Chaudy-froidy then, you two?"
"Pardon?"
But apparently Conn understood his jargon. "Not exactly. Not as far as I"m concerned. But she-" he hesitated. "Her, Thingy I mean, er-She"s different."
"Not at all! You agreed to give your name to a person, not a pretty face. You too, flower."
"That"s another thing!" I said, glad to s.n.a.t.c.h at any excuse to change the course of this embarra.s.sing conversation. "You knew my real name all along, didn"t you? All that business of flowers and flora and fauna and things . . ."
"Flowers?" echoed poor Conn, the only one not in the know.
"Of course I did! What"s the use of being unusually gifted-" He failed to look modest, "-if one doesn"t use the gift? Come on now, tell him your real name .
I remembered my manners and curtseyed formally in Conn"s direction. "My name, Sir Knight, is Fleur de Malyon, only child of the late Sir Ranulf de Malyon of Cottiswode and his wife, Julia Flavia, second daughter of Claudius of Winkinworth . . . So my blood is just as good as yours!" I added childishly and glared at him.
"I never-"
"I know you didn"t! But that"s not the point . . ."
"Well what is? I still-"
"Not really! Really, really . . . It"s just like buying a hen that lays one a month and then finding it performs every day instead. Or twinned lambs from a barren ewe . . . All of a sudden you develop a special affection for your liability-"
"I never said you-"
"I know you didn"t! But that"s not the point-"
"Well, in Heaven"s name what is, then?"
"You thought it, even if you didn"t say so!"
"I did not!"
"Anyway, I"m not, so there!" I left Conn standing with his mouth open and ran towards the river, angry tears rolling down my new-old face, not even sure why I was behaving this way. Was it because everything seemed to be going right, that now I had a reasonable face I also had bargaining power? Had I really wanted to be ugly, to make a martyr of Conn and a victim of myself?
Wasn"t I glad he would have a pretty face to look at? Did this mean that perhaps he would no longer want me, except as a plaything? Had my ugly security vanished? I didn"t know, I didn"t understand myself and, blinded by the futile tears, I ran straight into Snowy. "Sorry!"
"No bones broken, Fleur," he said mildly, and nuzzled my cheek. "Come now, no tears: life is for enjoying, my little one, and what seems an insurmountable mountain one day will be a molehill the next. No, don"t try to explain-" for I had opened my mouth to sick-up my troubles, "-there is no need. Come, we shall pay a visit together . . ."
"A visit?"
"To a place I know nearby. I have a tryst to keep. Are you too ladylike to ride astride once more?"
"I"m no lady . . ."
"You will be some time, whether you wish it or no. We must all grow up."
So I vaulted to his back and clung to his mane as we splashed through the stream and moved into the dark forest on the other side. His coat was damp, so he, too, must have bathed in The Ancient"s Pool of Truth. He carried me swiftly down a path that snaked among the cool, pale trunks of conifer that crowded in on either side, his hooves making no sound on the deep carpet of old needles. Although here it was dark, and the spring sun seemed far away, there was a sense of stealthy movement, of trees stretching and yawning from their sleep, and the slow stir of sap. Once or twice there was the russet flash of squirrel and roe deer, but for the most part only the soft beat of our pa.s.sing. We emerged into a bare clearing, where the trees drew back into a circle-winter-blackened gra.s.s, a few scrubby bushes, a cloudy sky now visible above.
Snowy halted so smartly that I slid from his back.
"Are we here?" I said, struggling to my feet.
"We are . . . Come, I want to show you something." He paced slowly to the northernmost corner of the clearing and stopped. There was a bare patch, moss and lichen sc.r.a.ped away but recently, a s.p.a.ce surrounded by rock and stone, about as wide and long as a man. Just like a grave- "Look!" said Snowy. "Come and look close . . ."
I looked, and saw what seemed like a sheet of dirty ice, but as I knelt down the substance cleared when my breath touched it and it seemed as though I was staring down into a deep, transparent pool.
"Oh, dear G.o.ds!" I cried. "There"s a body down there! Snowy, Snowy, help me drag him out! He may not be quite drowned. See, there is colour still in his cheeks, and-"
"No, my dear one," said Snowy sadly. "There is no life there, not as we know it. Do not break your nails, child, it is useless . . ." For I was scrabbling vainly against what I first had taken to be ice, then water, and now knew to be neither. It seemed like some thick, diamond-clear gla.s.s, and yet the hair of the drowning boy waved with the weeds and if only I could-I looked wildly round for a rock, a stone.
