He snorted crossly. "In order to get you lot off my back and out of my hair I shall lead you there myself. Right away!"
The Loosing The Waters of Truth We travelled by the Secret Ways, the paths known only to sage and faery.
Under hedge, by forest path, through tunnels of ancient, gnarled wood, once through caves; and all that while we met none others save shadows, a disembodied greeting, a stirring of windless branches and a bending of gra.s.ses, laughter, the sound of dissonant harebells, and yet we knew They crowded us through our journeying, watching, guarding, guiding, enfolding us in their hands so soft we could not see . . . They? The spirits that man has driven from his world to hidden fastnesses among the rocks, the dells, the streams that wind through underground caverns. Listening to their laughter, feeling their mischievous hands I could understand and yet regret man with his earthy, clumsy honesty-but did not Time itself lay aside these Earlier Ones, for They were children of another world than ours, too delicate to survive in ours?
They loved Snowy, climbed on his back for rides, plaited his mane in the night, garlanded him with faery flowers none could see, but picture from their evocative scent. They tweaked The Ancient"s beard unmercifully and rode unseen on his shoulders, and he was as indulgent as a father to his children. They pressed fruit I had never tasted and could not see against my lips till the juices ran down my chin, and yet when I opened my eager mouth they were gone, skin, flesh and seeds so that I stood there like a gaping idiot and their laughter tinkled in my ears and I could smell cowslips and rain.
We walked, rode, slept, talked, ate and drank like any other travellers, but of that time I remember less than any other. I do not even remember how long it took, faery time I suppose; all I know was that we left the dragon"s village in early spring and it was near the summer of Beltane when we came to our destination. Like all things to do with The Ancient there was a certain dream- like quality about the whole thing, with none of the wear and tear a.s.sociated with ordinary journeyings.
One evening we couched on soft moss in the forest, the next morning we burst through the thinning trees, breasted a soft green slope starred with day"s-eye and lion"s teeth, speed-you-well and bright-eyes, and there beneath us lay a secret valley. Behind us the deciduous forest, to the north steep crags, to the east a forest of pines, to the south downs melting misty blue with distance and cuddling a lazy river in their arms. Below us a thin cascade fell like a veil from the crags above onto dark rocks and down to a deep pool of water surrounded by banks stained with flowers. A rainbow arced the falls and from where we stood we could hear the birds sing.
As if in a dream we descended the steep sides of the valley almost as though we were floating, and dropped down by the water and drank deep. And fell asleep, fast asleep, all of us, without dream.
When we awoke the sun was still rising in the sky and we had no way of knowing whether we had slept five minutes or a whole day and night. We stretched, yawned and greeted each other with smiles as if this were one day when all was right with the world. A fire smoked lazily and there were thin pancakes and honey, a mess of vegetable, tiny strawberries and The Ancient in a sparkling robe of purple with golden glints, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, dishing out our breakfast. I moved in a daze, sticky and replete, my nostrils filled with strange, soft smells, my ears full of the rush and fall of water, the song of a blackbird-"veni, vidi, vici, Dubree, Dubree" (whoever he was)-my body warm, my eyes closed against the flicker of sunlight on water.
I opened them to roll over on to my stomach and watched an ant climb a stalk of gra.s.s until it tilted with its weight against another, which it scaled, busy and full of purpose. My eyes closed again- There was a slap on my rump that had me leaping to my feet with a yowl of indignation.
"What did you do that for?"
"You were asleep."
"Wasn"t! I was just-resting my eyes."
"Sounded like snores to me," said The Ancient, nursing his right hand.
""Sides, that hurt me as much as it did you. What in the world have you got back there that is so hard?"
"My knife."
"You don"t need that now."
"You never know . . . Anyway, why did you want me awake? To wash the pots?
Can"t you just wave a wand, or something?"
He ignored my flippancy. "We"re here!"
"Where?"
"Here."
"Where"s "here"?" I was being naughty, for I saw all the others were seated around looking expectant and I knew we were about to have A Serious Talk, and I wanted to giggle instead and run away very fast and pick flowers. I did giggle, then clapped my hand to my mouth over my mask, remembering that I hadn"t wanted even to smile for what seemed like months.
Conn patted the gra.s.s by his side. "Come and sit down by me, darling girl.
Sure, and I haven"t heard you laugh like that in an age!"
But I sat down cross-legged between Moglet and Corby, facing him. I could not trust myself nearer to Conn. Snowy blew down the back of my neck.
"Right," said The Ancient. "Now then . . . Well, this is it!"
"What?"
