"I haven"t gotten to my point yet. This is terribly delicate, uncle Denys. I don"t want you to take this wrong. And it"s so hard to discuss with Giraud-but . . . Giraud"s so hardheaded practical, and he"s been such an influence-on me; on Reseune- What do you think he"d feel-about having a replicate done-like me?"
Denys sat still, a long, long moment. "I think he"d be amazed," Denys said. "He"d also point out that he"s not doc.u.mented to the extent you are."
"It"s possible it"ll work. It"s even probable. All I"d need is the ordinary House stuff. d.a.m.n, this is so awkward! I don"t know how to approach asking him. I don"t know how he feels about dying. He"s-never brought it up with me. I gather he doesn"t want me to know. But I know a lot more about psychogenesis than you knew when you started; I know a lot I haven"t written up-I know it from the inside, I know what matters and what doesn"t and where you came close to a real bad mistake. And I really think I could run it with Giraud. If he"d let me."
"Dear, when one"s dead, there"s not a precious lot one can do to stop you from any d.a.m.n thing, now, is there?"
"It matters what you want. And what Giraud wants, I mean, his opinion is the most important, because that has to do with his psychsets, and whether his successor would be comfortable with what he is. That"s critical. And there"s who would be the surrogates. You"re not young yourself, to take on another kid. I thought about Yanni, Yanni"s got the ability, and the toughness. Maybe Gustav Morley. But you"d be best, because you know things no one else can can remember about your upbringing, and you can be objective, at least you could with me. But you weren"t related to me. That"s a difference to think about. That could be a lot of stress, and I"m not sure you want to cope with that now, with Giraud." remember about your upbringing, and you can be objective, at least you could with me. But you weren"t related to me. That"s a difference to think about. That could be a lot of stress, and I"m not sure you want to cope with that now, with Giraud."
Denys had laid the fork down altogether. "I"d have to think about that."
"At least talk to him. Please make him understand-I don"t don"t want to fight with him. I need him, I"ll need him in things I can"t foresee yet. That"s why I want to do this. Tell him-tell him I love him and I know why he"s doing these things to stop me, but tell him I know something too and he should let me alone and let me operate. Tell him-tell him I understand all his lessons. I"ve learned from him well enough to protect myself. -And tell him if he wants to know what it"s like to want to fight with him. I need him, I"ll need him in things I can"t foresee yet. That"s why I want to do this. Tell him-tell him I love him and I know why he"s doing these things to stop me, but tell him I know something too and he should let me alone and let me operate. Tell him-tell him I understand all his lessons. I"ve learned from him well enough to protect myself. -And tell him if he wants to know what it"s like to be be a successor-I can tell him." a successor-I can tell him."
"I"d find that a point of curiosity too," Denys said after a moment, "what degree of integration there is. Is Is there ident.i.ty?" there ident.i.ty?"
Gentle smile. "Profiles? Say they"re real close. What it feels like, uncle Denys, what it feels like-is, you think,-I"d never do that. But eventually you would. You almost remember- But eventually you would. You almost remember-remember things. Because they"re part of the whole chain of events that lead to the point you go on from. Because you things. Because they"re part of the whole chain of events that lead to the point you go on from. Because you are are a continuance, and what your predecessor did was important and the people she knew are still there, the enemies and the friends are still there for reasons of what she was and what she did-more, you a continuance, and what your predecessor did was important and the people she knew are still there, the enemies and the friends are still there for reasons of what she was and what she did-more, you understand understand what she felt about things and how it all fitted, from the gut, in your glands, in your bloodstream, and, oh, it makes more and more sense. You see yourself on an Archive tape and you feel this incredible-ident.i.ty-with that person. You see a little slump; you straighten your own shoulders- what she felt about things and how it all fitted, from the gut, in your glands, in your bloodstream, and, oh, it makes more and more sense. You see yourself on an Archive tape and you feel this incredible-ident.i.ty-with that person. You see a little slump; you straighten your own shoulders-Stand straight, Ari, don"t slouch. You see a little upset-you feel personally threatened. You see anger. Your pulse picks up a bit. I You see a little upset-you feel personally threatened. You see anger. Your pulse picks up a bit. I will will write a paper someday, when the subject"s much more commonplace. But I don"t think it"s a thing I want to have in the write a paper someday, when the subject"s much more commonplace. But I don"t think it"s a thing I want to have in the Bureau Reports Bureau Reports right now. I think it"s one of those processes Reseune can b.a.s.t.a.r.dize for the other agencies that want to do it with easy types. But they"ll always send the Specials to us, because they"re going to be the real problem cases: Alphas always are. Even CITs. And that means more and more of the best talent-begins at Reseune." right now. I think it"s one of those processes Reseune can b.a.s.t.a.r.dize for the other agencies that want to do it with easy types. But they"ll always send the Specials to us, because they"re going to be the real problem cases: Alphas always are. Even CITs. And that means more and more of the best talent-begins at Reseune."
