"The h.e.l.l. Yes. What"s going on with you? You mind telling me?"
More paces in silence. "Is that an order?"
"What the h.e.l.l is this "order"? I asked you a question. Is there something the matter with a question?" Justin stopped on the walk where it crossed the sidewalk from Wing Two, in the evening chill with the flash of lightning in the distance. "Something about Yanni? Was Was it Yanni? Or did it Yanni? Or did I I say something?" say something?"
"Hey, I"m glad it worked, I am am glad. There"s nothing at all wrong with me. Or you. Or Will." glad. There"s nothing at all wrong with me. Or you. Or Will."
"Addictions. Was that the keyword?"
"Let"s talk about it later."
"Talk where, then? At home? Is it that safe?"
Grant gave a long sigh, and faced the muttering of thunder and the flickering of lightnings on Wing Two"s horizon. It was a dangerous time. Fools lingered out of doors, in the path of the wind that would sweep down-very soon.
"It"s frustration," he said. "That they won"t take Will"s word on it. That they know so d.a.m.n much because they"re CITs."
"They have to be careful. For Will"s sake, if nothing else. For the sake of the other programs he tests, -"
"CITs are a necessary evil," Grant said placidly, evenly, against the distant thunder. "What would we azi possibly do without them? Teach ourselves, of course."
Grant made jokes. This was not one of them. Justin sensed that. "You think they"re not going to listen to him."
"I don"t know what they"re going to do. You want to know what"s the greatest irritation in being azi, Supervisor mine? Knowing what"s right and sane and knowing they won"t listen to you."
"That"s not exactly an exclusive problem."
"Different." Grant tapped his chest with a finger. "There"s listening and listening. They"ll always listen listen to me, when they won"t, you. But they won"t to me, when they won"t, you. But they won"t listen listen to me the way they do you. No more than they do Will." to me the way they do you. No more than they do Will."
"They"re interested in his safety. Listening Listening has nothing to do with it." has nothing to do with it."
"It has everything to do with it. They won"t take his word-"
"-because he"s in the middle of the problem."
"Because an azi is always in the middle of the problem, and d.a.m.n well outside the decision loop. Yanni"s Yanni"s in the middle of the problem, he"s biased as h.e.l.l with CIT opinions and CIT designs, does that disqualify him? No. It makes him an in the middle of the problem, he"s biased as h.e.l.l with CIT opinions and CIT designs, does that disqualify him? No. It makes him an expert." expert."
"1 listen." listen."
"h.e.l.l, you wouldn"t let me touch that routine."
"For your own d.a.m.n-good, -Grant." Somehow that came out badly, about halfway. "Well, sorry, but I care. That"s not a CIT pulling rank. That"s a friend who needs you stable. How"s that?"
"d.a.m.n underhanded."
"Hey." He took Grant by the shoulder. "Hit me on something else, all right? Let"s don"t take the work I"d test my own sanity on and tell me you"re put out because I won"t trust my judgment on it either. I"d give you anything.
I"d let you-"
"There"s the trouble."
"What?"
"Let me."
"Friend, Grant. d.a.m.n, you"re flux-thinking like h.e.l.l, aren"t you?" Grant. d.a.m.n, you"re flux-thinking like h.e.l.l, aren"t you?"
"Ought to qualify me for a directorship, don"t you think? Soon as we prove we"re crazy as CITs we get our papers and then we"re qualified not to listen to azi Testers either."
"What happened? What happened, Grant? You want to level with me?"
Grant looked off into the dark awhile. "Frustration, that"s all. I-got turned down-for permission to go to Planys."
"Oh, d.a.m.n."
"I"m not his son. Not-" Grant drew several slow breaths. "Not qualified in the same way. d.a.m.n, I wasn"t going to drop this on you. Not tonight."
"G.o.d." Justin grabbed him and held on to him a moment. Felt him fighting for breath and control.
"I"m tempted to say I want tape," Grant said. "But d.a.m.ned if I will. d.a.m.ned d.a.m.ned if I will. It"s politics they"re playing. It"s-just what they can do, that"s all. We just last it through, the way you did. Your project worked, dammit. Let"s celebrate. Get me drunk, friend. Good and drunk. I"ll be fine. That"s the benefit of flux, isn"t it? Everything"s relative. You"ve worked so d.a.m.n long for this, we"ve both worked for it. No surprise to me. I knew it would run. But I"m glad you proved it to them." if I will. It"s politics they"re playing. It"s-just what they can do, that"s all. We just last it through, the way you did. Your project worked, dammit. Let"s celebrate. Get me drunk, friend. Good and drunk. I"ll be fine. That"s the benefit of flux, isn"t it? Everything"s relative. You"ve worked so d.a.m.n long for this, we"ve both worked for it. No surprise to me. I knew it would run. But I"m glad you proved it to them."
