"They found her in the city and brought her back here after the Lighters turned her family into lunatics who abused her. We"ve had a lot of people join us since we started. Miguel, Josh, Racine. A lot of others. We"ve lost a lot of people too." She took a deep breath and wrapped a curl around a finger, twirling it round and round. I wonder if she even realized she was doing it. "I know your not very trusting of us. I understand that. But, I promise you, we are not what you have to worry about. Ok? If you need anything, let me know. We"ve got extra clothes and soap and things like that. You can get cleaned up and then take a nap for a while, and then I"ll have lunch ready in a bit. Ok?"
"Ok," Billings seemed a little more relaxed now.
Sherry had that effect on people. I knew she was trying to calm him down, for one, so he wouldn"t bolt while we weren"t looking, but also, because he looked positively green with fright.
"Don"t worry. Once everyone gets to know you, you"ll be fine here. The Keepers are pretty human, you couldn"t even tell until we told you." She raised her eyebrow and smiled to challenge him. "I"m glad you"re here and thank you for saving Cain and Lillian. I"m serious, you need anything, let me know."
"Ok, Sherry. Thank you."
She smiled at him, then at me and walked back over to Merrick with Billings watching in odd fascination. At first I thought he was checking her out and then when I looked back, I saw Merrick picking up Sherry in a hug with her feet off the floor and kissing her. Kissing her good. I remembered that he had been out looking for me and Sherry had been fretting. They"d be pretty lovey dovey for the rest of the day then. I looked back to Billings.
"Wow," Billings muttered. "That Keeper gets more action than I do."
"Dude. We are gonna get along just fine," I said with a knowledge that it would be so, as I slapped him on the back.
Billings was thirties. Blonde hair and except for a little pudge around the middle was in pretty good shape. He was probably in the military before this.
Cain, I"ll take Billings so you can rest.
I nodded thanks to Simon and then pointed Billings towards him.
"He"ll show you the extra clothes and stuff and give you the short tour. He"s cool."
Billings walked off with a wave and I turned back to see Lillian conked out on the couch where I"d left her, no Margo. She was so exhausted. I scooped her up and took her down the hall. She snuggled against me, sighing softly. Like she felt totally safe and warm and comfortable.
I pushed her door open and laid her in the sleeping bag, taking off her shoes and pulling the covers over her. She grabbed my arm.
"Stay."
Ehhhhh. Jeez.
"I can"t," I admitted and was surprised at how gruff my voice sounded.
"Yes you can," she said sleepily. "I give you permission."
"Um, no, I can"t. No matter how exhausted I am, I"m... not sure I can just sleep in here with you."
"Why?"
"Lillian," I groaned. "You"re making me so insane."
"I trust you."
"L, I want to do this right with you. I gotta come at this with a whole new approach. I know I sound like a walking cliche but I can"t help it. And I can"t stay."
"Sure you can, because I"m not giving you permission to do anything but sleep." I laughed at her and she giggled cutely, her eyes still closed. "Please? I"m so cold," she said and did a fake shiver.
"You little liar," I said through a smile. She had a point. I had to keep my hands to myself if she wouldn"t let me do anything else, right? "Ok. Just sleep. No hanky panky. Not even a little."
"None. I promise not to ravish you."
"Good. Cause it"s you I"m worried about," I said sarcastically.
She smiled and pulled me down next to her. I figured she"d roll over but she snuggled right up against me, and burrowed in like a little kitten, her eyes closed the whole time.
It was odd how much she trusted me. Completely and utterly.
I pulled my arm around her and felt her breaths get slower and slower until she was out again. I just laid there for a while, rubbing my hand up and down her soft arm, thinking about everything that had happened.
Billings, the Lighter, Lillian. Jeez, Lillian braved the dark and Lighters and whatever else that can come out to come save me, not even knowing where or what. It still shocked me to see how much I felt for her in just a few weeks. She was so...something. Like what Merrick said that day about Sherry. That he felt like she was made for him. Like she was a creature right out of his dreams. Yeah. That"s what it felt like.
"Thanks for coming to save me, lovely," I whispered.
I knew she was asleep and didn"t hear me but I still needed to say it. Then- "Anytime, sweetie pie. But let"s not make this a habit ok?" she whispered amused and drowsy.
"You got it," I answered with a chuckle, kissed her forehead and closed my eyes smiling.
Thinking about how I"d almost thought the word "love" today. I"ve never said that word to anyone. Not even my fiance. She never said it, so neither did I. My parents weren"t the type to say it so, I"ve never used it...except with Sherry but only in my head.
