Alara rolled her eyes as she stood up. "You know, I can see why you want to go to law school. You have one sharp mind." She was laughing as she tapped the side of her head in mock amazement. I attempted to throw a pillow at her as she left the room but between my achy muscles and my horrible athleticism, I ended up knocking over my lamp.
"Dammit," I muttered as I slumped down and rolled my face into another pillow.
"There, there." Alara patted my arm, and I looked up to see she"d also righted the lamp. "You get an A for effort."
"That"s a stupid grading system," I grumbled. A knock sounded at the door, and if a knock could sound excited, this one did. My roommate"s smile stretched wide, but when she looked down at me, it faltered slightly.
"I"ll see you in a couple days?"
"Yes," I answered resolutely. "Now get outta here."
"Call if you need anything."
"Yes, mom." We both ignored the slight tension that word brought about as we said one more round of goodbyes. And ten minutes later, I heard the front door softly shut before the lock clicked.
I closed my eyes and thought about what Alara said. Was Damien my boyfriend? Admittedly, in the beginning I wasn"t looking for that, I was looking for a distraction, and of course s.e.x. But even now, I didn"t think it was a good idea to get involved. Between the potential that Damien was a rebound, the fact that I"d be leaving for law school in a few months, and- But didn"t he say he wasn"t interested in that either? Yes, yes he did. So I didn"t have to a.n.a.lyze what I might be feeling. We were having s.e.x. That was all. That was what he wanted, and that was what I wanted. And for now, the rest didn"t have to matter.
"Hey." I looked over to see Ellie shuffling into the kitchen, clad in a baggy black T-shirt and black thigh-highs that had panda heads on top.
"Good morning."
She groaned and covered her nose. "Is it? What"s that smell?"
Raising my eyebrows, I nodded toward the frying pan. "Bacon? I thought I"d make your favorites."
"That"s really sweet, but-" She cut herself off before jumping from the chair she"d just sat down on and fleeing down the hall. Quickly following, I found her on her knees bent over the toilet. I crouched down and rubbed small circles on her back as the morning sickness pa.s.sed.
"Are you okay?"
Ellie gave me a small, hesitant nod as I stood up and ran a hand towel under the faucet. Returning to her side, I handed it to her and helped her up.
"So, no bacon?"
She frowned and shook her head. "Sorry, D. I appreciate the gesture, though."
"No problem. What does the little guy feel like?"
Laughing, she placed her hand on her stomach. "Uhh... I feel like such a cliche, but a pickle sounds heavenly."
"Then a pickle you shall have." I moved back to the kitchen to toss the bacon and grab my keys. "I"ll be right back." I closed the door and made my way to my car. I had just gotten in, when an unknown number flashed on my screen. My finger hovered over ignore, but for some reason, I answered instead.
"h.e.l.lo?"
"Damien?" The voice was a tentative whisper and while it sounded familiar, I couldn"t place it.
"Who is this?"
"Alara. Naomi"s roommate."
"Oh. What"s up?"
There was a pause as I started the car and backed out. "Well, I"m headed out of town for the week and Naomi"s pretty sick." I had to bite my tongue to keep from asking how bad it was and what exactly was wrong. "I know she says you guys are just having fun, or whatever... but I got the impression you cared about her-"
"I do," I replied swiftly. I was sick of worrying about scaring Naomi off. I didn"t want to pretend I felt less than I did anymore.
"A lot," Alara finished, and I could hear the smile in her voice. She cleared her throat. "I was wondering if you could check on her for me? She"s stubborn-"
"And the sky is blue," I deadpanned.
She laughed in agreement. "Exactly, and I"m afraid that even if she gets really sick she won"t call anyone for help. She"s probably fine, but I just worry."
A weird, unfamiliar sensation pulled at my heart as I thought of Naomi being sick and alone. "Yeah, that"s not a problem."
I could still hear the smile in her voice as she thanked me and hung up.
