No one had slept in this bed, on these sheets, since the first Ari died. No one had used her things or turned back the covers.
The whole bedroom smelled of perfume and musty age.
She knew it was foolish to be afraid. She knew that the sounds probably had to do with heating and cooling of metal ducts and unfamiliar, wooden floors. And the countless systems this place had.
She had read Poe. And Jerome. And knew there was no ghost to haunt the place. Things like that belonged to old Earth, which believed the nights were full of spirits with unfinished business, anxious to lay hands on the living.
They had no place in so modern a place, so far from old Earth, which had had so many many dead: Cyteen was new, and they were only stories and silliness. dead: Cyteen was new, and they were only stories and silliness.
Except in the dark around their lighted rooms, in the unexplained noises and the start and stop of things that were surely the Minder doing its business She wanted to ask Florian and Catlin if they felt anything like that, in their azi way of looking at things: she wondered in one pan of her, cold curiosity, if CITs could feel ghosts because of something in CIT mindsets-shades of value, her psych instructor said. Flux-thinking.
Which Florian and Catlin could do, but it was something they were just now learning to do.
Which meant if she told them about ghosts they could get very disturbed: Catlin was so literal, Catlin believed what she said, and if she started talking about Ari being dead and still in in this place- this place- No. Not a good idea.
She tucked the sheets up around her chin and Florian and Catlin both tucked themselves up against her, warm and dependable and free of wild imagination, never mind the fact that Catlin also had a gun with her under the covers, which ought to make her more nervous than thumps in the night The whole thing was unreal. Uncle Denys had called her bluff, that was what he had done, and hoped she would would foul up and come back. foul up and come back.
No, Base One had altered itself. It kept saying she was fourteen. It complained she was low in her test scores. Dammit, she was twelve; twelve; twelve; she was not ready to grow up.
And here she was, in a mess because she did not know whether to believe Base One anymore; or where everybody was pushing her life.
By setting her free. It was crazy. They set her free; and she didn"t have to listen to Base One, she could ignore it, she didn"t have to read the data, she didn"t have to know what happened to Ari senior between seven and fourteen, that was seven years, years, dammit, she was supposed to jump over. dammit, she was supposed to jump over.
She wanted to be a kid. She wanted to take care of the Filly and have her friends and have fun and be just Ari Emory, just n.o.body-Ari, not-somebody who was dead.
And they-the They who did things in Reseune, like uncle Denys and uncle Giraud and dead Ari-they shoved her into this huge, cold place and told her to live by herself with no maman and no uncle Denys and no Nelly or Seely, n.o.body to take care of anything if it went wrong.
It had started out feeling good, and then feeling like an adventure, and now, at 0300 and snuggled down in a strange, huge bed with two kid azi, it started feeling like a terrible mistake.
I wonder if I can get Base One to back up and say I"m twelve again.
Or have I gotten myself into a mess and I can"t back up and I can"t catch up with it, it"s just going to keep going, faster and faster, until I can"t handle it anymore.
If I say no, Base One will stop all my accesses and take my Super license, and if they take that, they"ll take Florian and Catlin- They can"t do that. Everybody across Union knows me, knows Catlin and Florian, I could call Mayday- Not if I lose those accesses. Base One has to do that.
I daren"t lose them. If I lose that I lose everything. I stop being Ari. I stop being- -Ari.
I"ve got to do good, I"ve got to hold on to this, I can"t do those things uncle Denys said, I can"t foul up. I"m going to look like a fool, I know I"m going to do something wrong the very first day out- I wish- I wish I knew whether I like Ari. I wonder what did did happen to her? happen to her?
Are they going to do it to me, the way they did everything else?
But in this place Base One is supposed to take care of me. If that"s lying, then everything is lying and I"m in bad trouble.
I can"t foul up tomorrow. I can"t look like I"ve had no sleep. I"ve got to do better than I usually do, that"ll Get uncle Denys, throw me out, dammit, bug my room, put tapes of me under the mountain. I bet he can get at them, I bet he can, I bet his Base can retrieve it.
That whole list of people with higher clearances than mine-can lie to the system and lie to me and I can"t find it out.
Unless I get a higher clearance. . . and the way I get that is when I do something that gets Base One to do it. and the way I get that is when I do something that gets Base One to do it.
Which means doing everything Ari wants.
