They reached the edge of the port. The field lights were out right now, but the beacon still blipped its steady strobe into the dark of a mostly vacant world. Far off, the freight warehouses and the big RESEUNEAIR hangar showed clear, brightly lit, night-work and maintenance going on with one of the commercial planes.
"Justin, -does he know?"
"He"ll handle it. Come on." Justin set out at a run again, leaving Grant no breath for questions, down the road that pa.s.sed the end of the runway to the barge-dock and down across the concrete bridgeway to the low-lying warehouses at the edge of the river.
No one locked the doors down here at the small boathouse. No one needed to. He pushed at the door of the shabby prefab, winced at the creak of the hinge. Inside, an iron grid whispered hollowly under their feet. Water splashed and slapped at the pilings and buffers, starlight reflecting wetly around the outlines of the boats moored there. The whole place smelled of river-water and oil and the air was burning cold.
""Justin," Grant said. "For G.o.d"s sake-"
"Everything"s all right. You go exactly the way we planned-"
"I go-" go-"
"I"m not leaving. You are."
"You"re out of your mind! Justin!"
Justin clambered aboard the nearest boat, opened up the pressurized cabin door and left Grant nothing to do but follow him aboard with his objections.
"Justin, if you stay now, they can arrest you!"
"And if I take you out of here there"s no way in h.e.l.l I"ll ever get certified to be near you, you know that. So I"m not down here tonight. I don"t know a thing about this. I just go back up there, say I never left my room, how am I to know where you went? Maybe a platythere ate you and got indigestion." He flipped the on-switch, checked the gauges, one toggle-switch and another. "There you go, everything"s full, batteries all charged. Wonderful how the staff keeps things up, isn"t it?"
"Justin." Grant"s voice was shaking. He had his hands in his pockets. The air was bitter chill near the water. "Listen to me me now, let"s have some sense here. I"m azi. I was listening to tape in the cradle, for G.o.d"s sake. If she runs something on me I can handle it, I can rip the structures apart and tell you if there were any bugs in it-" now, let"s have some sense here. I"m azi. I was listening to tape in the cradle, for G.o.d"s sake. If she runs something on me I can handle it, I can rip the structures apart and tell you if there were any bugs in it-"
"The h.e.l.l you can."
"I can survive her tests, and there"s no way she can axe my Contract, there"s no axe-code. I know for a fact there"s not-I know know my sets, Justin. Let"s just forget this and go up the hill and we"ll figure out another way. If it gets bad, we always have this for an option." my sets, Justin. Let"s just forget this and go up the hill and we"ll figure out another way. If it gets bad, we always have this for an option."
"Shut up and listen to me. Remember how we mapped this out: first lights you see on your right are still Reseune: that"s the number ten precip station, up on the bluffs. The lights on your left two klicks on will be Moreyville. If you run completely dark you can pa.s.s there before Ari gets wind of this, and it"s a clear night. Remember, stay to the center of the channel, that"s the only way to miss the bars, and for G.o.d"s sake, be careful of snags. Current comes from the left when you get to the Kennicutt. You turn into it, and the first lights you see after that, two, maybe three hours on, that"s Krugers. You tell them who you are and you give them this-" He turned on a dim chart-light and scribbled a number down on the pad clipped to the dash. Under the number he wrote: MERILD. "Tell them call Merild, no matter the hour. You can tell Merild when he gets there-tell him Ari"s blackmailing Jordan through me, dammit, that"s all he has to know. Tell him I can"t come until my father"s free, but I had to get you out of there, you"re one more hostage than Jordan can cope with. Understand?"
"Yes," Grant said in a faint voice, azi-like: yes. yes.
"The Krugers won"t betray you. Tell them I said sink the boat if they have to. It"s Emory"s. Merild will handle everything else."
"Ari will call the police."