I frowned as I waited for Naomi to open the door after my fourth knock. I was one second away from calling her, when the door swung open to reveal her pale and sweaty complexion. After Alara had called I still needed to head to work, but I begged off after half a day and told Claire I"d come in early tomorrow. As usual, she didn"t have a problem with it. But when I took in how haggard Naomi looked, I was starting to wonder if I should have asked for tomorrow off as well.
"What are you doing here?" she slurred before turning around and violently coughing over her shoulder. When she turned back around her eyes were closed and she was leaning against the door. "You realize I can"t have s.e.x like this, right? I mean, I know I"m awesome in bed but even I have limits."
I laughed and rolled my eyes, relieved she was still sa.s.sing me. "I came to check on you."
Her eyes popped open. "How"d you even know I was sick?"
"Alara called."
"Son of a"-cough-"b.i.t.c.h." She gave me a weak smile. I returned it until she started tilting sideways. Quickly moving forward, I caught her and held her up as I backed her into the common room. "Woah, woah. You"re okay. I"ve got you."
I set her on the couch as she scowled at me. "You don"t have to stay. I"m perfectly"-cough-"fine. I can take care of"-cough-"myself."
"Sure you can." I gave her a pat on the head, which she weakly swatted at, before I went to the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle.
"I"m serious," she grumbled, grabbing the water from me and taking a sip.
"Me too." There was no trace of joking or compromise in my voice this time. "I"m staying."
"Whatever," she mumbled as she got up and shuffled toward her bedroom.
I followed after her. "Have you taken anything?"
"Are you still here?" she asked as she crawled into bed. Laughing at her dejected tone, I followed. She was lying curled away from me while I sat up against the headboard. She groaned when she felt the shift and muttered, "Fine. I guess you can stay."
"Never up for debate, sweetheart."
Naomi grunted. "Has anyone ever told you you"re annoying?"
"Probably just as many people that have told you you"re a stubborn pain in the a.s.s." She laughed and I"d thought she"d quickly fall asleep, but a few minutes of silence lapsed and she laughed again.
"What"s so funny?" I asked.
"Is this the new protocol for f.u.c.k buddies?" She looked over her shoulder before twisting around fully. The sheet was clenched in her hands and pulled up to her chin. She tried to inject humor into her tone, but I could see the tension in her body; her movements were stiff and words were carefully measured. But the look in her eyes said something different-she was touched I was still here. So even though she felt a little uncomfortable, she was also happy. "f.u.c.k buddies don"t see each other outside of the s.e.x. They"re practically one step away from being a paid wh.o.r.e."
"Hey." I leaned forward and grabbed her jaw, gently but with purpose so she knew what I had to say wasn"t a joke. "You"re not a wh.o.r.e." I emphasized the word with a scowl. I didn"t know if she"d had one-night stands before, but that was irrelevant. It was also irrelevant that she"d clearly been kidding. No one would talk about her that way, not even her.
Naomi gave me an affectionate smile as she placed her hand on top of mine and asked, "Who said the wh.o.r.e was me?"
I smiled in return, too relieved to be insulted. Touche. "You know-"
I was cut off as she dropped my hand and began violently hacking. As she scrambled out of bed, her foot caught in the bedding and I quickly leapt forward to catch her before she hit the floor. She latched onto my arm to steady herself as she continued coughing. Naomi tried to move forward once more, but I gently scooped her into my arms before quickly heading toward the bathroom and setting her on her feet. She immediately fell to her knees before throwing up in the toilet. And didn"t this feel like dej vu.
"You"re okay," I murmured as I rubbed her back, thankful her hair was already pulled up and away from her pale face. A few minutes later, after the last of her dry heaves subsided, she gently sat back, her a.s.s perched on her ankles. Her eyes were closed in pain, and I felt that tug at my heart once more. I went to grab a cloth from under her sink when something caught my eye. Laughing, I pulled it out and held it toward her.
"Would this help?" I asked, trying to take her mind off her pain.
