"What"s wrong, baby?" Rock asked, turning me to look at him. His big hands cupped my face. "I"ll fix it. Just tell me what"s wrong."
I shook my head. "Nothing," I said on a sob. "Nothing is wrong. It"s perfect. Rock Taylor . . . you"re my hero."
Rock I watched as Trisha slept in my arms. The early morning light was slowly filling the room. We had slept our first night in our new home. Krit had brought over all Trisha"s things just before nine. He had moved him and her out after leaving her here with me. He said Fandora had been more than happy to get them out of there.
He had left here after giving his new address to his sister and kissing her cheek, telling her they were both free now. She had cried on me again. Yesterday had been a day of happy tears for her. Knowing I had made her this happy made me feel like a f.u.c.king king.
Her eyelids slowly began to flutter open and I watched, entranced by the perfect beauty that was all mine. Once she had them both open and those baby blues were focused on me, she smiled. That smile that made my heart stutter and my knees weak. Only this woman could do that to me. She"d be the only one who ever had that power. I didn"t question that. She was my forever.
"Good morning," she said softly.
"Morning," I replied, bending my head down to kiss the tip of her nose. "Did you sleep well?" I asked already, knowing she had.
She grinned. "Yeah. I managed." The teasing glint in her eyes made me hard. But then, Trisha could yawn and I"d get hard. Didn"t take much.
We had made love twice last night before falling asleep naked, wrapped up in each other. My woman was easily turned on too. She had made me pull off to the side of the road more than once, her mouth doing things to me that kept me from driving. She was my own personal piece of perfection. It was hard to keep her sated. Not that I was complaining, ever.
Her hand slid down to wrap around my arousal. "Mmmm . . . someone is excited this morning."
I pushed my hips toward her and she tightened her grip on me. f.u.c.k, that was good. "You"re naked in my arms. h.e.l.l yes, I"m excited. If this is what the rest of our life is going to be like, I"m worried we may never leave the bedroom."
She giggled and began sliding down me until her big lips were wrapped around my c.o.c.k. I threw the covers off us and to the floor as I rolled onto my back and slipped a hand into her long blond hair. "Ah, Trisha. That"s so f.u.c.king good," I groaned. Waking up to my h.o.r.n.y woman locking her lips around my d.i.c.k was what dreams were made of.
She hummed her reply and I jerked in her mouth. She knew I loved it when she did that. "I"m licking that sweet p.u.s.s.y next. Spread your legs and let me see you touch it. But don"t get off. I want you doing that on my face."
Trisha"s eyes went wide, and she moaned as she pulled her knees up and stuck her round a.s.s in the air, then spread her legs before slipping a hand between them. When she ran her finger through the wet slit she moaned again, and my d.i.c.k f.u.c.king loved that.
"That"s it, baby. Play with that pretty p.u.s.s.y," I said as I shifted my gaze from her pink lips wrapped around me to her fingers getting coated with her arousal.
It turned her on for me to watch her m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e. I never managed to let her finish it before I pushed her hand away and either ate her up or sank into her. I had tried more than once to let her do it all, but it drove me wild. I couldn"t.
"I"m gonna come," I panted as my b.a.l.l.s tightened. "I want it on your t.i.tties," I told her. I loved it when she swallowed, but I also loved watching my release on her body. Her a.s.s and t.i.ts were tied for my favorite places. She took her hand away from between her legs and moved between mine, taking me down her throat. When she gagged, I felt the heat lick through me. "Now, baby. I"m f.u.c.king coming," I warned her, and she pulled my c.o.c.k from her swollen lips and aimed my release to shoot all over her t.i.ts as she held them out to make sure they got every shot.
When I was done, she lifted her gaze up from her t.i.ts to grin at me wickedly.
"d.a.m.n, that"s s.e.xy," I said, looking at her. "So f.u.c.king s.e.xy," I repeated. My c.o.c.k was already stirring, even though the head was still tender. Seeing her t.i.ts covered in me was enough to have me ready for round two, fast.
I was breathing hard, and my body was humming with pleasure. I grabbed a T-shirt from the side of the bed and sat up and slowly cleaned myself off her t.i.ts, then played with her nipples before slipping my hand between her legs. "Lie back, baby. It"s time I ate breakfast," I told her.