Denys gazed at her a long time without speaking. "I am am very much the woman you knew," she said. "Never mind the kid"s face. Or the fact my voice hasn"t settled yet. There is a kind of fusion. Only I"m already working on Ari"s final notes, not her starting hypotheses. Psychogenesis is a given with me. I"ll do much more, much more than she did. Isn"t that what you wanted?" very much the woman you knew," she said. "Never mind the kid"s face. Or the fact my voice hasn"t settled yet. There is a kind of fusion. Only I"m already working on Ari"s final notes, not her starting hypotheses. Psychogenesis is a given with me. I"ll do much more, much more than she did. Isn"t that what you wanted?"
"Much-more than we expected."
She laughed. "Which way do I take that?"
"That we"re very proud of you. I-personally-am very proud of you."
"I"m glad. I"m very glad. I"m very grateful to you, uncle Denys. And to Giraud. I always will be. You see: Ari was such a cold b.a.s.t.a.r.d. She learned to be, for very good reasons. But that part didn"t have to be exact. I can love my uncles, and I can still be a cold b.a.s.t.a.r.d when I have to be, just because I"m very self-protective-because no matter what the advantages I"ve had, I"m a target and I know it. I won"t be threatened. I"ll be there first. That"s the way I am. I want you to know that."
"You"re very impressive, young sera."
"Thank you. So are my uncles. And you"re both dears and I love you. I want you to think about what I want to do-about Giraud; and talk to Giraud, and tell me how he feels about it."
Denys cleared his throat. "I don"t think-I don"t think he"ll turn you down."
Is there ident.i.ty?
She knew d.a.m.n well that Denys was asking for himself.
What"s it like?
Will-I-remember? That was the really eetee one, which a sane man knew better than to wonder. So she flirted it right past him now; and made him sweat. That was the really eetee one, which a sane man knew better than to wonder. So she flirted it right past him now; and made him sweat.
"I"ll tell you where an interesting study might be, uncle Denys. Getting me and Giraud together someday and letting us compare notes. I I have the illusion of memory. I wonder if he will." have the illusion of memory. I wonder if he will."
Denys had not taken a bite in a half a minute. He sat there a helpless lump.
Shame on you, she thought to herself. she thought to herself. That"s awful, Ari. That"s awful, Ari.
But something in her was quite, quite satisfied.
What in h.e.l.l"s the matter with me?
I"m madder than h.e.l.l, that"s what. Mad that I"m young, mad that I"m dependent, mad that I"m trapped here and Denys is being Denys, and mad that Giraud"s timing is so d.a.m.n lousy, leaving me no way to get that seat. Dammit, I"m not ready for him to die!
Denys" fork rattled, another bite. He was visibly upset.
How can I enjoy doing that? My G.o.d. He"s an old man. What"s gotten into me?
Her own appet.i.te curdled. She poked at the salad, extracting a bit of tomato.
She thought about it that night, listlessly dividing attention between a light sandwich Florian had made her, the evening news, and doing a routine entry on the keyboard-which she preferred to the Scriber when she was listening to something: the fingers were output-only, and what they were out-putting was in a mental buffer somewhere. Pause. Tick-tick-tick. Pause. While the visual memory played out lunch and uncle Denys and the logical function worked on the politics of it. Is Is there ident.i.ty? -An eetee kind of question in the first place, never mind that she had eetee feelings about it-she knew how to explain them, in perfectly solid and respectable terms: she was used to deep-study, she could lower her threshold further by wanting to than most people could on E-dose kat, the tapes involved a person identical to her in the identical environment, and the wonder would be if the constant interplay of tape-flash and day-to-day experience of the same halls, the same people, the same situations-did not muddle together in a flux-habituated brain. there ident.i.ty? -An eetee kind of question in the first place, never mind that she had eetee feelings about it-she knew how to explain them, in perfectly solid and respectable terms: she was used to deep-study, she could lower her threshold further by wanting to than most people could on E-dose kat, the tapes involved a person identical to her in the identical environment, and the wonder would be if the constant interplay of tape-flash and day-to-day experience of the same halls, the same people, the same situations-did not muddle together in a flux-habituated brain.