"That"s fine. Let her. Don"t Don"t try to go past the Kennicutt. If you have to, the next place on down the Volga is Avery, overnight, maybe more, and she try to go past the Kennicutt. If you have to, the next place on down the Volga is Avery, overnight, maybe more, and she could could intercept you. Besides, you"d get caught up in Cyteen-law and police down there, and you know what that could be. Krugers is it. It has to be." He looked back at Grant"s face in the faint glow of the chart-light, and it struck him suddenly that he might not see him again. "Be careful. For G.o.d"s sake, be careful." intercept you. Besides, you"d get caught up in Cyteen-law and police down there, and you know what that could be. Krugers is it. It has to be." He looked back at Grant"s face in the faint glow of the chart-light, and it struck him suddenly that he might not see him again. "Be careful. For G.o.d"s sake, be careful."
"Justin." Grant embraced him hard. "You be careful. Please."
"I"ll push you out of here. Go on. Dog the seals down."
"The other boat-" Grant said.
"I"ll take care of it. Go!" Justin turned and ducked out of the door, hopped up on the deck and onto the echoing grating. He cast off the ties then, threw them aboard, shoved the big boat back with his foot and with his hands till it drifted clear, sc.r.a.ping the buffers.
It swung round sideways, inert and dark, then caught the current off the boathouse and drifted, following the sweep of the main channel, turning again.
He opened up the second boat and threw up the cover on the engine.
The starter was electronic. He pulled the solid state board, dropped the cover down, closed the hatch behind him, and dropped the board into the water before he made the jump between the boat and the metal grid of the dock.
In the same moment he heard the distant, m.u.f.fled cough of Grant"s engine.
Solid then, chugging away.
He cleared the boathouse, latched the door and ran. It was dangerous to be down here on the river-edge, in the dark, dangerous anywhere less patrolled, where something native could have gotten in, weed in the ditch, stuff carried in the air-G.o.d knew. He tried not to think about it. He ran, took up on the road again, walking as he caught a st.i.tch in his side.
He expected commotion. He expected someone on night shift at the airport to have seen the boat, or heard its engine start. But the work at the hangars was noisy. Maybe someone had had a power wrench going. Maybe they thought it was some pa.s.sing boat from Moreyville or up-Volga, with a balky engine. And they had the bright lights to blind them.
So far their luck was a hundred percent.
Till he got to the House and found the kitchen door locked.
He sat down a while on the steps, teeth chattering, trying to think it through, and gave it a while, time for a boat to get well on its way. But if he sat there the night, then it was unarguable that it was conspiracy.
If he gave them evidence of that- It would land on Jordan.
So there was nothing to do finally but use his key and trip the silent warnings he knew would be in place by now.
Security showed up to meet him in the halls by the kitchens. "Ser," the azi in charge said, "where are you coming from?"
"I felt like a walk," he said. "That"s all. I drank too much. I wanted some cold air."
The azi called that in to the Security office; Justin waited, expecting the man"s expression to change then, when the order came back. But the azi only nodded. "Good evening, ser."
He walked away, weak-kneed, rode the lift up and walked all the lonely way to the apartment.
The lights came on inside. "No entries since the last use of this key," "No entries since the last use of this key," the dulcet voice of the Minder said. the dulcet voice of the Minder said.
He went into Grant"s room. He picked things up and hung them back in the closet and put them in drawers. He found small, strange things among Grant"s belongings, a tinsel souvenir Jordan had brought back from holiday in Novgorod, a cheap curio s.p.a.cer patch of the freighter Kittyhawk Kittyhawk that he had brought back from Novgorod airport, for Grant, who had not been allowed to go. A photo of the pair of them, aged four, Grant pale-skinned, skinny, and shockingly red-haired, himself in that d.a.m.ned silly hat he had thought was grown-up, digging in the garden with the azi. Another photo of them, at a mutually gawky ten, standing on the fence of the livestock pens, barefoot, toes curled identically pigeon-toed over the rail, arms under chins, both grinning like fools. that he had brought back from Novgorod airport, for Grant, who had not been allowed to go. A photo of the pair of them, aged four, Grant pale-skinned, skinny, and shockingly red-haired, himself in that d.a.m.ned silly hat he had thought was grown-up, digging in the garden with the azi. Another photo of them, at a mutually gawky ten, standing on the fence of the livestock pens, barefoot, toes curled identically pigeon-toed over the rail, arms under chins, both grinning like fools.
