"No. I wouldn"t want to." Ellie gave me a meaningful glance before looking at Naomi and offering her a smile. "It"d just be nice to have a job. To contribute and to get things going for the little guy." She looked down at her stomach with a smile.
"You don"t have to, Els. I can take care of you, both of you."
"You shouldn"t have to." Her forceful words and expression stunned us all, and a furious blush overtook her cheeks. "I can"t sit around and do nothing. That just leaves me thinking and..."
Ellie"s eyes flashed to Naomi and I realized she"d come close to talking about drinking. When I looked at Naomi, she wore a confused expression. I put my arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze.
"We"ll find you something, Ells. Something we both agree on."
Naomi let out an unimpressed grunt as she shoved my arm off. "Listen, I have a jacka.s.s for an older brother, too. He tried to tell me I couldn"t date my ex-boyfriend. I can help you out." She paused and lifted a finger. "The key is fear." Ellie"s eyebrows rose in amus.e.m.e.nt as I chuckled, both of us unable to take her seriously despite her completely stern tone. Both of us appreciating this life preserver she was unknowingly throwing us.
"First, you wait until he"s asleep." She clasped her hands together and leaned forward like she was about to impart some giant secret. "Next... you"ll need duct tape, a rope, lipstick, gasoline, a lizard, and a-"
I quickly cut her off by putting my hand over her mouth. "I"m pretty sure I don"t want to hear any more."
Ellie was giggling as she finished her smoothie. Her eyes brighter and her smile wider than I"d seen them in months, if not years. Despite Naomi"s attempt at sternness, her mouth broke into a pleased grin behind my hand as she watched Ellie laugh.
"Hey!" I shouted when Naomi licked my hand, quickly pulling it away and wiping it on a napkin. She winked before focusing on my sister once more.
We continued the rest of our meal the same way, with Naomi being ridiculous and Ellie being enchanted by it. And me feeling pretty d.a.m.n lucky.
Ellie pointed toward the back of the restaurant. "I gotta go to the bathroom again. Pregnancy bladder." She rolled her eyes before gesturing to the door. "I"ll meet you guys out there?"
"Yeah." I placed my hand on the small of Naomi"s back, steering her to the front. I stopped her just outside the door before pulling her out of the way.
"I need to tell you something about my sister," I said, looking down at her.
She raised her eyebrows expectantly. I really didn"t want to divulge this, especially since Ellie hated people knowing, but I had to, right? I was serious about a future with Naomi, which meant I had to be open about things, and my sister was the most important thing in my life.
"She"s an alcoholic. She was drunk the night she got pregnant, and I"m pretty sure she didn"t even know the guy until that night. Ellie"s still pretty fragile, she"s only been sober about four months. That"s why she can"t work at a bar." Naomi was eerily quiet and her face gave nothing away as I continued. "That trouble she got into a couple weeks ago? The trouble that turned me into a jacka.s.s?"
Naomi smiled at that, but she still looked a little frightened. "Yeah?"
"Well, and this isn"t some excuse for it, this doesn"t justify what I did. But when I came home that afternoon Ellie had a bottle of Jack in front of her." Naomi"s eyes widened and she brought her hands up to grip my forearms.
"Did she drink any?" Her voice sounded nervous, and it touched me to realize how much she cared.
Shaking my head, I said, "No. She hadn"t even bought it. One of her "friends""-I laughed harshly as I made air quotes around that lie-"brought it over for her. To congratulate her." The words felt pulled from me. "I really wish it would have been one of her male friends so I could"ve beaten the s.h.i.t out of him."
"I"m not a guy."
I smirked. "A fact I"m well aware of, sweetheart." I let my eyes leisurely travel over her body as I squeezed her hips.
She rolled her eyes and smiled. "What I mean is, I could beat her up. Chick fights are totally acceptable in our society."
"Are they? I"m pretty sure it"s still a.s.sault."
"You were willing to risk an a.s.sault charge."
"It"s different."
"Why? Because you"re a guy and I"m a girl, and girls can"t possibly-"
I put my fingers to her lips gently. "No, it"s different because I"m me and you"re you. And you want to go to law school. I can"t imagine a criminal charge would be considered a bonus."
She smiled but it quickly dropped. "So, she"s an addict."