She turned to look and let out a laugh. It was barely a puff of air with how exhausted she was and her smile was small, but the beauty of it still hit me right in the chest. "No, I don"t think she"d help."
"She?" I asked as I put her neon blue vibrator back and grabbed a washcloth, wetting it and wringing it out before lightly wiping her mouth.
"Yes, she. I don"t need a man to take care of me." Naomi gave me a halfhearted glare, waiting for me to contradict her, but I said nothing. We were silent for several minutes as her eyelids fluttered. I held another clean wet washcloth against her forehead, and I knew she must have been extremely exhausted if she was willing to let me help her.
"You didn"t hide it very well," I commented.
She kept her eyes closed but a tiny smile graced her pale and chapped lips. "I didn"t hide it at all. I"d have kept it up on my vanity if Derek grew some b.a.l.l.s and didn"t get so squeamish about it."
I paused and thought about my own sister keeping her d.i.l.d.o on display in her bedroom, and I almost repeated Naomi"s upchuck performance from minutes ago. Shaking my head, I said, "You should be happy Derek didn"t just throw it out. That"s what I would have done."
"Well lucky for me, Derek isn"t the controlling a.s.shole you are. He"s just an a.s.shole."
I smiled, I didn"t know how, but that statement somehow conveyed the world of love Naomi had for her brother. "C"mon, you need some sleep." I held out my hand, which she immediately took before letting me lead her back to bed.
As soon as her head hit the pillow, her eyes shut and her breaths became shallow. She shivered, so I swung my legs over the side of the bed and went looking for an additional blanket in her closet. I opened the door, immediately seeing a baby-blue knitted quilt on the top shelf. After grabbing it, I turned back around and stopped at the sight in front of me. She was lying on her side, with her hands tucked together under her cheek. Her eyes were closed but she was smiling.
Suddenly, I was blindsided by how hard I was falling for this girl. This was just the beginning and yet it felt like we were somewhere in the middle, too. I was feeling things too soon and wanting things too fast. And part of me thought I should"ve been freaked out and running for the door, but I wasn"t. I wanted this, wanted her, so much that even a scary-fast commitment wouldn"t scare me. And she thought we were just sleeping together...
Shaking my head, I closed the closet door and returned to her side. Her eyes opened as I gently laid the blanket down and tucked it in around her body.
"I feel like a child." My position mirrored hers as I lay on my side facing her. I let my hand trail down the side of her clammy face, rubbing my thumb across her cheekbone. I glanced down and watched her throat bob with a nervous swallow.
"Go to sleep," I whispered. She didn"t hesitate to close her eyes and her breathing evened out, but just when I thought she"d fallen asleep, she spoke.
"Why are you here?" I almost did a double take to make sure it was still Naomi in bed with me. Her voice was never that soft or unsure. I thought about it for a minute, because there were so many reasons.
Alara asked me to.
You"re sick.
You need me.
She fell asleep before I could answer, but my thoughts kept running. None of those reasons were the truth, because there wasn"t really a reason I was there. I just was. I was there because it was where I was supposed to be, for no other reason than I belonged with Naomi. Whether was she sick or not.
As I watched her sleep, that answer rang truest...
Because being with you is simply where I"m meant to be.
Truth time. I started freaking out a little, making it harder to ignore those pesky little feelings I"d been avoiding. Alara had been right. Damien was starting to feel like my boyfriend. First, there was the impromptu slumber party and family-style breakfast from two weeks ago. I tried to brush it off and not be bothered by it, because it wasn"t awkward or weird, actually it was quite the opposite. It felt too normal and nice, and like something I could get used to. But it had been a one-time deal and I couldn"t exactly kick him out, so whatever. Like I said, it was one time, so I figured no harm, no foul.
Then he came over and took care of me when I was sick last week. Caleb never did that. Not because he hadn"t cared, but just because he was a major germaphobe and never wanted to risk catching anything himself. Was it selfish? Maybe. Had I cared? Not really, because I"d never really felt any better the few times he had been there.
