"I think you"d better talk this over with your uncle," he said.
Nervous. Real nervous. Probably, she thought, uncle Denys had had said something to him. That made her mad. "Denys doesn"t have a thing to say about what I do," she said, and came up against him and held on to his arm. "Justin, -there"s n.o.body my own age I"m interested in. There said something to him. That made her mad. "Denys doesn"t have a thing to say about what I do," she said, and came up against him and held on to his arm. "Justin, -there"s n.o.body my own age I"m interested in. There isn"t isn"t anybody. It doesn"t hurt, I mean, I sleep-over with anybody I want. All the time." anybody. It doesn"t hurt, I mean, I sleep-over with anybody I want. All the time."
"That"s fine." He disengaged his arm and turned and picked up some papers off his desk. His hands were shaking. "Go back to them. I engaged to teach you, not-whatever."
She had trouble getting her breath. That was a h.e.l.l h.e.l.l of a reaction. It was scary, that a man reacted that way to her. He just gathered up his stuff, went to the door. of a reaction. It was scary, that a man reacted that way to her. He just gathered up his stuff, went to the door.
As the door opened and Grant stood there taking in what he saw, with small moves of his eyes.
"I"m going home," Justin said. "Closing up early today. How did the run go?"
"Fine," Grant said, and came in and laid it down, ignoring her presence, ignoring everything that had gone on.
"The h.e.l.l," h.e.l.l," Ari said, and to Justin: "I want to talk to you." Ari said, and to Justin: "I want to talk to you."
"Not today."
"What are you doing? Throwing me out?"
"I"m not throwing you out. I"m going home. Let"s give us both a little chance to cool off, all right? I"ll see you in the morning."
Her face was burning. She She was shaking. "I don"t know what my uncle told you, but was shaking. "I don"t know what my uncle told you, but I I can find something to tell him, you just can find something to tell him, you just walk walk out on me. Get out of here, Grant! Justin and I are talking!" out on me. Get out of here, Grant! Justin and I are talking!"
Grant went to the door, grabbed Justin"s arm and shoved him out. "Get out of here," Grant said to him. And when Justin protested: "Out!" "Out!" Grant said to him. "Go home. Now." Grant said to him. "Go home. Now."
They had the door blocked. She was scared of a sudden-more scared when Grant argued Justin out the door and closed her in the office.
In a moment Grant came back. Alone. And closed the door again.
"I can call Security," she said. "You lay a hand on me and I"ll swear Justin did it. You watch me!"
"No," Grant said, and held up a hand. "No, young sera. I"m not threatening you. Certainly I won"t. I ask you, please, tell me what happened."
"I thought he told you you everything." everything."
"What did happen?"
She drew a shaken breath and leaned back against the chair. "I said I was bored with boys. I said I wanted to see if a man was any different. Maybe he hit me. Maybe he grabbed me. Who knows? Tell him go to h.e.l.l."
"Did he do those things?"
"He"s screwed everything up. I need him to teach me, and all I did was ask him to go to bed with me, I don"t think that was an insult!" d.a.m.n, she hurt inside. Her eyes blurred. "You tell him he"d better better teach me. You tell him he"d teach me. You tell him he"d better. better. I need him, d.a.m.n him." I need him, d.a.m.n him."
Grant went azi then, and she remembered he was was azi, which it was easy to forget with him; and she was in the wrong, yelling at him and not at Justin; she had a license that said responsibility, and she wanted to hit him. azi, which it was easy to forget with him; and she was in the wrong, yelling at him and not at Justin; she had a license that said responsibility, and she wanted to hit him.
"Young sera," he said, "I"ll tell him. Please don"t take offense. I"m sure there won"t be any problem."
" "There won"t be any problem." h.e.l.l!" She thought of working with him, day after day, and shook her head and lost her composure. "Dammit!" As the tears flooded her eyes. She pushed away from the chair and went for the door, but Grant stopped her, blocking her path. "Get out of my way!"
"Young sera," Grant said. "Please. Don"t Don"t go to Security." go to Security."
"I never asked for this. All I asked was a polite question!"
"I"ll do whatever you want, young sera. Any time you want. I have no objection. Here, if you want. Or at your apartment. All you have to do is ask me." do whatever you want, young sera. Any time you want. I have no objection. Here, if you want. Or at your apartment. All you have to do is ask me."