He glared at me. "Will you let me speak? Good. As I was saying-"
Puddy burped loudly and happily, his eyes closed, a wing or something worse sticking from the corner of his mouth.
"As I was saying-"
Corby bent his head under his left wing then rattled all over, ending with his tail, like a wet dog.
"As I was saying-" shouted The Ancient.
Moglet jumped, then scratched inside her right ear, contemplated the sticky mess on her claws, and licked them clean.
"Can"t we go in the real water?" asked Pisky. "I"ve been waiting ever so long for real water and I am sure there are ever so many good things over there.
My blood needs variety, you know, and when one is trying to regain weight after an enforced diet my aunt twice-removed on my mother"s side used to say-or was it-"
"SHUT UP!" yelled The Ancient.
"No need to shout, now," said Conn peaceably. "We"re all listening, you know, and-"
There was a sudden gesture from the old man and the fire jumped into a shower of blue and green sparks as if it had been booted across the gra.s.s.
Then it died down into pale steady flame.
"Right! Now, can we get on without interruption? Good." The Ancient seated himself. "I have brought you here, as I promised, because I think you have all lost your purpose." He absent-mindedly plaited the wisp of hair above his right ear.
"My way is clear," said Snowy softly. "At least . . ."
"I think . . . I should . . . I ought . . . There are places I"ve never seen. Now my sword is mended . . ." said Conn vaguely, and trailed off into silence.
"Now these headaches are better," said Puddy slowly, "I suppose . . ."
"I could go and-" said Corby. "On the other hand . . ."
There was a protracted silence.
"I don"t know!" wailed Moglet.
I hugged her. "Neither do I, dear one! Except . . ." I looked everywhere except at Conn.
"You see? I was right. This is why I brought you all here." The Ancient glanced round at us all. "Do you want to wander around for the next ten years or so wondering who, what, why and when? Or would you rather wash away the cobwebs, rattle your brains into some sort of order, discover again the ability to make decisions-your own this time, not everyone else"s?"
There was another silence, all of ten heartbeats long. Then, faint and faraway, I thought I heard music. Not the flute and drum of village dances, nor the chant of monks, nor yet the harsh trumpet of battle, rather a gathering together of sounds from wind and sky and sea, rock and stream, trees and leaves . . . It was gone.
"What do we have to do?" I asked.
"That"s my girl! Easy. Go bathe in the pool."
"Just that?" asked Conn. "Simple-too simple, methinks." He got to his feet and yawned. "Still, I could do with a dip. Wash off some of the grime. Coming, Thingy?"
I wanted to say that I wasn"t Thing, Thingy, Thingummy, or Thingumajig, but held my tongue. "Perhaps. In a moment. You go."
"Wannagonow," said Pisky. "Carrymeover, carrymeover . . . !" Gently I tipped him into the water, so clear, so cold. His little body wriggled delightedly and sank like a stone to the bottom, where I could see him nosing among the plants-trouble was, that pearl had stretched his mouth so that he now ate twice as much as I was sure a fish should, even a starved one: still, I suppose he was making up for seven years-and sucking and spitting, standing on his head, flashing his sides against the sandy bottom as if to rid himself of mites.
"Oh, well," said Corby. "Nothing ventured . . ." and he splashed himself into the shallows, claws gripping at stones, wings flapping an arc of spray. "Corrr .
Beside me Puddy slid into the water and paddled away, bubbling thoughtfully, then shooting off into the reeds with a stretch of legs and a flash of pale belly.
"Can"t swim. Don"t like water," said Moglet, but she dipped her paw in and shook off the droplets in a fine spray that diamonded her fur in a million droplets. "Still, water"s warm. I"ll soon dry off in the sun, I suppose," and she stepped delicately into a puddle and wriggled.
I looked around; Snowy had disappeared-strange, I should have thought he would be first into the water-and The Ancient was tending the fire, once more trying to go to sleep.
Conn? Ah, there was Conn. And I blushed and hid my eyes, then peered through my fingers. For Conn stood, naked, right where the cascade of water hit the pool and he was misted with water, his tall, slim body gleaming, the hair on his chest and under his raised arms darker than the hair on his head and the hair at his groin- I hid my eyes and wished myself desperately somewhere, nearer, farther- "Come on, Thingummy!" called Conn, splashing happily. "It"s wonderful!"
"In a minute, a minute," I answered, but I crouched down and held my head in my hands. I did not want- There was a tremendous shove in the small of my back and I was gasping, drowning, freezing, the water roaring in my ears, my dress floating up past my face, the hair on my head streaming like seaweed. I surfaced, spluttering, to see The Ancient grinning as he fished out my shift and dress with a stick and hauled it to the bank.