She laughed, then moved up on the bed and lay down, letting her long legs fall open, revealing her bare p.u.s.s.y. When she"d first waxed it, I had been like a dog in heat for weeks. I had already been obsessed with her p.u.s.s.y, but seeing it bare had made me lose it. I wanted it all the time. I"d once pushed her into a janitor"s closet and went down on my knees between her spread-open legs and eaten her out with her panties shoved aside. From that day on, if she wore a skirt she knew what would happen. I had no control.
When I lowered my head to lick her tight little c.l.i.t, she cried out my name, and that was all it took for my c.o.c.k to make a full comeback.
Kissing her candy-coated p.u.s.s.y was one of my favorite things to do. I loved the way her legs trembled and how she clawed at my shoulders and pleaded things that made no sense.
When her body tightened, I stopped and slid into her in one move.
"OH G.o.d!" she cried out, and her body tensed and shuddered under me. When Trisha had an o.r.g.a.s.m, it was like she was lost for a moment as her body squeezed me tightly and milked me so d.a.m.n sweetly I always followed right behind her.
"I love you," I said against her neck as my release filled her.
She was my home. Not this apartment, but her. As long as I was with her I was home.
Trisha Present day . . .
Today was one of those rare days I was home from work while the kids were at school. Rock had left for work and taken the kids to drop them off. I was supposed to relax and enjoy my day. At least, that was what my husband had informed me before kissing me good-bye.
I wasn"t sure what that was, exactly. My life was full and busy, and I loved that. Being a mom and a wife were the two things I had always wanted to be. When the kids went to stay with Preston and Amanda, I spent that time with my husband.
I had taken an extra-long shower this morning, then made myself an omelet for breakfast. I was about to call Willow, who I knew would be home with Eli, who was almost three now and very busy. Smiling, I thought about the last time we had gone shopping and how Low had run after him once he had unbuckled himself from the stroller. She had caught up to him in the window with the mannequin, where he was trying to pull the shoes off it. She had scooped him up just before the mannequin tumbled to its demise.
I reached for my phone at the same time my doorbell rang. Putting my cell down, I walked to the front door to find a wide-eyed Amanda Hardy. "What"s wrong?" I asked, reaching for her hand. If Preston Drake had done something stupid, I was going to slap him myself. He hadn"t gone through all the craziness to make this woman his only to mess it up weeks before the wedding.
"Sadie. She just called me," Amanda said, looking ready to cry. "She"s coming home. Or here. She"s . . . Jax broke off the engagement."
Jax Stone was the biggest thing in rock music, and each year he just got bigger. Sadie White had been a young girl from Sea Breeze High when he first met her and fell completely in love with her. It had been fun to watch a rock G.o.d fall for a girl I knew.
"What?" I asked, confused. The last time I had seen them, he was just as infatuated with her as I remembered. That was only a couple of months ago. Rock"s cousin Jess was engaged to Jax Stone"s brother, Jason. Jess was pregnant with a Stone kid. We had thrown them a baby shower and Jax and Sadie had come.
Amanda sank down onto my sofa and shook her head in a daze. "She sounded hollow. She wasn"t sobbing like I would expect with this kind of news. She was just . . . empty. Void of emotion. I don"t . . . I"ve never known Sadie to be so . . ." She trailed off.
Jax wasn"t a player. He had fought to make Sadie his, and, unlike other celebrities, they had a healthy, happy relationship. Heck, if you googled Jax, then a million pictures of them showed up on the Internet. The world loved them.
"She didn"t tell you why?" I asked.
"She . . . No. She . . . just said Jax ended things and she was coming home. That"s it."
I went to get my cell and dialed Jess"s number. She"d know something.
Jax Stone and Sadie White were the kind that you expected forever for. The way he looked at her was the way Rock looked at me. Something was terribly wrong.
Epilogues Jax and Sadie from Breathe Sadie Jessica, my mother, was coming to get me. When I had called her to tell her my plane arrived at ten at Pensacola International Airport, the closest major airport to Sea Breeze, she said she"d be there. We would have plenty time to get back to Sea Breeze in time to get Sam, my little brother, from school. He was in kindergarten this year.