But now, looking back and comparing it to Lillian. I don"t know. Sherry was the first person to be utterly real with me. No games or lying or agendas and I think that"s why I fell so hard. And she"s so sweet and caring and always thoughtful, mindful of what you need. And that"s real too. I"d never been in love before so, I guess I needed to see what it was like.
It sucked. Royally, because I couldn"t have her but now... I have to say, I"m happy about that. I was just getting myself ready for Lillian.
And now, I am.
I Just Became My Mother
Chapter 35 - Sherry.
"Come on," I told Lily. "I know this is all exciting but it"s nap time."
"But-"
"Lily. Honey," I reprimanded her softly and then stiffened.
Holy cow! I just became my mother!
"Ok. I need to tell Mewwick goodnight."
"Ok. Come on."
I towed her to the other side of the commons room, her little cold soft hand latched to my fingers. Her long golden locks brushing my arm and I walk and she skips.
"Goodnight Fw.a.n.kwin," Lily chimed as we pa.s.sed him sitting next to Eli, his dad, on the floor playing checkers and he waved to her.
"Lily bug," Merrick crooned and grabbed her up. "Nap time already?"
"Uhuh. I had to come say goodnight."
"Well, goodnight, sweetheart."
"Goodnight. Can I still call you daddy? You said I could."
He sucked in a breath. We"d had this conversation already but she"s never said it to him or anything else about it since.
"Of course you can. Anything you want."
She hugged him tight around his neck.
"Goodnight, daddy."
His smile over her shoulder was blinding.
"Goodnight, baby."
Then she kissed him on the cheek and reached for me to take her. I did and we stood there for a second as I looked up at Merrick. I needed to make sure he wouldn"t pa.s.s out or anything. He didn"t. Just looked at her like she was the precious thing she is.
"Ok. Let"s go, bug," I said.
"Wait. What can I call you Shawwy? Mother?"
I wanted to laugh at the formal t.i.tle but held my breath. I never dreamed she"d say these words to me. I hoped but never thought. Is this real? Am I dreaming again? That would make more sense.
Honey. Breath.
I looked up to him and took a deep breath.
"Well.." I started but had to clear my throat. "Probably mommy would be easier. But you don"t have to call me that if you don"t want to."
"I want to. I wike it."
"Ok. That"s fine. Ready?"
"I gotta go potty fiwst."
"Well, let"s go."
"Ok, mommy."
Ahhh.
She said it.
I didn"t think I could make it any further, not one step. I know, I"m only just barely twenty, ok. I know. But you have to know what"s it"s like to think you"ll never have kids. Never hear certain words directed at you. Never tuck someone who fits in your arms into bed. I"ve done lot"s of those things I"d never dreamed. And it doesn"t matter one bit that she didn"t come from me and Merrick. She is mine and his, all the way.
I realize, I still hadn"t moved, stuck in a trance or something. Cain always joked that people got stuck in the Lily trance. I guess he was right.
Honey...Hold on, not yet. You want me to take her?
I look up and see that familiar sympathetic face but this time with a twinge of amus.e.m.e.nt. Then I feel the tears on my cheeks that I didn"t even feel before. Oh! He"s telling me to hold it together until I get her in bed. I must look like I"m about to loose it, so I wipe my face and take a deep breath pulling her along with me to the back hall.
We skip our way. She does her business, we skip back down the hall to her little room. I help her change into her night shirt and lay her in the pink frayed covers.
"Sing to me?" she asks and then yawns cutely, turning sideways on the pillow.
"What do you want to hear?"
"Um...that song that says "angels"."
"Ok... You know I love you, bug, right?"
"Uhuh. I wuv you too Sh- mommy."
I press my lips together to dam back the tears for just another minute. I wonder if I"ll ever get use to the jolt in my heart when I hear that word. Mommy.
I sing happily, though it"s hard to sing through a smile, but not impossible.
Sleepyhead, close your eyes, I am right here beside you. I"ll protect you from harm. You will always be in my arms.
Guardian angels are near, so sleep on with no fear.
Guardian angels are near, so sleep on with no fear.
If Lily only knew how true Brahms lullaby really was. Guardian angels are near, right in the other room in fact. She"s the safest she could be in this world right now.
And...she"s out. I knew it would take no time at all. I creep out of her door backwards and b.u.mp into Merrick, there waiting for me. I don"t say anything. I just turn and let him pull me into the circle of his arms. I press my face into his warm chest as we stand there in the hall. He smoothes my hair, wrapping his fingers in it, ma.s.saging and twirling the curls.
You"re a mommy.
I nod against his chest and smile. I feel his shirt damp under my face. I don"t care. Tears of happiness.
"And you"re a daddy." I pull back to look at his face. "Did you ever imagine that?"
"No. I never thought to." He smiled. "Come lay down with me for a while, mommy."