"You pushed me in!"
"If I"d waited for you to jump there"d be as much snow on your hair as mine."
He picked up my clothing. "I"ll dry these out by the fire. Enjoy your swim . . ."
For a moment I panicked and tried to climb out, only to slip on the wet gra.s.s and fall back in, struggling like a hooked trout, the water filling my eyes, my nose, my mouth once again; but suddenly I realized that the water was not cold, as my frantic mind had told my skin. It seemed now almost the same temperature as my own body. I relaxed, and it caressed me, tickling and stroking, hushing and soothing, a nurse calming her charge. I remembered again how the seal had borne me on his back out of the bay. I turned to embrace the water, and, sliding into the unseen depths, gave myself to the element as though we were indivisible so that I was almost resentful that I had to rise to the surface and take breath. Then, when I surfaced the sun struck me full upon the face. For a moment I did not recognize the significance, but when I did I dived straight back into the water searching frantically, but the mask had gone!
Borne away by the vagaries of the current maybe, tangled in the weed, trapped by a shifting stone: all I knew was that I could not leave the water without it. Why, I had rather stumble naked than bare my ugliness! At any moment now I might come face to face with Conn. Desperately I paddled away into the middle of the stream; perhaps I could ask Pisky and Puddy to look for me: but they seemed to have disappeared. If I gathered a handful of reeds, could I plait them into a square and hold that before my face? But the reeds bent away from my questing hands, slipping teasingly through my fingers, and all at once the water silvered with bubbles, like a pan of water just before it boils, and I forgot I needed to breathe, forgot everything except the shower of brightness that surrounded me.
It scoured my mind free of the stains of bitterness and despair, as it sloughed away all the remaining grime and dirt from my body, until I was as clean as a new-washed child, carefree at last. Now all the memories had returned, but tidied into their proper places; I knew how and where and why and what, and with this came a sort of peace, an acceptance of what I had been, what I was now, so that my face was my face and that was that; no moaning over lost looks, for I had been fair as a child, I had had my mother"s silver mirror and my nurse"s words for that. So, when the change? The day the raiders came?
Had my nurse scarred me to be no longer desirable as a slave? Or had the witch disfigured me? There were no memories for this, but perhaps I had not known at the time. Useless to speculate: I was ugly now, would be ugly for the rest of my life, but at least now I was straight and slim, and unknotted in body as well as mind. Perhaps I could still be of use to Conn, keep house for him while he went off on his adventures. I recognized, too, that the paths of my other companions might take a different direction from mine.
I accepted all this, but it did not mean I wanted it so. No, what had been washed away in those waters was not desire or love or needing, but the worst of my selfishness. I was aware that I must show Conn my face before I lost courage, because this was the face he would have to accept if he were to ask me again to take his name. And if he changed his mind when he saw it, if he did not renew his offer, then I knew he would be gentleman enough at least to help me to find a place of my own. And with that I might have to be content . . .
I surfaced for breath and he was standing thigh-deep in the water, some dozen or so yards away, his back turned, the water running from his freckled shoulders down into the hollow of his back and dropping from his firm b.u.t.tocks. I stood up and my hair streamed down my back and my face and body were naked to the sun.
Now! Now-or never. Oh, how I loved him, in that last moment before he turned. I should not be able to bear that look of revulsion, I knew that, but I had to, I had to, there must be truth between us. I held that last moment tight as a precious stone . . . I was aware that the water was quiet, the birds had hushed their song, that my friends were nowhere to be seen, except for the flicker of Snowy between the dark trees away to my right. I wished I knew how to pray . . .
"Conn!" I called softly. "Conn . . ."
And slowly, so slowly he turned and we stood face to face, and then the waters parted and he walked towards me and there was nothing except a loving astonishment in his eyes as he reached for my hands.
"And is it really you? Why, in the name of all the saints, did you hide that away and pretend to be ugly? Sure, and you"re the most beautiful girl I"ve ever seen!"
And suddenly there was music, music that The Ancient had said was Love"s Song rather than Love"s Death, and all the earth sang until my whole body was filled with it and it spilt from my mouth, nostrils and ears and gushed from my eyes in astonished, grateful tears. For he told the truth. It was in his eyes, and to him, at least, I was beautiful. I freed my hands and put them to my face to discover the sudden difference but it was the same face. Then, how? Was he blinded by the waters? Had some spell diverted him from the truth? And how long would this illusion last?
