"Summer? Somerdai . . . my Talitha. Come here, my dear. Let me see you!"
A man, a tall man dressed in the colors of the night, was leaning on the bal.u.s.trade in the little garden. I knew who it was although I couldn"t see his face, of course I did, but was I still asleep and dreaming?
"Come on down! It"s been a long time. . . ."
And many, many wearisome miles. Heat, cold, exhaustion, near starvation, danger; and my imaginings of it had not been at all like this, a hidden-faced stranger who lolled against a bal.u.s.trade and called my name as though we had only parted yesterday. The memory that had sustained me had been of a s.n.a.t.c.hed embrace, a burning kiss, a wrenching away. Quick, violent, fraught with emotion for both of us.
"Do I have to come up there and fetch you?" It wasn"t a soft, warm voice like my blind knight had used in his seducing mood, nor the comfortable town- burr of the merchant, Matthew Spicer; it had a harsh, nasal quality, a sort of sc.r.a.ping reluctance for the words to form. A disturbing voice, a compelling one, but not necessarily a very nice one.
"No," I said. "I"m coming down."
And slowly, almost reluctantly, I moved down the steps till I stood on the bottom one, clutching the neck of my nightshirt as if it could be the one gesture that kept me from being stripped naked.
"You"re thinner," said the voice. "And your hair is shorter. But your eyes are just the same; great big wondering eyes, mirrors of your soul. Why don"t you come nearer? Are you afraid?"
"I-I don"t know. I don"t remember . . . I didn"t think-"
"If you don"t know, remember, think-then why are you here?" The voice was gentler now, as if it was getting more used to human speech, and there was even a hint of amused tenderness. "And why don"t you use my human name?"
Jasper. Master of Many Treasures. The dragon-man, man-dragon I had travelled half the known world to find. And yet I couldn"t even use his name.
Why? I was frightened, shy, now uncertain of those feelings I had been so certain of before. Or thought I had. Even while I cursed myself for my stupidity I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, spilling down my cheeks, blurring my vision, till the figure before me wavered and dissolved.
Something touched my face, and the corner of a cloak caught the tears as they fell, absorbed them as they coursed down my cheeks, wiped my nose.
"Blow . . . That"s better! Am I so terrifying? Why you"re trembling. . . . Here, wrap my cloak around you. There, isn"t that better?"
As he was still wearing the cloak himself-yes, it was. Suddenly, very much better. But he didn"t press it; he had one arm round my shoulders now and with the other hand he lifted my chin, but we were still inches away from a proper embrace. Physically, that is; emotionally, as far as he was concerned, I could see it was miles.
"Open your eyes: look at me! I don"t bite."
"Dragons do," I said, still feebly resisting the temptations of his sudden nearness.
"I"m not a dragon all the time. I"ve learnt a lot in the time we"ve been apart, including how to keep my two selves separate-usually. I make mistakes, of course-and I still find it difficult to land on narrow balconies at night, as no doubt you heard. . . ."
"Have you been a dragon all the time till now?"
"Mostly, but not all. So now I am owed a little man-time."
"Three months in every year," I said, remembering.
"And all because you kissed a rather ugly little pig three times-"
"You weren"t ugly! I mean the Wimperling wasn"t! You-he-wasn"t exactly beautiful, I suppose, but very endearing."
"More than me, I suppose! Perhaps I"d better reverse the process."
"You can"t, can you?" Forgetting to be shy I opened my eyes properly and looked up at him.
It wasn"t fair: I had forgotten just how handsome he was. The dim light threw half his face into darkness, but the dark, frowning brows, yellow eyes set slightly aslant, strong, hooked nose and the wide mouth that could express both harshness or humor, strength or tenderness, they were quite clear.
Tentatively I raised my fingers to the hand that cradled my chin; two years ago it had been cold, with the traces of scales still evident, but now it was warm and smooth.
"Remember me?" He was teasing.
"Of course I do, but-" I lifted a finger to trace the thin line of moustache, the short hairs along his jawline. "You"re not quite the same."
"Neither are you, my dear. You"ve grown up." He tipped my chin higher.
"There are great shadows under your eyes, your mouth is firmer, you are much slimmer. . . . Was it bad, your journey? No, don"t tell me now," and his mouth brushed mine so gently it was come and gone like the touch of a moth"s wing. "We have plenty of time to talk." His lips met mine again, lingering there longer, exerted a stronger pressure. "I can"t tell you how nice it is to see you again. And what a surprise!" The next kiss still teased, though it was more like a proper one. "You know something, my little Talitha? You are practically irresistible! Tell me something; how did you manage to end up here, of all places in the world to choose from?"
For a moment the meaning of what he had said didn"t sink in, but when it did I pushed away from him and stood there, bewildered. His question meant that he didn"t realize that I had come all this way just to seek him out; he didn"t know how much I loved him. How could I now betray my foolish hopes, my enduring love, to someone who obviously thought of me just as a temporary plaything?
The hot blood rushed to my cheeks and I was about to cover my shame and confusion by muttering something utterly inane like "looking for treasure,"
when I was saved from making a fool of myself by glimpsing a sudden flash of white on the balcony above.
