He shut the door on them. They were scared. Uncle Giraud was scared. And she didn"t know what was going on with everyone, except he took her by the shoulders and looked at her and said: "Ari, -Ari, there"s news on the net. It"s from Fargone. I want you to listen to me. It"s about your maman. She"s died, Ari."
She just stood there. She felt his hands on her shoulders. He hurt her right one. He was telling her something crazy, something that couldn"t be about maman, it didn"t make sense.
"She died some six months ago, Ari. The news is just breaking over the station net. It just got here. They"re picking it up out there, on their comlinks. That woman-heard it; and told me, and I didn"t want you to hear it out there, Ari. Take a breath, sweet. Ari."
He shook her. It hurt. And she couldn"t breathe for a moment, couldn"t, till she got a breath all at once and uncle Giraud hugged her against him and patted her back and called her sweet. Like maman.
She hit him. He hugged her so she couldn"t, and just went on holding her while she cried.
"It"s a d.a.m.n lie!" she yelled when she got enough breath.
"No." He hugged her hard. "Sweet, your maman was very old, very old, that"s all. And people die. Listen to me. I"m going to take you home. Home, understand? But you"ve got to walk out of here. You"ve got to walk out of here past all those people and get to the car, you understand me? Security"s going to get the car, we"re going to go straight to the airport, we"re going to fly home. But the first thing you have to do is get to the car. Can you do that?"
She listened. She listened to everything. Things went past her. But she stopped crying, and he set her back by the shoulders and wiped her face with his fingers, and smoothed her hair and got her to sit down in the chair.
"Are you all right?" he asked her, very, very quiet. "Ari?"
She got another gulp of air. And stared through him. She felt him pat her shoulder, and heard him go to the door and call Catlin and Florian.
"Ari"s maman has died," she heard him say. "We just found it out."
More and more people. Florian and Catlin. If all of them believed it, then it was truer and truer. All the people out there. Maman was on the news. The whole of Union knew her maman had died.
Uncle Giraud came back and got down on one knee and got his comb and very carefully began to comb her hair. She messed it up and turned her face away. Go away. Go away.
But he combed it again, very gentle, very patient, and patted her on the shoulder when he finished. Florian brought her a drink and she took it in her good hand. Catlin just stood there with a worried look.
Dead is dead, that was what Catlin said. Catlin didn"t know what to do with a CIT who thought it was something else.
"Ari," uncle Giraud said, "let"s get out of here. Let"s get you to the car. All right? Take my hand. There"s no one going to ask you any questions. Let"s just walk to the car."
She took his hand. She got up and she walked with her hand in Giraud"s out into the office and outside again, where all the people were standing, far across the hall; and the voice-sound died away into the distance. She could hear the fountain-noise for the first time. Giraud shifted hands on her, and put his right one on her shoulder, and she walked with him, with Catlin in front of her and Florian on her other side, and all the Security people. But they didn"t need them. n.o.body asked any questions.
They were sorry, she thought. They were sorry for her.
And she hated that. She hated hated the way they looked at her. the way they looked at her.
It was a terribly long walk, until they were going through the doors and getting into the car, and Florian and Catlin piling in on the other side, while uncle Giraud got her into the back seat and sat down with her and held her.
Security closed the back doors, one of them got in and closed the doors and the car started up, fast and hard, the tunnel lights flashing past them.
"Ari," Giraud said to her on the plane, moving Florian out of his seat to sit down across the little table from her, once they were in the air. "I"ve got the whole story now. Your maman died in her office. She was at work. She had a heart attack. It was very fast. They couldn"t even get her to hospital."
"Where are my letters?" she asked, looking straight at him, looking him right in the face.
Giraud looked at her straight too. "At Fargone. I"m sure she read them."
"Why didn"t she answer me?"
Giraud took a moment. Then: "I don"t know, Ari. I truly don"t know. I don"t know if I can ever answer that. I"ll try to find out. But it takes time. Everything between here and Fargone-takes a long time."
She turned her face away from him, to the window where the outback showed hazy reds.
She had not had her maman for six months. And she had never felt it. She had gone on as if nothing had happened, as if everything was still the same. It made her ashamed. It made her mad. Terrible things could have happened besides that, and it would take that long to know about them.
"I want Ollie to come home," she said to Giraud.
"I"ll see about it," Giraud said.
"Do it!"
"Ollie has a choice too," Giraud said. "Doesn"t he? He"s your maman"s partner. He"ll have taken care of your maman"s business. He"ll have seen that things went right. He"s not a servant, sweet, he"s a very good manager, and he"ll be handling your maman"s office and handling her affairs for her. He"d want to do that. But I"ll send and ask him what he wants to do."
