"h.e.l.l with you!"
Grant laughed. He did. Half of it was an argument they had had a dozen times in different guises; half of it was Grant trying to psych him. But the day fell into perspective finally. It was only a memory tick-over. A jolt backward. Done was done. There was no way to get those d.a.m.ned blackmail tapes out of Archive, since they were Ari"s and Ari was sacred. But he had learned to live with the prospect of all of it turning up someday on the evening news.
Or finding that no bargains held forever.
Jordan had killed a dying woman for reasons the Project was going to immortalize in the records anyway-if it worked. If it worked, every hidden detail of Ari"s personal life was going to have scientific significance. it worked. If it worked, every hidden detail of Ari"s personal life was going to have scientific significance.
If it worked to any degree, and the Project went public, there was the chance Jordan could seek a re-hearing and release maybe to Fargone-after twenty years or so of the Project itself; which would mean all the people who had conspired to cover what Ari had done and all the Centrists who had been embarra.s.sed by potential connections the case had had to the radical underground-were going to resist it. Reputations were going to be threatened all over again. Merino and the Abolitionists. Corain. Giraud Nye. Reseune. The Defense Bureau, with all its secrets. There might be justice in the courts, but there was none among the power brokers that had put Jordan where he was. The walls of secrecy would close absolutely, to keep silent a man they could no longer control. And his son-who had set everything in motion by a kid"s mistake, a kid"s bad judgment.
If the Project failed it would be a failure like the Bok clone, which had done nothing but add a tragic and sordid little footnote to a great woman"s life-a very expensive failure, one Reseune would never publicize, the way to this day the outside world had heard a totally different story about the murder, heard a different story about the changes at Reseune, and knew nothing about the Project: administrative reorganization, the news-services said, in the wake of Ariane Emory"s death.
And went on with some drivel about Ari"s will having laid out far-reaching plans and the lab being beneficiary of her considerable investments.
If it failed-it had political consequences, particularly between Reseune Administration and the Defense department, which was inside inside the wall of secrecy. Then there was no predicting what Giraud Nye would do to protect himself: Giraud the wall of secrecy. Then there was no predicting what Giraud Nye would do to protect himself: Giraud had had to carry this off to prove himself, and in the meanwhile dangling the Project in front of Defense let Giraud grab power in some ways greater than Ari had had. Power to silence. Power to use the covert agencies. If Giraud was halfway clever, and if the Project did not fail conspicuously and definitively, he was going to be older than Jane Stra.s.sen before he had to admit the Project was not working. He could even re-start, and run the whole scam again, at which point Giraud was certainly going to be looking at the end of his need for any kind of power. After Giraud, the Deluge. What should Giraud care? to carry this off to prove himself, and in the meanwhile dangling the Project in front of Defense let Giraud grab power in some ways greater than Ari had had. Power to silence. Power to use the covert agencies. If Giraud was halfway clever, and if the Project did not fail conspicuously and definitively, he was going to be older than Jane Stra.s.sen before he had to admit the Project was not working. He could even re-start, and run the whole scam again, at which point Giraud was certainly going to be looking at the end of his need for any kind of power. After Giraud, the Deluge. What should Giraud care?
Justin only hoped it failed. Which meant a poor kid who only happened to have Ari"s geneset ended up a psych case, mindwiped or worse. Maybe an endless succession of babies. A power as big and a man as smart as Giraud would not fail all at once. No. There would be studies of the study of the study. Unless there was a way to make sure it failed in public.
Sometimes he had thoughts that scared him, like finding some article of Ari"s lying on his bed. He would never in his life be able to know if certain thoughts were his, just the natural consequence of a deep-seated anger, of himself growing older and harder and more aware how business was done in the world; or whether it was Ari still in control of him.
Worm was an old joke between him and Grant. was an old joke between him and Grant.
He had to go on making nothing of it. Because that was all that kept it isolated.
iv "Get down from there!" Jane snapped, startled into a snarl, and her gut tightened as the two-year-old trying for the kitchen countertop leaned and stretched, reckless of her light weight, the tile floor and the metal-capped chair legs. Ari reacted, the chair slipped a fraction, she s.n.a.t.c.hed the box of crackers and turned; the chair tipped and Jane Stra.s.sen grabbed her on the way down.
Ari yelled with outrage. Or startlement.