Grant was tall, very tall. Very quiet and very gentle, as he reached out and took her hand. And there was very little s.p.a.ce between her and the desk. She backed into it, her heart going like a hammer.
"Is that what you want, young sera?"
"No," she said, finding a breath.
And did, dammit, but he was too adult, too strange, too cold.
"Sera is not a child. Sera has power enough to have whatever she wants, by whatever means. Sera had better learn to control what what she wants before she gets more than she bargained for. Dammit, you"ve cost him his father, his freedom, and his work. What else will you take?" she wants before she gets more than she bargained for. Dammit, you"ve cost him his father, his freedom, and his work. What else will you take?"
"Let me go!"
He did then. And bowed his head once politely, and went and opened the door.
She found herself shaking.
"Any time, young sera. I"m always available."
"Don"t you take that tone with me."
"Whatever sera wishes. Please come tomorrow. I promise you-no one will bring the matter up if you don"t. Ever."
"The h.e.l.l!"
She got out the door, down the hall. Her chest hurt. Everything did.
Like the part of her that was herself and not Ari senior-had just fallen apart.
I fell in love about as often as any normal human being. I gave everything I had to give. And I got back resentment. Genuine hatred.
. . . isolation from my own kind. . . .
She caught her breath, reached the lift, got in and pushed the b.u.t.ton.
Not crying. No. She wiped the underside of her lashes with a careful finger, trying not to smear her makeup, and was composed when she walked out in the hall downstairs.
She knew what the first Ari would tell her. She had read it over and over. So, well, elder Ari, you were right. I"m a fool once. Not twice. What now? well, elder Ari, you were right. I"m a fool once. Not twice. What now?
v Grant walked into the cubbyhole of the second floor restroom and found Justin at the sink washing his face. Water beaded on white skin in the flickering light second floor had been complaining about for a week. "She"s gone home," Grant said, and Justin pulled a towel from the stack and blotted his face with it.
"What did she say?" Justin asked. "What did you you say?" say?"
"I propositioned her," Grant said. "I believe that"s the word."
"My G.o.d, G.o.d, Grant-" Grant-"
Grant turned on the calm, quiet as he could manage, given the state of his stomach. "Young sera needed something else to think about," he said. "She declined. I wasn"t sure that she would. I was, needless to say, relieved. Very fast work for young sera. I was so sure you were safe for an hour."
Justin threw the towel into the laundry-bin and folded his arms tight about his ribs. "Don"t joke. It"s not funny."
"Are you all right?"
"I"m having flashes. Oh, G.o.d, Grant, I- Dammit!" Dammit!"
He spun about and hit the wall with his hand and leaned there, stiff, hard-breathing, in that don"t-touch-me att.i.tude that absolutely meant it.
But Grant had ignored that before. He came and pried him away and folded him in his arms, just held on to him until Justin got a breath and a second one.
"I-lost-my sense of where I was," Justin said finally, between small efforts after air. "G.o.d, I just-went away. I couldn"t navigate. She"s-G.o.d knows. G.o.d knows what I said. It just blew up-she-"
"-she needed needed a firm no. It"s doubtless a new thing for her. Calm down. a firm no. It"s doubtless a new thing for her. Calm down.
Now is now."
"A d.a.m.n kid! kid! I-had-no finesse about it, absolutely none, I just-" I-had-no finesse about it, absolutely none, I just-"
"You were expressing a polite and civilized no when I walked in. That young sera doesn"t recognize the word isn"t your fault. Young sera may call Security and young sera may lodge charges, I have absolutely no idea. But if she does, you have a witness, and I have no trouble about going under probe. Young sera needs favors from you. you. I politely suggested she consider the trouble she"s caused and show up tomorrow with a civilized att.i.tude-at which time I politely suggested she consider the trouble she"s caused and show up tomorrow with a civilized att.i.tude-at which time I"m going I"m going to be there; at all times hereafter, I a.s.sure you." He pushed Justin back at arm"s length. "She"s sixteen. Personalities aside, she"s quite the other end of the proposition-a year younger than you were. A great deal more experienced, by all accounts, but not-not in adult behavior. Am I right? She has no idea what she"s dealing with. No more than you did." to be there; at all times hereafter, I a.s.sure you." He pushed Justin back at arm"s length. "She"s sixteen. Personalities aside, she"s quite the other end of the proposition-a year younger than you were. A great deal more experienced, by all accounts, but not-not in adult behavior. Am I right? She has no idea what she"s dealing with. No more than you did."