She swallowed at the lump in her throat. She wished Giraud would go away. She didn"t know what she thought yet. She was still putting it together.
She thought of that long walk and everybody in the Hall staring at her. And she had to do that again at Reseune-everybody staring at her, everybody knowing what was going on.
It made her mad. It made her so mad it was hard to think.
But she needed to. She needed to know where people were lying to her.
And who would want to take things from her. And whether that was was what had happened to maman. what had happened to maman.
Who are they, where are they, what have they got?
She looked at Giraud when he was not looking, just looked, a long time.
vii The news played the clip over and over, the solemn, shaken girl in the blue suit, walking with Giraud and Florian and Catlin past the silent lines of newspeople and government workers, just the cameras running, and the quick, grim movement of Security flanking them as they pa.s.sed through the hall.
Mikhail Corain watched it with his jaw clamped, watched the subsequent clips, some provided by Reseune, of Ari"s childhood, of Jane Stra.s.sen"s career, all interposed with the Court sequences, the interview after, and then back through the whole thing again, with interviews with the Reseune Information Bureau, with Denys Nye, with child psychologists-with solemn music and supered images and reportorial garbage making photo comparisons between the original Ariane standing solemnly at her mother"s funeral, and the replicate"s decorously pale, shock-stricken face in a still from the clip they played and played and played, dammit.
The whole of Cyteen was wallowing in the best d.a.m.n theater Reseune could have asked for. That b.i.t.c.h Catherine Lao hardly had to bend any effort to key up the news-services, which had already been covering the Discovery bill-then the bombsh.e.l.l revelation that there was an Emory replicate filing for the right of Succession, no Bok clone, brilliant- brilliant-then the court appearance, the interview-all points on the Expansionist side; Defense"s invocation of the Military Secrets Act against the bill, a little coverage of Centrist objections, a possible gain against the tide- Then Stra.s.sen"s death, and the child getting the news, virtually on live cameras- G.o.d, it was a circus.
A freighter docked at Cyteen Station and shot the content of its Fargone-acquired informational packet into the Cyteen data-sorters, the news-packet hit the Cyteen news-comp, the news-comp upgraded its information and scrolled it past the human watcher, and what might have been a pa.s.sing-interest kind of story, the death of a Reseune administrator who was not even a known name to the average citizen, became the biggest media event since- Since the murder at Reseune and the Warrick hearing.
The news had to be real: the data-storage of a starship-the whole system that carried news, electronic mail, publications, stockmarket data, financial records and statistics, ballots and civil records-was the entire data-flow of the last station visited, shot out of a starship"s Black Box when it came to dock, as the current station"s data spooled in. It was the system that kept the markets going and the whole of Union functioning: tampering with a Black Box was physically unlikely and morally unthinkable, and Fargone was six Cyteen months away, so there was no way in h.e.l.l the information could have been timed for the impact it had- G.o.d, he found himself sorting through every move he had made and every contact with Giraud Nye and Reseune he had had, wondering if there was any remotest chance he had been maneuvered into the Discovery bill at a time when Reseune was ready.
A lifetime of dealing with Emory, that was what made him have thoughts like that.
Like Stra.s.sen being murdered. Like the kind of ruthlessness that would use a kid the way they created and used this one-killing off one of their own, who was, G.o.d knew, a hundred forty-odd and already on the brink- What was a life, to people who created and destroyed it as a matter of routine?
It was a question worth following up, quietly, by his own investigatory channels; but by everything he knew of RESEUNEs.p.a.cE, existing in the same separate station as the Defense Bureau installation at Fargone with absolutely nothing to link them with Fargone Station except a twice-daily shuttle run, it was difficult to get at anything or anyone on the inside.
And the Centrist party could lose, considerably, by making the wrong move right now-by making charges that might not prove out, by going ahead with the bill that had to result in lengthy hearings and a court case involving the little girl who had turned seasoned reporters to emotional jelly and generated such a flood of inquiries the Bureau of Information had set aside special numbers for the case.
That was only the beginning. The ships that undocked from Cyteen Station this week were the start of a wave front that would go clear to Earth before it ran out of audience.
No way in h.e.l.l to continue with the bill. Anything Anything that involved drawn-out procedures could intersect with future events in very unpredictable ways. that involved drawn-out procedures could intersect with future events in very unpredictable ways.
