Upside Down

Sighing deeply as I tiredly trudge upstairs, I think, "I wish she"d understand why I do things like this. I couldn"t take it if something happens to her."

Undressing, then slipping on a nightgown, I crawl into bed. Tossing and turning for over an hour, I finally admit I"m not going to be able to go to sleep.

I reach over turn on my bedside lamp and sit up. It really sucks to be this tired and be unable to sleep. Well, if nothing else, I have the summary reports to go through as well as looking at getting the Nanotech division restarted as soon as possible. Oh, yes, I still need to read Mother"s and Father"s report on the other cure they developed as well.

For now, let me send Hestia a note asking her to compile a list of everyone let go when Akiyama shut down the division.

Once I do that, I open the first summary report to begin reading.

I glance at the clock as I finish the last one, already 10:40. Two hours since I began reading. Amazing how time sure flies when you"re having fun. Sighing tiredly, I stand up and do some of the stretching exercises Emi taught me since it"s far too easy for my muscles to knot up on me. Come to think of it, a hot bath would help with that too. Aww, screw it, I don"t want to bother with taking one alone. I"d much rather sleep anyway, it"s going to be a busy day tomorrow.

Yawning, I get off the floor, I make my way to Honoka"s room where I tap on the door, quickly followed by her saying, "Come in."

She looks at me as I come in and shut the door behind me. "Nee-chan, can I sleep with you?" I ask quietly.

She scoots over and pats the bed. "Of course. I take it that Chinatsu"s still ignoring you?"

I simply nod in answer. As I crawl in beside her she says, "She"ll come around soon enough Sora. She"s simply upset right now."

"I know, I expected her to be, but I never would have thought she"d do something like this."

"I wish I had some advice to give you, but this is a first for me too since I"ve never had sisters, a boyfriend, or a girlfriend."

"It"s okay Nee-chan, just snuggling with me is enough. I"m sorry to bother you, but I can"t sleep when I"m alone for some reason."

Hugging me tight to her, I lay my head against her b.o.o.b, and she kisses the crown of my head. "I told you before I like snuggling with you, so anytime you want or need to you can come to me for all of it you want."

"Nee-chan, I love snuggling with you too. You know it"s a little strange when I think how short of a time I"ve actually been a girl. The thing is, I"m more comfortable and far happier being a girl that I ever was as a boy. I know I never much liked being a boy when I was. Amongst other things, there"s too many restrictions on what is or isn"t acceptable behavior for a boy. I"ll never understand why it"s perfectly acceptable for my sisters to hug me or hold my hand in public as a girl, but if I was still a boy I would be called a wimp or siscon for it."

"Sora, society has come a long way from what it used to be, but one thing it will never be is perfect. It might come closer to being that, but it just can"t be that because humans are involved. Our prejudices and societal att.i.tudes influence us too much. Not everyone can accept people at face value like you do."

"Actually, that"s really hard for me, but I"m working hard at changing that part of me. I"d rather try to do that and be wrong than hurt people for no reason at all."

"Little sister, you have a very big heart. Honestly, it would be be better if you keep a little darker view. I hate to say that, but it"s true. Otherwise you"re going to be taken advantage of by people."

I lean back to look at her. "Nee-chan, I"d rather believe that people are good. Don"t think me overly naive though. Why do you think I listen to the people like you around me? Yes, you were a.s.signed to me at first. I know you love me too. I know you would do anything to stop someone from hurting me, but it"s no longer because it"s your "job" if you think about it. Regardless, back to my point, the reason I surround myself with people like you who look for the worst, while I try to look for the best, is we balance each other out. Chinatsu is just like you. She"s just as untrusting of people when it comes to me as you are, as Mirai is, as Hiro is, as Mitty is, as Mama and Daddy are. Nee-chan, I may be willing to trust people without solid proof, but I have people like you and Chinatsu who look for that proof or at least proof they aren"t trustworthy. Honestly, that may be a tiny bit naive and I don"t know if I"m right or wrong in it, but I"m also smart enough to trust the people I surround myself with at the same time. My heart was tugging me not to fire Ms. Williams, but I had three other people tell me it was basically a bad idea and I listened."

She pulls me back to her. "Little sister, do me a favor." She says quietly.

"What"s that?"

"Never change. This screwed up world needs people like you to help keep it straight."

"Nee-chan, I can only promise to only be me. My viewpoint is always going to change. Nothing I can do about that."