I put my hands on my stomach and closed my eyes. I wasn"t ready to tell Jessica anything yet. She"d want to know. Jessica was nosy, and although she had grown up a lot from the woman who had raised me, and had become a good mom to my little brother, she was still not someone I wanted to talk to about this. I wasn"t ready to talk to Amanda about it yet either, and she was my best friend.
I needed to process everything first. This wasn"t just about me now. If I had told him, maybe he would have changed his mind and listened to me. But I didn"t want the fact that I was pregnant to control his decision. I wanted him to listen to me and trust me because he loved me.
We had been through so much together over the past five years. Until yesterday I thought that we were rock solid. That nothing could penetrate what we had built. Then he had pulled the rug out from under me and walked away. It hadn"t been my Jax who had done that. It was Jax, but he was different. It was a side of him I"d never seen.
It had also shown me I couldn"t trust someone that way ever again. I"d fallen in love with him so easily. I had stars in my eyes the moment he leveled that blue gaze at me. He hadn"t stolen my heart-I had laid it down at his feet after only knowing him a few months. And I had never taken it back. It was his.
Until now. When he had walked out of our house-or his house now-and not listened to me or asked me about what had really happened, my heart had shattered.
This morning, after I had stayed up all night crying and waiting on him to return, I had picked up the pieces of my heart and taken them back with me before stepping out of the mansion in Beverly Hills that had become my home.
It was his home. It had never been mine. And it never would be again.
The plane touched down and I looked out at the airport I wasn"t familiar with. We normally flew into Sea Breeze in a private jet. But I had used the money that I had saved in my bank account to get a plane ticket. All I had brought with me were the clothes I could fit into the only luggage I had: a Louis Vuitton set that Jax had given me for Christmas two years ago. Everything else I had I left there. Most of it he had bought for me anyway, and I didn"t want it.
There were some things, like my books and my pictures of Sam and Jessica, that I wanted. And there were some photos of Amanda and me at Marcus"s wedding that I kept on the mantel. I asked Barbara, the head of the house staff, to get it packed up for me, and I left her money and my mom"s address to ship it to me. She had hugged me tightly and told me that he"d come around. That she loved me and believed I"d be back soon.
I hadn"t had the heart to tell her that I"d never be back. I had I had squeezed back just as tightly and promised to call and check in soon. Then I had walked out of the house, leaving my memories and dreams behind.
When I walked off the plane and headed for baggage claim, the numbness that had settled over me remained. I wasn"t feeling anything. Nothing at all. Although I knew this was actually happening, I wasn"t processing it well.
When I stepped off the escalator, Jessica was standing there, looking entirely too beautiful to have a child my age. The look in her eyes, so full of pity and pain for me, did something. It flipped a switch. Tears filled my eyes and I walked straight to her and dropped my carry-on at her feet, then threw myself into my mother"s arms and began to sob.
"Oh, baby girl," she whispered. "I"m so sorry."
I knew I had to get a grip on myself. But seeing my mother had brought all the pain back. It was like I was reliving Jax walking out last night after telling me it was over.
"He"s an idiot. I"m going to put a hit out on him," my mother said as she ran her hand over my hair. If I weren"t hurting so much, I would laugh. Leave it to Jessica to threaten to have someone murdered.
I swallowed the next sob and took a deep breath. Then I pulled back, ducking my head as I wiped my face. Once I was sure I had it under control, I lifted my gaze back up to meet my mother"s. "Hey."
She frowned and cupped the back of my head. "Hey, you. Let"s go get those expensive-a.s.s bags of yours and go home. Sam will be thrilled to see you when he gets home."
Being reminded that I would see Sam soon made this all easier. I nodded and picked up the duffel bag that matched the rest of my luggage and headed for the baggage carousel.
My bags came out eventually, and then we headed for the car. Mom was driving a newer Honda. She had finished school last year, and she was now a labor and delivery nurse. Her income was good and she gave Sam a good home. I was proud of her.
We put my luggage in the trunk and the backseat. I had four bags with me, including my carry-on duffel, which I"d put all my underclothes and accessories in. I had made it out of the airport without anyone noticing me and approaching me. But I had also gone without makeup, my eyes were swollen from crying all night, and I had my hair in a ponytail with a baseball cap over it. A trick that Jax often tried, but it never worked for him.