"It is enchantment," said Snowy. "And one of her best."
"Her?" I questioned, but there was no need for the question. I knew at once who he meant. "You mean you fell foul of Her, too? But how?"
And then he told me of the dance of death his beloved prince had performed to her bidding, how he and the witch had battled and how the prince now lay in everlasting sleep, locked in the crystal pool. I gazed down at the long limbs, slim hips, broad chest, tapering fingers; at the cloud of fair hair that framed the handsome, perhaps too handsome face.
"But-but there must be some way of releasing him!" I said. "The spell she laid on us was dispelled by the dragon, that on Conn by a twist of words . . ."
"Oh yes, there is a way. But it means death, death to both of us. If I strike the crystal with my new golden horn, the one the dragon restored, then I cease to live in this world; I choose death, as mortals have to die. And my prince? Now, see, he dreams, and could be left forever in a kind of immortality. If I break the spell he dies also, for he is mortal like you. Do I choose that for him, or am I content to leave him to his dreams, and find my brethren in the west?"
"But how can you know what he dreams? See, he frowns, even now, and turns his head . . ."
Snowy reared up, and struck his front hooves hard on the crystal tomb. There was a hollow ringing, but no sign of a crack. "How do I know whether she locked away nightmares in that living death?" I put my arms around his neck, but what could I say? How could I, with my petty temper and uncertainties, console this faery creature whose agony was so much greater than mine had ever been? How could I reconcile the love of human being and immortal, when apparently I couldn"t even manage a mortal affair myself?
When we reached the camp again it was dusk. I slipped down from Snowy"s back and joined the others round The Ancient"s fire, but no one asked where we had been, or what we had done.
There was a vegetable stew for supper and rye bread, and then a truffle cake, tasting sweet and warm and earthy all at once and we all, even Snowy and Moglet and Pisky, had generous helpings. It was strange, it seemed to answer all the needs for taste in the world. In a way it reminded me- "Mouse-Dugs!" I accused, sitting bolt upright and glaring at The Ancient.
"And something else . . ."
"Maybe. Maybe not," he answered mildly, tapping the side of his long nose.
"And then again, perhaps."
"But you know it makes us all act funnily . . ." I giggled, remembering Tom Trundleweed and as suddenly sobered, recalling Conn"s proposal.
"Does no harm. After all, it"s our last meal together: you won"t need me any more after tonight."
"Last meal?" said Conn. "Why, are you going away?"
"Away? Where"s away? You knew I could not stay with you once the quest was completed. There are other little crises here and there, you know, and also with increasing age I need my sleep. A hundred years perhaps, and then something interesting might turn up . . ." His voice trailed away and he poked the fire until it burned blue.
I looked at him, it seemed for the first time. The trouble was, he kept shifting; like three or four people playing peep-and-hide all at the same time. One moment there was a very, very old man with cheeks wrinkled like a forgotten russet and wearing a silly hat, the next a young helmeted warrior sat there, dark and grim-faced; again, a merry-eyed child with inquisitive eyes and snapping fingers, or a mild-faced middle-aged man with receding hair and protruding teeth . . . I shut my eyes: it was too confusing. Which was The Ancient? Or was he all of them? Or they all part of him?
I must have dozed off. When I opened my eyes again the fire was pale green with crackling silver sparks. The Ancient was an old man again, answering some question of Conn"s of which I caught the echo but not the sense.
" . . . a question of a different dimension," The Ancient was saying. "And only those who have been there could understand. They don"t very often come back. It is, I suppose, very much like a vivid dream; you are real and there and experiencing everything as though it were here and now, but when you return you have to re-adjust to now as if now were the dream . . . It"s confusing, especially if something momentous is involved: sometimes you wish to stay too long, and then you are trapped in that time forever . . ."
Time-Travel. I dozed again, and then someone else must have asked a question-Moglet?-for The Ancient was answering again.
"No, once they have gone, let them go. They have a journey to make and are only confused if you try and call them back, and might lose their way. You would not wake a smiling child from dream, nor yet a peaceful kitten, would you? No, let them go: in peace, and with your blessing."
Suddenly I did not like all this talk about "going"-was he talking about death? I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
"You say we don"t need you anymore, now we have completed our quest-but we haven"t." I tucked my feet under me and glanced round at the others.