"Sora, what would you do if Chinatsu came in here right now and said she"s sorry?"

"For what? I brought this on myself."

I feel her shake her head and she chuckles. "Exactly, it all depends on your point of view. Sora, umm, how do I say this?" She pauses and I tell her, "Just say it." She nods. "Sora, far too often you try to a.s.sume responsibility for things that aren"t your fault. You made Chinatsu stay here to protect her and she got mad. That"s not your fault little sister. You are doing what is reasonable to protect someone you love. Chinatsu"s simple problem with it was she didn"t want to be separated from you. You did it for both of you, so you could focus and she would be safe."

"Nee-chan, I"m not trying to be rude or anything, but how the h.e.l.l do you know that is what I meant by that?"

She laughs. "You are such an open book to those you love, You hide nothing from them. How do you think I"m able to read you this well from the short time I"ve known you? Regardless of the fact you are very loveable, it"s one of the major reasons so many love you. You hide nothing from us and that"s a rare trait, I never want you to change."

"Nee-chan, would you promise me something?"

"What"s that?"

"Never leave me. I mean ever."

She sighs. "Sora, I would love nothing better than to be able to promise you that, but we both know it"s going to happen."

"It"s possible."

"Sora…"

"No it is, if the fertility treatment takes hold, I can give my nanites to you and you will live nearly as long as we do. If it works, will you?"

"Sora, that would be be a guarantee that I would see the man I love die. I can"t say."

"Nee-chan, you call me naive, yet you say that. For that matter, Mitty could be killed tomorrow. G.o.d knows I don"t want that. I want you to be happy, but no one knows what tomorrow brings. I want my older sister with me, actually I need her, so, what am I supposed to do? I already plan on finding a way to adapt my nanites to men or at least making some that will do the same for them. I don"t want to see them die either. Think about it."

I let out a huge yawn. "Nee-chan. As much as I would love to continue this, trust me when I say I"ll never give up on adapting or making this working for men. This is part of my life plan. It"s one of the reasons I wanted control of TGR."

As much as I want to rea.s.sure her, I know quite well there isn"t a way until I"m able to do something about adapting my nanites or make new ones. The only thing I can do now is learn and advance my knowledge to the frontiers in those fields and go from there. I have so very much to learn. The only question I have is: will I be left in peace to do so?

I know my older sister loves me, as I do her. I"m not nearly naive enough to believe that will be unconditional enough to always stand by me. I never want her to do it, but I believe she would lay her life down for me. The question is would she do so with Mitty"s life on the line? Hard to say, I would give my life for Chinatsu in a heartbeat. Who does Honoka love more or who is she more loyal to is the end question here.

I have no real idea of what all I thought as I slowly fell asleep. Although, somehow, I added others to the list of people I"m responsible to help now. I suppose, in a way, by extension at least, I have a responsibility to the human race. No pressure, right?

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[Friday, June 12th]

So, how am I supposed to deal with this when all I want to do is cry? I finally fell asleep at some point last night, but here I am, up before the sun as usual and still no Chinatsu. I suppose at this point, there is little else to do other than ignore her as she is me or force the issue. Easy for me to make this decision since this hurts far too much. I suppose it would be best to take this head on.

Quietly getting out of bed, which is much harder than you might imagine, since I not only have her arms around me, but somehow I end up on the opposite side of the bed with Honoka half sleeping on me too.

Quietly closing the door behind me, I make my way to Chinatsu"s room. When I open the door, I find she"s not there. I guess she"s gone to bathe.

Turning around, I enter my room to find her curled up in my bed.

After I sit down beside her, I gently brush her hair out of her face and she opens her eyes.

I smile at her. "Hi. What are you doing in here?"

"Are you saying I"m not allowed to be in here anymore?"

I shake my head. "No, I"m not. I"m simply curious since you wouldn"t even look at me yesterday."

"I"m sorry Sora. I shouldn"t have done that to you."

"Chinatsu, I love you. You drive me a bit crazy at times, but that"ll never change. I told you before that I"d never put you at risk and that is why I didn"t let you go with me yesterday."

"I figured that out late last night and came to apologize."

Standing up, I remove my nightgown and panties, then crawl in bed on top of her.

I really shouldn"t need to say it, but breakfast is going to be a little late today. Make up s.e.x with my girlfriend is much more important to me.