Denys understood that, surely, on the logical level.
People surely understood that. surely understood that.
d.a.m.n, she she was not dealing well with that aspect of it. She dealt with ma.s.sive movements in the populace. Microfocus failed her. was not dealing well with that aspect of it. She dealt with ma.s.sive movements in the populace. Microfocus failed her.
The average, harried, too-busy-for-deepthink Novgorod worker.
Listen and learn, Ari, sweet: ordinary people will teach you the truest, the most sane things in the world. Thank G.o.d for them.
And beware anyone who can turn them all in one direction. That one is not ordinary.
People were aware . . . of Reseune"s power, of the power her predecessor had wielded.
IN PRINCIPIO was a phenomenon, Ariane Emory"s basic theories and methodologies and the early character of Reseune, set almost within the most educated laymen"s grasp, so that there was, in the public mind, at least the glimmering of what no demagogue could have made clear before that book aroused such strange, such universal interest in the popular market. was a phenomenon, Ariane Emory"s basic theories and methodologies and the early character of Reseune, set almost within the most educated laymen"s grasp, so that there was, in the public mind, at least the glimmering of what no demagogue could have made clear before that book aroused such strange, such universal interest in the popular market.
It had sp.a.w.ned eetee-fringe thinkers of its own, a whole new and troublesome breed who took Emory for their bible and practiced experimental so-called Integrations on each other, in the idea it would expand their consciousness, whatever that was. There were already three cases down in the Wards, Novgorod CITs who had all drug-tripped their way to out-there on ma.s.sive overdoses, run profound interventions on each other and now outraged staid old Gustav Morley by critiquing his methodology. A handful of admirers had outraged Reseune Security, too, by trying to leave the lounge down at the RESEUNEAIR terminal and hike up toward the House, proclaiming that they had come to see Ariane Emory-with the result that Reseune was urgently considering building a new terminal for commercial flights, far far down from the old one where, in the old days, Family and ordinary through travelers using RESEUNEAIR had once mingled with casual indifference. A handful of would-be disciples had turned up over in Moreyville looking for a boat, until wary locals, thank G.o.d, had figured out what they were up to and called the police. down from the old one where, in the old days, Family and ordinary through travelers using RESEUNEAIR had once mingled with casual indifference. A handful of would-be disciples had turned up over in Moreyville looking for a boat, until wary locals, thank G.o.d, had figured out what they were up to and called the police.
My G.o.d, what do I do if I meet meet one of these lunatics? What are they after? one of these lunatics? What are they after?
It"s a phase. A fad. It"ll go. If it weren"t this they"d be getting eetee transmissions on their home vids.
Why didn"t didn"t we see this? we see this?
But of course we saw it. Justin saw it. There"s always the fringe. Always the cheap answer, the secret Way-to whatever. Novgorod"s in chaos, Paxers threatening people, wages aren"t rising to meet spot shortages- Danger signs. People yearning after answers. Seeking shortcuts.
Seeking them in the work of a murdered Special- In the person of her replicate, as the Nyes fade, as the unstable period after that a.s.sa.s.sination births more instabilities, elections upon elections, bombings, shortages, and the Child-the Child verges on womanhood and competency in her own right, announcing herself with the recovery of Ari senior"s legendary lost notes- d.a.m.n well what I expected Science to understand- But Novgorod"s understanding it at a completely different level . . .
The children of azi"s children-the const.i.tuency of Reseune: Ari"s own creation, no theory in a Sociology computer. It"s there. It"s ready.
And Giraud, d.a.m.n him, can"t hold on to that seat long enough for me.
"Vid off," she said, and leaned back and shut her eyes, feeling that general p.r.i.c.klishness that meant her cycle was right on schedule.
Tomorrow I should work in, stay away from people.
