He probably wasn"t wrong but I didn"t know that life.
I didn"t share that verbally, but I knew Nick still got me when he asked, "But what do you think"s strange, Livvie?"
"He doesn"t give a s.h.i.t about me," I told him. "I haven"t seen him in weeks. He doesn"t care. He hasn"t phoned. Asked me to report in. Sent an email. Requested I meet him for lunch. Asked me to come over for dinner. It"s just about control. He"s perfectly fine knowing I"m where he wants me to be doing what he wants me to be doing. But that"s it. He"s nothing to me for reasons that are obvious. But I"m nothing to him too. And that doesn"t make sense for the simple fact I"m his child. It seriously doesn"t make sense for the not-simple fact that he taught me the lesson he taught me."
"No, it doesn"t," he agreed, and I noticed his eyes intent on me. "Does that hurt?"
"No."
"Baby, he burned you. Your dad. Your father did that to you. I can"t comprehend that. And it wasn"t for some jacked sense of family devotion and loyalty that he did that."
"It doesn"t hurt, Sebring."
He stopped stroking my jaw and cupped it, starting with ill-concealed disbelief, "Olivia-"
"It would hurt someone normal," I whispered. "I"m not normal. It isn"t like a phantom limb, something you had, used, needed and missed when it was gone. I never had that. I never had love. Devotion. Loyalty. You can"t miss something you"ve never had. Even when they had me tied down and he was pouring the oil on me, my mind wasn"t even there. I felt it happening but it was just something happening. It hurt. It hurt unbelievably. But I wasn"t there. My mind was where it always was. Somewhere else so I could survive and not go totally f.u.c.king crazy."
I stopped talking.
Then I went still.
Because Nick was still. The air was still. The room was still. In fact, I fancied the earth stood still as he stared at me, the rage that he"d successfully tamped down before burning blatant in his gaze.
"Nicky-" I whispered, inching up his chest.
"You"re out of that warehouse, yeah?" he grunted.
"I..." I nodded uncertainly because I hadn"t told him yet about my change in job and I didn"t know if he was telling me to get out or confirming I was out. "Yes. Do you-?"
"Babe, I know everything," he declared, answering the question I didn"t completely get out. "Just get that. I know about your sister"s labs. I know Raid Miller found the man whose job you"re doin" now. And I know since Raid brought him back that no one has seen that man."
I felt my eyes grow huge but Nick wasn"t done talking.
"It"s my business to know everything. I got a lot of ways I find s.h.i.t out and I use those ways. I do not trade in information very often. That"s sticky and you gotta keep tabs on everything, beware of shifts in the underbelly, because you could cross someone you don"t wanna cross when they"re n.o.body but they end up somebody and allegiances in our world change daily. But I still gotta know. I make my money getting things for people. Delivering things for people. Providing safety in a variety of ways. Knowledge is power and to do my job and make it so my guys can do theirs and do it safely, I need as much of that as I can get."
"Okay," I said when he stopped talking.
"So I know."
"Okay," I repeated.
"And I want you to stay away from that warehouse," he ordered.
"I can"t, Sebring," I shared, watched frustration flash in his irate eyes and went on, "I"m out of my warehouse but I have a meeting with Dad and Georgia next week. They want me doing what I do in DTC but they also want reports about what I"m doing. David, the man who did it before me-"
"Jacked your s.h.i.t and stole a s.h.i.t ton of money."
Automatically I started to push up from his chest.
Surface information was one thing. It was rife on the streets. Anyone could gather it in a variety of ways.
But detail like that?
His arm that was resting on the bed shot around me and held me where I was.
"Liv, it isn"t a secret," he told me.
"Did Raid-?" I started to ask, not believing that. Raiden Miller was a bounty hunter and a good one, part of that being he was the soul of discretion.
"The man disappeared and Harkin went after him. Harkin is clumsy and has never been known for finesse. But your dad thinks he can do and say whatever the f.u.c.k he wants wherever the f.u.c.k he wants. He spewed his anger wide about Littleton f.u.c.king him and what he intended to do with him when he got him back. So like I said, not a secret."
"G.o.d, Dad is such a fool," I whispered to Nick"s throat.
"Liv."
I looked to his face.
"You know what happened to David Littleton?"
I shook my head, sharing, "In our crew, David wasn"t the first to disappear. I might be privy to certain decisions but I"m rarely privy to the mechanics of carrying them out. Those functions of the business were never a part of my role."
"Keep it that way," he ordered.
I nodded readily, seeing as following that order wouldn"t be difficult.