Nothing Ari wants, me-Ari, myself, for me. If I"m not the same. If there is a me. me. If there ever was a If there ever was a me me that isn"t Ari. Or if she"s not me. that isn"t Ari. Or if she"s not me.
If I was her, how old would I be? A hundred fifty and twelve, a hundred sixty-two. That"s older than Jane, no, she was born-Jane was a teenager, Jane was a hundred forty-two when she died, and she held the first Ari when she was a baby, so if I"m twelve and Jane was my maman when she was a hundred thirty-four and I was born-and if uncle Denys is right and I was begun on paper the day after Ari died- It could take more work than making the Filly. And that was tons of figuring. And I"m not an azi, I"m not a production geneset, so that"s nothing fast. So say it was a year, and then nine, ten months, and everything works out that Ari was a hundred-twenty-something.
You can live longer than that. I wonder if that"s when I"m going to die. I wonder what she died of.
Rejuv usually doesn"t go till you"re a hundred forty if you get it started early, and she was pretty, she was pretty when she was older, she was on it early, for sure- That"s depressing. Don"t think of that. It"s awful to know when you"re going to die.
It"s awful to read ahead what"s going to happen to you. I don"t want to read that stuff in the files. I don"t want to know.
And it"s real stupid not to.
There was a man who could see the future. He tried to change his. But that was was his future. his future.
That was was his future. his future.
Like changing it-can"t work. Because then you go off what the Base wants and you"re frozen, locked up, no accesses.
I have have to do well. I have to do everything they want and then when I grow up I to do well. I have to do everything they want and then when I grow up I can Get them good. can Get them good.
d.a.m.n. That"s exactly what Ari said I should do.
How do I get away from her?
Can I get away from her-and still be me?
ii She was very careful to keep on time when the Minder woke her, shower fast, grab breakfast-Florian and Catlin cooked it: the eggs got too done, and the cocoa was lumpy, but it was food, and she swallowed it down and headed out for cla.s.s . . . Florian and Catlin to clean up and then wait for the deliveries from Housekeeping and check them out and get their stuff installed in their rooms; and stay put, and debug the place, as soon as Housekeeping brought some batteries up for some of the first Florian"s stuff. They They had an excuse to miss cla.s.ses today. She didn"t, and there was no stopping by the fishpond this morning: she had to stop by the pharmacy, and she was going to walk through Dr. Edwards" door right on the minute. had an excuse to miss cla.s.ses today. She didn"t, and there was no stopping by the fishpond this morning: she had to stop by the pharmacy, and she was going to walk through Dr. Edwards" door right on the minute.
Dr. Edwards was very relieved to see her: he said that without saying a word; and was uncommonly easy on her in the work-she noticed that and looked up sideways and gave him her wickedest grin. "I suppose uncle Denys told you what happened last night."
Oh, he didn"t want to talk about that. "In a general kind of way. You know he"d be worried."
"You tell him I was on time and we didn"t burn up anything in the kitchen."
"I"ll tell him. Don"t you want to tell him yourself?"
"No," she said cheerfully, and went back to her frog eggs.
She really put her mind to it in Designs, worked with no nonsense, blasted through two lessons and actually enjoyed it: she got Dr. Dietrich to give her a complete manual on one of the Deltas in Housekeeping management, so she could see the whole picture of a Design, because that was the way she liked to learn, get the idea what the whole thing looked like so that the parts made sense.
She wanted wanted an Alpha set, but Dr. Dietrich said it was better to learn a more typical kind and then work on the exotic cases. That made sense. an Alpha set, but Dr. Dietrich said it was better to learn a more typical kind and then work on the exotic cases. That made sense.
Dr. Dietrich said it shouldn"t be anybody she knew. That she wasn"t ready for that.
Nice that she wasn"t ready for something. something. It made her feel like there was at least a floor to stand on. She had learned a very good word in Dr. Dietrich"s cla.s.s. It made her feel like there was at least a floor to stand on. She had learned a very good word in Dr. Dietrich"s cla.s.s.
Flux. Which fairly well said what she was caught in.
She didn"t have cla.s.s with any other kids until just before noon, when she had Economics with Amy and Maddy.