G.o.d. It was as if a limb had been cut off, and the shock had not quite gotten to the brain yet, but it had hit his gut, and it told him it was going to get worse.
Ari would call him now, he had no doubt.
He went back to the living room, sat down on the couch, hugged his arms about himself and stared at the patterns in the veneer of the table, anything but shut his eyes and see the boat and the river.
Or think of Ari.
Only Grant? Merild would ask, when he got that phone message. Merild would take alarm. Merild might well call Reseune and try to talk to Jordan; and he could not afford that: he tried to think what he would say, how he would cover it. Grant could tell Merild enough, maybe, to set Merild working on a rescue of some sort; but, oh, G.o.d, if something got to Jordan about Ari and him, either from Grant, from Merild, or from Ari-and Jordan blew up- Merild would ask, when he got that phone message. Merild would take alarm. Merild might well call Reseune and try to talk to Jordan; and he could not afford that: he tried to think what he would say, how he would cover it. Grant could tell Merild enough, maybe, to set Merild working on a rescue of some sort; but, oh, G.o.d, if something got to Jordan about Ari and him, either from Grant, from Merild, or from Ari-and Jordan blew up- No. Jordan was too cagy to do something without thinking it out- The time pa.s.sed. The air of the apartment felt cold as the chill outside; he wanted to go in to his own bed, and pull the covers about him, but he asked the Minder for more heat and kept to the living room, fighting to stay awake, afraid he would sleep through a Minder call.
None came.
Small boats went out of one port and never got to another, that was all. It happened even to experienced pilots.
He thought about every step he had taken, every choice he had, over and over again. He thought about calling Jordan, telling him everything.
No, he told himself. No. He could handle it with Ari. Jordan needed help, and Jordan not not knowing was the only way it worked. knowing was the only way it worked.
iv A plane flew over. Grant heard it even above the steady noise of his own engines, and his hands sweated on the wheel as he ran down the clear middle of the river, his meager speed boosted by the current. He had no lights on, not even the small chart-light on the panel, for fear of being spotted. He did not dare increase the speed of the engines now, for fear of widening the white boil and curl of wake that might show to searchers.
The plane went over and lost itself in dark and distance.
But in a little time it circled back again: he saw it coming up the river behind him, a searchlight playing over the black waters.
He put the throttle up full, and felt the easy rock of the boat become an increasing vibration of waves as the bow came up. To h.e.l.l with the wake, then, and with the floating snags that had sunk many a boat in the Novaya Volga.
If they had sent boats out from Moreyville, or from the other end of Reseune, and if someone on those boats had a gun, shots could go through the cabin, breach the seals fatally even if they missed him, or go through the hull and maybe hit the fuel tanks-but they had rather put a hole in the boat and slow it with waterlogged compartments. They would not, he was sure, want him dead if they had a choice.
He did not intend to harm Justin, that was his first determination: not to be used against Justin, nor against Jordan. And beyond that, even an azi had a right to be selfish.
The plane roared directly over him, throwing the decks into bright light, blinding glare through the cabin windows. The beam pa.s.sed on a moment, leaving him half blind in the sudden dark. He saw it light the trees on the far side of the river, pale gray of native foliage against the night.
Suddenly the bow fell off to starboard and that floodlit view of the bank turned up off the bow, not the beam. In a moment"s fright he thought the propeller might have fouled, and then he knew it was current he had run into-the Kennicutt"s effluence into the Volga.
He put the helm over, still blind except for the fleeting glimpse the searchlight had shown him of the wooded ground on the far side. He could run aground. He dared not turn the lights on.
Then he saw the shadow of the banks, tall trees black against the night sky on either side of an open s.p.a.ce of starlit water.
He drove for it; and the boat shuddered and jolted to impact along the keel, sc.r.a.pe of sand and a shock that threw him violently as the boat slewed out of control.
He caught himself against the dash then, saw a black wall in front of him and swerved with everything the boat had.
Something banged against the bow and sc.r.a.ped portside. Snag. Sandbar and snag. He heard it pa.s.s aft, saw the clear water ahead of him and hoped to G.o.d it was the Kennicutt he was in after that sort-out and not the Volga. He could not tell. It looked the same as the other, just black water, glancing with starlight.