"If you want the crackers you ask!" Jane said, tempted to give her a shake. "You want to ouch your chin again?"
Hurt-Ari was the only logic that made a dent in Ari-wants. And a universally famous genetic scientist was reduced to baby-babble and a helpless longing to smack a small hand. But Olga had never believed in corporal punishment.
And if Olga had been human Ari had picked up rage and frustration and resentment in the ambience with her the same as a genetic scientist who wanted to take her out to the river and drown her.
"Nelly!" Jane yelled at the nurse. And remembered not not to shout. In her own apartment. She left the chair on the floor. No. Nit-picking Olga could never have left a chair on the floor. She stood there with her arms full of struggling two-year-old waiting on Nelly, who had d.a.m.n well better have heard her. Ari struggled to get down. She set Ari down and held on to her hand when Ari wanted to sit down and throw a tantrum. "Stand up!" Holding a small hand hard. Giving an Olga-like jerk. "Stand up! What kind of behavior is that?" to shout. In her own apartment. She left the chair on the floor. No. Nit-picking Olga could never have left a chair on the floor. She stood there with her arms full of struggling two-year-old waiting on Nelly, who had d.a.m.n well better have heard her. Ari struggled to get down. She set Ari down and held on to her hand when Ari wanted to sit down and throw a tantrum. "Stand up!" Holding a small hand hard. Giving an Olga-like jerk. "Stand up! What kind of behavior is that?"
Nelly showed up in the doorway, wide-eyed and worried.
"Straighten that chair up."
Ari jerked and leaned to reach after the cracker box that was lying with the chair, while adults were busy. d.a.m.ned if she was going to forget what she was after.
Does she or doesn"t she get the cracker? No. Bad lesson. She"d better not not get away with it, she"ll break her neck. get away with it, she"ll break her neck.
Besides, Olga was a vengeful b.i.t.c.h.
"Stand still. Nelly, put put those crackers up where she those crackers up where she can"t can"t get them. Shut get them. Shut up, up, Ari. -You take her. I"m going to the office. And if there"s a scratch on her when I come back I"ll-" Ari. -You take her. I"m going to the office. And if there"s a scratch on her when I come back I"ll-"
Wide azi eyes stared at her, horrified and hurt.
"Dammit, you you know. What am I going to do? I can"t watch her every d.a.m.n minute. Shut know. What am I going to do? I can"t watch her every d.a.m.n minute. Shut up, up, Ari." Ari was trying to lie down, hanging off her hand with her full weight. "You don"t understand how active she Ari." Ari was trying to lie down, hanging off her hand with her full weight. "You don"t understand how active she is, is, Nelly. She"s tricking you." Nelly. She"s tricking you."
"Yes, sera." Nelly was devastated. She was out-cla.s.sed. She had had all the tape showing her what a two-year-old CIT could do. Or get into. Or hurt herself with. Don"t stifle her, Nelly. Don"t hover. Don"t not not watch her. The azi was on the verge of a crisis. The azi needed a Supervisor to hug her and tell her she was doing better than the last nurse. It was not Olga"s style. Jane-type shouts and Olga-type coldness were driving the more vulnerable azi to distraction. And she was spending half her time keeping the kid from killing herself, half keeping the azi from nervous collapse. watch her. The azi was on the verge of a crisis. The azi needed a Supervisor to hug her and tell her she was doing better than the last nurse. It was not Olga"s style. Jane-type shouts and Olga-type coldness were driving the more vulnerable azi to distraction. And she was spending half her time keeping the kid from killing herself, half keeping the azi from nervous collapse.
"Just get a lock installed on the d.a.m.n kitchen," Jane said. Ari howled like h.e.l.l if she was shut into the playroom. She hated hated the playroom. "Ari, the playroom. "Ari, stop stop it. Maman can"t hold you." it. Maman can"t hold you."
"Yes, sera. Shall I-"
"Nelly, you know your job. Just take Ari and give her a bath. She"s worked up a sweat."
"Yes, sera."
The azi took Ari in hand. Ari sat down and Nelly picked her up and carried her.
Jane leaned back against the counter and stared at the ceiling. At the traditional location of G.o.d, no matter what the planet.
And Phaedra came in to say that daughter Julia was in the living room.