I hurt Denys today. I Had him, I didn"t need to take that twist. Why in h.e.l.l did I do that?
What am I mad about?
Adrenaline high, that"s what"s going on. Not mentioning the rest of the monthly endocrine c.o.c.ktail.
d.a.m.n, that was an underhanded shot I took. Denys didn"t deserve that.
I know know what Ari came to. Her temper, her d.a.m.nable temper-the anger she was always afraid to let out- what Ari came to. Her temper, her d.a.m.nable temper-the anger she was always afraid to let out- Frustration with the irrational-with a universe moving too slow for her mind- G.o.d, what"s going on with me?
She tasted blood, realized she had bitten her lip, and unfocused.
She pressed her hands against her forehead, leaning back in the chair, shut her eyes . . . thinking about that tape, Justin"s tape, thinking- G.o.d, no. Not when she was fluxing this bad. Not when she could think of it as surrogate. Leave the d.a.m.n thing in the cabinet, locked up, safe. Let it be.
It was-oh, G.o.d! not for entertainment- Dammit, Ari, get off it!
Watch the d.a.m.n fish. Watch the fish procreate and breed and sp.a.w.n and live their very short lives, back and forth, back and forth in the tank beside the desk.
s.e.x and death. Breeding and devouring their own young if G.o.d did not take precautions and intervene with the net. How long can an ecosystem survive, inputting both the bioma.s.s of its own dead and its own births, and the artificial sunlight?
If you put them with big fish there won"t be any blue fish at all. . . . . .
Do you know whether a fish sees colors? . . .
Breathing grew more even. Time reached a slower pace. Eventually she could sigh, bring the emotional temperature down, and postpone thinking. She got up and logged off and went to her bedroom, quietly, not to draw Florian and Catlin"s notice.
She just wanted bed, that was all. But she sat staring at the dresser-top corner, where Poo-thing rested, well-worn and disreputable. No condemnation there.
She thought about putting him in the drawer. What if she had brought Justin to her room while he was here; and there was poor Poo-thing to laugh at?
That was the whole trouble-that there were no more games, there was no more give-and-take with friends, no more throwing a dart to see if it got one back, and having uncle Denys come back at her, hard-edged wit, a little sting to put her in her place. She tried to get a rise out of him and there was no bounce-back, no humor, nothing but the wary fencing of an old man who was no longer the power-just the threatened.
Floating-in-black-s.p.a.ce.
Welcome to the real world. Poo-thing"s worn out. Denys is a scared old man. And you"re what he"s scared of. People won"t argue with you: who wants to lose all the time?
I could do do any d.a.m.n thing I want in Reseune. Like take anybody, anything, any d.a.m.n thing I want in Reseune. Like take anybody, anything, teach teach them what I could do-in one them what I could do-in one day, day, I I could scare h.e.l.l out of this place, make them understand I"m holding in- could scare h.e.l.l out of this place, make them understand I"m holding in- Everybody"d love me then, wouldn"t they?
Poo-thing stared, with wide black eyes.
I ought to take you to work, set you on the desk. You"re the best conversationalist in Reseune.
Dammit, someone pull a prank on me, someone make me laugh, someone for G.o.d"s sake answer me.
I can see all the star-stations, all the azi-sets, the whole thing in slow flux, so d.a.m.ned slow, and so dangerous- Where"s the advice, Poo-thing?
Amy, and Maddy and Tommy and Sam. Florian and Catlin. Justin and Grant. Yanni. And Andy down in AG.
It"s talking, fool. The whole universe is talking. Listen and be amazed.
Nelly. Maman and Ollie. Denys. Giraud-present and Giraud-soon-to-be.
The static of the suns.
"... Sera?"
She drew a long breath.
Short-focused again, black-clad figure in the doorway, tall and blond. Worried.
"I"m fine," she said; and discovered her legs asleep. Foolish predicament, gratefully foolish. She rubbed her aching thighs and levered herself up with absolute gracelessness, leaning on the headboard.
When she could stand she went over to the dresser, picked up Poo-thing and put him in the drawer.
Catlin looked at her strangely for that too. But she doubted Catlin had ever understood Poo-thing in the first place.
viii Punch and sugary cookies. Ari nipped one off the table herself, ignoring the kitchen"s more elaborate confections, savored the plain flavor, and took a drink of the green punch which she preferred, thank you, from the nonalcoholic bowl.
