Small , winding cobbled streets, red double-deckers, tea and crumpets, all the strange accents... basically every stereotype they play up on television here I"m about to experience... for three years, and maybe more.
"You"re really lucky," Jess says. "I mean, I know you worked for it, but you"re really lucky."
"You should come and visit me. I"ll probably be staying in a cute little townhouse or something, with housemates, and you can experience the English weather they keep talking about. We can have tea and biscuits in the back garden. What do you say?"
Jess stalls, and I know that my invite is the kind of open-ended one that friends make to each other without any real promise. But still, I can"t help myself but ask her.
"Maybe," she says. "I"d love to visit. I"d love to travel."
"You should come. From the UK we can just take the train to Paris! And after that, we can travel around Europe if we like. It"ll be great."
But a heavy silence comes over us, and we both do our best not to look at each other. It"s so easy to talk about doing this or that, but in reality it"s much more complicated.
We both realize that it"s more a talking fantasy than a working plan.
"I should go," she says eventually. "I"m sure Dave is waiting for me by now."
"Okay," I say, voice soft.
"I don"t know if I"ll get the chance to see you again. My dad"s got a bunch of family stuff planned all summer."
"Maybe you could come around for dinner one night. Or I could go to your place?"
Jess smiles and nods. "Sure, let"s set something up. But in case I don"t see you-"
"It"s not like I"m leaving tomorrow."
"In case I don"t see you," she says, "You have a great time in England, okay? I mean it. Really try and enjoy yourself. Don"t stress so much! Anyway, I"ll see you in the last week of summer before you fly off again. We should be back from our family vacation to-" and she rolls her eyes "-Niagara Falls."
"Aren"t you going to be going around Canada, too?"
"Yeah," she says. "I really don"t want to go. I hate family vacations."
"Well, I"ll see you when you get back, then."
She gets up, and so do I, and she wraps me up in a big hug. I feel a swell of sadness in my chest, but I can"t really explain it. Maybe it"s because I feel alone, especially if I won"t get to see Jess all summer. She"s not my only friend, but probably the only one I"d meet up with over the holidays.
"I can"t wait until you visit me in England. We"ll really have tons of fun traveling."
"Me too, babe," she says. To my surprise, she plants a huge kiss on my cheek, and then leaves my room without looking back.
And it"s the weirdest thing, because Jess was never the touchy-feely type.
A few minutes pa.s.s by while I decide what to do with my evening, and that"s when I see it.
Ugh.
I stare at my half-packed suitcase, and the mess of clothes and other stuff all over the floor of my room. I begin picking it up robotically, and I soon find myself thinking about Chance...
It"s like I"m taken back in time. I"m at the seaside again, and I"m sitting in between his legs, and I can feel the heat of his body radiating into mine. He"s rubbing his lips across the backs of my shoulders and neck, kissing me lightly, rubbing the insides of my thighs.
I"m wrapped up inside his arms, and I feel safe, insulated.
I can hardly believe I did that. I can"t believe I let him finger me on the beach like that. But he was good... oh, he was so good. His fingers were better than my own ever have been. Whatever he had done, he"d finished me off so fast it even surprised me.
I smile at the thought, but then catch myself doing so in the mirror. No! It"s all wrong. It would never work out.
Besides, I"m leaving soon. I"m not going to get myself into anything. My time here is limited, and soon I"ll be in England living a new life for three years, maybe more if I do further study.
I make up my mind, here and now. I"m going to avoid seeing Chance if I can help it. I know I"m developing strong feelings for him, and I know I"m already planning ahead.
I mean, I was just asking Jess about s.e.x... about first times.
Why would I ask that if I didn"t have a plan, even subconsciously?
I know myself too well, and I know when to cut ties.
I won"t be going to any more of Chance"s fights.
Chapter Thirteen.
What the h.e.l.l?
I slow the car down, certain that I"m looking at the front door to Ca.s.sie"s house... left open. It"s not wide open, but it is ajar, and inside it"s dark.
I was pa.s.sing through, on my way to the gym for a late-night workout, and decided to take a more scenic route, if only to indulge my own thoughts and desires.
I haven"t been able to stop thinking about Ca.s.sie for a long time, but after our afternoon on the beach, after she came to my fight, she dominates every waking moment of my mind.
I barely caught the ajar door. In the darkness, I might have missed it if I hadn"t known it was Ca.s.sie"s house.
But it is her house, and I didn"t miss it. The lights are all off in the house, so why is the door open? Alarm bells start to go off in my head.
It"s been a long time since families left their doors unlocked in this town.
I stop the car, and get out, and walk around the fence of the house. From the back garden, I can see the light on in one of the bedrooms, but nowhere else. I don"t see any moving shadows, nor do I hear any sounds.
Truthfully, she might have just forgotten to close the door. But I know that Ca.s.sie is here all alone, that her dad hasn"t come back from Vegas yet.
"f.u.c.k it," I growl. It"s wrong, and I shouldn"t walk into the house, I should just close the door. But the thought that there might be someone in there burgling the place is a risk I"m not willing to take.
Not with her, anyway.
I inch the door open, but don"t see or hear anything, and so I step inside and close the door behind me.
I walk up the steps, think about sparking up a cigarette, but then think better of it. Sometimes, it"s simply not the right time.
As I get closer and closer to the bedroom with the light on a it is pouring out into the corridor, cut off at a sharp angle a I begin to hear a faint, but familiar noise.