He risked the chart-light for a second to sneak a look at the compa.s.s. Bearing northeast. The Volga could bend that much, but he thought it had to be the Kennicutt. The plane had not come back. It was even possible that the maneuver had confused it, and he was not, G.o.d knew, running with the Locator beacon on. Ari"s power was enough to get Cyteen Station in on the hunt, and that plane"s beacon could guide the geosynchronous surveillance satellites to a good fix, but so far as he knew there was no strike capacity on the Locators, and he could still, he hoped, outrun any intercept from Moreyville or further down the Volga.
First lights after that, Justin had said. Two, maybe three hours further on, up a river that had had no further development on its banks. Krugers" Station was a mining outpost, largely automated, virtually all related to each other: what azi they brought in all got their CIT papers within the year, and a share of Kruger Mines on top of it-a dream of an a.s.signment, the kind of place azi whispered among themselves did exist, if one were very, very good- no further development on its banks. Krugers" Station was a mining outpost, largely automated, virtually all related to each other: what azi they brought in all got their CIT papers within the year, and a share of Kruger Mines on top of it-a dream of an a.s.signment, the kind of place azi whispered among themselves did exist, if one were very, very good- And if one"s Contract was affordable.
Nothing like that existed for a seventeen-year-old azi with an X on his number, and all the political sense a boy could gain, living in Reseune and in the House, advised him that Justin had done something for his sake desperate beyond all reason- Advised him that the Krugers might well have welcomed a Warrick with an azi he had a valid Contract for, but that there were good reasons they might not welcome that azi by himself.
G.o.d knew.
He was, the more he had time to think about it, a liability on all accounts, except for what he knew about Reseune, Ari, and Warrick business, which people might insist he give up; and he had had no instructions on that. He was Alpha, but he was young and he was azi, and all that he had learned only told him that his responses were conditioned, his knowledge limited, his reasoning potentially flawed- (Never worry about your tapes, Jordan had told him gently. If you ever think you"re in trouble, come to me and tell me what you think and what you feel and I"ll find the answer for you: remember I"ve got your charts. Everything"s all right-) He had been seven then. He had cried in Jordan"s arms, which had embarra.s.sed him, but Jordan had patted him on the back and hugged him the way he hugged Justin, called him his other son and a.s.sured him even born-men made mistakes and felt confused.
Which had made him feel better and worse, to know that born-men had evolved out of old Earth by trial and error, and that when Ari had decided he should exist, she had done something of the same thing. Trial and error. Which was all the X on his number meant to a seven-year-old.
He had not understood then that it meant Jordan could not deliver what he promised, or that his life was Reseune"s and not Jordan"s. He had clutched that "my other son" to him like daylight and breath, a whole new horizon of being.
Then he had grown enough, when he and Justin were twelve and Justin discovered girls, to know that s.e.x made things very different.
"Why?" he had asked Jordan; and Jordan had walked him into the kitchen, his arm about his shoulders while he explained that an Alpha was always mutating the instructions the tapes gave him, that he was very bright, and that his body was developing and that he really should go to the azi who specialized in that.
"What if I make somebody pregnant?" he had asked.
"You won"t," Jordan had said, which he had not asked about then, but he knew later he should have. "You just can"t mess around with anyone in the House. They aren"t licensed."
He had been outraged. And thought there was a kind of irony in it. "You mean because I"m an Alpha? You mean whoever I go to bed with-"
"Has to be licensed. You don"t get a license at your age. Which lets out all the girls your age. And I don"t want you sleeping with old aunt Mari, all right?"
That had been halfway funny. At the time. Mari Warrick was decrepit, on the end of her rejuv.
It had gotten less funny later. It was hard to stay cool while a Carnath girl put her hands where they did not belong and giggled in his ear; and to be supposed to say: "I"m sorry, sera, I can"t."
While Justin, poor Justin, got girlish giggles and evasions, because he he was Family; and Justin"s azi was fair game-or would have been, if was Family; and Justin"s azi was fair game-or would have been, if he had only been Beta. he had only been Beta.
