The thought left an ache in my chest.
"What does that have to do with anything? How was it?"
"That"s what I"m trying to tell you, dingbat. It was weird. I just hopped into his car and had s.e.x with him," I finished with a frown. Looking over, I saw a similar expression on Sherry"s face.
"Wasn"t that the point?"
I closed my eyes as I leaned against the headrest. "Yeah, but... I just didn"t expect to feel so cheap. I love s.e.x, but I"ve only ever had it in a relationship. I guess it felt a little weird being intimate like that with someone I barely knew, someone I wasn"t even considering dating." I shivered as I thought back. "But at the same time, it was fantastic. It was just a little unfamiliar. But I guess since I"d never been with anyone besides Caleb it was gonna be weird no matter what, right?"
She had a sad, faraway look on her face as she thought about. "Yeah, it"d be weird." I saw her swallow roughly. I gave her a what-aren"t-you-telling-me expression, but her attention was solely on the road as she adjusted her hands to the ten-and-two position. I opened my mouth, ready to demand she tell me why I could see heartbreak in her eyes.
"So, I"ll see you later?" Sher asked as she pulled up next to my car. She"d completely returned to normal, no pretenses of pain or anguish in her eyes or voice, so I let it go... for now.
"Hey, Sher?"
"Yeah?"
I hesitated, disbelieving I was about to say this. "Don"t tell Alara, okay?"
Sherry frowned and shook her head. "I don"t understand. Why wouldn"t you tell her?"
My palm was resting on the door handle, itching to let me out. I didn"t know what to say. I didn"t have a good reason, and Alara would be crushed to learn I was keeping something from her... well, two somethings. But she was finally happy, not just settling for not being unhappy. She was truly, genuinely happy, and I didn"t want to do anything to bring her back down.
Just as I opened my mouth, my phone started ringing. Fishing it out of my purse, I saw a number I didn"t recognize. My heartbeat kicked up. I hadn"t given Damien my number a few nights ago, had I?
"Sorry, gotta go," I muttered before jumping out of her car and unlocking mine. I hit "accept" and shoved the phone between my ear and shoulder before dropping down into my car, secretly excited that he found a way to contact me.
"h.e.l.lo?" I answered as I started the engine and reached for my seat belt.
"Naomi?" I froze as the soft and very familiar voice floated over the line. My mind was blank as I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. "Naomi? You there?" she asked again.
"Yeah," I managed to croak out, loosening my grip and shaking out the ache in my fingers. This was the first time I"d heard my mother"s voice in two years.
"Hi," she breathed out, sounding relieved and in awe all at once. "It"s your mother."
Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, I responded, "I know."
"How are you?" Her voice was timid as it reached through the phone and tugged at my heart.
"I"m fine." The clipped response came out cold.
"That"s good, I"m glad." She paused, and when she spoke again it was slightly rushed, like she was grasping at what to say. "Derek tells me you"ve applied to some law schools."
I took a deep breath and counted to five, switching to speaker phone and placing it in my lap so I could grip the steering wheel once more. "I"m going to law school."
"You"ve been accepted already?" Her reply was quick, enthused and proud. Almost like she was a mother who cared.
"No. But I have no doubt I will be. I"ve worked hard, no thanks to..." I trailed off, letting the silent you hang there.
"Right, of course. I-"
"Are we done, Julie? I have other things to do." I cringed at my own callousness, but I didn"t take back my words, even as I heard her suck in a sharp breath and shuffle away from the phone.
Several seconds of silence pa.s.sed before she replied, "I have some things I"d like to talk to you about. It"s important." I could hear the sniffles she was trying to hide as her voice quivered.
I laughed, ugly bitterness coating the sound. "The only thing that has ever been important to you is heroin."
"That"s not true," she whispered.
"No?" I asked. "How about when I was ten and had my first dance recital, or when I was sixteen and heading off to prom, or-and this is my favorite-what about when I was eighteen and graduating high school? I knew it had been pretty f.u.c.king stupid of me to expect you to show up, but dummy me, I still had." I closed my eyes when my voice broke over the last word.
"Naomi," she sobbed, not bothering to hide the fact that she was full-on crying.
I felt my traitorous eyes start to water. "Don"t call me again." Picking up the phone, I hit end before powering the thing off completely.