A second time Jane looked ceilingward. And did not shout. "Dammit, I"m a hundred thirty-four and I don"t deserve this."
"Sera?"
"I"ll take care of it, Phaedra. Thank you." She pushed herself away from the counter. "Go help Nelly in Ari"s bathroom." She wanted wanted to go to the office. "No. Find Ollie. Tell him calm Nelly down. Tell Nelly I shout. It"s all right. Get!" to go to the office. "No. Find Ollie. Tell him calm Nelly down. Tell Nelly I shout. It"s all right. Get!"
Phaedra got. Phaedra was one of her her staff. Phaedra was competent. Jane walked out of the kitchen, down the hall in Phaedra"s wake, and took the left turn, the gla.s.s-and-stone walk past the dining room and the library to the front living room. staff. Phaedra was competent. Jane walked out of the kitchen, down the hall in Phaedra"s wake, and took the left turn, the gla.s.s-and-stone walk past the dining room and the library to the front living room.
Where Julia was sitting on the couch. And three-year-old Gloria was playing on the long-pile rug.
"What in h.e.l.l are you doing here?" Jane asked. in h.e.l.l are you doing here?" Jane asked.
Julia looked up. "I took Gloria to the dentist. Routine. I thought I"d drop by for a minute."
"You know better."
Julia"s soft mouth hardened a little. "That"s a fine welcome."
Jane took a deep breath and went over and sat down with her hands locked between her knees. Gloria sat up. Another baby. Meditating destruction of something. The apartment was safed for a two-year-old"s reach. Gloria was a tall three. "Look, Julia. You know the situation. You"re not not supposed to bring Gloria in here." supposed to bring Gloria in here."
"It"s not like the baby was going to catch something. I was just pa.s.sing by. I thought we could go out for lunch."
"That"s not the point, point, Julia. We"re being taped. You know that. I don"t want any question of compromise. You understand me. You"re not a child. You"re twenty-two years old, and it"s about time-" Julia. We"re being taped. You know that. I don"t want any question of compromise. You understand me. You"re not a child. You"re twenty-two years old, and it"s about time-"
"I said we could go out for lunch."
With Gloria. G.o.d. Her nerves were at the breaking point. "We"ll go out for lunch-" Gloria was over at the bookcase. Gloria was after a piece of pottery. "Gloria, dammit!" "Gloria, dammit!" No platythere and no three-year-old ever turned from an objective. She got up and s.n.a.t.c.hed the kid back, dragged her toward the couch and Gloria started to scream. Which could carry all the way down the d.a.m.n hall where another little girl was trying to drown her nurse. Jane shifted her grip and clamped her hand over Gloria"s mouth. "Shut that up! No platythere and no three-year-old ever turned from an objective. She got up and s.n.a.t.c.hed the kid back, dragged her toward the couch and Gloria started to scream. Which could carry all the way down the d.a.m.n hall where another little girl was trying to drown her nurse. Jane shifted her grip and clamped her hand over Gloria"s mouth. "Shut that up! Julia, dammit, get this kid out of here!" Julia, dammit, get this kid out of here!"
"She"s your granddaughter!"
"I don"t care what what she is, get her out of here!" she is, get her out of here!" Gloria was struggling hysterically and kicking her shin. Gloria was struggling hysterically and kicking her shin. "Out, dammit!" "Out, dammit!"
Julia got that desperate, offended, out-of-breath look; came and s.n.a.t.c.hed Gloria away, and Gloria, uncorked, screamed as if she was being skinned.
"Get out!" Jane shouted. "Dammit, shut her up!" Jane shouted. "Dammit, shut her up!"
"You don"t care about your own granddaughter!"
"We"ll go to lunch tomorrow! Bring Bring her! Just shut her up!" her! Just shut her up!"
"She"s not one of the d.a.m.n azi!"
"Watch your mouth! What kind of language is that?"
"You"ve got a granddaughter! You"ve got me, me, for G.o.d"s sake, and you don"t b.l.o.o.d.y care!" for G.o.d"s sake, and you don"t b.l.o.o.d.y care!"
Hysterical howls from Gloria.
"I"m not going to talk about it now! Out!" Out!"
"d.a.m.n you then!" Julia started crying. Gloria was still screaming. Julia grabbed Gloria up and hauled her to the door and out it. Julia started crying. Gloria was still screaming. Julia grabbed Gloria up and hauled her to the door and out it.