Snowy"s long mane hung down, hiding his eyes; Corby was preening, Puddy"s throat moved up and down; Pisky"s fins, beautiful now, waved gently from side to side; Moglet was purring with her eyes shut and Conn-Conn was looking across the fire at me, his eyes bright and soft at the same time: I took a deep breath and looked away. "What I mean is this: we have lost our burdens, thanks to you and the dragon, and you told us that once this was done we should be healed-which we are-" I stretched, feeling with pleasure the way my spine arched back, "-but you also said we should find our own destinies, or words to that effect, and you made us bathe in that pool over there to clear our minds. Well, has it? Cleared them, I mean?"
The fire was now a soft, rosy pink and the cinders gold and purple.
"Oh, I think they all know what they want," said The Ancient. "But let"s ask them, just to make sure . . ."
"Well, now," said Puddy, "let me consider . . ." He made up his mind. "I have a picture in my mind of a low heath topped by a wood and dotted with broom, furze, gorse and thickets of bramble. There are two or three ponds-nothing too grand, you understand-and there is a jumble of rocks to hide amongst when the sun is too hot or the wind too cold. And there are others there of my kind, to exchange reminiscences with during the long days . . . A toad could grow old there, with pleasure."
"And I sees a bit of countryside, nothing too grand neither, with a bit of a village with fields and woods behind and cliffs in front," said Corby.
"Something like that place of the White Wyrme. A place where the wind stretches your wings and there"s food when you seek it and company in plenty and shelter if the going"s tough. But the great thing is to have the fellers to natter to and the youngsters growing up to be taught to take your place . . ."
"A lake," said Pisky. "Full of bright shallows and deep crannies, so you may have the sun and the shadow when you wish it. People to come down and feed you and trail their fingers in the water, which warms at their touch; and they call you by name and there are other, lesser fish, who need a king, a consort.
By and by the lake runs with your kind and your children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren come to you for your wisdom . . ."
"A fire and fish and milk and a cuddle," said Moglet. "Mice to catch, the run of the rooftops, a length of twine to chase, a basket full of milky kittens . . ."
And they lapsed into their dreams again, dreams that now had a purpose.
I thought, jealously, that I could find them their sandy heaths with pond, cliffs and woods, a small lake, a warm fire; they didn"t have to sound as if it would all have nothing to do with me.
"And you, Flora?" said The Ancient. The fire was gold, all gold.
I leant back in the long gra.s.s and looked up at the stars, so near I could reach out and pluck them, then blow them away like thistledown . . . "I want a house, not a big one, but large enough to have separate rooms to sleep, to eat, to cook, to sew and just sit. It must be near enough to the sea for me to hear the seals sing, with a stream that wanders nearby. It would be nice if it were near a hump of hill that would shoulder away the north winds, and I should welcome the martlets in the eaves, come summer. I should grow herbs for the market and we should keep goats and chickens and have a big enough plot to keep us in vegetables . . ."
"We? Us?"
"Me and my husband and the children. Two boys and two girls. And cats. And a dog, something to guard us when my husband is away, but who will go hunting with him when he is home. Oh, and his horse, a mare so we can breed."
"And what is his name, this husband-to-be?"
I frowned; I had been able to see all this like a picture, a tapestry of bright colours, but somehow a draught had caught the weave and I could only catch glimpses, no faces, no names. "I don"t know: he won"t keep still. Perhaps if I close my eyes . . ." I did, and was drifting off into a dream where I was standing near a gate in the sunshine with a blue b.u.t.terfly on my finger and the scent of honey in my nostrils, when I heard someone I knew talking nearby.
" . . . and I thought I would go back to travelling, to fighting, the only things I knew, but I have changed my mind. Once, I thought that all I wanted was a sword to be mended and armour to be clean, but now I know there are other, more important things in life than wandering. I, too, want a house, a home; I want a woman to love me and be loved in return, and I want children as well.
The sword I was so proud of shall be used no more. I want to mend bones, not break them . . ."
I smiled in my dream: that was my husband talking. I knew who he was now and I turned to greet him and the b.u.t.terfly flew out of my hands into the sun .