But Damien was different. Damien hadn"t worried whether or not he"d get sick. He even kissed me when he left for work the next morning. He"d tried to take the day off, but I practically shoved him out the door, reminding him he had a younger sister who was pregnant and jobless to take care of. I didn"t know if I was crossing a line, but he seemed to appreciate that I didn"t hold back, even as he faltered on what to do. We ended up compromising. I let him set me up in bed with everything I could possibly need-which to him meant five bottles of Gatorade, four bottles of water, cough drops, pain relievers, a heating pad, tissues, extra blankets, the television remote, some slices of toast, and a bowl of soup. When I had asked him what I would do if the soup got cold, he seriously considered moving the microwave onto my nightstand. It was quite possibly one of the craziest and dumbest things I"d ever heard, which also meant it was one of the sweetest.
So, yeah, I had freaked and that resulted in us cooling it for a few days. Or I guess I cooled it for a few days. He had tried to come back over that night, but I"d lied and said I was staying with Derek for a few days and that I might not have time to "hang out"... I actually f.u.c.king said that.
Damien had continued to reach out. He"d texted a couple of times and, surprisingly, I hadn"t gotten the impression he was angry or confused. Maybe he had been just as freaked out as I was.
When a few days turned into a week, I received a text. I was just getting out of cla.s.s, and it"d been particularly brutal going to cla.s.s this week after having a week off (even if I was sick for most of it), so I was relieved when his message popped up. But I also knew the relief stemmed from the fact that I"d missed him.
Damien: Can I stop by?
Me: Sure. I"ll be home in an hour.
Nervous flutters made their way through me. I didn"t know what to expect or what he was thinking, but over the week I came to realize we hadn"t just been having s.e.x. Even though it had only been about two months since we met, we had spent nearly every night together for a month straight, and when we weren"t s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g like rabbits, we were talking or laughing or just slowly, mindlessly kissing. It would be stupid of me to think all of that meant anything else. I just had to tell him how I was feeling and then figure out where Damien stood.
I wasn"t all that nervous. Because when I really thought about the looks he"d given me, and not just the ones when he was buried deep inside of me, but the ones when I"d said something snarky or been glaring at him, I realized I was almost positive he was feeling the exact same thing.
My hungry gaze took him in. Even though it hadn"t been that long since I"d seen him, Damien"s beard looked a little scruffier than usual and his hair was down for a change, just skimming his shoulders. His long, impressive legs were encased in dark wash jeans and I could only imagine how his black T-shirt clung to his abs. If I could just get rid of that pesky jacket...
I was still undressing him in my head, when all of a sudden he took my mouth in a hard, angry kiss that had me mentally cataloguing if this weeklong cooling off period could warrant this reaction. I came up negative.
I shoved him back and let my eyes wander over his face. "What"s wrong?"
Stepping back, he blew out an aggravated breath. I"d never seen him so upset before. "Nothing."
My eyes narrowed. "Bulls.h.i.t. Tell me."
That caused his eyes to narrow. "You"re right, something is wrong. But it"s none of your business."
"None of my business?"
"Yeah. The cold shoulder you"ve been giving me this week made that perfectly clear. You"re not my girlfriend, you"re barely my friend. You"re my f.u.c.k buddy, right? One step above a paid-for wh.o.r.e, that"s how you put it, yes?"
Ouch. That stung. It was one thing when I said it as a joke, it was another when he said it with malice. I thought that had been the worst of it until he finished with, "And if you can"t be that right now, just let me know and I"ll leave." Because for some reason my brain decided to add, and find someone who can.
It hurt to think of him with someone else, it hurt to imagine I was so easily replaceable. I didn"t want to think, but how do you not when you"ve been cheated on?
Damien could be rude, I discovered that the first day I met him. But I never imagined he"d be needlessly cruel. And while I probably shouldn"t have been angry, because everything he"d said was technically the truth, it still hurt. It hurt because I"d just decided we could be more, and it hurt because it felt like he"d used things I"d told him and turned them into weapons.