I nodded solemnly. Her expression softened even further, and she stepped forward until she was practically plastered to me. She swallowed roughly and looked down before weaving our fingers together with one of her hands.
"Day..." I smiled at the nickname once more. "I don"t... I don"t talk about this much, and after I tell you this, I"m not going to want to discuss it, okay?"
Using my free hand, I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Now or ever?"
Shaking her head, she said, "Just not right now."
"Okay." I held my breath.
She lifted her head and gave me a grateful smile before taking a deep breath. "My mom"s a drug addict." Sorrow and understanding spread through me.
Nodding, I said, "It"s a hard way to live."
She bit her lip and shook her head. "No, you don"t understand. I don"t talk to my mother anymore. I"m not like you."
"Okay," I said slowly. "What does that mean? Does that mean you don"t want anything to do with Ellie?"
"What? No. Of course not. It"s just... my mom"s recently got in touch with Derek and me again and I"ve been struggling to let things go. I"m trying, I really am, but it"s been hard." Naomi looked uncharacteristically nervous as I felt her palm sweat and fidget against mine. "I"m nervous I"ll offend Ellie in some way. I haven"t been the most... understanding when it comes to addiction."
I blew out a breath of relief. "That"s okay. Ellie will understand. It frustrates her, too."
Naomi gave a quick nod and pulled her shoulders back, effectively ending the conversation before turning us toward the parking lot. We were almost to the car when I spoke again.
"So, I"m curious about something," I said as I squeezed her hand. Her brows rose in question. "What exactly do you do with duct tape, gasoline, a rope, a lizard, and..." I trailed off, trying to remember the rest.
"Lipstick," she said with a relieved and grateful smile.
"Yeah. What does one do with all that that"s so traumatizing?"
"You said you didn"t want to know. Besides, it"s privileged information that only younger sisters are privy to. Don"t worry, I"ll go easy on you if Ellie ever takes me up on it." She winked as we stopped next to the car. All I could manage was a halfhearted glare in return. Her smile spread as she started laughing.
"Oh, G.o.d. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much," she said as she cupped her face. It was the most beautiful thing I"d ever seen. She was the most beautiful thing I"d ever seen.
So I did the only thing that made sense. The only thing I could do in that moment.
I kissed her.
I kissed her pa.s.sionately as I wound my hands through her hair.
Her breath caught for only a moment before she enthusiastically returned my kiss. I slipped my tongue inside her mouth and tangled it with hers. Naomi"s hands fisted in my shirt at the base of my back as she pulled me closer and our tongues battled for control. Every time I thought I was close to getting the upper hand, she knocked me off balance.
It seemed in every way lately, she was knocking me off balance.
I had always thought I would need a submissive woman to make me happy. Someone who wouldn"t question me, who"d let me take the lead and trust me without explanation. I didn"t want a doormat, but I certainly didn"t think I"d want someone who scrutinized my every d.a.m.n move. But I was wrong. Submission wasn"t what I needed at all.
I needed someone just as pa.s.sionate and just as dominating as I was. I could easily have any meek woman walking down the street; I worked in a club and a tattoo parlor, the offers were there all the time. But I was never interested, and now I knew why.
Apparently, I needed a ball-busting, pain in my a.s.s, argued with everything I said and did kind of woman. I needed... Naomi.
Our bodies collided as I backed her up against the car, wedging my leg between hers and pressing up. She slowly began to grind against me while I trailed kisses down her neck. Soft pants filled my ears as I sucked on her collarbone.
"Get a room!" someone yelled.
I chuckled against her skin before looking up into her eyes that were dancing with humor. Very deliberately, she reached around and grabbed my a.s.s before grinding harder onto my leg. Her smile fell as she bit her lip and l.u.s.t took over.
"We"d better stop," I whispered into her ear. "I"m seconds away from ripping your clothes off and burying myself inside you." She shivered and a victorious smile spread across my face. "And while I could probably handle some jail time, as we"ve already established, I"m not so sure about you, sweetheart."
She reluctantly nodded and disentangled herself from me. Once we were no longer touching and her l.u.s.t had cleared, her att.i.tude reappeared.
"I"d do great in jail."
I shook my head as I laughed. "You"re so argumentative that you"d make a defense for your ability to go to prison?"
"Jail and prison aren"t the same thing. Jail is run by the local government and is typically used for shorter sentences, while prisons are state or federally operated and-"
I cut her off with a quick kiss. "I get it. You"re super smart and could totally last in jail."