"Your sister is making moves," he declared. "No one knows why she"s doin" some of the s.h.i.t she"s doin" but everyone is watching. Everyone. You watch your a.s.s and you steer as clear of that as you can. You with me?"
I nodded.
"And you do not share that with her," he warned. "She doesn"t already know she isn"t flying under radar, she"s a moron. Don"t know your sister but what I do know, she doesn"t give the impression of bein" a moron. You are not in that. Part of what we gotta figure out with us is what goes from this bed, this house, what we got to out there. But I"ll state right now that I am absolutely not a conduit to makin" your family safe by sharin" information. You with me?"
I nodded again.
"Say the words, Livvie," he demanded firmly but also managed to do it tenderly.
I gave him the words. "I"m with you, Nick."
I expected him to relax.
He didn"t.
And he didn"t because he was worried about me.
"That means minimal time at the warehouse," he stated.
"It already isn"t my favorite place so I already avoid it, honey," I a.s.sured him.
"Keep doin" that," he grunted. Then, "What happened with that fixup?"
I knew exactly what he was asking.
I bit my lip and pressed up farther.
Another flare of anger in his eyes before he did an ab curl and I found myself on my back pinned to the bed by Nick"s body.
"You went out with him," he growled.
I had. I"d gone out with Dustin three times since Nick ended things with me. Twice I managed to keep it at drinks. But there was a dinner.
And several kisses.
No s.e.x. Not even making out.
But we had a date the next evening.
"We were kind of over, Sebring," I reminded him.
"End it," he bit out.
"I-"
"End it, Liv. Immediately."
I felt my eyes get big.
"You mean...now?"
"You want me to get your phone?"
He meant now.
"Sebring, I"m seeing him tomorrow night. When I do I"ll-"
I snapped my mouth shut when he asked in a scary tone, "Are you f.u.c.kin" s.h.i.tting me?"
"I"ll explain during dinner," I promised. "He"s a decent guy. It"s-"
"End it now, Liv."
"You know," I started tersely, "it doesn"t make me very happy when you interrupt me."
The minute I quit talking, he rolled off me and the bed.
I s.n.a.t.c.hed the covers up over me before I pushed up to my elbows and watched him walk naked through his bedroom to the living room. I then watched him grab my purse from the coffee table, open it and dig through.
I got distracted by his wide chest, his cut abs, his thick thighs and his very pretty c.o.c.k as he walked back to me.
I got undistracted when his weight hit me again and my phone was digging into my palm because he was pushing it there.
"End it now, Livvie," he demanded.
"It"s going to get back to my mother," I told him.
"You"re gonna date a guy when you got a man so you don"t have to put up with your mother?" he asked incredulously.
My eyes slid to the side as I muttered, "You don"t know my mother."
"Liv." My name vibrated with meaning and it was dangerous meaning even if the vibration was physical and slid along my skin rather pleasantly.
I narrowed my eyes at him. "We get along. He"s a decent guy. He"s interesting. He"s into me. What reason do I give to end things? I can"t tell him I"m with you, that"ll get to Georgia, then Dad, and we both know the results of me doing something Dad has not stamped as approved aren"t pretty."
"Say you got a new job and you gotta focus on it. Say you"re not feelin" it with him. Say you"re in a place in your life right now where you can"t be about a relationship. I don"t know. I got a d.i.c.k. That s.h.i.t comes easy. Just work it."
Oh no he didn"t.
I gave him a chance to take it back.
"You got a d.i.c.k and that s.h.i.t comes easy?"
"A man wants shot of a woman, he doesn"t f.u.c.k around worried about her feelings. He gets on with it, and baby, I see your face screwin" up to lose your s.h.i.t about that but think about it. Why drag it out? There"s no point. You"re not asking for a divorce after bein" married to him for a decade. You haven"t even been seein" him but for a coupla weeks. In some s.h.i.t, life"s too short to waste time bein" sensitive."
"You know, the absolute worst part about that is you"re right," I snapped.
He grinned but through his grin ordered, "End it."
"Fine," I bit off.
He laid on me.
I lay under him.
He didn"t move.
I couldn"t move.
"A little privacy?" I requested.
"Uh...no."
I blinked at him.
Then I got angry(er).
"I"m not lying. I said fine, I"ll end it. So I"ll end it. You can go away and that"s what I"ll do. End it," I promised.
"Gonna eat you while you talk to him so you"ll remember who owns you and make that s.h.i.t quick so we can get on with our night."
My stomach dropped in a good way.