Jane stood in the quiet and felt her stomach profoundly upset. Julia had finally got some guts. And d.a.m.n near sabotaged the Project. There was not supposed supposed to be another little girl. They were still feeling their way. Little changes in self-percept while it was forming at incremental rates could have big effects down the line. If the start was true, Ari would to be another little girl. They were still feeling their way. Little changes in self-percept while it was forming at incremental rates could have big effects down the line. If the start was true, Ari would handle handle course deviations at the far end just fine. course deviations at the far end just fine.
Ari did not need to be wondering, Maman, who was that?
Ari had been an only child. had been an only child.
So now the d.a.m.n Project had Julia"s nose out of joint. Because mother mother was one of Julia"s triggers, was one of Julia"s triggers, mother mother was the root of all Julia"s problems, was the root of all Julia"s problems, mother mother was what Julia was determined to succeed in being, because Julia knew that that was the one place where the great and famous Jane Stra.s.sen had messed up and Julia was sure she could do it right. Julia felt deprived in her childhood so she was going to the other extreme, ruining her own kid with smothering: was what Julia was determined to succeed in being, because Julia knew that that was the one place where the great and famous Jane Stra.s.sen had messed up and Julia was sure she could do it right. Julia felt deprived in her childhood so she was going to the other extreme, ruining her own kid with smothering: that that little brat knew exactly how to get everything from mama but consistency, and she needed a firm hand and a month away from mama before it was too late. Amazing how accurate hindsight could be. little brat knew exactly how to get everything from mama but consistency, and she needed a firm hand and a month away from mama before it was too late. Amazing how accurate hindsight could be.
v It was patches again. Florian felt himself a little fluttery, fluttery like when things got confused. The big building and sitting on the edge of the table always made him feel that way, but he could answer when the Super asked him where the One patch went. Right over his heart. He knew that. He had a doll he could patch. But it didn"t have so many.
"That"s right," the Super said, and patted him. "You"re an awfully good boy, Florian. You"re very smart and you"re very quick to do things. Can you tell me how old you are?"
Old meant big and as he got bigger and smarter the right answer meant more fingers. Right now he got to hold up the first and the next and the next, and stop. Which was hard to do without letting them all come up. When he did it right he felt good all over. The Super gave him a hug.
When he got through there was always a sweet. And he knew all the answers to everything the Super asked. He felt fluttery but it was a good fluttery.
He just wished they would give him the sweet now and forget about the patches.
vi Ari was tremendously excited. She had a new suit-red, with a glittery pattern on the front and on one sleeve. Nelly had brushed her hair till it crackled and flew, all black and shiny, and then Ari, all dressed, had had to dither about the living room till maman and Ollie were ready. Maman looked very tall and very beautiful, glittery with silver, and the silver in her hair was pretty. Ollie went too, handsome in the black the azi wore. Ollie was a special azi. He was always with maman, and if Ollie said something Ari had to do it. She did, or at least she did today, because maman and Ollie were going to take her to a Party.
There were going to be a lot of big people there. She would go there and then Ollie would take her to Valery"s to a children"s party.
Valery was a boy. He was sera Schwartz"s. Azi would watch them and they would play games and there would be ices, on a table their size. And other children. But mostly she liked Valery. Valery had a s.p.a.ceship that had red lights. He had a gla.s.s thing you could look through and it made patterns.
Most of all she hoped there would be presents. Sometimes there were. Since everyone was dressed up, there might be.
But it was special, to go where the big people were. To walk down the hall holding maman"s hand, dressed up and acting nice, because you were supposed to, and not make trouble. Especially when there could be presents.
They rode the lift downstairs. She saw a lot of tall azi in the hall: azi wore black more than they wore other colors; and even if they didn"t, she could always tell them. They were not like maman or uncle Denys, they looked like azi. Sometimes she pretended to be them. She walked very quiet and stood straight and looked very straight like Ollie and said yes, sera to maman. (Not to Nelly. To Nelly you said, yes.) Sometimes she pretended to be maman and she told Nelly, make my bed, Nelly, please. (And to Ollie, once: Ollie, dammit, I want a drink. But that had not been a good idea. Ollie had brought her the drink and told maman. And maman had said it was not nice and Ollie was not going to do things for her when she was rude. So she said dammit to Nelly instead.) Maman led her down the hall through the azi and through a doorway where there were a lot of people in the doorway. One woman said: "Happy new year, Ari." And bent over in her face. She had a pretty necklace and you could see way down her blouse. It was interesting. But Ollie picked her up. That was better. She could see people"s faces.