My fame came from being Jax Stone"s girlfriend, and then fiancee, over the past five years. Once he was seen with new girls, I was sure that would end. People would soon forget I existed. My hand went back to my stomach and I remembered that maybe I wouldn"t be able to fade away. If the media ever found out that this baby was Jax Stone"s, I"d have to go into hiding.
That is, if I ever told Jax. He may have been able to brush me away with ease, but I knew him well enough to be sure he"d want to know his kid. But could I trust him to protect me, too? And not let the media eat my life up?
Jax Sadie"s red Mercedes Roadster that I had given her just two months ago was still parked in the garage s.p.a.ce that was designated for her. The Jaguar I had given her last year was parked in the next s.p.a.ce over. The other seven were also full as I pulled my Escalade ESV into the last s.p.a.ce. She wasn"t gone.
I hadn"t told her to leave. I had, however, ended things. Pain sliced through me as the idea of losing Sadie sank in. My head pounded from the hangover from h.e.l.l I had woken up with in the penthouse at the Wilshire. I wasn"t sure how I had even gotten there. After I had downed an entire bottle of vodka, things had started to fade away.
Sadie"s betrayal and the pain of having my heart ripped from my chest had numbed me, keeping me from drinking my weight in alcohol. It had been a reprieve until I woke up in my own vomit this morning, feeling like I"d been run over by a truck several times.
I stepped out of the Escalade and closed the door. I had to face her again. She"d had all night to decide what to do. When I had gotten a shower this morning and slowly started to sober up, the fear that she"d be gone when I got home had claimed me, and it had been hard to breathe.
She had been making out with my drummer behind my back. Seeing it from my publicist before it was going to hit the media today had been as painful as having my body sliced open slowly with a blunt knife. I had beat my drummer to the point that he was hospitalized, then I"d come home and finished unleashing my fury by yelling at Sadie.
Never had I ever imagined my sweet Sadie could do something like this. Just watching her try to explain it infuriated me and broke my heart at the same time. I didn"t want her lies. I had seen the proof. She"d gotten jaded by this life, and somehow I had missed it. Just like I had feared it would, it had gotten to her. People devoting websites to what she wore and where she went had gone to her head. It had changed her. The girl I had fallen in love with was now gone.
I had lost her, and it was all my fault. Bringing her into this world had ruined her. I never should have touched her. My selfishness had turned the most beautiful woman inside and out into what I despised.
She would have to leave. She wasn"t gone now, and she was probably ready to beg me so she wouldn"t lose this life I had given her. If she wasn"t Jax Stone"s fiancee, she was no one. She loved that life, apparently, and she wouldn"t go easily. Remembering that the girl I had fallen in love with was now gone would be hard. Forcing Sadie out of my house was going to destroy me.
This was a h.e.l.l that I would never overcome. That I never wanted to repeat. No woman would own me again. Ever.
I was done.
I opened the door leading into the house from the garage and stepped inside. She wasn"t waiting on me. At least I would have a moment before her groveling started and I had to stomach seeing the woman I had loved turned into a greedy monster that this world had created.
I dropped my keys onto the table, knowing someone would put them where they were meant to go, and headed to the hallway that led to the back side of the house. I didn"t hear anyone, but I knew there were at least six employees here at the moment.
When I finally made it to the hallway that led to our bedroom, I stopped and took a deep breath. If she was in there asleep, I had to be tough. Hard. I couldn"t let the vision of her sleeping in the bed where we"d had the best moments of my life get to me. Sadie would destroy me completely if I didn"t do this. She had already ruined me. My soul was gone. She"d taken that and killed it. If I was going to get over this and move on, she had to leave.
I had to be the one to make her.
The door to our room opened, and Barbara walked out with a box in her hands. She paused when she saw me, and then her face hardened. What the h.e.l.l? Had Sadie lied to her? Had the woman not seen the entertainment channels or looked at the paper today? h.e.l.l, we were going to be on the evening news before this was over. I wasn"t the one she should be p.i.s.sed at. But then, Sadie"s sweet face could charm a d.a.m.n snake. Beauty like hers blinded people.
"Is she in there?" I asked, angry that Sadie had turned my staff against me so easily.
