were mutually crushing each other.
The whispers of obeying her and returning to her side.
Eating away at all of my body, strong pain that felt like will melt my body.
Just enduring it is already a very hard task.
Additionally, the magical power that came from nee-san, day by day devouring me and become stronger.
This encroachment that only happened for few minutes at most during the first time, its power became stronger as the time went on.
And now, whenever I try to suppress it down, I almost cannot do it.
The noise in my head that never cease.
My sense started to get out of order, the desire that started to fade away.
While recovering memory, then I realize that even the memories of when I came to this place has started to faded away, I am honestly about to go mad.
My worn-out mind slowly got more exhausted, this curse even tried to s.n.a.t.c.h away my spirit to resist.
At that moment, it"s already half way, my body as well as my mind, being devoured by nee-san.
Sometimes I thought that everything will become meaningless.
Even my persistence in my heart shaken, the urge of killing others.
All of that being painted over, changing over with a thought of returning to nee-san"s side.
I don"t care if it was just unjustified resentment to nee-san, but, if I just resented nee-san.
If I seriously loathe her, if I just detested her, perhaps I will be able to resist her even now.
However, I love her.
I separated from her, devoured by her curse.
The suffering, certainly my resentment to nee-san became stronger.
But at the same time, my love for her, this feeling yearning for her became stronger than that.
I want to meet her, I really wanted to meet her, I want to meet nee-san.
Whatever this feeling is, it is something that is caused by the curse, or honestly, I don"t know.
But honestly, it doesn"t matter. No matter what the origin is, as long as I still love her, I can’t completely hate her.
Because it’s all that matters.
Beauty, sadness, anger, sadness, joy, scared, and everything other than that.
Crouching on the ground, suppressing all of the emotion that swirl inside me.
My body didn"t want to move, the one that can only move was my mind.
However, it hurts, it"s painful, it felt like I was about to be broken apart.
Bear with it, bear with it, bear with it bear with it bear with it bear with it.
If I yield, then I will lose myself.
For an undead like me, that was the only thing that can be called as "death"
There"s no other fear for me other than losing myself.
Even when I avoided all the attacks that tried to kill me, is just because I felt like if those attacks were hit somewhere unknown inside of me might change.
And so, I cannot let myself give in to the curse.
No matter how hard it was.
Even when I felt the crocked, strongest pure 『Love』inside the magical power that have chewed into me.
For me who was scared of being broken, I bore it and only rejected it.
Recently, I have given thought about it.
What fate awaits for something irregularly like me.
Surely it wouldn’t be something good.
I"m sure, that I won"t be able to meet my end with peace.
In that case I am okay with that. For something like myself to get a happy end, it was already decided from long time to be worthless.
However, furthermore.
I want to fulfil this desire of mine.
No, I have to make it come true.
The reason for Misha"s death was my fault.
It’s because I was weak, it was because I couldn"t kill therefore she died.
That"s why I will grant my wish.
For the sake, reviving myself and that kid.
Then, if I was resented by Misha who returned from the death, or get killed by her, I am fine with it.
My selfish wish for living even if it cost my life, the only one who have the right to judge myself as a walking corpse is me.
I"m sure, it was only her who died because of me.
(TL note: the line " it was because I couldn"t kill she died. " there"s dragon kin that attack them in a horde, so he cannot kill, thus he blame himself, why I know because I know *Hozzat!* )
The pain had lessened.
The emotion that run amok, had also subsided.
........ Today, I was also somewhat able to bear with it.
For me to continue suppressing the encroachment like this, quite some time had pa.s.sed.
I understand, that there"s not much time left.
Though proffes said that it will take about 1 year before the encroachment will complete.
I"m sure it was faster than that. this curse and me, have too much affinity with each other.
However as for now, I wasn"t able to find even a slightest clue for lifting this curse.
The current condition ..... despair.
.............. hmm?
................. Aaah, no.
Let"s take back what I said. Of course, the fact that I am still in pinch still didn"t change.
The word from before was a mistake. there"s another one who have the right to befall judgement onto myself.
But to think that it was still alive, heh.
And for us to meet again.
Aah, it was out of my expectation.
If G.o.d really exist, what does G.o.d really want to do to me, I wonder?
- Do you, fate ... .... G.o.d, do you believe in it? - Takahina
- No. I believed in it, but right now I have already forgotten about it. - ????
Directed by a gentle smile that surprise me, that girl answered me as such.
..... I, up until this point never believed in such a thing.
But at this moment, I slightly thought that maybe that thing really does exist.
After all, while I was struggling with the sin that I committed, I come across with my sin itself.
If this was not fate, then what is.
You also agree, right ----
------ Sister - ?