The woman talked to maman, and people crowded in, all talking at once, and everything smelled like perfume and food and powder.
Someone patted her on the shoulder as Ollie held her. It was uncle Denys. Denys was fat. He made a lot of room around him. She wondered whether he was solid all the way through or sort of held his breath more than regular people to keep him so round.
"How are you, Ari?" uncle Denys yelled at her in all the racket, and all of a sudden the people stopped talking and looked at them. "Happy new year."
She was puzzled then, but interested. If it was her new year it was a birthday, and if it was a birthday party people were supposed to come to her apartment and bring her presents. She didn"t see any.
"Happy new year," people said. She looked at them hopefully. But there were no presents. She sighed, and then as Ollie brought her through the crowd, she caught sight of the punch and the cake.
Ollie knew. "Do you want some punch?" he asked.
She nodded. There was a lot of noise. She was not sure she liked this many big people. The party did not make sense. But punch and cake was looking better. She clung to Ollie"s strong shoulder and felt a good deal more cheerful, because Ollie could carry her right through to the table with the punch bowl and Ollie understood very well what was important. Punch, especially in a pretty bowl and with a big cake, was almost as good as presents.
"I"ve got to set you down," Ollie said. "All right? You stand right there and I"ll get your punch."
That was not all right. Everyone was tall, the music was awfully loud, and when she was standing on the floor she could not see anything but people"s legs. Somebody might step on her. But Ollie set her down, and maman was coming, with uncle Denys. And the crowd did not step on her. A lot of people looked at her. Some smiled. So she felt safe.
"Ari." Ollie gave her the cup. "Don"t spill."
The punch was green. She was not altogether sure of it, but it smelled good and it tasted better.
"You"re getting too big to carry," uncle Denys said. She looked up and wrinkled her nose at him. She was not sure she liked that idea. Maman said the same thing. But Ollie didn"t. Ollie was big and he was very strong. He felt different than anyone. She liked him to carry her: she liked to put her arms around his neck and lean on him, because he was like a chair you could climb on, and you couldn"t feel his bones, just a kind of solid. He was warm, too. And smelled good. But Ollie was getting punch for maman and uncle Denys from another bowl, and she just kept close to him and drank her punch while Denys and maman talked and loud music played.
Ollie looked down at her when maman and Denys had their punch. "Do you want some cake?" Ollie asked, talking loud. "They"re going to have cake at the children"s party."
That promised better. "I want some more punch," she said, and gave Ollie her cup. "And cake, please." She stood there in a little open s.p.a.ce to wait. She put her hands behind her, and remembered maman said not to rock back and forth, it was stupid-looking. People she did not know came up and said she was pretty, and wished her happy new year, but she was ready to leave, except for the punch and cake Ollie was getting. She was going to stay for that.
Children"s party sounded a lot better.
Maybe there would be presents there. there.
"Come on over and sit down," Ollie said, not giving her the cake or the punch. He carried it for her. There were chairs along the wall. She was relieved. If she got punch on her new suit she would look bad and maman would scold her. She climbed up onto a chair and Ollie set the dish in her lap and set the cup on the seat beside her. She had the whole row to herself.
"I"m going to get mine," Ollie said. "Stay there. I"ll be back."
She nodded, with cake in her mouth. White cake. The nice kind. With good icing. She was much happier. She swung her feet and ate cake and licked her fingers while Ollie waited at the punch bowl and maman talked with Denys and Giraud.
Maybe they waited about the presents. Maybe something interesting was going to happen. They all glittered. Some of them she had seen at home. But a lot were strange. She finished her cake and licked her fingers and slid off the chair to stand, because most of the people were around the tables and the floor was mostly clear.
She walked out to see how far Ollie had got in the line. But someone had distracted Ollie. That was a chance to walk around.
So she walked. Not far. She did not want maman and Ollie to leave and lose her. She looked back to see if she could still see maman. Yes. But maman was still busy talking. Good. If maman scolded her she could say, I was right here, maman. Maman could not be too mad.