"Lend him, can"t you?" Julia Carnath had asked Justin outright, in Grant"s presence, when Grant knew d.a.m.ned well that Justin was courting Julia for himself. Grant had wanted to sink through the floor. As it was, he had gone blank-faced and proper, and kept very quiet later when Justin sulked and said that Julia had turned him down.
"You"re better-looking," Justin had complained. "Ari made you perfect, dammit. What chance have I got?"
"I"d rather be you," he had answered faintly, realizing for the first time that was the truth. And he had cried, for the second time in his life that he remembered, just cried for no reason that he could figure out, except that Justin had hit a nerve. Or a tape-structure.
Because he was made of both.
He had never been sure after that, until Jordan had let him see the structures of his own tapes when he was sixteen and starting into advanced design studies. He had figured out enough of his tape-structures on his own that Jordan had opened the book for him and let him see what he was made of; and so far he had not traced any lines that could lead to fear of s.e.x.
But Alphas mutated their own conditioning, constantly. It was a constant balancing act, over an abyss of chaos. Nothing could dominate. Balance in everything.
Or the world became chaos.
Dysfunction.
An azi who had become his own counselor was begging for trouble. An azi was so terribly fragile. And so very likely to get into a situation he could not handle, in a larger game than anyone had bothered to tell him about.
Dammit, Justin!
He wiped his eyes with his left hand and steered with the right, trying to watch where he was going. He was, he told himself, acting the fool.
Like a born-man. Like I was was like them. like them.
I"m supposed to be smarter. I"m supposed supposed to be a d.a.m.n genius. Except the tapes don"t work that way and I"m not what they wanted me to be. to be a d.a.m.n genius. Except the tapes don"t work that way and I"m not what they wanted me to be.
Maybe I just don"t use what I"ve got.
So why didn"t I speak up louder? Why didn"t I I grab Justin and haul him off to his father if I had to hit him to do it? grab Justin and haul him off to his father if I had to hit him to do it?
Because I"m a d.a.m.n azi, that"s that"s why. Because I go to jelly inside when someone acts like they know what they"re doing and I stop using my head, that"s why. Oh, d.a.m.n, d.a.m.n, why. Because I go to jelly inside when someone acts like they know what they"re doing and I stop using my head, that"s why. Oh, d.a.m.n, d.a.m.n, d.a.m.n! d.a.m.n! I should have stopped him, I should have dragged him aboard with me, I should have I should have stopped him, I should have dragged him aboard with me, I should have taken taken him to the Krugers and gotten him safe, and then he could have protected both of us; and Jordan would be free to do something. What was he thinking of? him to the Krugers and gotten him safe, and then he could have protected both of us; and Jordan would be free to do something. What was he thinking of?
Something I couldn"t?
Dammit, that"s the trouble trouble with me, I haven"t got any confidence, I"m always looking to be sure before I do anything, and I don"t do a d.a.m.n thing, I just take orders- with me, I haven"t got any confidence, I"m always looking to be sure before I do anything, and I don"t do a d.a.m.n thing, I just take orders- -because the d.a.m.n tapes have got their claws into me. They never told me to hesitate, they just make me do it, because the tapes are sure, they"re so d.a.m.ned f.u.c.king sure, sure, and nothing in the real world ever and nothing in the real world ever is- is- That"s why we never make our own minds up. We"ve known something that has no doubt, and born-men never have. why we never make our own minds up. We"ve known something that has no doubt, and born-men never have. That"s That"s what"s the matter with us- what"s the matter with us- The boat hit something that jolted the deck, and Grant threw the wheel over and corrected furiously, sweating.
Fool, indeed. He suddenly arrived at the meaning of it all and d.a.m.ned near holed his boat, which was the kind of thing that happened to born-men, Justin would say, just the same as anybody else; which was how things worked-a second cosmic truth, in sixty seconds. His mind was working straight or he was scared into hyperdrive, because he suddenly had a sense what it was to be a born-man, and to be a fool right on top of understanding everything: one had to swallow down the doubts and just go, how often had Jordan told him that. The doubts aren"t tape. They"re life, son. The universe won"t break if you f.u.c.k up. It won"t even break if you break your neck. Just your private universe will. You understand that?