Justin blinked. Rapid thought: Grant knew the look. "Go back to the office."
"Where are you you going?" going?"
"To make a phone call."
"Denys?"
Justin shook his head.
"Good G.o.d," Grant said. And felt as if the floor had sunk. "You"re not serious."
"I"m going alone, if she"ll see me. Which is far from likely at this point."
"No. Listen. Don"t do this. If you"re having flashback, for G.o.d"s sake sake don"t do this." don"t do this."
"I"m going to straighten it out. Once for all. I"m going to tell her what happened-"
"No!" Grant seized his arm and held on, hard. "Administration will have your head on a plate-listen to me. Even if she took your side she hasn"t got the authority to protect you. She hasn"t got anything, not really. Even if she took your side she hasn"t got the authority to protect you. She hasn"t got anything, not really. Not Not inside inside these these walls." walls."
"What in h.e.l.l do we do? What do we do when they take us in and they trump up a rape charge-what happens when we end up in a ward over in hospital under Reseune law? All they need is a statement from her. ..."
"And you"re going to go over to her apartment and talk to her. No."
"Not her apartment. I don"t think I can handle that. But somewhere."
vi Justin took a sip of Scotch as the waiter at Changes Changes brought the three to their table-Ari in an ice-green blouse with metallic gray beading, Florian and Catlin in evening black. brought the three to their table-Ari in an ice-green blouse with metallic gray beading, Florian and Catlin in evening black.
Evening at Changes Changes was a dress occasion. He and Grant had taken pains, both of them in their best. Dress shins and jackets. was a dress occasion. He and Grant had taken pains, both of them in their best. Dress shins and jackets.
"Thank you," Ari said, when the waiter pulled the chair back. "Vodka-and-orange for the three of us, please."
"Yes, sera," the waiter murmured. "Will you want menus?"
"Give us a while," Justin said. "If you will, Ari."
"That"s fine." She settled in her chair and folded her hands on the table. "Thank you for coming," Justin said as soon as the waiter left. "I apologize for this afternoon. For Grant and myself. It was me. Not you. Absolutely not you."
Ari shifted back in her seat, her lips pressed to a thin line.
And said not a thing. "Has your uncle Denys called you?"
"Have you called him?"
"No. I don"t think he wants to hear what happened. I don"t know to what extent he can come back on you-"
"Only because he"s the Administrator," Ari said. "There"s nothing he"ll do to me."
"I wasn"t sure." He saw the waiter coming back with the drinks, and waited during the serving.
Ari sipped hers and sighed. "Whose credit is this on?"
"Mine," Justin said. "Don"t hesitate." As the waiter discreetly took himself off. It was a private corner, quite private: a sizeable addition to the bill a.s.sured it. "I want to a.s.sure you first of all-I"m perfectly willing to go on working with you. I want to tell you-what you"re doing-is full of problems. But it"s not empty exercise. You"ve got some ideas that are-fairly undeveloped right now. I still don"t know to what extent you"ve modeled this on reality-or borrowed from your predecessor. If it"s considerable borrowing-it would be remarkable enough that someone so young is working integrations at all. If any portion of it is original-I have to be impressed; because there is a center of this that, if I were going faster, and not taking the time to demonstrate your problems-I would simply throw into research, because I think it"s a helpful model."
"You can do that, if you like." Not spitefully. Reasonably. Quietly. "Perhaps I"ll do both. With your permission. Because I"m very afraid it"s cla.s.sified."
"Grant can do it."
"Grant could do it. With your permission. And Yanni"s. We work for him."
"Because you refused to be transferred. I can still do that."
He had not expected that. He took a drink of Scotch. And was aware of Grant beside him, subject to whatever mistakes he made. "I wouldn"t think," he said, "that you"d be thinking about that after the scene this afternoon."
Redirect. Shift directions.
She sipped at the vodka-and-orange. Sixteen, and fragile-in physiology. In emotions that the alcohol could flatten or exacerbate. Flux-thinking at its finest, Grant was wont to say. p.u.b.erty, hormones run wild, and ethyl alcohol.
Oh, G.o.d, kid, back off it: it did me no favors.
Power. Political power that was still running in shockwaves across Union; threats of a.s.sa.s.sination. And all the stress that went with it.