While I consider the investigation ultimately necessary in the public interest, it seems inappropriate to proceed at this time. That was the sentence his speechwriters were still hammering out. That was the sentence his speechwriters were still hammering out.
He was d.a.m.ned to look bad no matter what he did. He had thought of demanding an investigation into the child"s welfare, and raising the issue of Reseune"s creating the child precisely to shield those records.
The whole Centrist party suddenly found itself saddled with a serious position problem.
viii Nelly helped her take the blouse off-it fastened on the bad shoulder, and the sleeve was cut and fastened back together, so it would come on and off over the cast. She had several of the same kind, and she wore things with jackets, that she could wear draped over the shoulder on the right side.
She felt better then. She had to take a shower with a plastic bag taped and sealed around her arm, and when she came out again, Nelly helped her take the tape off and get into her pajamas.
Nelly was upset, Ari could feel it, and she knew she shouldn"t let her mad get loose with Nelly, she shouldn"t let it get loose with anybody.
"I"m not going to bed yet," she said when Nelly wanted to put her there, and Nelly said: "You"re supposed to."
Which made her want to hit Nelly, or to cry, both of which were stupid. So she said, very patiently: "Nelly, let me alone and go to bed. Right now."
She had been to maman"s memorial service today. She had gotten through it and not cried, at least she had not made a scene like Victoria Stra.s.sen, who had sniffed and hiccuped and finally Security had walked over and talked to her. She had never met aunt Victoria. She was already mad at her. Maman would have been mad at her, even if she was maman"s half sister. Herself, she had sores on the inside of her mouth where she had bitten down to keep from crying, and she didn"t mind, that was all right, it was better than aunt Victoria.
I want you to think about going, want you to think about going, uncle Denys had said. uncle Denys had said. You don"t have to, understand. I"m sure your maman wouldn"t mind one way or the other: you know how she felt about formal stuff- She"s gone to the sun at Fargone: that"s a s.p.a.cer funeral, and your maman was a s.p.a.cer before she lived at Reseune. But here in the House we do things a little differently: we go out in the East Garden, where all the memorials are, if the weather"s such we can, or somewhere-and your maman"s friends will tell a few stories about your maman, that"s the way we do. I don"t want you to go if it"s going to upset you; but I thought you might want to hear those things, and it might help you learn about your maman, who she was when she was young, and all the things she did. If you don"t want to, don"t go. If you want to go and then change your mind, all you have to do is pull at my sleeve and you and I will just walk out the gate and no one will think anything about it: children don"t always go to these things. Not even all the friends do. It just depends on the person, whether they feel they need to, you understand? You don"t have to, understand. I"m sure your maman wouldn"t mind one way or the other: you know how she felt about formal stuff- She"s gone to the sun at Fargone: that"s a s.p.a.cer funeral, and your maman was a s.p.a.cer before she lived at Reseune. But here in the House we do things a little differently: we go out in the East Garden, where all the memorials are, if the weather"s such we can, or somewhere-and your maman"s friends will tell a few stories about your maman, that"s the way we do. I don"t want you to go if it"s going to upset you; but I thought you might want to hear those things, and it might help you learn about your maman, who she was when she was young, and all the things she did. If you don"t want to, don"t go. If you want to go and then change your mind, all you have to do is pull at my sleeve and you and I will just walk out the gate and no one will think anything about it: children don"t always go to these things. Not even all the friends do. It just depends on the person, whether they feel they need to, you understand?
Florian and Catlin had not gone. They were too young and they were azi, uncle Denys said, and they didn"t understand CIT funerals.
You don"t want them to have to take tape for it, uncle Denys had said. uncle Denys had said.
She was terribly, terribly glad it was over. She felt bruised inside the way she was outside, and uncle Denys kept giving her aspirin, and Dr. Ivanov had given her a shot he said would make her feel a little wobbly, but it would help her get through the services.
She wished he hadn"t. She had wanted to hear some of it clearer, and it all rolled around in her head and echoed.
It still did, but she put Nelly out the door and told Nelly send Catlin and Florian and go to bed and take the tape Dr. Ivanov wanted her to have.
"Yes," Nelly said, looking miserable.
Ari bit her lip again. She wanted that badly to yell at her. Instead she went and fed her fish, and watched them chase after the food and dodge in and out of the weeds. There were a lot of babies. One of the big ones had had hers. And there was her prettiest male who was in the tank with all the ugly females, to see if the babies would be prettier. Florian could net him out for her and put him back in his regular tank: she was afraid of hurting him with the net, working with her left hand.
Tomorrow. She was not in the mood to do anything with them tonight.