"G.o.d f.u.c.king dammit," I muttered as I looked up in an effort to keep the tears from falling. I blew out a sigh of relief several minutes later when my face remained dry, not a single tear having fallen.
I blamed the entire afternoon for why I was back at Swerved on Valentine"s Day, looking for Damien yet again.
I shut my eyes for a couple seconds before opening them, letting them adjust to the dim lights of the club. My gaze immediately went to the bar, starting with where I saw him last time and trailing down the entire line until I came to the other end. Frowning, I moved my eyes through the crowd only to come up empty as well. I nearly rejoiced when my gaze went back to the bar and there stood the bartender from the other night.
As I shoved my way through the crowd, more than a few hands lingered. Fortunately they dropped quickly as I kept my pace. I was about twenty feet from the bar when a bulky chest appeared in front of me. Looking up, up, and up, it felt like years before I finally saw his face. He was easily the largest man I"d ever seen, with muscles bulging everywhere. And, contrary to popular belief, there was such a thing as too much muscle. For instance, if I thought you could snap my neck with only your thumb and forefinger, you were definitely too buff.
"Hey, baby." He leered, while I cringed at my least favorite term of endearment. Giving him what I hoped was a discouraging and curt nod, I moved to step around him, only for him to block my path.
"Wanna dance?" he asked before licking his lips and slowly ogling my body. I shivered, already knowing I"d need at least three showers to stop feeling this creep"s gaze. He stepped forward, dismissing my obvious distaste, and before I knew it he was palming my a.s.s, pulling me closer and bending toward me like he was going to whisper in my ear. I reared my leg back, preparing to put my full force behind kneeing him in the nuts. But he must have felt the shift because he quickly reached out and gripped my knee, stopping its trajectory. I whimpered as he increased pressure.
"Tsk, tsk... that wasn"t very nice." I wasn"t one to panic, but it"d be stupid to think I could take him. Like I said, he was a f.u.c.king giant. My only option would be to- My thoughts were interrupted as a hand shot out and grabbed the guy"s beefy wrist before twisting, thereby releasing his hold on me. I stumbled backward and looked up in time to see that Damien and one other guy had already subdued the creep and were calmly walking him toward the exit. I was still frozen in my spot when Damien returned.
"I think he might have done you a favor by blocking you. That guy is built like a G.o.dd.a.m.n mountain, why would you even try it?" Damien asked with a concerned frown.
I quickly unfroze. "So I should"ve just waited for your rescue? No thanks. And I think I"ll hold off on thanking him considering we"ll probably find a bruise on my knee in the morning." I began rubbing the affected area, wincing when I hit a particularly tender spot.
His jaw hardened and his eyes narrowed. "I don"t know what comment I want to respond to first." I quirked my eyebrows in response as he continued. "If I"d known he actually hurt you I would have made his exit a lot more painful." I shivered for the second time in ten minutes, this time for an entirely different reason. The thought of Damien beating the c.r.a.p out of that guy shouldn"t be a turn-on, should it?
Trying to move on from my possibly disturbing thoughts, I said, "What was the other thing you wanted to comment on? And it better not be a joke about bruised knees and b.l.o.w. .j.o.bs."
He smiled, relief shining through his eyes as he a.s.sessed my knee. "No. But I"m ashamed it didn"t cross my mind. What I was going to say was, if I"m going to see you in the morning you"ll have to not run away this time." Raising his eyebrows, he leveled me with a hard stare that was annoyed and heated all at once.
"Yeah. I shouldn"t have..." I trailed off. I didn"t exactly know what I was apologizing for. And for some strange reason a test and bubble sheet popped into my head. I had always excelled at taking tests, maybe I could figure it out that way.
Why was Naomi Donahue apologizing to Damien, the douche?
A. For soliciting him for s.e.x B. For bailing on him after s.e.x C. For seeking him out after bailing on him after s.e.x D. All of the above I internally growled, still unsure of the answer. That d.a.m.n all of the above choice was the bane of any test taker"s existence, and I didn"t doubt it had been the downfall for many students over the years. It certainly was my downfall right now.
"No, you shouldn"t have," Damien said, interrupting my thoughts. My gaze grew suspicious as I tried to decide what he thought I should be apologizing for. His l.u.s.t-filled gaze roamed over me, so the only answer that made sense was B, for bailing on him after s.e.x.
"Since when do boys give a d.a.m.n? Isn"t that the dream? That the girl scurries away as soon as it"s over?" I tried to act unaffected as his hot stare pinned me in place.