I tugged at Jasper"s sleeve. "Quick, you must go! d.i.c.kon-yes, the same one- is up there on the balcony, and he mustn"t see you!"
"Then I shall come again tomorrow night. Earlier."
"He"s away this morning for a few days-"
"Good." He leapt up on the bal.u.s.trade. "Tomorrow. Midnight . . ." He paused for a moment, then plunged over the edge.
My genuine cry of fright was echoed by a yell from d.i.c.kon above. I rushed over to the void, terror-stricken, my heart in my mouth, then I heard the crack! of opening wings and saw my man-dragon soar away into the darkness.
d.i.c.kon, who had seen nothing of this, joined me at the bal.u.s.trade. "Who was it? What happened? Where did he go?"
I was still trembling, though he didn"t notice this, and I tried to keep the shakes from my voice as I answered.
"I"ve no idea. A thief, a voyeur? I heard a noise, got up and came down here. I tried to talk to him, find out what he was doing-" how long had he been listening? "-but when he saw you he jumped down to the rocks below." I leant over the edge. "There"s no sign of him now."
"You must be more careful! Are you sure that money of yours is safe? Bar your door and your windows. Get that lazy dog of yours to stand guard out here at night." He seemed genuinely worried, though whether it was me or my money he was more bothered about it was difficult to say. "Promise me you won"t do anything-foolish-while I am away?"
No, I wouldn"t do anything foolish. I had done enough of that already, including coming here in the first place, following an impossible dream.
"I promise," I said. "I shall be here when you return, safe and sound. And-"
the thought coming to me unbidden and forcing itself into speech "-and I may change my mind about staying here after all."
"You mean . . . go back to the merchant?" He sounded incredulous. Then, suddenly, suspicious. "You have found what you seek, then?" I could almost see the picture of a heap of treasure in his mind, followed by the thought: where has she hidden it?
"Why not? There I was safe and secure. A good marriage . . ." I shrugged. "Or I could still go into trade somewhere else. It"s not entirely a man"s world, you know; there are women physicians, builders, painters, herbalists, farmers, metal workers, writers. . . . And now I"m going back to bed. Have a good journey."
It was a relief to be rid of him, but unfortunately this also gave me too much time to think. Over and over again I reviewed in my mind Jasper"s visit, what he had looked like, what he said, and, more important, what he didn"t. I had been stupid, shy, tearful, but he had been-different. I suppose it was ridiculous of me to suppose we could pick up just where we had left off over two years ago, for that had been a moment of such high intensity it could not be repeated, but I had expected him to understand why I had travelled all this way to see him again.
Instead he was treating me with an amused tenderness, just as you would a particular pet, indulging my tears and stupid behavior. But hadn"t he said I was now grown-up, too? And did he truly not know why I was here? Long, long ago he had warned me against loving him: was this because he knew he was incapable of such emotion? Or was it that he no longer found me attractive?
Had my journey been in vain, then?
I"d be d.a.m.ned if it had! My pride wouldn"t let me just creep away without a fight. I hadn"t come all this way to be brushed aside. As for being attractive- well, just let him wait and see!
Off I went down to the village and when I returned spent the rest of the day with scissors, needle and thread, warm water, the opening of this jar, that bottle.
Ky-Lin visited me at around six. I hadn"t seen him for days, but it seemed he knew, somehow, of Jasper"s visit.
"Was it how you imagined it, girl? Was it worth all the journeying?" He looked around at my preparations. "You know, I remember something my Master used to say to his disciples: "Be careful on what you set your heart, for it may just be you achieve your desire." "
I didn"t understand; surely to get what you wanted was the ultimate goal.
He looked at me steadily, his plumed tail swishing gently from side to side.
"You will understand someday, I think." I had never seen him look so sad.
"Do not forget I am still here to help you, if you need me."
At last I heard the monks chanting their evening prayers, the dissonance of their softly struck bells. Soon it would be midnight. I slipped the green silk gown I had made that afternoon over my head. There was no mirror of course, but it felt good, the dress swirling round me in soft, loose folds, as it did so catching the perfume of sandalwood oil I had used in my bathing water.
On my feet were a pair of green felt slippers I had hastily cobbled once the dress was finished, and I had a green ribbon in my hair.
I had told Growch whom I was expecting and asked him to please not interrupt our meeting.
"Din" last night, did I? You goin" to do naughties tonight, like the first time you met?"
Ridiculously I felt myself blushing: fancy being embarra.s.sed by a dog! "None of your business what I"m going to do!"
"You looks nice," he said unexpectedly. "Quite the lady . . ."
Probably I was now wearing the most beautiful dress I had ever possessed, and after what Growch had said, I wished, I wished I had a mirror. It would be nice to see a beautiful Summer, just for once, especially as I had spent so much of my life as a plain, fat girl n.o.body looked at twice.
I left a lamp burning in my room, took the lantern from d.i.c.kon"s room and set it on the balcony. Tonight was overcast, the moon hidden behind a scud of cloud. There was a sudden sound behind me: only a moth, banging helplessly against the oiled paper of the lantern. I brushed it aside, although the flame was well shielded.