Amy and Maddy hadn"t hadn"t known about her moving out. They thought she was putting one on them. So she put her card in the nearest House slot in One A, and it started spitting out all these messages she hadn"t known she was going to get, like Housekeeping asking for a verification on an order for a special kind of battery-she knew who had asked that, and punched yes-and a note from Yanni Schwartz telling her that her office in 1-244 was keyed to her card, and he had a secretary and a clerk going to set up in there, whose names were Elly BE 979 and Winnie GW 88690, and their living allowances were now on her card, along with the equipment requisition for another couple of terminals and on-line time on the House system; and a message from Dr. Ivanov that her prescription was waiting at the pharmacy. known about her moving out. They thought she was putting one on them. So she put her card in the nearest House slot in One A, and it started spitting out all these messages she hadn"t known she was going to get, like Housekeeping asking for a verification on an order for a special kind of battery-she knew who had asked that, and punched yes-and a note from Yanni Schwartz telling her that her office in 1-244 was keyed to her card, and he had a secretary and a clerk going to set up in there, whose names were Elly BE 979 and Winnie GW 88690, and their living allowances were now on her card, along with the equipment requisition for another couple of terminals and on-line time on the House system; and a message from Dr. Ivanov that her prescription was waiting at the pharmacy.
That impressed Amy and Maddy, all right.
They looked like they still weren"t sure she hadn"t set this up to Get them, but she told them that tomorrow they were going to get a chance to see, she would take them up where she lived now, all on her own.
And they went funny then, like something was going different.
That was something she hadn"t thought about.
She was thinking about it all the way to the pharmacy, and then she had that package to worry about, up past the Security guards into the lonely terrazzo hallway that was all hers down to the barrier-wall. She used her keycard on the door, and let herself in. The Minder told her that Florian and Catlin were there, and quick as that they showed up from the hall to the kitchen.
"Did Housekeeping get here?" she asked.
"Yes, sera," Florian said. "We"ve got everything put away. We went all over the apartment."
That meant the batteries Florian had wanted had gotten there. "Housekeeping was in order," Catlin said. "We made them set the boxes in the kitchen, no matter what they were, and we went over everything piece by piece before we put it away. We"re warming up lunch."
"Good," she said. "Cla.s.s was fine. No problems." She walked all the way back through the halls to her office to put down the carry-bag.
Her office, when she had automatically started for her bedroom. But now there was a room for everything. She unloaded the manual there; and took the carry-bag back past Florian and Catlin"s rooms to her own bedroom. office, when she had automatically started for her bedroom. But now there was a room for everything. She unloaded the manual there; and took the carry-bag back past Florian and Catlin"s rooms to her own bedroom.
Poo-thing was there, right on her bed where he always was. She picked him up and thought it would be really rotten if uncle Denys had bugged him. She picked him up and set him down again against the pillows.
And sat down and kicked off her shoes, and took out the pills from her carry-bag, the prescription pharmacy had fussed about until they nearly made her late for school, no matter what her keycard said and no matter what the House system told them she was authorized to have.
"75"s," Florian said, looking at the pill-bottle, after lunch. Ham-and-cheese sandwiches. With nothing burned. "That"s all right. That"s right for a deep dose."
"Do you want to see what I have to tell you?" She had run out the print, and she had the paper in her lap. "I"ve told the Minder, no calls, no noises. I"ve got everything on the list. But I"d feel better if you looked at it."
She pa.s.sed the printout over; they read it, one after the other.
"Sounds reasonable," Catlin said. "I haven"t any trouble about it."
"I don"t see any problem," Florian said. "It won"t take half a minute. If there"s no tape to do."
It still scared her. It scared her more than anything else.
But she did what it said. They took their pills and she followed what the paper said; and left them to sleep, then.
And went into her office, shut the door, and used the keyboard with Base One, because she wanted no noise in the apartment at all while they were that far down.
She told Base One the routine was run.
And Base One said: This Base now recognizes their cards. This Base now recognizes their cards.
She read, mostly, late, because she wanted them to wake up before she could rest. She scanned Ari senior"s data, on the words Geoffrey Carnath. Geoffrey Carnath. And she And she had had understood uncle Denys in what he had said happened. She scanned it all the way to the end, when Ari moved out. She read the worst things and sat there feeling strange, just strange, like it was bad, but n.o.body had died, that was the worst, if somebody had died. understood uncle Denys in what he had said happened. She scanned it all the way to the end, when Ari moved out. She read the worst things and sat there feeling strange, just strange, like it was bad, but n.o.body had died, that was the worst, if somebody had died.
Then they might Disappear someone else.