"It"s possible most boys want that. But I"m a man, sweetheart... or have you already forgotten?" With a smirk, he folded his arms across his chest. I watched his not too buff yet not too thin arms flex, and my brain short-circuited as I remembered those arms banded around me while he was thrusting into me. My eyes moved to his fingers, remembering them rubbing expert circles over my c.l.i.t and- "So, what are you doing here?" he asked, shaking me out of my dirty thoughts. "Looking for me?"
Hating that he was right and hating that he was so smug about it, I narrowed my eyes before looking behind me and finding one of my gropers from earlier staring at me. I smoothed out my expression and smiled before turning back around to face Damien. "Nope," I answered as I began walking backward toward the other guy, and with one last, longing glance at his powerful... ahem... arms, I turned my back on Damien.
"Hey."
"Hi." The groper grinned and put an arm around my waist. I hated it. I"d come here looking for Damien, and now I was stuck with this clown. And for what? All because I was too pigheaded to admit the truth? Why did I have to be so stubborn?
I stayed slightly stiff as he moved closer. He reeked of cigarettes and his arms were loose around me, nowhere near as commanding as- "Damien," the guy said, sounding surprised. I looked over my shoulder to see Damien glaring at the guy before wrapping an a.s.sertive hand around my bicep and gently pulling me out of his lax hold.
"James." His tone was so cold penguins could have marched through Swerved and they"d have been freezing. James" eyes bulged slightly as he watched Damien"s arm go around my shoulders.
Holding up his hands, he looked solely at Damien and said, "Sorry, dude, I didn"t know she was yours." I barely had time to blink before he was walking away. But Damien didn"t relax, his arm stayed taut around me as he led me to the end of the bar.
"Yours?" I hissed as he continued toting me around. "I"m not property and-hey, where the h.e.l.l are we going?" He ignored me again as he walked us down the adjoining hallway to a back room. The door had just shut when I yanked myself out from under his arm and stepped away.
"Answer me," I demanded as I put my hands on my hips. "What the h.e.l.l-?"
Damien"s mouth came crashing down on mine as he pushed me back against the door, his hand cupping my head to brace it from hitting the wood. I grew dizzy as he invaded all my senses. His musky cologne a.s.saulted my nose and as his warm tongue slid over mine, I relished the light taste of coffee and spearmint that made his kiss that much sweeter.
It was strange at first, mainly because of how different this kiss was from Caleb"s. My ex-boyfriend was more than okay with me taking charge or with us sharing control, but Damien was completely different. It wasn"t even a question of who was in control, he just was. So every time I tried to push up and take more or change the pace, it was unusual to be met with resistance. And as I moved my hands around and gripped his back, his lips pressed down harder and his own hold tightened, like he couldn"t get me close enough. I had never gotten these reactions before.
I felt a little guilty for comparing the two, but it was hard not to as Damien"s kisses lit me up and left me breathless in a way that Caleb"s never had.
This kiss was exactly what a first kiss should be. Pa.s.sionate and wild, and with a promise of more to come.
It was a terrifying, but exhilarating, thought.
His lips continued to move carefully over mine, like he was planning out every action. Nothing was rushed or by chance. Damien"s teeth tugged on my lower lip as his calloused palms ran over my cheeks before skimming down my neck. They landed on my b.r.e.a.s.t.s and squeezed roughly. I moaned into his mouth at the delicious combination of gentle and harsh. My ex-boyfriend had always been one speed, but I had a feeling that even with time, I"d never fully know what to expect from Damien.
And that was exactly why I came here. To shut off my brain. To forget. To be so wrapped up in him I couldn"t find my way out.
I could barely remember who I was, let alone remember all the c.r.a.p weighing me down. It was just me and him, and the only world that mattered was the one flowing between us, where all that existed were beautiful kisses and tender caresses.
In this world, one of my best friends wasn"t drowning in some invisible heartbreak and too afraid to let me in.
In this world, my brother wasn"t disappointed in me.
And in this world, my mother wasn"t reaching out for my forgiveness, something I wasn"t sure I could give.
Naomi was pulling her skirt down when a hard, loud knock sounded at the door. Her eyes widened slightly, but other than that she made no move to fix her hair or remove that "just f.u.c.ked" look.