A little girl slipped up through the crowd of Olders and s.n.a.t.c.hed a handful; and a second. Fast escape. That was Ingrid Kennart, aged six. Ari chuckled to herself, on a fleeting memory. And frankly could not recall for a second whether it was a flash off some Archive tape or out of her own past.
New Year"s, G.o.d, of course it had been a New Year"s. The music changed, live this year-a handful of the techs had a band, not bad, either. But the glitter was the same. And maman and Ollie- She caught a flash of silver jewelry out of the corner of her eye and for a second saw a ghost-but it was only Connie Morley, who was tall and thin and wore her dark hair upswept and elegant- She had a second of triste, no reason, just looked away across the floor where Olders were sitting-Denys: Giraud was in Novgorod this season. Petros Ivanov. Dr. Edwards. He could, she swore, never be John John to her, no matter how old she got. And old Windy Peterson and his daughter, out dancing, Peterson to her, no matter how old she got. And old Windy Peterson and his daughter, out dancing, Peterson trying trying to learn the new step. to learn the new step.
Maddy Stra.s.sen was beautiful, really beautiful in silver-blue satin-no shortage of partners for her or "Stasi, her faithful shadow. And Amy Carnath-Amy was out on the floor with a very correct, very confused-looking young azi who was, however, doing quite well with the step-blond, crewcut, and terribly handsome: Security, stiff as they came when Amy had gotten her hands on him, but loosening up a bit, to the amus.e.m.e.nt of all of them and the evident disquiet of Amy"s mother. The lad was Alpha, and social as far as Green Barracks went-yes, sera! with a real snap in the voice. Quentin, his name was: Quentin AQ-8, who just might might have ended up being Contracted to House Security or RESEUNEs.p.a.cE, or outside, if any of a small handful of qualified agencies had wanted to pay the million and a quarter for his Contract, for an azi who had to be Supered directly from Reseune, and whose reflexes were dangerously fast. Quentin AQ would have found himself in someone"s employment in another year. have ended up being Contracted to House Security or RESEUNEs.p.a.cE, or outside, if any of a small handful of qualified agencies had wanted to pay the million and a quarter for his Contract, for an azi who had to be Supered directly from Reseune, and whose reflexes were dangerously fast. Quentin AQ would have found himself in someone"s employment in another year.
Quentin was, Florian and Catlin reported, a very happy, if very overanxious young man. And Amy was- -in love, probably described it. At least it was a very healthy dose of infatuation, which made Amy Carnath insist Quentin was her partner, Quentin was going out onto the floor, fashions and customs changed, and people were forgetting why why the old rules existed with the earliest azi: it had gotten to have completely different reasons, and it was going to stop. The youngers did it at their parties; the Olders could just accept it, so there: thus Amy Carnath. the old rules existed with the earliest azi: it had gotten to have completely different reasons, and it was going to stop. The youngers did it at their parties; the Olders could just accept it, so there: thus Amy Carnath.
Florian, Ari had said then, so Amy and Quentin were not out there alone. Ari had said then, so Amy and Quentin were not out there alone.
And after a while there were a few others.
But mostly Florian and Catlin shadowed her very closely, and Florian refused "Stasi with an earnest: I"m terribly sorry. I"m on duty. I"m terribly sorry. I"m on duty.
That was the way the world changed. In the House, Florian and Catlin were shadowing her with the attention they had used in Novgorod.
No relaxing. No let-down.
The Novgorod authorities were scared out of their minds about the New Year"s crowds and the chance of an incident.
h.e.l.l of a thing. The Paxers were not not Ari"s design, she was more and more convinced. A cultural inheritance, an ugly little side-trip in the independence-prioritied mindsets that had founded Union. The grandsons and granddaughters of rebel scientists and engineers-blew up kids in subway stations, and wanted to run the government. Ari"s design, she was more and more convinced. A cultural inheritance, an ugly little side-trip in the independence-prioritied mindsets that had founded Union. The grandsons and granddaughters of rebel scientists and engineers-blew up kids in subway stations, and wanted to run the government.