The Loosing: Unicorn Snowy"s Choice I awoke with a start, clear in mind and very cold, for Corby and Moglet had appropriated my cloak. Puddy squatted on a stone nearby, Pisky was dreaming in his bowl, Conn and The Ancient were huddled under their cloaks, the latter snoring gently. We were complete still, in spite of all the talk earlier, all seven of us, eight with-I knew immediately what had woken me: Snowy was gone. Not just physically, for he often wandered off on his own; no, it was more than that. It was as though he had suddenly severed the ties that had bound us all, cut us from his heart, banished us from his thoughts, and with a growing sense of anxiety I knew what he was about to do. No wonder he had been silent earlier.
Springing to my feet I scanned the far bank of the stream . . . There was a ghostly shimmer of white among the dark trunks of the trees. I should not have seen him at all but that it was the still hour before dawn, when there is an almost imperceptible lightening, as though one veil at least has been drawn back from night"s dark window. Without thought I followed him, splashing through the shallows of the stream and scrambling up the bank, running onto the silent pine carpet that aisled its way through the trees, always that pale glimmer tantalizingly far ahead. He was so much faster than I, too, and it was only my desperate desire to catch him before he abandoned us all that lent speed to my stumbling feet.
At last I reached the clearing and there he was, standing before the crystal pool. Stumbling over a fallen log I fell to my knees with a jolt that knocked the breath from me. But with the last of my ebbing strength I called out to him with my mind, my heart.
He raised his head and looked over at me. "I must," he said. "You know that, my little Fleur. Go back, child, to your love, and leave me to mine . . ."
"But my dear one, my dearest one, we need you too!" Crying helplessly now, I buried my face in my hands; only to feel his soft nose against my wet cheek, his mane brushing my hair.
"Peace, peace . . . I loved you, too. Remember us!" I listened to the soft thud of his hooves, dying away. Then there was silence. Opening my tear-blurred eyes, I started at a terrible crash and a scream of anguish I will always remember. Afterwards all that could be heard was the agonizingly slow tinkle as of thousands of gla.s.ses shattering.
I was almost afraid to look up. At the edge of the clearing, where the trees faded into darkness, stood my beloved unicorn, the first light of dawn catching the gleam of his golden horn. Standing by his side, one arm flung around his neck, stood the prince.
"You"re all right," I whispered. "You"re all right . . ."
They did not hear me, they could not hear me! Slowly they walked away from me into the forest, in a world of their own.
The tears were scalding my cheeks, as I watched them go, the most terrible thing of all was that I could see the trees beyond them right through their bodies, clearer and clearer, and the rising sun rose and dissolved them slowly, like mist, until they were merely a twist of smoke that rose into the air, hung for a moment like a frosty breath, and then were no more . . .
The Loosing: Toad , Crow Six Feathers Conn found me a little while later. He caught me close and hugged me, not entirely and unreservedly, but with a sort of courteous pa.s.sion, as though he was not yet quite sure how I should welcome his embrace. "Don"t cry, girl," he said. "It"s what they wanted. And there are other worlds than this."
I looked up at last, wiping my swollen eyes. Everything had changed. Where there had been desolation, now the sun struck through the dim conifers, a diffused morning light that candled the wild anemones into pink and mauve and purple, touched late snowdrops into warm white, glowed among the violets, turned the coltsfoot into flame, uncurled the tiny daffy-down-dillies into open-faced wonder and crept like a hesitant visitor among the moss, lichens and first tender spears of gra.s.s. A squirrel raced down a tree and hesitated upside down, c.o.c.king his head, bright eyes gleaming, russet tail twitching as if timing the full-throated, sweet music of the wren on the branch above. A tiny round vole, furry, sat up and washed his whiskers in the dew.
I stood up. Where the crystal tomb had shattered a tiny spring rose and bubbled in the gra.s.s. With a breath that tore in my throat I stepped forward to pick up a sc.r.a.p of gold that glistened in the clear water, and held it out to Conn.
"It"s from his horn!" I said, marvelling at the three-spiralled gold ring.
Without a word, Conn took it from me, and gently slipped it on the middle finger of my right hand.
"Went at early light," said Puddy, back at the camp. "Packed up his things and just left."
"Without even saying goodbye?" said Conn.
"Not exactly," said Corby. "Sort of said it was time he made tracks. Said you two would understand."
"Well, I don"t . . ."
""Course you do," said Pisky briskly. "He said so last night. Not in so many words, I admit, but I understood him to say that we didn"t need him any more now we knew what we were looking for . . ."
"He left you a message," said Moglet. "Well, all of us, really. "A direction and some reminders" he said . . . Where"s Snowy?"
So we told them.