"I"ll go to Denys again. He said-" said-"
Grant shoved back from him, gently. "He said maybe. Eventually. When things died down. Eventually isn"t now, evidently."
"d.a.m.n that kid." that kid."
Grant"s hands bit into his arms. "Don"t say that. Don"t-even think it."
"She just has lousy timing. Lousy Lousy timing. timing. That"s That"s why they"re so d.a.m.n nervous. . . ." why they"re so d.a.m.n nervous. . . ."
"Hey. Not her timing. None of it"s-her timing. Is it?"
Thunder cracked. Flashes lit the west, above the cliffs. Of a sudden the perimeter alarm went, a wailing into the night. Wind was coming, enough to break the envelope.
They grabbed each other by the sleeve and the arm and ran for shelter and safety, where the yellow warning lights flashed a steady beacon above the entrance.
iv "Dessert?" uncle Denys asked. At Changes, Changes, at lunch, which was where she had agreed to meet him; and Ari shook her head. at lunch, which was where she had agreed to meet him; and Ari shook her head.
"You can, though. I don"t mind."
"I can skip it. Just the coffee." Denys coughed, and stirred a little sugar in. "I"m trying to cut down. I"m putting on weight. You used to set a good example."
Fifth and sixth try at sympathy. Ari stared at him quite steadily.
Denys took a paper from his pocket and laid it down on the table. "This is yours. It did pa.s.s. Probably better without you-this year."
"I"m a Special?"
"Of course. Did I say not? That"s one reason I wanted to talk with you. This is just a fax. There was-a certain amount of debate on it. You should know about that. Catherine Lao may be your friend, but she can"t stifle the press, not-on the creation of a Special. The ultimate argument was your potential. The chance that you might need need the protection-before your majority. We used up a good many political favors getting this through. Not that we had any other choice-or wanted any." the protection-before your majority. We used up a good many political favors getting this through. Not that we had any other choice-or wanted any."
Seventh.
She reached out and took the fax and unfolded it. Ariane Emory, it said, and a lot of fine and elaborate print with the whole Council"s signatures.
"Thank you," she said. "Maybe I"d like to see it on the news."
"Not-possible."
"You were lying when you said you hated the vid. Weren"t you? You just wanted to keep me away from the news-services. You still do."
"You"ve requested a link. I know. You won"t won"t get it. You know why you won"t get it." Uncle Denys clasped his cup between two large hands. "For your own health. For your well-being. There are things you don"t want to know yet. Be a child awhile. Even under the circ.u.mstances." get it. You know why you won"t get it." Uncle Denys clasped his cup between two large hands. "For your own health. For your well-being. There are things you don"t want to know yet. Be a child awhile. Even under the circ.u.mstances."
She took the paper and carefully, deliberately slowly, folded it and put it in her carry-bag, thinking, in maman"s tones: Like h.e.l.l, uncle Denys. Like h.e.l.l, uncle Denys.
"I wanted to give you that," uncle Denys said. "I won"t keep you. Thank you for having lunch with me."
"That"s eight."
"Eight what?"
"Times you"ve tried to get me to feel sorry for you. I told you. It was a lousy thing to do, uncle Denys."
Shift and Shift again. Working only worked if you used it when it was time. No matter if you were ready.
"The taping. I know. I"m sorry. What can I say? That I wouldn"t have done it? That would be a lie. I am am glad you"re doing all right. I"m terribly proud of you." glad you"re doing all right. I"m terribly proud of you."
She gave him a nasty smile, fast and right into a sulk. "Sure."
""To thine own self be true"?" With a smile of his own. "You know who planned this."
She ran that through again. It was one of his better zaps, right right out of the blind-side, and it knocked the thoughts right out of her. out of the blind-side, and it knocked the thoughts right out of her.
d.a.m.n. There weren"t very many people who could Get her like that.