Catlin and Florian came in, still in their uniforms, and looking worried, the way they had been constantly since they found out about maman. They didn"t understand half how it felt, she knew that, but they were hurting all the same, because she hurt.
Florian had told her he felt terribly guilty about her arm and then her maman, and asked her if there was anything they could do.
She wished there were. But he couldn"t be guilty, he just felt bad: she told him that, and asked him if he needed tape, the way she was supposed to if her azi came to her.
Uncle Denys had told her that.
"No," Florian had said, very quick, very definite. "We don"t want to. What if you needed us, and we"d be in hospital? No. We don"t want that."
Now: "I want you to stay here tonight," she said when they came in.
"Yes, sera," Florian said; and: "We"ll get our stuff," Catlin said, as if both of them were happy then.
She felt better when they were with her, when no one else was. It was hard to go out where there were people, like going out with no clothes on, like she was made out of gla.s.s and people would know everything inside her and find out everything she didn"t want everyone to know. But she never felt that way with Florian and Catlin. They were her real friends, and they could sleep in the same room and sit around in just their pajamas together, even if Florian was a boy.
And with the door shut and with just them, she could stop having that knotted-up feeling that made her broken arm ache and made her feel sick at her stomach and tired, so tired of hurting.
"They said a lot of nice things about maman," she said when they had gotten their pallets made in the corner and gotten into their pajamas and settled down on the end of her bed.
A lot of the staff had really been maman"s friends. A lot of them were really sorry and really missed her. Aunt Victoria was sorry and scared, when Security came and probably told her to stop crying or asked her to leave; then aunt Victoria had been really, really mad: so aunt Victoria had left the garden right after that, on her own, while Dr. Ivanov was telling how maman had run Wing One.
There were a lot of things she wished she could talk about out loud with Florian and Catlin. But she was was going to tell them, that was no problem. It just took longer. going to tell them, that was no problem. It just took longer.
There had been a lot of upset people there, at the services, and it was strange how they Felt different than the reporters. The reporters had been sorry. Reseune was sorry too; but a lot of them Felt mad like her mad, which was maybe because it wasn"t fair people had to die at all; but there had been so many different flavors of mad there, so many different flavors of being sorry, not at all like the reporters, but very strong, very complicated, all the way down past what she could pick up on their faces.
Justin and Grant had been there. Grant was one of the only azi.
A lot of grown people had said how maman had been their teacher, and they really loved her.
Dr. Schwartz had said maman and he used to fight a lot so loud that everybody in the halls could hear it, but that was because she never would take second best about anything; and he said whatever she set up at RESEUNEs.p.a.cE was going to be all right, because that was the way maman always did things.
That made her remember her maman"s voice echoing out of the bedroom, right through the walls: Dammit, Ollie- Dammit, Ollie- And made her feel warm all over, like maman was yelling at her: And made her feel warm all over, like maman was yelling at her: Dammit, straighten up, Ari, don"t give me any of that nonsense. That doesn"t get anywhere with me. Dammit, straighten up, Ari, don"t give me any of that nonsense. That doesn"t get anywhere with me.
Like maman was back for a second. Like she was there, there, inside, just then. Or anytime she wanted to think about her. She wasn"t at Fargone anymore. inside, just then. Or anytime she wanted to think about her. She wasn"t at Fargone anymore.
Ollie was. And a lot of the Disappeareds might be.
She had thought on the plane coming home-who in the House just might know a lot of things.
And who she could scare into telling her.
ix "You"re a d.a.m.n fool," Yanni said, and Justin looked him in the eye and said: "That"s no news. It"s all there in the memo. Probably you think I have ulterior motives-which isn"t the case. Nothing against John Edwards. Nothing against anyone. I don"t even know I"m right. Just-" He shrugged. It was easy to go too far with Yanni, and he had probably gone there, high and wide. Time to stage a retreat, he reckoned. Fast. "I"ll go get back to my my business," he said. "I"ll have the GY project in tomorrow morning." business," he said. "I"ll have the GY project in tomorrow morning."
"Stay put."
He sank back into the chair, chair, under Yanni"s scowl. under Yanni"s scowl.
"You think the kid doesn"t have enough stress," Yanni said.
"I don"t mean that. You know I don"t mean that."
"Son, Administration is just a little wrought up just now. So am I. I appreciate the fact you don"t hate the kid, you really think you see something-but you know, we"re all tired, we"re all frayed around the edges, and I really hope you haven"t gone anywhere else with this."
"No. I haven"t."
"You know what I think you"re doing?"