And she was mad. Mad about things another Ari"s guardian had done a long, long time ago, which weren"t there, but the Security reports were, right up to when Ari had turned herself and Florian and Catlin over to Security, saying her uncle was abusing Florian.
That was the way Security wrote it. But she knew what had happened. Sort of. She couldn"t make a picture in her mind, but she knew, all the same. And Ari talked about getting along with her guardian. I"d have killed him. Like I"d have killed uncle Denys if he"d gone after me. Because you don"t play games with Security. Not with Seely, not with Denys. But then where would I be? In a lot of trouble. In a I"d have killed him. Like I"d have killed uncle Denys if he"d gone after me. Because you don"t play games with Security. Not with Seely, not with Denys. But then where would I be? In a lot of trouble. In a lot lot of trouble. of trouble.
Her stomach went upset. She had known she was in a corner, deep down. Geoffrey Carnath"s security had gotten the better of the first Ari"s. They must have had a fight. Something must have happened.
Florian and Catlin had gone to detention. Ari had gone to hospital. Ari, hospital, hospital, she typed, for that date. she typed, for that date. Sedation, Sedation, it said. Geoffrey Carnath"s order. it said. Geoffrey Carnath"s order. Florian, security. Florian, security.
A medic had seen him. He was hurt. So was Catlin. And they had run tapes on him and Catlin. She got the number on them.
She chased the case through files for an hour and chased the move-in order, and the Family council meeting-where senior staff, knowing what had happened, had given Ari senior a place of her own, with her own key and no one to watch over her, because that was what she demanded to have, because she was threatening to go to the news-services and Geoffrey Carnath was too much trouble for even the whole Family to fight him over the guardianship. True. Everything true, as far as Base One went. Things like that had happened to the first Ari.
They had taken maman. But uncle Denys and uncle Giraud had never done what Geoffrey Carnath had done to the first Ari.
She sat there a long time staring at the screen, and then started looking up some of the words the report had used.
And sat there a long time after, feeling her stomach upset.
She was terribly, terribly relieved when Florian called to her on the Minder and said that he was awake, and all right, just a little sleepy yet.
"I"m here," Catlin said then, a little vaguely; but Catlin made it into the hall before Ari did. Leaning on the wall. "Is there a problem?"
"Nothing," Ari said, "nothing right now. Go sleep, Catlin. Everything"s fine. I"m going to fix dinner myself. I"ll call you."
Catlin nodded and went back into her room.
There were a lot of things in the apartment, once they started going through it-a lot of Ari senior"s clothes that were very nice but too large yet. the apartment, once they started going through it-a lot of Ari senior"s clothes that were very nice but too large yet.
Ari senior had been-a bit more on top. And taller. That was spooky too, figuring out in the mirror what size she was going to be. Someday.
There was jewelry. Terribly expensive things. Not near as much as maman"s, mostly gold, a lot of what could be rubies, just lying in the chest on the bureau-all these years-but who in the House would steal?
There was a wine cabinet taller than she could reach, which wouldn"t have spoiled, she knew that, it was probably real good by now; and there was whiskey and other things under the counter that wouldn"t have been hurt by all these years of sitting there.
There was a big tape library. A lot were about Earth and about Pell. A lot were on technical things. A lot were Entertainment. And a lot lot of those ... had a 20 Years and Over sticker. And t.i.tles that made her embarra.s.sed, and uneasy. of those ... had a 20 Years and Over sticker. And t.i.tles that made her embarra.s.sed, and uneasy.
s.e.x stuff. A lot of it.
It was like looking through Ari senior"s drawers in her bedroom, like it was private, and she would hate if she were grown-up and dead, to have some twelve-year-old kid going through her her drawers and finding out drawers and finding out she she had stuff like that in her library, but it was interesting too, and scary. The first Ari had said there was nothing wrong with the thoughts she had had, just that she was too young and shouldn"t be stupid. had stuff like that in her library, but it was interesting too, and scary. The first Ari had said there was nothing wrong with the thoughts she had had, just that she was too young and shouldn"t be stupid.
But it was all right when you were Older.
She remembered how the first tape felt. And she closed up the cabinet door and wondered what was in them, and whether they would be like the other one. They were just E-tapes. They weren"t deep or anything like it. They couldn"t hurt you.
If they were hers like everything else in the apartment, then she could do whatever she wanted with them-when she was settled in, when she was sure everything was safe.