"I wonder if you can imagine how it feels," uncle Denys said, "to have known your predecessor-my first memories of her are as a beautiful young woman, outstandingly beautiful; and having the same young woman arriving at the end of my life-while I"m old-is an incredible perspective."
Trying to Work her for sure. "I"m glad you like it."
"I"m glad you accepted my invitation." He sipped at his coffee.
"You want to do something to make me happy?"
"What?"
"Tell Ivanov I don"t need need any appointment." any appointment."
"No. I won"t say that. I can tell you where the answer is. It"s in the fifteenth-year material."
"That"s real funny, uncle Denys."
"I don"t mean it to be. It"s only the truth. Don"t go too fast, Ari. But I am changing something. I"m terminating your cla.s.ses."
"What do you mean, terminating my cla.s.ses?"
"Hush, Ari. Voices. Voices. This is a public place. I mean it"s a waste of your time. You"ll still see Dr. Edwards-on a need-to basis. Dr. Dietrich. Any of them will give you special time. You have access to more tapes than you can possibly do. You"ll have to select the best. The answer to what you are is in there-much more than in the biographical material. Choose for yourself. At this point-you"re a Special. You have privileges. You have responsibilities. That"s the way it always works." He drank two swallows of the coffee and set the cup down. "I"ll put the library charges to my account. It"s still larger. -You can see your school friends anytime you like. Just send to them through the system. They"ll get the message."
He left the table. She sat there a moment, figuring, trying to catch her breath.
She could could go to cla.s.ses if she wanted to. She could request her instructors" time, that was all. go to cla.s.ses if she wanted to. She could request her instructors" time, that was all.
She could do anything she wanted to.
Shots again. She scowled at the tech who took her blood and gave them to her. She did not even see see Dr. Ivanov. Dr. Ivanov.
"There"ll be prescriptions at pharmacy," the tech said. "We understand you"ll be using home teaching. Please be careful. Follow the instructions."
The tech was azi. it was no one she could yell at. So she got up, feeling flushed, and went out to the pharmacy in the hospital and got the d.a.m.ned prescriptions.
Kat. At least it was useful.
She got home early: no interview with Dr. Ivanov, no hanging around waiting. She put the sack in the plastics bin and read the ticket and discovered they had billed her account thirty cred for the pills and probably for Florian and Catlin"s too.
"Dammit," she said out loud. "Minder, message to Denys Nye: Pharmacy is your bill. You You pay it. I didn"t order it." pay it. I didn"t order it."
It made her furious.
Which was the shot. It did did that to her. She took half a dozen deep breaths and went to the library to put the prescription bottles in the cabinet under the machine. that to her. She took half a dozen deep breaths and went to the library to put the prescription bottles in the cabinet under the machine.
d.a.m.n. It was nowhere near time for her cycle. And she felt like that. She felt- On. Like she wished she had homework tonight, or something. Or she could go down and see the Filly, maybe. She had been working too hard and going down there too little, leaving too much of the Filly"s upbringing to Florian, but she didn"t feel like that, either. The shots bothered her and she hated to be out of control when she was around people. It was going to be bad enough just trying not to be irritable with Catlin and Florian when they they got home, without going around Andy, who was too nice to have to put up with a CIT brat in a lousy, p.r.i.c.kly mood. got home, without going around Andy, who was too nice to have to put up with a CIT brat in a lousy, p.r.i.c.kly mood.
She knew what was going on with her, it had to do with her cycles, d.a.m.n Dr. Ivanov was messing with her again, and it was embarra.s.sing. Going around other people, grown-ups, likely they could tell tell what was going on with her, and that made her embarra.s.sed too. what was going on with her, and that made her embarra.s.sed too.
The whole thing was probably on Denys" orders. She bet it was. And she tried to think of a way to get them to stop it, but as long as Ivanov had the right to suspend her Super"s license if she dodged sessions-she was in for it.
Dammit, there wasn"t anything in the world those shots and those checkups had to do with her dealing with azi, not a thing-but she couldn"t prove it, unless maybe she could do what the first Ari had done and call Security, and get them to arrange a House council meeting.
G.o.d, and sit there in front of every grown-up she knew in the whole House and explain about the shots and her cycles? She had rather die.
Don"t go up against Administration, Ari senior had told her, out of the things she had learned.
Except it was Ari senior doing it to her as much as it was Denys.
d.a.m.n.
Dammit, dammit, dammit.