They talked about potential Worms in Justin"s Justin"s designs twenty, thirty generations down. Union had a few after three generations, real serious ones, and she was scared going into a controlled situation like New Year"s with Family and staff, with Florian and Catlin to watch with a trained eye for anything Unusual. To have a Novgorod citizen"s choice-kilometers of walking in ped-tunnels or twice daily percentaging the headlines and the mood of politics to decide whether to risk a ten-minute subway ride-not mentioning the chance of some ordinary z-case putting the push on you for your keycard- designs twenty, thirty generations down. Union had a few after three generations, real serious ones, and she was scared going into a controlled situation like New Year"s with Family and staff, with Florian and Catlin to watch with a trained eye for anything Unusual. To have a Novgorod citizen"s choice-kilometers of walking in ped-tunnels or twice daily percentaging the headlines and the mood of politics to decide whether to risk a ten-minute subway ride-not mentioning the chance of some ordinary z-case putting the push on you for your keycard-h.e.l.l of a way to live. But Novgorod citizens hated the idea of a master-system for keycards: a danger to their freedom, they argued. of a way to live. But Novgorod citizens hated the idea of a master-system for keycards: a danger to their freedom, they argued.
They had, she thought, a higher anxiety threshold than she did; but they were holding their own, that was the good part, h.e.l.l with the Paxers, people held on; and she, Ari Emory, she followed the situation and wondered if there was perhaps merit in the idea of a major program to buy-off thousands of military azi still rejuvable, bring them back to Reseune for re-training, exactly the way they had done before she was born- No question then of the bad precedent of having armed troops keeping order in Novgorod, but a loan of a civilian agency from Reseune Administrative Territory to the munic.i.p.ality of Novgorod. If these were the times they lived in, as well have a response for it, if it meant enforcement standing line-of-sight in every ped-tunnel and subway in Novgorod.
Manpower was the original reason Reseune existed; and she was working out the proposal to land on Denys" desk. And expected Denys to say no. Reseune was making profit again and Denys was determined to hold the line against what he called her out-there ideas.
She sighed, watching uncle Denys from across the room, and seeing a tired lump of a man who had some very strange turns: who had, she had discovered it in Denys" Base in the House system-a huge volume of unpublished work that she ached to talk with him about, work on inter-station economics that was bound to cause a ripple when it did come to light. . . she she did not understand it, but it was very ma.s.sive and very full of statistics; a huge work on the interaction of economics with the Expansionist theory of government that was absolutely fascinating; a ma.s.sive study of the development of consumer society in azi-descended population segments, including specific tracing of psychsetted values in several generations of testing; a study of replicate psychology; a history of Reseune from its inception; and work on military systems, of a kind that looked very much like Giraud"s work-until she put her finger on the telltale phrases and turns of speech and realized to her shock that Giraud did not write the things published under Giraud"s name. They were Denys" writings. And this secret store of them, this absolute treasure-house of ideas, -kept in Archive? Never brought forward, just meddled with from time to time, adjusted-an enormous work-in-progress, from a man so obsessively retiring that he maneuvered his brother into a Special"s status so that Giraud could have the reputation and do the public things, while Denys stayed in the background, appearing to devote himself exclusively to administrative work and the day-to-day decisions and approvals for R&D and implementations. did not understand it, but it was very ma.s.sive and very full of statistics; a huge work on the interaction of economics with the Expansionist theory of government that was absolutely fascinating; a ma.s.sive study of the development of consumer society in azi-descended population segments, including specific tracing of psychsetted values in several generations of testing; a study of replicate psychology; a history of Reseune from its inception; and work on military systems, of a kind that looked very much like Giraud"s work-until she put her finger on the telltale phrases and turns of speech and realized to her shock that Giraud did not write the things published under Giraud"s name. They were Denys" writings. And this secret store of them, this absolute treasure-house of ideas, -kept in Archive? Never brought forward, just meddled with from time to time, adjusted-an enormous work-in-progress, from a man so obsessively retiring that he maneuvered his brother into a Special"s status so that Giraud could have the reputation and do the public things, while Denys stayed in the background, appearing to devote himself exclusively to administrative work and the day-to-day decisions and approvals for R&D and implementations.
Besides bringing up a kid for a few years-letting her her into that intense privacy, hosting birthday parties and putting up with Nelly and two junior Security trainees-while writing these things that never appeared, only grew and grew. into that intense privacy, hosting birthday parties and putting up with Nelly and two junior Security trainees-while writing these things that never appeared, only grew and grew.