It is the sound of a girl moaning.
I smirk. Either Ca.s.sie Shannon is masturbating right now, or she"s watching p.o.r.n. Or maybe both.
Because I know she"s not with another guy in there.
I walk toward the door and sure enough she is both watching p.o.r.n and touching herself. My eyes roam over her, devour the s.e.xy sight of her.
She"s got her back to me, her legs propped up on the desk and spread open wide, and she"s got a hand buried beneath her skirt.
Instantly I feel my c.o.c.k pump to life, feel my throat tighten, feel a yearning to possess her in my hands.
I watch her for a few moments, my erection straining against my underwear and jeans, and I"m getting hornier by the second.
She"s moaning softly, sighing her pleasure, writhing and squirming on the chair.
I could watch her forever.
But I"ve got something more interesting in mind.
It"s time to say h.e.l.lo.
Chapter Fourteen.
She sent me p.o.r.n!
I re-read the email from Jess again in half-disbelief: Ca.s.s, This kind of p.o.r.n is a bit more like real s.e.x. Not the s.h.i.+t guys watch.
I look at the video attachment, and on the file there is a small thumbnail picture of a woman and a man in a naked embrace. I can"t see that much.
I tap out a reply: I can"t believe you sent p.o.r.n to my email! You know they keep a record of everything you send over email...
When she doesn"t reply after ten minutes, I start getting curious about the video.
f.u.c.k it. I"m going to watch it. Why not? I"ve got nothing else to do tonight, and I can"t be bothered to keep packing.
I start the video, and I immediately notice the different tone in this to other ones I"ve watched. It"s more sensual, a softer approach. Even the look is softer, the way it"s filmed. Less in-your-face detail, more suggestion.
The guy is actually pretty hot for once, and him and the girl are kissing and caressing pa.s.sionately. She"s not some ridiculous blonde bimbo with gigantic fake t.i.ts, and he"s not some roided-up meathead with a red face and popping veins in his neck who looks like he"s about to have a coronary.
I watch as they feel each other up, remove each other"s clothes. I watch as she grips onto his c.o.c.k, starts to slowly pump him. There"s something almost... voyeuristic about the way it"s filmed.
Their bodies are pressed together, a hard embrace, and she"s jerking him in between them. His hands are on her a.s.s, groping, lifting, fingers running lower to pull through her folds.
I realize that I"m getting pretty into it. I mean... it"s hot. It"s surprisingly hot.
I flash back to Chance"s fingers running through my folds, when he first starts teasing me, when he first starts to make me feel good. I"m lying against his hard body, his arms are around me, his hands under my dress, moving slowly, tantalizingly slowly.
I"m pus.h.i.+ng my head back into him, opening my legs wider, curling my toes in my pumps, nearly oblivious to the fact that we are out in public, on the beach, in broad daylight.
Sitting in my chair, watching this video, I"m getting hot. I feel flushed in my cheeks. The temperature seems to have risen.
The woman in the p.o.r.n video is now being gone down on by the man. She"s undulating her body, grasping onto her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, moaning and writhing in pleasure.
I think of how I writhed and squirmed in Chance"s arms as he brought me to the most explosive climax I"d ever had, and just with his fingers.
His strong arms held me, protective, enveloping. His hand was buried beneath my underwear, fingers playing me like an instrument, plucking strings of pleasure so deep inside me I didn"t know I had them.
I had tried to stay silent, but I couldn"t. It was too much. The big ball of pressure in my belly pulled sounds from my mouth against my will.
Somehow, I didn"t want him to get the satisfaction of knowing he made me feel good. And on the other side of it, oh, G.o.d, I wanted him to know he made me feel good.
On the video the p.o.r.n girl and guy s.h.i.+ft positions, and they start to sixty-nine each other. The camera changes angles, and I watch as she sucks on his manhood, pumps it up and down. Then I see the other side, and he"s fingering her with one hand while simultaneously licking her c.l.i.t.
I can"t believe how aroused I am at watching this video. I am totally not into seeing other women naked, but it"s getting me all wound-up. It"s totally different to other videos I"ve seen. All the other videos I"ve seen just have beefcake men endlessly thrusting into screaming women. This one is different.
They s.h.i.+ft positions again, and so do I. I"ve got my feet on the table, knees open, and my hand is resting on my belly. I think of Chance again. I think of him going down on me.
I think of him eating me out, his warm lips and tongue lapping at my s.e.x like he can"t get enough of me.
I"m half watching the video, half fantasizing about Chance Hudson. I want to get angry at myself but I can"t. I just can"t. I like him... oh, G.o.d, I like him a lot.
Even though I know I shouldn"t, even though I know letting myself go down this path will just lead to inevitable disappointment one way or another, I can"t stop myself.
Before I know it, my hand is no longer on my belly, but it"s in between my legs, and I"m touching myself. It"s like the world melts away.
All I"ve got is this video, and all I want is Chance.
I moan softly to myself, let my eyes flutter closed. I imagine I"m down at the beach again, and Chance is behind me, and he"s the one rubbing me. It"s his fingers granting me pleasure.
It"s his fingers that are going to send me soaring, make my whole body crunch up as that huge and heady wave of pleasure crashes over me, shocks my senses, makes me breathe hard and cry out in bliss.
That"s when I hear it. That"s when my world comes to a screeching halt.