"Yes, you do," she agreed.
Jax When the doorbell chimed through the house, I knew it was her. No one else would come looking for me here. I hadn"t told a soul where I was. But Sadie would know. I ran down the stairs and headed for the front doors, unlatching them and jerking one open before the first chime ended.
She was standing there, dressed in the same jeans and thermal shirt she"d had on earlier today. Her eyes met mine, and I could see she was nervous. I hated to think of Sadie ever being nervous to come to me. I wanted to reach out and grab her and hold on for dear life. But she didn"t look like that was what she was hoping for. I stepped back and motioned for her to come inside.
"Opening your own doors?" she asked me, and I wasn"t sure if she was teasing or not.
"There isn"t any staff here. They left earlier this evening when I told them they could go," I explained. Although even if someone had been here, no one would have beaten me to the door tonight.
"Oh, well, that"s probably best. We don"t need anyone listening to us talk about this."
I agreed. I wanted Sadie alone and to myself.
"You hungry? Did you eat a good dinner?" I asked her, thinking about the fact that she needed to eat for not only her health but our baby"s as well.
"Jessica made me pasta salad and baked chicken," she said with a small smile. That little smile gave me hope. I hadn"t seen a smile on her face since the morning before I"d lost my mind.
"Good. Want dessert?" I asked. "Mrs. Mary left chocolate cake."
She shook her head. "No. I"m still too full."
Then we could talk. "Let"s go to the great room. More comfortable seating in there, and I"ve got a fire going."
"Okay," she replied.
Before I turned to lead the way, I held out my hand to her like I always did before we went anywhere. It was a habit and one I loved. She always came to me so willingly. This time her eyes went from me to my hand and she froze. Yet another thing I had ruined. My girl didn"t come to me anymore with ease.
"You don"t want to touch me anymore?" I asked, unable to keep my mouth shut and be patient with her.
She jerked her gaze back up to meet mine. "I . . . Of course I do. I just . . . G.o.d, Jax, this is so confusing."
I stepped toward her, reached down, and took her hand, threading her fingers through mine. "Not this part. This," I said, holding our joined hands up, "is never confusing."
She let me take her to the great room without moving her hand away.
I took her to the b.u.t.ter-leather sofa facing the fire and reluctantly let her hand go so she could sit down. I wasn"t moving across the room from her, though. We were going to talk, but we were going to be close to do it.
I sat down beside her and turned my body to face hers while draping an arm along the back of the sofa. "You came to see me. Not going to lie, Sadie, I"m really d.a.m.n hopeful right now."
She clasped her hands together in her lap and looked at them instead of me. "Can you promise me that you"ll never do that again? Never a.s.sume something of me without asking me first?" she asked, and then slowly turned her gaze to look at me.
She was here to give me a second chance. "Baby, I swear to G.o.d, I"ll never hurt you like that again. I would have to hear it straight from you before I believed anything bad of you ever again. And even then I don"t think I"d believe it. My girl is still as perfect as she was when I fell in love with her. I questioned that, and it will eat me up for a really long time. I can"t forgive myself, but I really want you to. I"ll do anything you ask. Just love me again, Sadie. Please."
She inhaled deeply and kept her eyes fixed on me. "If I hadn"t been pregnant, would you have come for me?"
I had asked myself this same question already. The answer was yes. I wouldn"t have been able to make it another night without seeing her and making sure she was okay. "Yes. Even when I believed that bulls.h.i.t, I was worried about you. I missed you. I never stopped loving you."
She studied me for a moment, and then she nodded. "I believe you."
I was ready to pull her in my arms now. "Can you love me? After all this . . . can you love me again?" I asked her, needing to know if her heart was going to be closed off to me forever.
She smiled. "I never stopped loving you. I wanted to. It would have been easier. But I can"t turn it off with a switch. I"ve loved you for five years, and I"ll love you for a hundred more."
I held out my hand again. "Come here." I waited to see if she would. Her small hand lifted, then slipped into mine. I tugged her over to me and grabbed her waist, then deposited her in my lap.
"I"m gonna need you now," I told her as I pulled her mouth to mine.
"M"kay," was her response just before my mouth covered hers.
Sadie Jax broke our kiss just long enough to pull my shirt up over my head and toss it aside. He got my bra off next, before easing me back onto the sofa while kissing the tops of my b.r.e.a.s.t.s and circling each areola with his tongue. When he bit each pebbled nipple, I cried out. But then, he knew I would.
I loved the tight sting from his teeth.
"We"ll be sweet later. Right now I need you," he said as his hands started working on my jeans and tugging them down my body. Once he had me completely naked, he stood up and stripped.
It was a sight that the majority of the female world fantasized about but that I got daily. The Jax Stone strip show. Nothing was better than that.
He kissed his fingertips, then touched his side, where my name was tattooed in the shape of an infinity sign.
"If you"d never believed me . . . would you have removed that?" I asked.
Jax lowered his body over mine and kissed a path up my stomach, through the valley between my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, then along my collarbone. "I was hurt, Sadie. But once I came out of my pain haze, I would have realized it didn"t f.u.c.king matter if you"d done it or not. I can"t live without you, baby."