"I"m not really. It"s this place, I suppose. I"m ugly: I saw my face in the witch"s mirror and felt it all over and the feel hasn"t changed. It was scarred and twisted and blurred and askew, as though someone had ground their heel into the bones and turned it against the flesh. Truly, truly Conn . . ."
He smiled, and the tips of his moustache curled upwards and smiled also. His eyes held laughter-wrinkles at the corners and what I saw in their depths made me conscious that I stood breast to breast with a naked man, naked myself. I lowered my gaze and saw his body, which was more embarra.s.sing still. I blushed, and would have turned away but he reached out and took my shoulders and held them fast. I was intensely aware of the rough callouses on his hands, the puckered scar that ran across his left palm. I raised my eyes to his again, surprised to see the reflection there in miniature of a face I did not recognize.
I had to know. "Tell me what-tell me what you see?"
"Vain is it now, and asking for compliments? Very well-" He saw me flinch, "-it"s teasing I was. Now, let me see . . ." He stood back a pace. "Well, the hair is straight, and black as Corby"s wings, that you"ll agree. The skin is pale, as well it might be, hidden all that time behind that pestiferous mask! But I think it will always be milk rather than ale . . . Cheekbones that stretch the skin high and a chin that bodes ill for anyone that crosses you-No, no!" He leant forward and his hand caressed my cheek. "I did not mean ill, and if you scowl like that you"ll turn the milk of your complexion sour, so you will . . . That"s better!" He smiled again, a heart-turning smile, and I shut my eyes. "And if that"s for me to admire your eyelashes, they"re as long as gra.s.s-spider"s legs . .
. Look up. I"ll tell you that your eyes are the colour of the violets under the hedge and big as an owl"s, but twice as pretty. But your mouth . . ."
He frowned, and my heart stopped. Had I fangs like a wolf, a mouth like a fish? Or a beak like a bird? Was it puckered like a tight-drawn purse or sprouting with hairs? Was this last to spoil the whole?
He laughed, and the sun caught his eyes so that they screwed up. "Your mouth is different," he said. "It is the most kissable mouth I have ever seen!"
And he bent his head and placed his lips on mine.
The Loosing: Unicorn The Sleeping Prince "But then of course you always were pretty," said The Ancient.
In utter confusion I had fled Conn"s embrace back to the fire, flinging on my still damp clothes with scant ceremony, and combing my hair furiously with my fingers. The Ancient had chuckled, obviously having overseen our dramatic meeting in the waters. Of course I had had to ask whether my new face would last, and he had told me it was my always-face. "The one you were born with," he had said, and somehow, even in all the confusion of remembering, the traumas of the quest, the half-forgotten pains, this little consolation was the most important thing of all.
"But it was different when I lived with the witch," I said, for he had reminded me that my nurse had called me her "pretty chick." My father told me that although I had my mother"s colouring and eyes, I had his chin, cheekbones and hair. I could recall him well: tall, lean, fierce, with scowling brows yet with a mouth that could smile as easily as it would tighten in determination.
And my mother; small, rounded, soft, with hair a little lighter than Conn"s, skin like cream and a mouth to kiss and laugh-but remembering was still very painful. It was as though they had died a few days since, and I did not want to think of them as I had seen them last, not yet . . .
"Of course it was different with the witch," scoffed The Ancient. "Because you were told so."
I dragged my mind back to the present. "She showed me. She had a mirror . .
"A magic mirror. You saw what she wanted you to see. She told you you had a face like the a.r.s.e-end of a pig with a curling snout, and that"s what you saw in the mirror. You were conned, my flower, conned good and proper." He flung a couple more sticks on the fire and I leant forward to dry my hair the better.
"Not surprising really."
"Why?"
"Why convince you you were ugly? She could see even then that you would grow into the beauty she could never be, save by sorcery. Number one: jealousy. Number two: even if you were unconscious of your attraction, those morons in the village would soon have sought you out as you grew. Notoriety of any kind she did not want. So, you became her hunched and ugly familiar, a Thing to be avoided by outsiders and ignored by her, for masked you were as anonymous as the furniture . . .
"Have you told him who you are?"
I blushed. "Not yet. We-we didn"t have much chance . . ."
"Chance enough now." He dropped the stick he had been using to poke the fire as Conn came striding up towards us, his hair still darkened and wildly curling from the water. "Come, Sir Knight, and be properly introduced to your affianced!"
"I"m not-"
"She hasn"t-" we said together, and then would not look at one another.
"Come, come now!" said The Ancient, absent-mindedly throwing a handful of some pungent powder on the fire so that we all started back, eyes smarting from the smoke. "d.a.m.nation and pestbags! Wrong one . . . Never mind.