Barbara scowled at me and shook her head. "No, sir. She"s gone. I"m finished packing up all her things, although she asked that I not send her the clothes she left behind. She didn"t want the things you had bought her. She had to take some of it because you"ve been her life for the past five years. But she wanted her pictures and some of the things she brought with her. I told her I would ship them to her mother"s. The things she left are still in her closet. I figured you could decide what you wanted done with them."
My breath stopped and my chest tightened. "She"s gone?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
Barbara nodded. "Yes, sir." She didn"t elaborate. She nodded again and walked past me as if she couldn"t get away from me fast enough.
I stared at the room, unable to move. She was gone. She"d left. She hadn"t begged me to forgive her or made up excuses and lies. Last night she"d begged me to let her explain, but when I had yelled at her to shut up, she had, and she"d not said another word.
Not wanting to walk into the room I"d shared with Sadie, but knowing I had to face it, I moved toward it, preparing myself for her to be gone. The room felt cold as I entered it. Like any warmth or heat it had once had was gone.
I let my gaze travel over the room. The pictures of us were all gone, as were the pictures Sadie had of Jessica and Sam. The walls felt bare now.
The table on her side of the bed was now bare. Her lip gloss she kept by the bed and the book she had been reading were gone. The photo of the two of us on the night of our engagement party was also missing.
Had she taken that?
I knew opening her closet was going to rip me wide open. Her smell would be there still. Was I ready to face that? No. I wasn"t. I headed to the master bathroom instead. Seeing all her lotions and perfumes and random jewelry no longer scattering the marble counter made the room seem dull and lifeless.
I"d made love to her on the counter so many times. Memories flashed in my head, making the pain so severe I had to bend over to get through it. My knees started to give out and I turned and walked away. I had to get out of there. I could smell her as I pa.s.sed the closet, and I inhaled deeply.
How was I going to live my life without that smell again? Without hearing her cry out my name and cling to me while I filled her? What I"d had with Sadie wasn"t something a man can forget. Pushing open her closet door, I stood there and let the scent of her engulf me. The purses I had bought her still lined the shelves, along with every pair of designer heels I had ever bought her. The outfits she"d worn to concerts, music awards shows, and to all the events we had attended still hung in the bags they were stored in. The only things missing were the Sadie clothes. The things that made her my Sadie. Her jeans, shorts, and T-shirts. She hadn"t taken the expensive clothing. She"d left all that. Did she even have a purse now? Did she have enough clothes?
Was she going back to her mom? In Sea Breeze? Where would she work? She had a degree in education that she hadn"t used yet because we didn"t have time for her to get tied down to a job. She had gone on tours with me and when I had to travel she went too. Would she teach school now?
She would need money. f.u.c.k!
I turned to look at the drawers that I knew held all her jewelry. Maybe she had taken that. She could sell it and live for years. I stalked over and jerked open the top drawer to see it completely full. I knew without looking that the others would be just as full. Reaching down, I picked up the five-carat diamond I had put on her finger when I asked her to spend forever with me. She"d cried and nodded before throwing herself into my arms.
Now it was nestled safely in this drawer. No longer on her slender finger, telling the world she was mine. She wasn"t mine now.
Giving in to the devastation, I fell to my knees and dropped my head into my hands as the sobs broke through me.
I"d lost my world.
Sadie Sam was cuddled up at my side, sound asleep, as I sat on the sofa in my mother"s house, which was bought and paid for by Jax Stone. It was a small three-bedroom house in a nice, safe neighborhood in Sea Breeze. I hadn"t allowed him to put her in anything bigger than this. There was no point. It was just her and Sam. She kept the third bedroom fixed up for the times Jax and I visited her, although we rarely stayed the night here.
I had left my phone with Barbara. It was one more thing that Jax Stone had given me. I wasn"t keeping a phone he paid for. I would call Amanda tomorrow when I was strong enough. Right now I needed to just let Sam distract me. He had shown me how he could write his ABC"s, and he had sung the national anthem for me. We had colored several pages from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles coloring book that I had sent him last week in the mail.
He had asked several times when Jax was coming. It had been like a knife to the heart every time he said his name. Jessica had explained to him the first few times that we wouldn"t be seeing Jax anymore, but he had been concerned and kept asking me. He loved Jax.