"I"d never hurt you like that. I don"t want you to believe I could do that to you," I told him.
"Mmmm," he murmured in my ear. "Well then, make my ache feel better right now. Stand up for me and stick out that sweet a.s.s."
My body was already tingling, but those words made the tingles burst into flames. He moved off me, and I stood up and bent over to grab the back of the sofa.
His hands circled my waist and he groaned. "f.u.c.k, Sadie. This a.s.s is amazing." He put his hand between my legs. "Spread them wider."
I did as I was told and waited anxiously for him to fill me. This was normally how we ended fights. In one thrust he was inside me. I cried out his name and held on to the sofa as he moved his hips so that he slid in and out of me. "My sweet a.s.s," he said as he slapped one of my b.u.t.t cheeks.
Whenever we fought, Jax needed s.e.x that reminded him that I was his. It eased his mind. This was part of it. Claiming my body. The good part for me was that his words made me hotter.
"No one else gets to touch this. Just me. It"s always just been mine," he said in a reverent tone as he caressed the spot he had spanked. "Tell me it"s mine, Sadie."
Biting my lip, I kept from smiling, but I didn"t say anything. When I didn"t tell him he got more demanding, and I loved that. His hand slapped my other b.u.t.t cheek. "Tell me," he repeated, and I pressed back against him with my bottom and he growled.
His hand slid down to my swollen c.l.i.t, and he stopped moving. I was panting now, needing him to take me over the edge. "Tell me," he repeated in a deep, demanding voice.
"It"s yours. I"m yours," I said, desperate for him to take me there.
"f.u.c.king right I am," he growled, and slammed into me as his thumb played with my tenderness between my legs.
I started to tremble as my o.r.g.a.s.m built. "Now, Sadie," he said, and just like that I exploded as his arms wrapped around me to hold me up, and he emptied his release inside me.
We both shuddered and cried each other"s name. Then we were on the sofa and I was curled up at Jax"s side as he pulled a cashmere blanket over us. I laid my head on his chest and traced the infinity with my name on his side.
"Thank you. You always know when I need it like that, and you make it f.u.c.king amazing," he said as he kissed the top of my head.
"You"re welcome, but I enjoyed that mind-blowing o.r.g.a.s.m at the end, so it wasn"t all for you," I teased him.
He chuckled and pulled me closer. "I"m gonna want you again in a few minutes. I"ll be sweet this time," he said.
I wasn"t sure I needed sweet right now. "Maybe we could do sweet tomorrow. I kind of like the idea of you f.u.c.king me against the wall next."
"G.o.d, I love you," he said as his thumb slipped under my chin and he tilted my head back so that I was looking at him. "You tell me you want to be f.u.c.ked, and I"m hard instantly. You ready to deal with the reaction you created?"
Laughing, I moved on top of him. "I think I can handle it."
He reached for his jeans on the floor and reached into the pocket. "First, this needs to go back where it belongs. Where it will always belong. For f.u.c.king ever," he said as he slipped my engagement ring back on my finger. Then he kissed it. "Don"t ever leave me again, baby. Even if I act like a s.h.i.t. Slap me or get naked. Either will get my attention."
I grinned, bent down over him, and kissed his nose. "Why didn"t I think of that the first time?"
He chuckled and reached back to squeeze my bottom in his hands. "There won"t ever be a next time. I know how it feels to walk into our room and have you not be there. I never want to f.u.c.king feel that again."
I kissed his forehead, then trailed kisses down the side of his face to meet his lips. "Good," I said before I sank into a kiss that would get me pushed up against a wall, full of Jax Stone, within minutes.
Marcus and Willow from Because of Low Willow Eli was standing on a stool beside me, helping me roll up cookie dough, then pat it flat. His preschool cla.s.s was having a party tomorrow, and he was a.s.signed to bring the cookies. This was all he had talked about all week. To a three-year-old little boy, cookies were of upmost importance.
"Can we save one for Daddy?" he asked as he rolled the dough more than it actually needed, then pounded it down with his little palm.
"I think he"d love that. Why don"t you give him that one?" I suggested.
Eli beamed up at me. "Okay! I will," he replied. "But he won"t want to eat it alone. Maybe I should make one for me, too."
Leave it to my little boy to reason out how he could get a cookie tonight. Grinning, I pretended to think about it. "Okay, I guess that makes sense."
Marcus was over at Trisha and Rock"s, helping Rock build a basketball court in their backyard. They had said the project would only take a few days. It had taken two weeks so far. Trisha said if they"d stop playing ball themselves, they could finish the court.
I heard the front door open. Eli stopped what he was doing and jumped from his chair, then took off running toward the door for his father. Every day Eli looked more like Marcus. I touched my stomach and wondered if the baby girl in there was going to look like me or have more of her father"s beautiful features. I certainly wouldn"t mind if she did look like him.
"Larissa!" Eli cheered, and I stopped rolling cookie dough and went to wash my hands. If Larissa was here, then something was up. My sister hadn"t called me to tell me my niece was coming over.
