I soared.
It was chaos.
It was perfect.
With our clothes abandoned in the kitchen, there was nothing stopping her warm, soft skin from rubbing up against mine.
I could hardly think straight, but I did remember one very important thing, and I groaned in pain at the thought of it.
"What?" Naomi panted, barely lifting her mouth off mine.
"The condom," I choked out. "It"s still on the kitchen table."
I saw her swallow as she very purposely sat up and took my length in her hand.
We"d already had the discussion. She was on birth control and had only slept with her ex. They were each other"s firsts and never had any reason to get tested. I"d only slept with a handful of women, all over two years ago, and I"d gotten tested after the last one. And neither of us had ever gone without a condom anyways.
I could see all this turning over in Naomi"s head just as it was turning over in mine. Because even though we"d had the conversation, we never actually had s.e.x without one.
"I"m fine with it if you are," she whispered. Rapidly nodding, I leaned up, cupped the back of her head, and brought her already swollen lips to mine. We ran our hands over every inch of each other, caressing like we were erasing all the touches that had come before. It was successful. It felt like no one else existed before her, and I couldn"t imagine any one beyond her. Not that I"d ever have to, because I was never letting her go.
My fingers weaved into her dark brown hair as I rolled on top of her. With my lips against her throat, I felt the hitch of her breath as I settled against her entrance. It felt like heaven when I slowly sank into her, and if my mouth had been capable of it, I would have smiled at the delicious sounds coming from her. But Naomi commanded my mouth, and it proved impossible.
Eventually I broke away and stared down at her. We were celebrating her acceptance into Yale. Her dream that was all the way on the opposite side of the country. My features hardened as I focused on the physical, unable to think about a time when we"d have to make a long-distance relationship work.
Everything was heightened as my bare c.o.c.k slid in and out of her. Those s.e.xy, breathy noises she made sounded more pa.s.sionate, the fingers trailing down my back felt firmer, the kisses tasted sweeter, and the fresh scent of her wrapped around me until I felt dizzy with how immersed I was in her.
We slowly climbed until there was nowhere left to go but back down. And together we fell.
She screamed and came apart clutching my neck, while I groaned into her chest as my release powered through me.
A few minutes later, we lay in each other"s arms, completely spent.
"So..." she began as she tipped her head to look at me.
I raised my eyebrows in question as she ran her fingers along my chest. When she didn"t continue I gave her a slap on the a.s.s. Grinning, she propped herself up on an elbow and took my mouth in a hungry kiss before nibbling on my bottom lip. Her smile grew as she backed away from me until she was sitting at the end of the bed.
My hungry gaze ran over her naked body as I catalogued every d.a.m.n thing about her. Naomi"s head was c.o.c.ked to the side as she gave me a knowing smirk. She brought her arms behind her, leaning back on her palms and pushing her deliciously full b.r.e.a.s.t.s out. Trailing across her t.i.ts and down her slightly rounded stomach, my eyes flared at the sight of the hair disappearing between her crossed legs. I licked my lips as she slowly uncrossed and opened them to reveal her glistening p.u.s.s.y that had been full of my tongue, fingers, and c.o.c.k in the last hour. But f.u.c.k, I still wanted more. I"d always want more.
I had been so focused on figuring out what to fill her up with, that I didn"t see her grabbing a T-shirt until she started pulling it over her head. I leaned forward and batted the offensive material out of her hands. She huffed but didn"t complain as she stayed naked.
"So," she repeated, drawing my eyes down to her wet lips. "I want a tattoo."
"Yeah?" My voice was hoa.r.s.e with l.u.s.t as I imagined her with some ink. "Where?"
"Well I don"t actually know yet. I was hoping the expert could help me decide."
I smiled as my eyes met hers. ""Course, sweetheart."
"Great. So you"ll help me set up an appointment with Claire?" Naomi asked with mock innocence as she gave me a sugary sweet smile, which I wiped off her face when I launched myself at her and kissed her hard.
"You"re a little bit of a pain in the a.s.s, you know that?"
"Aw, babe. Don"t say such nice things. It"ll go to my head." Naomi laughed.
My smile widened as I gave her a quick peck. "You really want some ink?"
Nodding, she withdrew from my arms and reached for a piece of paper in her nightstand. I took it from her and carefully opened it to reveal the drawing within. It wasn"t a great sketch, but I"d definitely seen worse. It was a very simple, yet colorful ill.u.s.tration of a nebula. It was oval shaped, with strays of color extending beyond the border, and roughly the size of a dollar bill. The light colors made the black writing easy to see as I traced the letters with my fingers.