Suddenly it was cold; a chill wind came rushing from the snowcapped mountains to the north and whirled around me: my skin shivered into gooseb.u.mps and the breeze lifted the hair on my head into tangles. Winter was giving its warning-or was it something else that made me think of a dying end?
The wind ceased as suddenly as it had risen, the clouds parted and the moon shone clear and bright. I twisted the ring on my finger-strange, it seemed much looser; perhaps I was losing too much weight-but it was warm and comforting, and I pushed any dark thoughts from my mind as a shadow flicked across the edge of my sight and swooped away beneath.
I ran down the steps to the little garden and there, just climbing over the edge, was my man-dragon, his cloak flapping behind him like wings. He stopped when he saw me, one foot still on the bal.u.s.trade.
"My, what have we here, then? A strange fair lady!"
"Wha-what do you mean?"
"To what do I owe this honor, beauteous maid?" Stepping down, he gave me a bow, his hand on his heart. "I swear you are the very vision of loveliness. . . ."
For a moment I truly believed he didn"t recognize me, then he laughed, came forward, and took my hands.
"You look absolutely wonderful, Talitha! I wouldn"t have believed it possible!"
Did it depend so much on the clothes I wore, I wondered? "Of course you are beautiful anyway, always were, but that dress frames your loveliness perfectly! Did you make it especially for me?"
"Of course not!" I lied too quickly. (Never let a man think you"ve tarted yourself up just for him, Mama used to say. They are big-headed enough as it is. A little disarray is perfectly acceptable.) "It"s just something I had put by."
He turned over my right hand, brushing his thumb across my index finger.
"With fresh needle marks? You"re not a good liar, my dear-no, don"t be angry. I am deeply honored, believe me," and he sang a little song I used to be familiar with in my own country.
"Silver ribbons in your hair, lady; "Golden shoon upon your feet.
"Crimson silk to clothe you, lady: "And a kiss your knight to greet!"
Only he changed all the colors to "green," and I got a kiss at the end of it, a proper one this time.
In an instant my arms went around his neck and my body curved into his, so you couldn"t have pa.s.sed a silken thread between us. I felt as though I was melting, fusing with him until we were metal of the same mold. I couldn"t breathe or think, all I could do was feel.
Then at once everything changed. Suddenly I was standing alone, scarcely able to keep my feet for the trembling in my limbs, shaking with a frustration I had no words for, an ache that came from the deepest parts of my body.
All I could say was: "Why?" and I didn"t even realize I had spoken out loud.
"No," he said. "No, my very dear one, no."
I didn"t understand. "What"s wrong? What have I done?"
"Done? Nothing, nothing at all. But we can"t let this happen again. It was bad enough last time, against all the laws of nature, and I was the one who let it happen. No, now don"t cry. . . ." He came forward and held my hands again.
"Remember this: we are different, you and I. You are human, through and through, and nothing but. I am three-quarters, nay more, of a completely different creature. Normally I have a different form, different morals, different view of life, different future. There is no way, absolutely none, in which we could ever have a future together, even for a few days, and anything less wouldn"t be fair to you. Don"t you understand?"
"What about the quarter that isn"t dragon? What about the times when you are "He who Sc.r.a.pes the Clouds" or whatever is your dragon name? What about the man who stands before me now? What happens to Jasper?"
"Jasper," he said, "may be the Master of Many Treasures, but not of his own soul-if he has one, that is. He is ruled by his larger part and that is dragon; he is subject to dragon rule and dragon law. He may make no important decisions contrary to those that are already laid down, unless it is first referred to the Council for consideration. And unless this Jasper is a Master Dragon, which he is not, then there is no hope of changing the laws or of making any appeal against them. . . ." He was speaking in a dull, monotonous way, like a priest bored with the service.
I tried to humor him. "What is the difference between an ordinary dragon and a master?"
"Treasure. The gathering of enough to satisfy the Council. The last master brought five great jewels, still much admired. An emerald from a rainforest on the other side of the world, a sapphire from an island in the warm seas, a diamond from the mines of the southern desert, a ruby from a temple of the infidel, and a priceless freshwater pearl from the Islands of Mist."
"How long ago was that?"
"Some five hundred years."
I gasped. So long ago! "Then how long can a dragon live? And what is the Council?"
"A fit dragon can live for a thousand years, perhaps more. Once there were hundreds, all over the world, together with other similar creatures of all sorts, shapes and sizes. Now their bones lie scattered, for our legends say that a disaster came from the sky, a great ball of fire that brought with it a breath of death that destroyed millions of creatures, the dragons among them. Some survived, but very few, and those only in the high mountains, where the contamination couldn"t reach them. Other pockets of safety conserved other creatures, mainly small ones: lizards, tortoises, lemurs. Then the world gradually changed, mammals growing strong at the expense of the dragon."
He glanced at my indignant face. "That is what our legends say; yours are probably rather different."
"G.o.d created the world," I said stiffly. "And Adam and Eve came before dragons. I think. If He ever created them; some say they come from the Devil."
"Who"s he?"