"Take Larissa to your room, buddy. Y"all play for a bit while I talk to Mommy," Marcus told him. That was another major flag. He never sent Eli to play when he hadn"t seen him all day. He normally kept Eli attached to him until we tucked him into bed.
I headed for the hallway just as Marcus appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. His face was etched with concern.
"What"s wrong?" I asked, not even needing to ask if something was wrong. I could tell from his face.
"Tawny"s gone. Her clothes and things are gone. She"s left," Marcus said, looking at me with pain in his eyes. He didn"t want to have to tell me this. The fact that my sister was the awful woman who had ended his parents" marriage and was now married to Marcus"s father while they raised their daughter-that was something we had accepted and dealt with.
"What do you mean?" I asked, having a hard time believing my sister had just left her daughter. She was a lot of things, but surely she wasn"t this selfish. She loved Larissa. At least, I thought she did. I knew she at least loved Jefferson Hardy, Larissa and Marcus"s father.
"Dad got a call from Larissa"s school. It was three thirty, and no one had come to get her. Tawny wasn"t answering their calls. Dad said he went and got Larissa and then headed home to see if Tawny had fallen asleep or something. Her car was gone, and so were her things. She"s left them. She"s also had her phone turned off and sold her car for cash. It was found already at a sleazy dealership in Mississippi. Dad"s making phone calls and trying to track her down. He didn"t want Larissa to hear this. She"s asked about her momma twice now."
I grabbed a chair at the table and sank into it. "Oh G.o.d."
Deep down I had always worried that the happily-ever-after life Tawny had wanted wasn"t going to work for her. I just hadn"t imagined this scenario. I never thought she"d leave her daughter. Without a word.
Marcus pulled out the chair beside me, sat down, and slid his hands over my knees. "I need to tell Mom before someone else does. She needs to hear this from me and not a nosy friend of hers. I don"t want to call her and tell her over the phone. And I need to let Amanda know too."
"Yes, go tell them. I"ll get the kids in bed. We still have cookies left to make, and then we can read a book. Don"t worry about us. Just call me and keep me updated if your dad hears anything. I"ll think of anyone who might know where to find her and I"ll make some calls once the kids are in bed."
Marcus nodded and slipped his hand into my hair, then pulled my head to him so he could claim my mouth in a kiss. "I love you," he told me, then kissed me harder.
I enjoyed the taste of my husband but pulled back after a few seconds because he wasn"t letting up. "You need to go," I reminded him.
He nodded. "Yeah. I"ll hurry. Tell Eli I promise to make it up to him tomorrow. I"ll keep him home from preschool and he can go to work with me."
I laughed and shook my head. "Tomorrow is party day, and he"s taking the cookies."
Marcus grinned. "Okay then, movie night tomorrow night," he said.
"Much better," I agreed.
He kissed me one more time, quickly. "G.o.d, you"re s.e.xy as h.e.l.l. It"s hard to come home to this and then run off again."
"Hurry back," I told him, then slapped his tight a.s.s.
He winked at me, then headed for the door. I waited until it closed behind him to go check on the kids. I wanted to hug Larissa close to me and let her know I loved her. She needed some extra love right now. Tawny wasn"t the best mom, but she did love Larissa. Her father wasn"t the most affectionate man in the world, though.
Eli"s little head turned when I walked into the room. He had Larissa helping him put together his newest Lego set.
"Where"s Daddy?" he asked, looking perplexed. He had thought Marcus would be the one to come get them.
"He had to run to Grana"s. He"ll be back soon," I a.s.sured him. Then I turned my attention to Larissa. "Hey, princess, got some hugs for me?" I asked Tawny"s Mini-Me.
"Hey Lowlow," she said as she stood up. She ran over to me and threw herself into my arms. She held on extra tight and I squeezed back. She was six now, and she knew something was wrong. "I love you bunches," I told her.
"I love you more bunches," she said, and my heart broke a little more. How could Tawny leave her? More than once in my life I had hated my sister. This was one of those times.
"We"re making cookies. You want to help Eli and me finish them up?" I asked her. She pulled back and nodded excitedly.
"YAY!" Eli cheered, and ran from the room back toward the kitchen.
Larissa giggled, and I stood up. Her little hand reached up and slipped into mine. Her little grasp was tight, and I held on to her just as tightly as we followed Eli back into the kitchen.
Marcus When I pulled into my mother"s driveway, my father"s truck was already there. What was he doing? The jacka.s.s comes running to my mom for help when his current wife leaves him? Dammit!
I jumped out of my truck and slammed the door before stalking up to the house. I didn"t knock. I just opened the door and walked inside. I could hear their voices from the living room, so I headed that way. My dad better have had a f.u.c.king good reason for coming over here. And when I say good reason, it better be because Tawny"s sorry a.s.s was here hiding in the garage. If that wasn"t the reason, then he was getting my fist in his face.
My mother didn"t need this bulls.h.i.t.
"I thought she said it was fine. She was good with the divorce," I heard my mother say. I stopped walking.
"I heard the door. Wait," my dad demanded, before appearing in the hallway. Our gazes locked.