In all chaos there is a cosmos.
I was silent for several more moments as I looked it over. I could feel Naomi next to me, vibrating with excitement and curiosity. Keeping my smirk hidden, I continued to stare until Naomi couldn"t take it anymore and slapped my arm.
"Well? What do you think?" she asked as she knelt in front of me.
"It"s pretty kick-a.s.s." She beamed at my compliment before kissing me on the cheek. "But, I think I could make it better."
Scowling, she pulled away and took it from my hands before examining it. She shook her head emphatically and said, "Nope. It"s as good as it can get. Not even the universe could make a better one."
Shaking my head, I smiled down at her. "We"ll see." I paused, remembering something I"d wanted to talk to her about earlier. "Hey, so, I was thinking."
"That"s dangerous," she said, forcing me to lightly pinch her a.s.s. Rubbing the affected spot, she lifted her eyebrows in question.
"So even though we"ve been dating for weeks, I haven"t taken you out on a proper date."
"Hmm... you haven"t, have you?"
"Nope, and I think it"s time to rectify that. Especially since you just got accepted to law school. Plus, who I am to deprive you of what will be the best date of your life?"
"The best, huh?"
Gently rubbing her back, I said, "Well I haven"t been on many, but I"m confident I will be fantastic at it."
She smiled before her expression flattened and she bolted upright. "s.h.i.t. My acceptance letter."
I laughed as she jumped from the bed and streaked out of the room, completely naked. Returning seconds later, she was hugging the envelope to her bare b.r.e.a.s.t.s as she hopped back in bed.
"I can"t wait for someone to ask you how you celebrated your first acceptance letter into law school."
She pulled the letter out and stared at it with a huge smile on her face. "I"ve been accepted to others."
I rolled my eyes. "Fine. I hope someone asks you about this one, since everyone knows you"re dead set to go there." We both ignored the heavy silence that followed, the tension that flowed through the room.
"Are you going to tell your mom?" I asked as a diversion.
Naomi froze, and when her eyes met mine there wasn"t the anger or resentment I"d come to expect when discussing her mother. She was more... nervous, which had me smiling again.
"Why are you smiling?" Her expression turned suspicious.
I shook my head and forced a neutral expression. There was absolutely no way I was going to tell her that her anxiety had me grinning because I realized how much she trusted me. Being the stubborn woman she was, she would build her walls ten times higher just to spite me. And I had to fight a second smile when she merely let it go and didn"t argue with me like she normally would.
Blowing out a breath, she wrapped the sheet around her, covering everything up, and crawled to sit next to me as I leaned against the headboard. She leaned her head against my shoulder as I put my arm around her and pulled her closer, the letter sitting in her lap.
"You should show her." I nodded to the letter before placing a kiss on her temple. "I think she"d really like to see it."
"Yeah?"
"I could come with you, if you need me to?"
Naomi gave me a soft smile before dropping a quick kiss against my chest. "Thanks... but I don"t think I need you to. And as much as I"d love having you there, I think I"d like it to just be my mom and me."
I smiled as I held her even tighter. I would have gone with her in a heartbeat if she needed me to, but I was beyond relieved that she was starting to accept her mother more fully. It was a relief she wanted me there, but didn"t actually need me there.
I love her.
It came at me swift, and had I not been sitting down, it surely would have knocked me on my a.s.s. Nothing else could explain this extreme sense of rightness, of fullness.
People talked about love and need like they went hand-in-hand, like if you didn"t absolutely need this one person in your life, you must not love them. But that never made sense to me. If I loved someone, why would I wish upon them the burden of needing me? It was an unfortunate fact of life that it was fleeting. And if she needed me and I was gone tomorrow, where would that leave her? It would leave her unable to move on.
Love shouldn"t be about needing a person. Love should be about wanting a person. It shouldn"t be a crutch, people should be able to walk tall without it, even if it was hard to do. And I knew that both Naomi and I would be able to.
But we didn"t want to. That"s what made it love. Despite all the struggles, that was what it boiled down to.
I wanted her.
She wanted me.
And as long as we kept fighting for what we wanted, nothing would tear us down.
I was lying on the couch, flipping through a magazine I ordered my knitting supplies through when Alara said, "You should call her," parroting Damien"s words from a couple weeks ago. There had been a few group lunches and dinners since our first lunch over two weeks ago, but it had always been the four of us. My mom and I had never been alone, and I could tell that it was something she was longing for. It was in her eyes every time she looked at me.