"Prison, too," she replied with a smirk. "I just wanted to make sure you knew the difference."
I stepped back and raised my hand. Her eyebrows bunched together and her lips tilted up into a confused smile, but her eyes were warm and affectionate.
"Yes?" she asked.
I lowered my hand and said, "Thanks for the lesson, teacher. But is it recess yet? I want to play." I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively.
She held her stomach as she started laughing. "Sure. I feel like riding something."
A happy feeling settled in my chest, but I also remembered all I had going on in my life, all the ways this might be difficult.
"My life is complicated." Her laughter tapered off at the abrupt statement.
"I know." Naomi nodded and stepped forward to run her hands through my hair that was already down and flowing by my ears.
"But we will make this work," I said resolutely.
She smiled again and gave me a quick peck. "That... I also know."
You couldn"t control an addict. You couldn"t predict anything with an addict in your life. And since I was all about that control, the idea of letting an addict back into my life was absolutely terrifying. But what could I do? Cut Ellie and Damien out of my life? Ellie hadn"t done anything wrong. Maybe she"d be different, maybe she wouldn"t hurt me or let me down...
Then again, maybe she would. And it was horrible, but for three-point-four seconds, I"d considered walking the other way yesterday. But I knew I couldn"t walk away without giving her a chance. She wasn"t my mother, and after everything Damien told me about their parents and their treatment of Ellie, she deserved more than another person walking away from her.
So that was how I ended up in front of Damien"s apartment the next day at nine thirty in the morning, blowing off my one cla.s.s for the day.
Sitting in my car, I shifted my phone between my hands. Without giving it any more thought, I dialed and put the phone to my ear.
"h.e.l.lo?"
"Can we be best friends again?" I asked in a rush. His soft chuckle hit me in the chest. G.o.d, I missed him.
"Were we ever not?" he responded, and I smiled at the warm affection in his voice.
"No, but I... I miss my big brother."
Derek sighed. "I miss you, too." We both stayed silent for a few minutes, avoiding the subject that was causing the rift between us. "You"re doing well?"
"Yeah. You?"
"I"m good. I..." He laughed, but it was sad. "Everything"s kind of a f.u.c.king mess right now, isn"t it?"
"It is." I closed my eyes as I slumped back against the headrest.
"Do you want to get lunch tomorrow?"
My eyes shot open and my head snapped up as I readily agreed. His laugh was more carefree, and as we set up the details and said goodbye, I felt some of the tension flow out of me.
I took a deep breath as I exited the car and quickly made my way to Damien and Ellie"s apartment. I knocked four times before stepping back and adjusting the large bag on my shoulder. A minute later Ellie opened the door wearing a long, light-pink sweater and light-gray thigh-high socks.
"Hey, Naomi." She smiled shyly as she tucked her long, blonde hair behind her ear and looked at her feet. When she glanced up she was wearing a grimace. "You actually just missed Damien, he had a client at ten."
"I know," I said as I walked past her and into the living room. When I didn"t hear the door shut, I turned around to see Ellie frozen by it. "Did you have plans?" I asked.
"No," she said slowly before closing the door and locking it.
"Great. So about this job situation..." I sat down on the couch and lugged my bag onto the couch, ready to dive in.
"Look, I really appreciate you trying to help, but working at a bar would be a horrible idea. I know Damien told you about me being an..." She waved her hand about, skipping over the word alcoholic. "And even if I wasn"t, with the pregnancy I"m tired a lot. I really appreciate-"
I held up my hand. "I knit."
Ellie"s brows furrowed as she walked in and joined me on the couch, staring at the bag in between us. I patted it and began taking supplies out.
"I don"t understand."
"With my cla.s.ses the way they are I don"t have much time to work. That and the idea of providing customer service to college students sounds horrid." Ellie giggled as she continued looking over my stash. "So I opened an online store where I sell knitted products."
Her head snapped up quickly before she went back to perusing. "Really? That"s awesome. I can"t imagine being that motivated or creative." I frowned as I listened to her talk poorly about herself. And the saddest thing was she didn"t even sound emotional about it, it was like she was listing facts about herself. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Twenty years old. Lazy. Incapable.
"Hey," I snapped, a little more harshly than intended. She flinched as she met my gaze and her hands immediately left the products.