"Yeah?" I asked, my eyes still firmly on her.
"There"s a situation up in the VIP area, we need some more muscle," Rex, one of my five coworkers for tonight, called out.
"I"ll be up in two."
He thumped his fist against the door in acknowledgement before walking back down the hall.
"Would you give me a chance to change your mind?" I asked as Naomi slid on one of her shoes that had fallen off.
"About what?" She touched both her ears, most likely checking that her earrings were still on. I grinned in response-yeah, the s.e.x had gotten pretty wild. And thank G.o.d the club was loud, because so was she.
"About me being impressive?" I smirked and crossed my arms, feigning casual to make her feel comfortable.
Her eyebrows had been bunched in confusion, but they quickly rose into her hairline in disbelief. "I"m not looking-"
"Me neither," I cut her off quickly. I knew it had been coming, so my lie was ready. While Naomi tried to hide it-and she hid it well for the most part-I could see the apprehension in her. Somehow I just knew she wouldn"t be looking for a relationship, even if she wasn"t a one-night stand kind of girl either.
And truthfully if I were smart about it, I"d realize I didn"t have time for a relationship either. I didn"t have time for any of this. I had two jobs, a pregnant, trying to stay sober sister to take care of, and payments to make, all while trying to fulfill my own dream of saving up for my own tattoo shop... so, yeah, to say I was busy would be an understatement.
But when a smart, gorgeous, feisty girl entered your life, you didn"t ask questions, you didn"t second-guess, you took her.
And I"m taking her.
I hadn"t been actively seeking out the serious relationship I eventually knew I wanted because I hadn"t felt like I was missing anything. But as I watched her eyes turn wary, I could slowly feel myself becoming empty.
People always talked about meeting that one special person and instantly feeling full, feeling more complete. And maybe that would come. But right then all I felt was hollow. Because even though I had her in front of me, she wasn"t mine yet, and all her presence was doing was making me realize that I"d been missing something-even though I hadn"t known it.
She was what I"d been missing, and here she was standing in front of me, wearing a frown to cover her fear.
Looking at the wall behind her, I thought about what to say next. "What I"m asking is, do you want to-?"
"Be your f.u.c.k buddy?" Naomi finished with a grin before putting a hand to her chest, batting her eyelashes and faking a swoon. "Why I thought you"d never ask. It"s what every girl dreams about." Despite the levity to her statement, I could see her seriously contemplating it.
"There wouldn"t be anyone else," I demanded harshly. "You don"t sleep with anyone but me, and I don"t sleep with anyone but you." I held my breath as I waited for her to respond, uncharacteristically anxious she"d still say no. It wouldn"t matter if she did, I"d still pursue her.
Several seconds of silence pa.s.sed before she nodded, reaching into her purse and pulling out a piece of paper. After looking around for a pen, she quickly jotted something down before handing the crumpled paper to me. I smiled down at the number staring back at me as I heard the door open and shut, signaling her exit. I didn"t mind her lack of goodbye and speedy exit this time.
Tapping the paper, I began thinking about how I"d work this, how I"d gently bring her around to the idea of a relationship. I could tell Naomi wanted control. It was in the way she carried herself, in the way she spoke, and in the way she kissed. Every time I had pushed, she pushed back a little harder and held on a little tighter. She was begging for more of it, which was how I knew that eventually she would come around to the idea. I just needed to give her time.
Naomi wasn"t ready yet. But I didn"t mind waiting, after all... good things come to those who wait.
"Naomi. Wake up." A hand gripped my shoulder and gently shook until I opened my eyes.
"Mommy?" I asked as I squinted into the darkness.
"Yeah, baby, it"s me." She stroked my hair as I adjusted my princess nightgown.
"Are you okay? Did you have bad dreams?" I asked, suddenly worried. The only time I ever woke anyone up in the middle of the night was because of bad dreams.
My mommy gave me a soft smile before bending down to kiss my forehead. "No, sweetie. I have that beautiful dreamcatcher you made me, remember? I don"t have bad dreams anymore."
Sucking my bottom lip into my mouth, I mumbled, "Derek said they"re stupid and that they don"t work."
Her smile stayed as bright as ever. "Derek"s just jealous because you didn"t make him one." I frowned as I thought about it. Ms. Sanders said I only had time to make one. I would have made him one, but she didn"t let me. I opened my mouth to tell her when she stood up and held out her hand.