"And say what?"
My best friend raised her eyebrows. "You need help finding something to say? Quick, let"s write this day down."
"Ha ha. You"re hilarious," I deadpanned.
"Say anything." She shrugged. "You could read her the phone book and she"d be completely enthralled and willing to stay on the phone for five hours."
I laughed; she was probably right.
"You could tell her about Yale," she said quietly. "I don"t know why you haven"t told anyone else. She"d be excited."
"I know," I responded as I stared at the phone sitting next to me. The only people who knew were Alara, Gabe, and Damien. I hadn"t even told Derek yet. Some part of me must have known I was staying, that I wouldn"t leave Damien and Ellie behind. It was always going to be difficult to leave Alara, Derek, Sherry, and even Gabe. But the pain a.s.sociated with the thought of leaving Damien and Ellie never waned, and I knew I couldn"t do it. But it didn"t feel like I was sacrificing my dream like I"d thought it would. Law school had been the dream, Yale was just the icing on the cake. I could live without it. I couldn"t live without Damien, and if I left, I"d always wonder what could have been.
Without giving it any more thought, I got off the couch and quickly dialed her number. I was pressing send and holding the phone to my ear as I walked toward my bedroom.
"Naomi?" she answered immediately. "What"s wrong?" The panic was evident in her voice.
"Nothing, nothing," I rushed to a.s.sure her. My eyes landed on my jewelry box across the room.
"Oh." She let out a breath and I heard a chair squeak like she just sat down. "And Derek"s okay?" It sounded as though a little bit of her anxiety had returned, but nowhere near as bad as before. Like she knew everything was okay, but she had to keep asking because she couldn"t believe the alternative: that I"d voluntarily called. It was a first, Derek had been the one organizing everything the last few weeks.
"Derek"s great." I paused and the awkward tension hung in the air as I stood in the doorway and glanced back at Alara, who gave me an encouraging thumbs-up. I gave her a small smile and walked fully into my room before shutting the door. "Do you want to have dinner again?"
"With Mark and your brother?"
I shrugged and then rolled my eyes when I remembered she couldn"t see me. "Yeah, or we could go out just the two of us. Whatever."
"I-I would love to," my mom stuttered. "Did you want to go tonight? We could do dinner and a movie if it"s not too much. I"m supposed to have dinner with Mark, but I"ll gladly cancel. He"d understand and I-"
I laughed when she had to cut herself off because she ran out of air. "No, not tonight. I have some work I need to get done. But I"d like to see you, tell you about... well, everything."
She was silent and I heard a sniffle before she came back on the line. "Yes, yes. Of course. I"d love that. Just let me know. I"ll cancel any and everything. Just say the word, Naomi."
"Will do. I"ll call you later."
We hung up and I found myself tracing the fleur-de-lis on the cover of my jewelry box. After a few minutes, I pulled my hand away and gently touched my four-leaf clover necklace secured around my neck. I"d been wearing it every day since I drunkenly went to Swerved looking for Damien.
Alara was wearing a goofy smile when I walked back out.
"What?"
"Nothing. I"m just happy. I was worried when things ended with Caleb..." She shook her head before turning fully toward me. "But now you have Damien. And I mean... it seems like you guys are getting pretty serious, yeah?"
I frowned. "It"s not too soon, is it? I wasn"t even looking-"
"Since when do people find the one when they"re looking for them?" my best friend asked with a smirk. It dissolved into a frown as she thought about something. "What are you going to do about Yale?"
"I don"t think I can go." My voice was quiet as I thought over my options. "I never thought I"d be in this position. I never thought I"d be one of those girls who would choose a boy over her career. But I didn"t understand then what this would feel like."
"There"s nothing wrong with making that choice if that"s what will make you happy." Her expression softened and I followed her gaze to my necklace. "I know you"re scared. And you don"t always trust people."
"That"s not true."
She raised an eyebrow as she crossed her arms and leaned further back. "Can I be honest with you?"
"For the record, I hope honest is the only thing you ever are."
"I think he"s perfect for you," she said, glossing right over my statement.
"Is this payback for me bugging you about Gabe last semester?" I teased.
"Yes. I"m paying back the favor you did me last semester."
I smiled as I moved my charm back and forth on the chain. "Well, thank you. But I don"t need convincing."
We were both beaming when she responded, "Good." Alara paused. "Because I didn"t really have anything else," she finished on a laugh.